The Special Ones (24 page)
There’s something in her face that gives me a strong feeling of foreboding. Her expression is compressed, like there’s something simmering there. Sitting beside her is Esther, looking tense, and I see her eyes flit to the side, like she’s looking for a possible escape route.
Tina is sitting up in her own chair, looking very pleased with herself. She speaks to Felicity first, asking how she’s feeling.
‘Much better, thanks.’
‘I hear you went back home this morning, right? That must have felt good.’
Felicity nods. ‘Yep, it was great. Although one of the rabbits died while I was away.’
Tina leans in a little closer. Tilts her head. ‘So what was it like on the farm?’
‘It was okay,’ says Felicity cautiously, ‘so long as you remembered about the pretending.’
‘Pretending?’
‘Like, I had to pretend we all lived in the olden days and my name was Felicity. I almost started to think I really
was
called Felicity, but I know that’s not true now. They told me at the hospital.’
This is disappointing.
The brainwashers have got to her too
. It’s a shame that these girls should so easily be convinced of their ordinariness, but on the other hand it’s further proof that Esther and I will be better off on our own.
Tina nods. ‘And what were the others like to live with?’
‘Well, Harry was my favourite.’
Tina smiles sadly, then prompts, ‘And Tess?
Felicity looks blank.
‘Esther.’
Felicity gives a little grin at Esther. ‘She helped me a lot. She always reminded me that my name was Felicity and she made sure I got up early so I would have time to do all my chores before bedtime.’
‘And was she fun? Did she play with you and give you hugs?’
Felicity looks shocked, as well she might. ‘Of course not! She wasn’t allowed.’
Lucille breaks in and I’m struck by the spiteful gleam in her eye, bright as a blade. ‘Esther was very cold,’ she says. ‘She didn’t feel anything. She used to freak me out – it was like she was dead sometimes. She could do these terrible things without reacting at all. It wasn’t normal.’
The camera cuts to Esther then, probably hoping she’ll get angry and start arguing with Lucille. Esther sits up straight, her face flushed. ‘You know I
had
to act that way! It wasn’t how I felt inside.’
Don’t be rattled by this nonsense,
I urge her.
Stay calm.
‘I got locked in the cellar once for days and days without food,’ Lucille continues, talking over the top of Esther. ‘And when I was finally allowed back up – literally starving – she just hands me a bit of bread and says, “Here” – like,
get on with it, don’t complain
.’
There’s a murmur of disapproval from the studio audience. I grind my teeth in irritation. Fasting is a necessary discipline for a Special One. It strips away what is unnecessary and hones the mind for work.
Lucille shakes her head, looks down. Wipes some undoubtedly fake tears from her cheeks. Tina turns to Esther. The look in her eyes is much cooler than before. ‘That sounds incredibly difficult. Would you like to comment, Tess?’
Felicity jumps in before Esther can answer. ‘We were
all
punished!’ she says. ‘But only when we’d done something wrong.’
Lucille looks up again, eyes flashing with anger. ‘We weren’t
all
punished,’ she snaps. ‘You were, Zoe, and I was, but Harry and Esther were
never
punished. And they broke rules all the time.’
‘Hey!’ protests Felicity. ‘That’s not –’
But Tina cuts her off. ‘It sounds,’ she remarks, ‘like the four of you weren’t really equal.’
‘We weren’t even
close
to equal!’ Lucille snaps. ‘Esther and Harry were in charge. We had to do what they said, or we’d get in trouble. And you know something else? Everyone keeps saying that Harry is dead, like the other girls who were renewed. Well, I don’t believe it. Esther was renewed and
she’s
still alive.’
Tina swings round to Esther. ‘Do
you
think he’s still alive?’
Esther is very quiet for a moment and the camera zooms in on her face, waiting for her reaction. I lean forward too, wondering if she’ll finally come clean about Harry. ‘I don’t know,’ she says carefully, ‘but I hope so. And I hope he’s okay.’
