Authors: Claudia Moscovici
“Let's not exaggerate!”
“I'm not exaggerating,” Karen insisted. “If anything, I've been doing my best to downplay the whole situation. I know how annoying it is when people complain ...”
“You never annoy me.”
“I wish that were true! You're very patient,” she added, knowing full well that Michael responded much better to flattery than to blame.
“Hey, what can I say? I aim to please.” She was fortunate to have me for as long as she did, Michael told himself whenever he tried to put himself in Karen's shoes. She had a great life while we were together.
“You're so much more independent than I am,” Karen returned to her initial concern. “Sometimes I feel like you don't miss me as much as I miss you.” She hoped that Michael would deny this claim.
But he didn't. He said nothing at all, allowing his fiancée to draw her own conclusion from his eloquent silence.
“I go on walks to many of the places we visited together last summer,” she prodded him. “That way I feel like part of you is still here with me.”
“Which part?” Michael quipped, glad to have spotted a pun.
“You always mock me!” Karen snapped back. But she caught herself. “I'm sorry, honey. I'm a little on edge today. I think I'm gaining weight just from depression. My metabolism must be slowing down.”
“I highly doubt it,” Michael countered, as comfortable as ever with the subject. “Genetics, exercise and diet determine metabolism much more than mood does,” he expertly pointed out.
“Yeah, but my mood's pretty bad,” she emphasized, hoping that Michael would finally see how miserable she felt away from him and encourage her to return promptly to Detroit. “Why don't we just forget about this stupid Phoenix idea, sweetie, and live together in Michigan, as before? We can always visit Arizona whenever we want,” she tried to tempt him.
“It seems to me that you're so much happier in Phoenix,” Michael countered since, as far as he was concerned, Karen was moving quite literally in the wrong direction.
“I just miss you too much to enjoy living out here without you.” She hoped her confession would move him.
Michael exhaled with frustration. Karen was coercing him into becoming brutally explicit, something he preferred to avoid. After all, he didn't want to look like the bad guy in this whole scenario. “I'm afraid I have some bad news,” he announced in a somber tone.
“What is it?” she asked with trepidation, dreading his reply.
“I've fallen in love with another woman. Her name is Ana. She's leaving her husband for me,” Michael came out with it all at once.
At first, Karen was too shocked for words. Thinking back, she sought hints of this disaster in her fiancée's behavior during the past few months. In all honesty, she couldn't see any. There was nothing unusual about their interaction lately. After all, she recalled, Michael had tried to discourage her from moving to Phoenix in the first place. He talked to her on the phone every evening. He expressed interest in her concerns, as usual. He advised her on the diet and exercise routine, same as before. And he told her that he loved her, same as always. She was left with only one possible conclusion: “Is it because you were horny?”
Michael latched on to that promising lead. “Maybe,” he said, hoping that she'd develop on her own the explanation of their tragic undoing from this minimal justification.
Karen didn't disappoint him. “I shouldn't have left you on your own,” she turned the blame back upon herself. “Even my mother warned me that you couldn't leave young men on their own. They have their needs.”
“That much is true,” he concurred.
“My depression was like an internal alarm signal. It was telling me that it was a huge mistake to come out here on my own,” she repeated, momentarily forgetting that the reason she had moved to Arizona in the first place was to try to resuscitate their comatose relationship.
Michael remained silent. After a rather unpromising beginning, the conversation was progressing surprisingly well.
“Is she pretty?” Karen pursued, her curiosity aroused after the initial shock.
“Yes.”
“Is she a student in your department?”
“No. She's an artist.”
“How did you meet her?”
“We met in church,” he stated, without elaborating.
“Since when do you go to church?”
Michael refrained from commenting.
“How long have you been seeing her?” Karen pursued.
“Since a few weeks after you left.” Will she buy that? he wondered.
“I bet you didn't even let our bed get cold before you replaced me!” Karen let out only a tiny fraction of the spleen building up inside her.
