As the festivities progressed and more fermented brew was consumed, the tension eased. Jondalar thanked Dalanar warmly, his eyes glistening, for coming so far to attend his mating.
“I would have come just for you, but we also came for Joplaya and Echozar. I’m sorry that it became unpleasant. I’m afraid it spoiled their mating, and maybe everyone else’s,” Dalanar said.
“There are always those few who try to spoil things for other people, but we won’t have to worry about coming back to Zelandonii Summer Meetings for our young people to get mated. We now have our own Lanzadoni,” Jerika said.
“That’s wonderful, but I hope you’ll come back once in a while anyway,” Jondalar said. “Who is it?”
“Lanzadoni. You know that,” Dalanar said, then smiled. “They are supposed to give up their individuality and become one with their people, but I notice they use the counting words to name themselves instead, and counting words have more power than ordinary names. She was the First Acolyte of the Zelandoni of the Second Cave. She will now be called the Lanzadoni of the First Cave of the Lanzadonii.”
“I know who that is,” Ayla said. “She was one of the acolytes who guided us into the Deep of Fountain Rocks when we went to help Zelandoni find the spirit of your brother. Do you remember, Jondalar?”
“Yes, I do. I think she will be a good Lanzadoni for you. She is very dedicated, and a good healer, I’m told,” Jondalar said.
As the evening grew late, the newly mated couples spoke the last words they would say to friends and relatives for fourteen counted days. To some it felt strange, like saying good-bye without leaving. Smaller feasts would be held by the individual Caves when the couples returned to the fold after the trial period of exclusion. Then they would be given
gifts to start out their new lives together. The matings were not fully recognized until after the trial period, since they would be free to separate then, if they wished. Though the couples usually left early, for others the festivities would continue until the first streaks of dawn.
As Ayla and Jondalar left, they were hazed with crude comments and general banter by several hecklers who followed for a ways, mostly young men who had been indulging in Laramar ’s barma. But many of them didn’t know Jondalar, except by reputation. He had been gone when they were growing up. Most of the friends his age were past the stage of harassing couples who had just made a commitment. They were already mated, with a child or more at their own hearths.
Jondalar got one of the torches that had been used to light the area of the ceremony to find their way and to light a fire when they arrived. They walked up the slope beside the small stream and stopped at the spring for a drink. Ayla didn’t know where they were going, but she knew when they arrived. The tent she saw was the same one they had used all during their long Journey, and she felt a pang of nostalgia at seeing it set up again. She was glad their long trip was over, but she would never forget it, either. She heard a nicker of welcome and smiled at Jondalar.
“You brought the horses!” she said, smiling with delight.
“I thought we might go for a ride in the morning,” he said, holding up the torch so she could see them.
The fireplace had been set and ready, and he lit the fire with the torch, then walked with her to greet the mare and the stallion. They were used to working together, with each doing separate tasks. Having their hands tied together made it more difficult even to handle the horses, and they found themselves in each other’s way.
“Let’s go get these thongs off,” Jondalar said. “I was glad enough to have them tied on, but now I’D be glad to remove them.”
“Yes, but they are a good reminder to pay attention to each other,” she said.
“I don’t need a reminder to pay attention to you, certainly not on this night,” Jondalar said.
Ayla crawled inside the familiar shelter, holding her hand up and back so Jondalar could follow behind. He lighted a stone lamp with the torch, then tossed it into the fireplace outside. When he looked back in, Ayla was sitting on the sleeping furs that had been spread out on the ground over a leather padding that he had carefully stuffed with dry grass. He stopped for a moment and looked at the woman who had just become his mate.
The soft light of the lamp made her shadow dance behind her, and her hair gleamed with highlights from the small flame. He saw the yellowish tunic, open in front to reveal her full, taut breasts, with the beautiful amber pendant of the necklace nestled between them. But something was missing. Then he realized what it was.
“Where is your amulet?” he asked, drawing closer to her.