Lucille snorts. ‘Of course he’s okay – he’s probably in hiding! He’s the one who kidnapped us all, so he’s not going to give himself up to the police when he’s a criminal.’
Tina crosses her legs. ‘Let’s talk about that for a moment, as clearly things with Harry are more complicated than we’ve all been led to believe.’
Lucille jumps in again. ‘It’s not complicated. Harry kidnapped me, although he and Esther called it “collection”. He told me he was a talent scout for a movie and invited me to visit the set.’
Tina nods. ‘And you believed him.’
Lucille closes her eyes for a moment, the colour rising in her cheeks. ‘He seemed so … nice. I trusted him.’
Tina swings back to Felicity. ‘Did Harry
collect
you too?’
Felicity nods. ‘I was walking home after school and he said he had some baby chickens to show me.’
‘But that was also a lie, right?’ says Tina.
‘No, he really did have baby chickens,’ says Felicity, earnestly. ‘On the farm. We ate one – after it grew bigger, of course.’
Lucille turns sideways in her chair, arms tightly crossed, her narrowed eyes fixed on Esther. ‘Why don’t you ask
her
how she was kidnapped by Harry? I’d love to hear what she says.’
Esther suddenly pales and I sense her tensing up. The camera seems to sense it too, and instantly her face fills the screen.
‘How did Harry kidnap
you
, Tess?’ asks Tina.
I feel my own body tighten a little, but from excitement rather than fear. What I’ve seen in this interview has tested my trust in Esther, though her glow is still there. Like Lucille, I’m very curious to hear how she’ll answer the question. If she’ll tell the truth. There’s no harm in the world knowing, after all.
Esther’s voice is steady, but firm. ‘Harry didn’t kidnap me.’
Tina frowns. ‘So how were you taken to the farm? Were you forced at gunpoint? Or tricked somehow?’
There’s a moment of silence and, although I can’t read her actual thoughts, I can tell that Esther’s struggling with what to say.
Just tell them the truth,
I advise her.
There’s no shame in it.
I know that this message gets through to her because Esther looks directly into the camera and answers steadily and clearly. ‘No-one made me go there. It was my choice.’
The show cuts to another ad break and I take the opportunity to prepare a snack. I’m feeling exultant. Ugly make-up and bad clothes can’t disguise the fact that Esther is still the same inside. She has told the truth. Announced to the world that she came to the farm because she wanted to be there. Knew that she needed to join me. The bond between us feels so strong right now. I can’t believe I ever thought she was growing away from me.
When I return to the living room with my cucumber slices, there’s a shot of the studio audience on the TV. The girls dressed like Esther aren’t waving any more. Everyone seems very quiet.
‘Tess,’ says Tina, seriously. ‘We’ve just heard some very disturbing accusations against you and Harry. I’m going to ask you this straight out: are you the leader of the Special Ones cult? In conjunction with Harry?’
‘Of course not!’ snaps Esther.
‘Well, then, who
is
the leader?’ asks Tina.
‘I – don’t know.’
‘But you must have
seen
him?’ pushes Tina. ‘He must have come to the farm to check on you.’
‘He watched us through the cameras,’ Felicity pipes up.
Tina’s disbelief is quite apparent. ‘What kind of cult leader doesn’t live with his disciples? Surely that’s the whole point?’
Esther returns Tina’s suspicious gaze without flinching. ‘I guess he’s different.’
Without realising it, I have assumed a kneeling position on the ground in front of the television, close enough to the screen that I can feel warmth emanating from its surface.
Yes, I am different. I listened to you, Esther, when no-one else would. I understood you, when no-one else could.
Esther’s face suddenly turns so that she’s looking directly into the camera. Through the screen – at me. Once again she’s heard my words, I’m sure of it.
‘And so the leader of the Special Ones asked you to join him?’ asks Tina.
‘Yes.’
‘Didn’t you just tell us before you’d never spoken to him?’ It’s apparent from her tone that Tina thinks she’s just caught Esther lying.
