The Secrets of Boys (11 page)

“Yeah, she’s a little wild,” Cassidy admitted.

“Let me guess,” Zach said. “You’re the quiet one who’s always by her side?”

Cassidy was glad the club was too dark for him to see her blushing.

“I’m just kind of shy,” she said.

Zach drew her in closer, his arms around her waist.

“It’s funny,” he said. “You don’t seem shy to me at all.”

His eyes gleamed in the candlelight, a slight smile playing on the corners of his mouth. He began to bend his head toward her and she could feel the heat between them. Cassidy was both scared and excited at the thought of him kissing her, but her guilt kicked in before anything mind-blowing happened.

“I have to go to the bathroom.” She wriggled away and dodged through the crowd. She needed to talk to Larissa like
whoa!
Her life was spiraling out of control very quickly, and she hoped Larissa would be able to talk some sense into her before she did something she’d seriously regret.

“Bathroom,” she commanded, dragging Larissa off her bar stool and toward the door with the skirted figure on the outside.

“So what’s up?” Larissa asked once they were safe under the fluorescent overhead lighting. She rummaged in her oversize bag for her Lancôme bronzer and momentarily disappeared in a puffy glittering cloud.

Cassidy watched her and tried to compose herself. She realized she didn’t even know where to begin.

“They’re pretty cool, aren’t they?” Larissa asked, taking advantage of the silence.

“Cool?” Cassidy said. She had no idea what Larissa was talking about. Who were “they”?

“Fumiko and Dina’s friends,” Larissa continued. “That guy Toby with the shaved head—did you know he’s a professional graffiti artist? And then Mary-Jane, who won’t tell me what she does, but I bet it’s something
really
nasty.

Do you think she’s a dominatrix? She has that vibe. And, like, who actually names their kid
Mary-Jane
?”

Cassidy couldn’t have picked Toby or Mary-Jane out of a police lineup. All she could think about was Zach’s face swimming close to hers, the look in his eyes, and that tiny smile.

“I guess so,” Cassidy said. “I didn’t talk to them much yet.”

“You really should,” Larissa said. “I mean, Mary-Jane is fab, but Toby is just … amazing. He used to live in San Francisco and build sets. He’s totally ripped too.

You should check out his biceps if you get a chance.”

Cassidy tried to picture Toby in her mind, but she couldn’t help seeing Zach—and, of course, Eric, who would be completely heartbroken if he knew where she was, and who she was with, and how she was starting to feel.

“Is he that bald guy?” she asked.

“He’s not bald; he just shaves his head,” Larissa said.

“I mean, he’s like in his early twenties—how could he be bald? You’re really out of it tonight, Cass. I can’t believe I introduced you to Toby and you can barely remember who he is.”

“I’m sorry,” Cassidy said. She suddenly felt drained, as if in between wanting Zach and worrying about Eric, she’d expended her allotment of energy for the night. “I guess I’m just a little nervous about the quiz and everything.”

Larissa shrugged. “So go home and study,” she said, sounding put out. “I’m going to stay here, and then Dina’s having an after party at her place since we don’t have to open the store until noon tomorrow.”

Cassidy waited for Larissa to invite her along like she always did when there was a party, but Larissa just headed for the door.

“Come on,” she said. “They’re going to think we drowned in here.”

“Wait!” Cassidy said. Larissa paused, her hand on the doorknob.

“What?” she asked.

“What do you think of Zach?”

“He’s okay, whatever,” Larissa said. “I asked him if he wanted my number, but he said he was interested in someone else.”

She pushed through the door and back to her friends, and Cassidy followed slowly, her head spinning. He’d said he was interested in somebody, but he couldn’t be talking about her, could he? Cassidy’s muscles tensed up the moment she approached the dance floor and saw Zach waiting patiently for her. He stretched out his hand, beckoning her to join him once more. She took a deep breath and walked forward, hoping that she was the one, yet she was almost frightened of what was to come.

* * *

Cassidy pulled into her driveway and snuck quietly into her house. Once she got to her room, she pulled out her cell phone and noticed the red light on top was blink-ing. Just as she was flopping onto her bed to check her

messages, her phone rang again—the special 50 Cent ring tone she’d set just for Eric. She hesitated a moment before steeling herself and hitting Talk.

