The Silken Edge (Silken Edge 1) (17 page)

“I was so mad at you for showing up at the club that night in your lingerie, and angry at myself for how much I wanted you. I wanted to punish you so bad.”

“Well, you accomplished punishing me. I never felt so worked up or frustrated in all my life. It actually caused me physical and emotional pain. If you didn’t let me get my release the next night, I probably wouldn’t have been back.”

“I know. That’s why I allowed it, and it was a reward for being good. I would have been able to tell if you didn’t keep your word not to touch yourself.” He finally reached down and put his hand on top of hers. “This past week was a test for both of us. I don’t know if you can actually pass a test of this kind, but you did well.”

“Test for what? I don’t understand.” His skin on her hand comforted her and it sent tingles up her arm.

“To see if you could be a part of my life, of my world.” He turned his gaze on her. “To see if we were compatible. I wanted to see if you would break or if you could be strong enough for me. I’ve never had a real relationship, or a girlfriend I guess you could say.” He turned to sit sideways and faced her head on. “I want you, Kristy. I’ve always wanted you, but I had to pull back and think about things. I’m sorry if I hurt you, but I didn’t know what else to do. I’d like to try this relationship thing with you, if you want to.”

“I’m not sure what to say Jake.” She sighed. “This past w
eek, is that what it would be like? It was fun, but not something I could take on full time.”

“No. First of all, we would talk, go on dates, workout together, and hang out with friends, I guess do things other couples do, but I want…no, I
need
to be dominant over you. Do you understand? I need to be that way, not just in the playroom, but all the time is what I’m trying to say.”

“I don’t know what that entails, but I might be willing to try.” She pulled another swig from her drink noticing he hadn’t touched his. He placed his bottle down and took hers as well.

Taking both her hands in his, he looked her hard in the eyes. “Are you sure? I’ve been an ass. Does this mean you forgive me?”

She pulled her hands from his and held them palms up. “Can I have any say in things at all?”

“I guess in some things, but it will be a learning process for us both. One day at a time.”

“Yeah, I have to think about this, but I don’t want to go back to the cold shoulder shit we were doing. Would you do me a favor? It’s a huge favor.”

“Depends on what it is.” He shrugged.

“Can we do vanilla for one whole week while I think about it, just one week of normal where we can be a couple and talk about how we want things to be. I’m just getting used to the age difference and now this. At the end of the week we can decide. I think we owe it to each other to learn as much as we can about one another before we really give it a go.”

“Give me tonight to think it over?”

She reached up and rubbed her temples. “Yeah, sure. I guess that’s fair enough.”

“Come here.” He said softly. “Turn around, sit with your back to me.” She did as told and his hands snaked up around to her temples and warm fingers massaged circles. “You know, as your Dom I would take care of you, and do things like this. I mean, you’d be mine, and I always take care of what’s mine.”

She sighed. She liked the sound of that.

Tossing and turning all night was a waste, by morning he hadn’t slept a wink, and he was no closer to a decision than yesterday. After a shower, he wanted to watch TV on the big screen, but then remembered Roxi slept on the couch bed. He had to get rid of her soon. He loved having her back in town again, and spending time with her was great, but enough was enough. He dressed in running clothes and planned on a run through the local park.

In the hall on the way out, he ran into Kristy who also looked geared up for a run. “Going running?” he asked.

She nodded. “Join me?”

“Sure, lead the way.” He gestured for her to go ahead.

They went to the local park and ran a few laps on the paved path. Both of them plugged into their music and didn’t speak, but he knew she was going to ask the question sooner or later and he still didn’t have an answer.

After the last cool down lap, she slowed near the bridge over a stream and leaned on the railing looking down at some birds frolicking. Jake followed and looked at the birds in the water instead of at Kristy.

The silence was horrible, growing worse with every moment that passed. “I guess I have my answer.” She shook her head and walked away.

Jake froze and rush of panic surged through his body as he watched her leave. “Wait, what?” He ran after her. When he caught up, he grabbed her arm to stop her. “You didn’t give me a chance to talk.”

She shrugged free from his grip. “Sometimes Jake, words aren’t needed. I expected you to refuse my offer. I can’t change who you are, and you can’t change me. We have to face the facts. We’re two different people in two different worlds.”

What exactly was she saying? He certainly hadn’t said no to her. What was happening?
You can’t change me,
she'd said to him.

“Really, Kristy? Is that what you were trying to do? Change me? I never would’ve tried that with you.” He shook his head. “Never.”

“Sure, Jake. Whatever.” She turned to walk away, but swung back around. “Why the hell did you try to make me your sub for a week? Deep down you knew it wasn’t a test. You were trying to change me. When I didn’t stay on as your sub, you couldn’t accept that. Think about it, that’s why you won’t do vanilla for me.”

She was throwing words at him he hadn’t considered.
Was
he trying to change her? Trying to sift through the new ideas planted in his head, he didn’t know what to say, but he knew he needed more time to think.

“Jake, I don’t want this to be weird, okay? Let’s be adults about this. We tried, it didn’t work, and we need to move on. It’s over, we’re over. I’m too old for you. You’re a young man who’s trying to figure out what he wants from life. I’m not that life, Jake.”

Hesitating to speak through the pain, he searched for the words and still came up with nothing. Lacing his fingers across the back of his neck, he let out a heavy sigh.

“I have to go, Jake. I’ll see you later.” She jogged off, seemingly unaffected.

His world was ending as he knew it, and she was fine.
Great. Just fucking great.

Back at his place, Roxi sat down to eat a bowl of cereal. He sat down to join her. “What? Mr. Healthy is eating a su
gary breakfast?” Then her face went blank while searching his face. “What happened Jake what’s wrong?”