Esther maintains her composure. ‘No. I said I never saw his face.’
‘He sent you emails?’ asks Tina.
‘Letters.’
‘But how did he
know
you?’ the irritating woman persists. ‘What made him choose
you
?’
It’s such a ridiculous question. I didn’t
choose
Esther. I simply found her again.
‘I don’t know,’ says Esther, sounding frustrated. ‘An envelope just appeared on my windowsill one day with my name on it.’
‘How did you write back?’ presses Tina.
‘I left my letters in the same place I’d found his.’
‘And what did he write about?’
Esther frowns for a moment, looking down at her hands, and I sense that she’s reluctant to share the contents of our correspondence. ‘All kinds of things,’ she eventually says. ‘His philosophies, how he felt about the world. He hated the way most people waste their lives. He said he wanted to live differently. To do something important and valuable and –
special
. He told me that we’d lived before and that we’d live again.’
I lean forward, so that my face is not far from hers on the other side of the screen. My heart is racing, alight with joy. I remember the excitement of that period so well, those early exchanges. The bond between us was instant, of course, and I desperately wanted to tell her why, about how we’d known each other in a previous life. But I knew I had to let this information come gradually.
Drop by drop I reminded her about her past. Our shared life. Then I began to let her know what her future held. In the final letter I instructed her to leave her window open that night when she went to bed. The last sentence I wrote was:
When you wake up, your new life will have begun.
Over the final full stop I placed a little white pill.
‘You believed it?’ asks Tina. ‘All that reincarnation stuff?’
Esther closes her eyes. She looks very pale. Drained. ‘I was a lot younger back then. Things were … so hard at that time. Or at least I thought they were. I was very naive.’
Poor Esther. She looks so uncomfortable and I don’t blame her. It must feel terrible to have to lie like this.
Tina lets out a rush of air, almost like she’s disappointed. ‘So what’s going to happen now, do you think? If this leader is still out there, is he going to go and kidnap a whole new bunch of people? Start a new branch of the cult?’
‘No,’ says Esther firmly. ‘That won’t happen.’
‘How can you be so sure?’
Again Esther turns and looks directly at the camera, and I understand that what she’s about to say is intended for me. ‘Because I am going to find him first.’
My heart expands with joy. She’s searching for me! I lean forward and press my face against hers through the screen. It’s what I used to do sometimes when I watched her in the house, so I could feel closer to her.
Don’t worry, my most precious one,
I promise her.
We’ll be together again very soon.
We haven’t spoken about it yet. The interview. In fact, we haven’t spoken at all. Mum and I drove back from the studio in total silence. Not the comfortable sort, either. When we arrived home, the people waiting outside had to leap out of the way – it was clear Mum wouldn’t slow down as she drove through the gates.
Once we were inside, she stormed off to her room and slammed the door while I found myself heading to the kitchen. I needed to
do
something – active and mindless.
My first urge was to start scrubbing – to clean the oven, for instance, but ours is used so rarely that I knew there wouldn’t be much satisfaction in it. After searching through the cupboards and finding flour and an ancient sachet of yeast, I decided to make bread.
Yet even kneading dough didn’t stop my thoughts entirely. How could I have been so stupid? Had I really believed that I’d be able to appear on prime time and talk only about the missing girls? That I’d be able to get a message to Harry somehow? I remember what those news shows are like. I feel like an idiot for thinking it’d be different for me.
I also feel guilty about the way Harry was slandered. I should’ve done more to defend him. But even as I was trying to stick up for him, I found the same terrible thought creeping into my head that has been pestering me for days now:
How much do you truly know about him?
I don’t want it to be there. But I also can’t seem to get it out.
On the farm, I never thought about who Harry had been before he was Special, just as I tried not to think about who I’d been either. I’d never even considered
how
he came to be there. There were more important things to focus on, like surviving.
I squeeze the dough between my fingers, the frustration ballooning inside me. I wish so much that I could see Harry – even for a short time, or speak to him at least. I have so many questions.