“I took it off,” she said. “I wanted to wear this outfit that Nezzie gave me and the necklace from your mother, and it didn’t look right with them. Marthona gave me a small packet made out of rawhide with no decoration for the amulet. It seemed appropriate. She brought it back to the lodge with her. She suggested that tomorrow we bring back the clothes we wore tonight, rather than carry them around with us. She did ask if I would mind if she showed my outfit to some people. I told her I wouldn’t mind at all, probably Nezzie would be pleased that she wanted to. I’ll get my amulet then. I have never been without it since I was first adopted into the Clan, and it does feel strange not to have it.”
“But you don’t belong to the Clan anymore,” Jondalar said.
“I know, and I never will again. I was cursed with death and can never go back, but the Clan will always be a part of me, and I will never forget them,” she said. “Iza made my first amulet and then asked me to choose a piece of red ochre to put in it.…I wish she could have been here. She would have been so happy for me. All of the things in my amulet are important to me, they mark important moments in my life.
They were given to me by my totem, the Spirit of the Cave Lion, who has always protected me. If I ever lost my amulet, I would die,” she said with absolute surety.
It made Jondalar realize how important the amulet was to her, and how much her mating meant for her to take it off, but he didn’t like the idea that she believed she would the if she ever lost it. “Isn’t that just superstition? The superstition of the Clan?”
“No more than your elandon, Jondalar. Marthona recognized that. The amulet holds my spirit, that’s how my totem can find me. When I was adopted by the Lion Camp, it didn’t take away my life with the Clan. It added to it. That’s why Mamut added my totem to my formal name. Now that I have become a member of the Ninth Cave, it hasn’t changed the fact that I’m still Ayla of the Mamutoi. It just made my name longer,” she said, then she smiled. “Ayla of the Ninth Cave of the Zelandonii, formerly of the Lion Camp of the Mamutoi, Daughter of the Mammoth Hearth, Chosen by the Spirit of the Cave Lion, Protected by the Cave Bear, Friend of horses and Wolf … and mated to Jondalar of the Ninth Cave of the Zelandonii. If my name gets much longer, I won’t be able to remember it all.”
“Just so long as you remember the last part, mated to Jondalar of the Ninth Cave of the Zelandonii,” he said, reaching over and gently fondling a nipple, watching it draw together and harden in response to his touch. She felt a tingle of pleasure.
“Let’s get these thongs off,” Jondalar said. “They are getting in my way.”
Ayla bent over their wrists and tried to pick apart the knots, but only her left hand was free, and she was right-handed and felt clumsy trying to pull apart knots with only one hand, and her left one at that.
“You are going to have to help me, Jondalar,” she said. “I’m not very good at untying knots with just my left hand. It would be much easier to cut it.”
“Don’t even say that!” Jondalar said. “I never want to
sever the knot from you. I want to be tied to you for the rest of my life.”
“I already am, and will always be, thong or not,” Ayla said, “but you’re right. I think this is meant to be a challenge. Let me see that knot again.” She studied it for a while, then said, “Look, if you will hold this, I will pull that, and I think it will come undone. It’s that kind of knot.”
He did as she said, she pulled, and the knot came apart.
“How did you know it would do that? I know something about knots and it wasn’t obvious,” Jondalar said.
“You’ve seen my medicine bag,” she said. He nodded. “You know all the pouches inside are tied with knots. The kind of knot and how many there are tell me something about what is inside the pouch. Sometimes those pouches need to be opened fast. I can’t be fumbling with trying to open knots when someone needs attention right away. I know about knots, Iza taught me long ago.”
“Well, I’m glad you do,” he said, holding up the long, slender thong. “I am going to put this in my pack so it doesn’t get lost. We have to show that it wasn’t cut, and exchange it for our zelandonia necklaces when we go back.” He rolled it up, tucked it away, and then turned his attention entirely to Ayla. “This is the way I like to hold you when I kiss you,” he said, putting both arms around her and filling them with her.
“That’s the way I like it, too,” she said.
He kissed her mouth, opening hers with his tongue, and reached for a breast. Then he pushed her back onto the furs and bent over to take the nipple into his mouth. She felt herself respond instantly, and the intensity of the sensations increased as he sucked and lightly bit on one nipple and caressed the other with his fingers.
She pushed him back and started pulling up the white tunic she had made for him. “What are you going to do when the baby comes, Jondalar? They’ll be so full of milk.”