But Michael couldn't tolerate an unsubstantiated charge. “Yeah, well, you're dead ass wrong about that! I was alone for a whole month before I even looked at another woman,” he lied with panache.
“I'm sorry,” Karen backed off. “I made such a huge mistake,” she reverted to self-blame. “Even my own sister said you were too good looking to be left alone. But I didn't listen to anyone. And now everything's ruined,” she concluded, devastated.
“Yeah, well, you couldn't have known. Some things in life are beyond our control,” Michael said philosophically.
“Do you love her?” she asked with trepidation.
“Yes,” he affirmed.
“Why?”
“Who the hell knows? Why do people fall in love?”
“Do you feel like you're more compatible with her?”
“In some ways,” Michael responded noncommittally, not wishing to alienate her. “Like I said, she's an artist. She's pretty and smart. We have a lot in common.”
“You always thought I wasn't good enough for you,” Karen commented without any hint of reproach.
Michael could now afford to be gallant: “That's not true. Don't put yourself down.”
“What's going to happen to us now?”
“I'm afraid it has to be over, Baby,” he said tenderly.
Upon hearing this statement, Karen broke down in tears. “Can we still be friends?” She felt crushed by the thought of never being close again to the only being she had ever needed and loved.
“I doubt it,” Michael replied, thinking that Ana would object to him remaining close to Karen, especially while being strictly forbidden herself from establishing friendships with other men. “But we can exchange a few greeting cards a year, like for birthdays and Christmas,” he kindly offered her a fair substitute for marriage.
After a brief pause, Karen said: “I'm too upset to talk right now. I'll call you back as soon as I gather myself, okay?”
“Sure, take your time,” Michael obliged, thinking that the whole unpleasant business was concluded much more expediently than he had anticipated. He knew that the discussions with Karen would continue, of course. But at least the worst was over. Relieved, he went into the kitchen to make himself an ice cream sundae.
Meanwhile, Karen threw herself on her bed to melt into a pool of emotion. What a heavy price I've paid for one stupid move! she thought, going over and over in her head the counterintuitive decision to save their relationship by moving away from her fiancé. Eventually, however, some solace trickled out of the obsessive rehearsal of her own mis judgment. She began focusing on the figment of the other woman. Michael must have been desperately horny. A hot-blooded young man, left on his own, will sometimes make mistakes. Out of loneliness and desperation, he'll jump into bed with the first attractive woman that crosses his path, she told herself. Once she identified the trivial source of the problem, Karen felt somewhat more confident about finding an adequate solution to it. I'm not giving up without a fight. I'll go back to Michigan and reclaim my future husband, she resolved.
When she called Michael back, Karen sounded almost poised: “Don't you think it's kind of unfair of you to break up our engagement over the phone? At least we should discuss it in person.”
He quickly calculated the cost of such a move. If I agree, Karen will feel like I'm kind enough to grant her wishes. Ana will probably freak out at first, but she'll calm down eventually. After all, Karen was my fiancée. “Sure. It's the least I can do,” Michael said, proud to display his generosity.
Karen got out of the airplane, having mentally prepared herself for the worst. She had repeated to herself over and over again that Michael would now be cold to her. He'd treat her like an acquaintance or, at best, an old friend. I have to be strong, she emboldened herself. I had nothing to do with his horrible decision and now it's entirely out of my hands. But in her heart of hearts, she didn't really believe this. After the initial shock, Karen reverted to her usual pragmatic mode. She planned to do whatever it took to save their relationship. It worked before and it could work again, she reminded herself, to boost her own moral. Less than half an hour after Michael delivered the bad news, Karen jumped on the computer and did some Internet research on Ana, to dig up some dirt on her rival. Although she found nothing particularly incriminating, Karen retained the hope that, upon further skillful questioning, Michael himself might deliver some helpful clues against his girlfriend.
