The Shipmaster's Daughter (23 page)

She turned her nose up and dropped her hands to her sides. “Miss Renaldi—
Luciana—
has been talking about you ever since you left the room.” She said Luciana’s name like it was a disease.

He narrowed his gaze. His arms dropped. “What do you mean?”

Aliana licked her lips and leaned forward, her voice low. “After you…kissed her…she moved back into the crowd and people began pestering her with questions. They wanted to know who she was, why she let you kiss her like that in front of everyone.” She paused, drawing in a breath. “They asked her what she thought of you and of Esther.”

Reed felt his heart still. “Get to the point, Aliana,” he said, not bothering to disguise the growl in his throat.

“In more words than less, she claimed she hated you, hated Esther, even hated Katherine. She said she was so ashamed she had let you defile her in front of all of society and Esther was nothing but a spoiled little brat. She even said she didn’t understand why Katherine, who, in her words ‘hardly looked a saint’, would want to marry a beast like you.” Shrugging, she shook her head. “I’m sorry you had to hear it from me. I thought she was a nice girl. I would never expect something like this from her.”

Reed rubbed his temples. Had he heard her correctly? Or was that his own paranoia talking? Surely Aliana was mistaken. Luciana would never speak of Esther in that way. Even when resigning as governess, she had gone to great pains to keep from saying anything rude about Esther or her behavior.

“You must be mistaken,” he said, shaking his head.

Aliana took his hands in hers, her touch gentle yet firm. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “I’m afraid I heard her with my own ears. I’m dreadfully sorry.”

Reed felt bile rise in his throat. Aliana was wrong; she must be. There was simply no way Luciana would say those things.

Or would she?

She did call him a beast and she did have reason to dislike Esther. Maybe his kiss sent her overboard. It had been unexpected and improper, certainly, but she didn’t appear disgusted when he pulled away.

He cradled his forehead in the palms of his hands, which were now warm and damp. Oh, his head hurt. It was a dull, grating hurt that made his stomach turn. How could he have let this happen? How could he have let himself fall in love with her? He’d told himself from the beginning she was trouble.

The rational part of Reed reminded him that Aliana could have made up the whole story for her own gain. She was infatuated with him and might always be. But his head hurt and the drinks he’d nervously consumed long before and during the evening helped to sway his pounding head. He believed Aliana. He didn’t want to. He wanted to laugh in her face and reassure her that the woman he loved was ten times the woman she would ever be. But he couldn’t. His heart felt like tearing in two.

She had called him a beast again. That was proof enough.

He opened his eyes and saw red. His fists clenched at his sides and he tore past Aliana. “Bring her to me,” he said.

The light feet of Aliana trying to keep up behind him only made him walk faster. “To where?”

“My study.” He stopped and threw her a hard look. “Make it fast.”

She nodded, but not before she told him once more just how sorry she was. He didn’t want to hear it. He wanted Luciana gone and gone for good.

Chapter 25

T
he door creaked as Luciana opened it.

Reed stood before the window, his arms crossed, his brow drawn together in a tight frown. He glanced at her for a brief second before returning to the inky blackness of the night. She could have sworn she saw a shudder ripple through his back.

“Do you know why I called you here?” His voice was even, dead-pan almost.

She shook her head, but when he didn’t look at her, so she was forced to say it aloud. “No.”

This time he did bring his eyes to hers, his face incredulous. “Really?”

“Have I done something wrong?” she asked. She hoped he wasn’t angry about the kiss. She had hoped when Aliana came to tell her he wanted to see her he was going to kiss her again, but this time in private. It appeared now she had hoped, on both accounts, foolishly.

“Done something wrong?” he spat, coming around the side of his desk. “Done something wrong?” He stopped when he stood two feet before her. His height made her tilt her head back to look him in the eye. It made her feel small, like a mouse cornered by a cat.

His nostrils flared. “I know what you said.”

She wracked her brain for some memory of anything she could have said that would make him so angry. She only came back with the day in the ballroom when she’d called him a beast. He’d avoided her since then, but she had thought he had moved on. He kissed her in front of everyone, after all.