“I promise not to steal too much, but you can be sure I’m going to taste it,” he said, smiling, then he pulled his tunic off over his head. “You’ve had one child. Does it feel the same when a baby sucks?”
She thought about it. “No, not exactly,” she said. “It’s pleasurable to nurse a baby, after the first few days. The baby sucks so hard, it makes the nipples sore at first, before they get used to it. But I didn’t get the same feelings deep inside me when I nursed a baby that I do when you suck. Sometimes when you just touch, I can feel it all the way down. That never happens with a baby.”
“I can feel it down inside me just looking at you sometimes,” he said. He took off the belt cinched around her waist, then opened her tunic and rubbed her slightly rounded stomach and caressed her inner thighs. He liked just touching her. He helped her slip out of her open tunic. She untied the thongs from around her waist and removed the rest of her clothes, then helped him untie his tightly wrapped foot coverings.
“I was so happy to see you wearing the tunic I made for you, Jondalar,” Ayla said.
He picked up the tunic that he had dropped on his bedroll, turned it inside out, and, folding it together, laid it carefully on top of his back frame before he began to unwrap his leggings. Ayla took off her amber-and-shell necklace and removed her earrings—her ears were still a little sore from the recent piercing—and put the jewelry away in her pack. She did not want to lose it. When she turned around, she noticed that Jondalar, who couldn’t stand in the tent, was stooping on one foot, pulling off his leggings, but his swollen member was more than ready. She couldn’t resist reaching for it, which unbalanced him. He fell over on the furs, both of them laughing.
“How am I supposed to get these off with you so eager?” he said, pushing off the remaining legging with his other foot and kicking them out of the way. Then he stretched out beside her on the sleeping furs. “When did you make that tunic for me?” he asked, raising up on one elbow so he could look at her. His deep, rich blue eyes were dark, with only hints of blue in the single flame, dilated and glowing as he looked at her with love and longing.
“When we were staying with the Lion Camp,” she said.
“But you were Promised to Ranee that winter. Why were you making a tunic for me?”
“I’m not sure,” she said. “I think I was hoping. And then I got a strange idea. I remembered that you said you wanted to capture my spirit when you made that little carving of me in the valley, and I was hoping that I could somehow capture your spirit if I made something for you. That time everyone was talking about black animals and white animals, you said that white was special to you. So when Crozie agreed to teach me how to make white leather, I decided to make something for you. Whenever I worked on it, I thought of you. I think I was happiest that winter when I was working on it. I even imagined seeing you wearing it at a mating ceremony. Making it kept my hope alive. That’s why I carried it with me on the Journey back.”
He almost felt his eyes grow moist.
“I’m sorry it isn’t decorated. I was never very good at sewing on beads and things. I started to do it a few times, but I always seemed to get interrupted. I did get some ermine tails on it. I wanted to get more, but never got back to do it that winter. Maybe next winter I can go out and find some more,” she said.
“It was perfect, Ayla. Just the white color was decoration enough. Everyone thought you left it undecorated on purpose, and they were so impressed. Marthona told me she liked the way you were not afraid to let quality and good workmanship be its own decoration. I think you are going to be seeing some white tunics around,” he said.
“When Marthona said I wouldn’t be able to see you or talk to you until after the ceremony, I was ready to break every Zelandonii custom there was just to give it to you. That’s when Marthona said she would do it, although I think she thought even that was too much contact. But I didn’t know if you liked it, and I didn’t know if you would understand why I wanted you to wear it.”
“How could I have been so stupid and blind that winter? I loved you so much. I wanted you so much. Every time you went to Ranee’s bed, I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t sleep, I’d
hear every sound. That’s why I took you that day out on the steppe when we went out to train Racer. I could feel every movement of your body when we rode out together on Whinney. Can you ever forgive me for forcing you like that?”
“I kept trying to tell you, but you never would listen. You didn’t force me, Jondalar. Couldn’t you tell how quickly I responded? How could you think you forced me? That was my happiest day all winter. I dreamed about it afterward for days. Every time I closed my eyes I could feel you and want you again, but you wouldn’t come back.”