“Sweetie!” His voice was riddled with a combination of anxiety and relief. “I tried calling you three times, and when you didn’t pick up, I swung by your place to see if you were okay. But your parents said you went out. I thought you had to study for some test?”

“I’m sorry,” Cassidy said.
More sorry than you could
ever know.
“I forgot to tell you, our homework was to go see this movie, and then I ran into Larissa afterward and we ended up going out dancing.”

“And you didn’t invite me?”

Cassidy knew she couldn’t blame Eric for being suspicious this time. “Well, I left my cell at home and …

and Larissa’s couldn’t get a signal. Otherwise I would have called, seriously.”

Great. There’s lie number 4.

“Well, it would have been nice to see you,” Eric said.

“It seems like we’re spending less and less time together.

You don’t have someone stashed on the side, do you?”

She swallowed hard. Even though technically nothing had happened between her and Zach, the fact that Cassidy was fantasizing about him made her feel very remorseful. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to tell Eric that she felt herself slipping away from him.

“Of course not,” she replied.

“Good. So how about spending some quality time tomorrow night when I get off work?”

Cassidy tried to muster up a heap of enthusiasm.

“Sounds great.” She hoped it sounded convincing.

“Cool.” Fortunately Eric sounded like his normal, happy-go-lucky self. “See you tomorrow, sweetie.”

“Good night,” Cassidy said, flipping her phone shut.

She rolled over and lay on her back. She could still see Zach’s face just inches from hers and thought she might be able to call up his smell in her memory if she tried hard enough. She returned her cell to its cradle, got undressed, and crawled into bed. She glanced at a framed photo on her nightstand. It was of her and Eric rock climbing at Zuma Beach. Cassidy smiled at the sight of her and Eric dangling from two ropes, waving at Larissa, who had taken the picture. She could feel a wave of sorrow come over her as she turned off the light, but it left her when she curled up under the sheets and shut her eyes. She played the scene from the dance floor over and over again in her head. Each time, Zach’s lips got closer to hers. When she finally fell asleep, they were touching, and their imaginary kiss lingered on all night in her dreams.

July 14

Dear Cassidy,

Thanks for your letter. I think it saved my life. It’s
great to hear that you still get to do fun things like seeing
movies and going out dancing. Those simple pleasures
feel like distant memories to me in my mosquito-ridden
mountaintop prison. Your TA sounds cool, and I think
his advice about art school is right on. As for Eric being
jealous, I have one word for you: DUH! Of course, he’s
jealous, Cass. He’s got this amazing girlfriend and he
knows it’s just a matter of time before she realizes how
great she is and hitches a ride to “I’m a sexy independent
artist”-ville and leaves him in the dust. Seriously,
though, if you keep this Zach guy a secret, it’s going to
bite you in the ass eventually. That’s how secrets are.

Things at Camp Crackhead keep getting worse.

Lloyd got his little brother to smuggle in a bunch of
Ritalin over Parents Weekend, and the other night everyone in my bunk took it—except for me, of course. They
totally tried to get me to, but there is no way I’m touching
any kind of controlled substance if it’s going to make me
end up like these losers. At the rate things are going, I’m
half afraid to take aspirin when I get a headache.

So anyway, they crushed up all this Ritalin and
snorted it after lights-out the other night, and I thought
the roof was going to fly off our bunk. Everyone started
bouncing off the walls. This guy Peter was slurping
ketchup packets from the cafeteria and shouting, “I am
Superdog!” Then Lloyd and a bunch of his cronies told
me that if I didn’t reenact the light saber fight between
Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi in Revenge
of the Sith, they would throw me down the can in the
outhouse. You’re going to think I’m totally lame, but
did I mention Lloyd is three hundred pounds? Want to
know another secret about boys? We may pretend to be
macho, but we’ll seriously do anything we can to prevent our teeth from getting knocked out.

Anyway, it’s too bad you missed it because there is
no way I’m repeating that performance!

Cassidy, I’m worried for my life and sanity.

Seriously. If you don’t hear from me in a week, call the
police. I would take a lifetime of French classes over this.

I never thought I’d say this, but I can’t wait for fall.

Oh, one last thing: good luck with the whole TA
thing. Don’t worry—I won’t tell Eric. It’ll be our little
secret… .