She shook her head. “I’m not sure I understand.”

“Now is not the time to play coy, Miss Renaldi.” He lifted his chin higher and clasped his hands behind his back. “Miss Martin told me what you said about my family this evening after I had gone.”

Luciana felt her mouth go dry. What was he talking about? More importantly, what was Aliana talking about? She hadn’t said anything to anyone after he left. She had left herself, finding solace on a terrace outside. A sick feeling spread through her stomach.

He looked livid. Whatever Aliana had said must have been terrible. But he couldn’t believe her, surely. He had said he knew what game she was playing. Why would he believe her lies?

“What did she say?” Luciana whispered. When she spoke, her mouth felt sticky. She swallowed hard, holding her hand against her stomach to will away the rolling feeling.

“You already know what you said. You were the one who uttered the words, not I, not Aliana.”

“Reed—” she started, taking a step forward, her hand outstretched.

He swiped his hand through the air. His jaw was clenched tight, his eyes closed, his hands curled into fists. He stood like a man poised before a judge: tall and commanding, yet broken and defeated. There was a slight slump to his shoulders and if she looked hard enough, Luciana could see the way his hands shook ever so slightly.

With a voice like gravel that gave her shivers, he said, “Don’t call me that. Never speak my name nor the name of my daughter or my wife again.”

Luciana didn’t know what to say. Her mind was completely blank. She could only blink, her mouth parted in shock. The sick, rolling feeling that had plagued her stomach not two minutes before had left, leaving nothing but a raw ache in her belly.

“Can you say nothing?” His brow twitched into a frown.

When she kept silent, unable to speak, he turned away. Her silence damned her. From within, she felt words clawing at the back of her throat, begging for release. They wanted only to defend her, but she could see no way out. All she saw was Reed slowly, ever so slowly slipping away. And just when she had accepted her feelings, too.

Just as he opened his mouth to seal her fate, she spoke. “It’s not true. Whatever she said, it’s all a lie.” She could hear the quiver in her voice.

“So you deny it? You deny calling Esther a brat? You deny casting slights upon Katherine’s character? And you deny calling me a beast?”

“I never said any of those things. Aliana must be—”

He titled his head, squinting. “But you did call me a beast.”

She hesitated. “
Si,
days ago. And for that I’m sorry. I should have said it before, but I thought you didn’t want to speak to me. I didn’t call you a beast tonight and I didn’t say any of those things about Esther—”

“I told you not to say her name!”

Luciana quieted. His voice was louder than she’d ever heard. It shook the books on the bookshelves. He shook with anger and his eyes glistened with tears. Luciana felt her own eyes sting, but she wouldn’t cry in front of him. Not when he was in the wrong.

She had said none of those things. None of them.

“You must believe me,” she whispered after a moment. “I would never say anything against them. Or you.”

He braced his hands against the window frame. “I can’t believe you. I wish I could, but I can’t.” He added to himself, “Mrs. Peters was right. I never should have…” He stopped, shaking his head.

“I don’t know why Aliana would lie to you, but she has.”
Yes, you do,
her gut said.
You know exactly why.
“Unless...”

Luciana took a step forward and raised her hand, almost touching his shoulder, before she thought better of it. She pressed her hand against her stomach.

“Unless,” she started again, “she wanted to get rid of me. When we went to Manchester, it was she who said awful things about Es—your family. And she told me that she wanted to propose to you this evening. Don’t you see, Reed? It was her, not me.”

He shook his head. “Now you’re going to drag Aliana into this.” He looked at her with disdain. “I know that Aliana wants to marry me. I’ve always known, but it will never happen. Still, she would never stoop to creating lies about someone else.” He lifted his nose. “It’s not the
English
way.”

Desperation settled in Luciana’s stomach. She bit her lower lip to keep from letting the tears clouding her eyes fall. Her breathing was ragged, she knew, but she couldn’t help it. He looked at her like she was some sort of devil.

Why wouldn’t he believe her? She had never done what Aliana claimed. Never.