“Nothing to concern you sis, eat.” He huffed on his spoon and hung it from his nose like they used to do as children.

She laughed and tried to do the same, but her spoon kept falling off.

“I am the spoon champion!” he cheered.

She threw cereal bits his way and instead of getting mad, he tried to catch them in his mouth. He didn’t want to concern her with his bull crap of a life. He vowed to keep their relationship solid no matter what else happened, he was just getting her back in his life and wanted to keep it that way.

“Nice try." She pointed her finger in his direction. "I know you’re hiding something from me. I will find out.”

“Aw, hell, don’t you ever give up?” He wiped his face and threw his napkin down in mock anger.

“Come on now. You, me, Jonathan, we are all of the same cloth when it comes to our stubbornness.”

“So are you including him in our little circle again?” Jake eyed her carefully. She never spoke about her problems and he never forced her to.

“Jake, it’s complicated. I don’t know what to do about him. Never did actually, but he has some kind of hold on me that I need to break free from.”

“Why break free when you can embrace it?” He stood and removed the empty bowls from the table.

“I can’t be the person he wants and needs.” Roxi followed behind with the cereal box and milk jug.

In the kitchen, Jake leaned against the sink, and Roxi on the fridge. “What are we gonna do? We are some fucked up people.” Jake gave a dry laugh.

Roxi laughed and walked over to Jake where she hip checked him and he slid over a spot. “Are you gonna tell me, or what? I’m waiting and trying not to meddle as much as usual.” She gave him a nudge with her elbow.

He could see her sideways glance. “Kristy,” he answered. He knew full well that Roxi wouldn’t stop asking unless he gave her the information she was looking for.

“What about her?”

“Same situation as you and Jonathan pretty much. We both want each other but are from two different worlds. You have an advantage though. You have a history with him. Kristy and I have a couple years as acquaintances in the gym, that’s it.”

“History confuses things.” She shrugged and pushed off the sink. “I call the shower first!” She ran to the bathroom leaving him there alone.

“Damn! What have I done?” He turned and slammed his fists down on the counter. How could this have happened? How could they be over? He cared about Kristy more than he had for anyone, other than family. The thought of being without her was painful.

***

After her run with Jake, Kristy took a shower to clear her head, and cry. She was so sick of crying over this man, but she cared for him deeply and it hurt.
He doesn’t want me. He didn’t say anything to fight for us. He didn’t do anything. He just stood there.

A short time ago, she couldn’t be with him because he was too young, but now she felt youthful for crying over a boy, crying over him. She sobbed so much it exhausted her, and she felt sick to her stomach. Kristy spread out on her bed and succumbed to the exhaustion.

Waking in the middle of the day, sun blaring in on her face, Kristy jumped up grabbing her stomach. Rushing from her bed, she purged in the toilet.
What the hell is wrong with me? I wasn’t this upset over Steven and I was with him for years. With Jake, it’s been only a matter of weeks, and I’m a mess.

“Oh, Jake. I can’t picture life without you,” she cried. “Shit, I’ve fallen for you, haven’t I? And now we’re done.” She closed the lid to the toilet and rested her head on top just as a knock came from her apartment door. “Just a minute!” She sniffled.

She grabbed her robe, wrapped up in it, and rushed to the door. Without looking she pulled the door open assuming it would be Roxi.

Jake walked in and shoved past her. She closed the door, and no sooner than the door was closed, he crushed her against it leaning in to kiss her.

“No, Jake.” She pressed her palms out against the expanse of his chest.

He pulled back, looking hurt and confused. “You’re crying?”

“Yeah.” She wiped at her cheeks.

“I’m sorry. I panicked back at the park, and I didn’t say how I felt or what I wanted. I came to do that now, but if you’ve made up your mind, and you don’t want me, I’ll have to live with your decision.”

“No, I’m not saying no to you. Just to the kiss. I haven’t brushed my teeth.” She pressed her lips together.

His lips tugged up at the sides. “I don’t care. Kiss me.”

“No, I puked.” She looked away from him with a red flush spreading across her face.

“Oh! G
o brush then. Are you feeling all right? Was it something you ate?” He stood in front of her and rubbed up and down her terry cloth-covered arms to comfort her.

“No, it’s my nerves. I haven’t gotten sick like this since college. I used to puke all the time when I was anxious or upset.”

“Shit. It’s ’cuz of me, isn’t it?” He pressed a kiss on top of her head and pulled her to his chest while rubbing her back. “Here, let me take care of you. But first you should know I want to give it a go at vanilla this week.”

“You do?” Her cheeks strained to contain the smile on her face.

“I do baby. Let’s clean you up.”

Her heart fluttered and joy swelled up inside her. He helped her shower again after she brushed her teeth. He joined her, washing her body from head to toe, teasing her. He didn’t touch her sexually, but the whole thing was sensual in how he slowly rubbed the soap over her skin. When he scrubbed her hair, she thought she might come, it felt so good. She moaned at the pressure of his fingers on her scalp. All hints of sadness or stomachache were long gone.

“Not yet baby, so stop making those noises or I will take you here and now.” She couldn’t help it and a raspy groan erupted from her. “Fuck it.” He spun her around and shoved her chest against the cold tile. She didn’t care. She was burning hot from the inside out and the cold felt good.

He massaged the globes of her ass and rubbed his hard cock in her crease. “Have you done it this way before baby?”

She spun around fast with her hands out in front of her. “No! Vanilla, remember?”

“Another day then.” That thought, as scary as it was, excited her. Jake lifted her and pushed her up against the wall. “I want you so bad. Do you have a condom?”

“The drawer under the sink.”

He was back and sheathed so fast with his cock sliding between her lips and right into her. They moaned, finding a slow rhythm and kept at it until their orgasms exploded gloriously. Hers first, and Jake followed behind moments later.