She spotted her fiancée in the crowd, as radiant and disarmingly handsome as always. He waved to her and flashed a bright white smile. He's still so friendly to me, Karen noted, surprised by this unexpectedly positive reaction. What should I do? she wondered. Shake hands with him? Do nothing? Michael quickly resolved the matter by giving her a peck on the cheek and hugging her, as if nothing happened. Although Karen had mentally prepared herself a cold reception, his warmth threw her off. “I'm ... why are we hugging?” she managed to stutter.
“Why not?” he smiled unctuously at her. “We're not enemies, are we?”
Is he flirting with me? she wondered, with genuine confusion. “I don't know what we are anymore.”
Michael noticed that Karen was carrying only a small tote bag. “Where's your suitcase?”
“This is all I brought,” she shrugged. “I didn't know how long I'd stay. Plus, I still have some clothes left at my mother's house.”
“You can stay with me for a few days. Maybe as long as one or two weeks,” Michael informed her, still planning to part ways with her on the best of terms. “However long it takes us to sort things out.”
“Is your girlfriend okay with this?” Karen asked him, surprised that Ana would accept such an unusual arrangement.
“I've told her that you're coming so we can discuss everything in person.”
“And what did she say?”
“She wasn't too thrilled about it, as you can imagine. But in the end, she understood. I didn't tell her how long you'd stay with me though,” he made a slight grimace, to claim ignorance. “We hadn't worked out the details yet.”
“I doubt that she'll put up with it,” Karen commented, feeling slightly triumphant. Through this tiny and seemingly innocuous deception, the solidarity between the two lovers was beginning to crack.
Despite this note of optimism, however, once Karen and Michael stepped into the car, an air of awkwardness settled between them. On the drive back, they hardly exchanged a word. Karen, herself, didn't know what to say. She was overcome by the painful awareness that this was the first time she and Michael sat so close together without being romantically involved. She gazed out the window at the scenery they had passed so many times before, in happier circumstances. Her mood shifted from sadness to jealousy. As soon as they arrived at his house, Karen asked him: “Do you have any pictures of her?”
Michael looked at her with apparent compassion. “Yeah. But are you sure you want to do this to yourself?”
“Yes. No more lies. I want to know everything.”
Michael deposited Karen's tote bag in the guest room. He then went into his office, to take out a bunch of photographs of Ana from his desk drawer. “Here she is,” he extended her the pictures.
Karen examined each one closely: one in front of their house, with Ana standing between the two largest pine trees; another taken in a parking lot near a Chinese restaurant; the third inside the revolving restaurant where, she became painfully aware, Michael had always taken her on special occasions. Without making any comments, Karen returned the photographs to him with a look of disgust. She didn't just feel betrayed. She felt replaced.
Michael placed the pictures back neatly into his desk drawer. “Have you had dinner yet?” he asked her matter-of-factly.
“I'm not hungry.” Karen thought that Ana was pretty but not stunning. Looking at her, you wouldn't have thought she was the home wrecker type. Nonetheless, as she had suspected all along, it was all physical between them. Yet, somehow, this assumption didn't make things any easier for her. “You did me a favor. I've lost five pounds just since you told me,” she tried to make light of her own distress.
“I'm sorry,” Michael apologized, gazing steadily into her eyes. “I didn't mean to hurt you.”
His apology only stirred up Karen's anger, however. “Yeah, well, you obviously did.”
He approached her and took her hand in his tenderly. “I didn't mean to hurt you and I'm sorry,” he repeated. “You're a great person. You deserve better.” His gaze remained steady, to recapture her emotionally.
“Actions speak louder than words,” Karen threw back at him the phrase he had often used himself, to reproach her for occasionally rebuffing his sexual advances. “I want to find out more about the situation with Ana,” she gathered the strength to return to her original strategy.
Michael led her to the sofa, where they sat next to one another. “Anything you wish. What would you like to know?”
“Is she worth sacrificing our whole future together? Do you really love her?” Her unsteady gaze trembled with emotion.