Cheers,

Joe

PS I’ve been honing my Pictionary skills. Be afraid.

Be very afraid.

“We’re almost there, crickets!” Madame Briand called over her shoulder to the twenty students trekking wearily behind her. Of all the places Cassidy would have thought of going to for a French field trip, the Los Angeles Zoo was hardly one of them. But Madame Briand was so loopy, there was no telling what she might consider educational.

“Look, it’s your cousin,” Benjy said, pointing to an ape picking fleas off his scalp and popping them into his mouth.

“I thought it was your twin brother,” Cassidy shot back. “Identical, naturally.”

“Girl’s getting lippy!” Benjy said. He seemed almost pleased with her retort.

“Ici, ici!”
Madame Briand pushed open the door to a pavilion labeled BIRD SANCTUARY. A zoo employee in a small round hat met them inside. His tan uniform shirt drooped on his cadaverous frame, and a pair of round steel-rimmed glasses slipped perpetually down the length of his beak-like nose. A patch sewn on the front of his uniform read MORRIS: BIRD EXPERT
.

“Hello,” he said to the class.

“Bonjour!”
Cecilia twittered.

“Morris is going to tell us about a very special bird,”

Madame Briand announced.

“Well, yes,” Morris began in a nasal drawl. “I suppose it’s particularly special for all you Francophiles. You see that little guy over there?”

The class dutifully followed his pointing finger with their eyes. In a building full of brilliant plumage, he seemed to be indicating a small, brown, and utterly ordinary bird. It looked like one of the sparrows that pecked at Cassidy’s lawn and drove their gardener crazy.

“That there’s a Corsican nuthatch.” For a moment, Morris seemed almost happy. “It’s only been spotted in France—in Corsica, off the southern coast, to be exact.”

Madame Briand literally clapped with joy.

“Mon Dieu!”
Cecilia squealed. Benjy rolled his eyes and made quiet gagging sounds.

“It’s thought that the Corsican nuthatch is evolved from the Aegean crested nuthatch,” Morris droned on.

“Which in Darwinian theory must have migrated across the continent in …”

Already bored, Cassidy wandered to the other side of the sanctuary, where a pair of ducks glided happily on the surface of a small pond, occasionally going bottoms up in search of a meal.

“Quack,” someone whispered in her ear. A thrill coursed through her body when she realized it was Zach.

“Who, Morris or the ducks?” she whispered back.

“Both.” He laughed. “Are you as bored as I am?”

“That’s why I’m over here,” she said. “I was starting to become comatose.”

“Well, maybe that bird is related to Madame Briand,” Zach whispered. “It’s a Corsican nuthatch, and she’s a Quebecois nut.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Cassidy could see the rest of the class exiting the bird sanctuary. She knew she should say something but couldn’t bring herself to lose the few precious minutes this would give her alone with Zach. It had been two weeks since they’d had their kinda, sorta date and they hadn’t had too much time alone together since.

“I think she’s getting nuttier,” Cassidy said. “Since when does a visit to the Los Angeles Zoo equal learning French?”

“Are you really complaining about getting out of the classroom and seeing cute animals on a beautiful day?”

Zach asked playfully. The way he smiled made Cassidy’s stomach tighten, and she had to remind herself to think about Eric and the nice thing he did the other day. But once she caught a glimpse of Zach’s cute butt, she could barely remember her zip code.

“We should really go find the rest of the class,” she said. “I don’t want to get you in trouble.”
Or me,
she thought.
Trouble with a capital
T.

“You’re right. Although I doubt anyone would miss us.” Zach headed toward the door. They emerged into a sunlit plaza between several pavilions. A young mother strolled by pushing a carriage, and a group of elderly tourists doddered by in orthopedic shoes, but the rest of their class seemed to have disappeared.

“Where do you think they went?” Cassidy asked.

“Knowing Madame Briand, they’ve probably

boarded a hot-air balloon to Paris by now,” Zach joked.

Cassidy laughed in spite of herself. Zach could be so funny and charming.
But so can Eric,
she thought diplomatically.
You know …
Eric?
Your boyfriend?
She checked out Zach’s rear end again.
Right, Eric. That guy
who
probably
loves you but hasn’t said it after two years.