She loved them all too much to say such awful things.

“Please, you have to listen to reason.” Her voice broke.

“Reason? I don’t need to listen to reason. You have called me a beast once before. Why wouldn’t you do it again?”

She almost snorted. “This goes back to you then,
si
? You and your stubborn pride?” Sighing, she held up her hands in surrender. “Reed, I’m sorry for hurting you. I let my anger get the best of me. But that doesn’t mean I would ever—”

“Miss Renaldi, I have as much proof of your guilt as I need. You have called me a beast before and now you attempt to drag down Aliana’s name. I shudder to think what you’ve said to others about my daughter and her mother, about all of us.” He straightened his shoulders, the shaking gone. “I have made my decision. You will leave—”

“No. That’s not fair.” She knew she sounded pitiful, but she didn’t care. She was losing her home, her family all over again. She was losing the man she loved. “You aren’t listening to me.”

“—Yellow Brook immediately.”

Luciana blinked. The tears in her eyes made him look wavy. “But I love you.”

He faltered. His stony face contorted into something akin to despair. Then he picked himself back up. “That may be so, but it does nothing to affect my decision.” With a shaky breath he finished. “I thought you were happy here.”

She saw her future clearly then. A life spent on the streets. No one had wanted her all those months before. Nothing would have changed. She would waste away, her stomach empty, her heart emptier. She would see him from time to time with Esther. He would look at her, sneer, and then look away and she would crawl back into the dirty hole she’d made for herself. Eventually, she would die of hunger or a broken heart. She didn’t know which could be worse, but she was betting on the latter.

The first of her tears began to fall as she shook her head, drawing her arms around her middle. The room turned cold and she couldn’t help but shiver. “I am. I am happy here,” she said, her throat clogged with emotion and phlegm.

“Then why would you do this?”

She didn’t have the energy to debate with him. Her heart was bleeding; she could feel it. Luciana lifted her chin and angrily wiped the tears from her cheeks.

A man willing to believe such lies didn’t deserve her. She would be better off without him. She wouldn’t even give him the satisfaction of an answer.

And she didn’t. She let herself drink him in for one last time—his towering height which once made her feel protected; his piercing blue eyes; his scruffy beard, always trimmed close to his jaw. Then she left. No final words.

Just the sound of the door slamming behind her.

Chapter 26

A
s instructed, she left as soon as she could. She look her few belongings—her dresses and a book that once belonged to her father—and snuck out the back door. She left the rest behind. The idea of telling Esther goodbye didn’t cross her mind until she was too far away to turn back. With a serene mind, she held the carpetbag she’d found in the wardrobe a little tighter and headed for the rooftops of Eastbourne.

The sound of music followed her as she went. She picked up her pace, eager to get away from it all. She needed to go somewhere and sit in silence. She needed to think.

Though her heart felt like it was on fire and tears pricked the corners of her eyes, she needed to form some sort of plan. She wouldn’t let herself starve. She may die of a broken heart, but she wouldn’t let herself die of hunger pains. She still had the opportunity to control at least that much of her life.

When she reached the end of Yellow Brook’s property line, she paused. If she looked back, she knew she would break. The tears would flow and they wouldn’t stop until long after the guests left the house. Still, she needed to see the house and its faded yellow siding one more time.

She turned. Light spilled from every window onto the lawn. From where she stood, she could even see Reed’s study. If she squinted hard enough, she thought she could make out the shadow of his form, but that might only be a trick of her mind. A cruel trick, too. Yellow Brook had been her home, most certainly. It had sheltered her from the cold and the rain and it had kept her well-fed and, for a time, loved.

But now—now she had the opportunity to do exactly what she wanted: Make something of herself. She should look at Aliana’s deception as a blessing in disguise. She had made it easy to leave. To leave him. She never would have been able to do it of her own volition. She loved him too much to leave him.

Luciana steeled her heart as she turned away. Yes, this was a blessing in disguise. She would survive. After crying herself to sleep for a few nights, her heart would harden and remain so. She would find work. She would make them accept her and she would find work.