My OB-GYN, Doctor Ike Davis, was also Laine's and Ella Rae's regular doctor. He was a sweet, jolly, older man with kind eyes and a heart of gold. He had a deer camp close to Bon Dieu Falls and was a college friend of Poppa Jack and my daddy. He often came to the annual Crawfish Boil as well. I knew he'd felt awful about Laine. She had gone for her regular checkup barely a year before she'd been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. The checkup had revealed nothing abnormal. Laine knew that a routine pap smear wouldn't detect ovarian cancer, and after her diagnosis, she assured Doctor Davis she understood that. He called the Farm every week or two to check on her and had even stopped by a couple of times. I knew her illness had broken his heart, and on some level he felt some misguided responsibility. But Laine had never blamed him. Laine never blamed anybody.
“Here are all my favorite patients!” Doctor Davis said when he entered the exam room. He hugged each of us and shook hands with Jack. “How are you feeling, dear?” he asked Laine.
She playfully hit him on the shoulder. “Like pitching for the Saints.”
He looked at me puzzled.
“She thinks they play baseball,” I explained.
He laughed. “Sometimes I wish they did.” He smiled. “And how are you feeling, dear?”
“Like a busted can of biscuits,” I said.
Doctor Davis laughed. “First time I've heard that one,” he said. “But your chart looks great. You've only gained twenty-three pounds. And your blood pressure is perfect. I'm proud of you.”
“Whoop-de-do,” I said.
Laine gave him a pleading look. “Please deliver this baby so her attitude will get better.”
“You been giving everybody a hard time?” Doctor Davis said.
“I have no idea what she means.”
“Huh,” Ella Rae said.
“Jack?” Doctor Davis said.
“Been a perfect angel,” he answered.
“Ass-kisser,” Ella Rae said.
We all got a good laugh at that, including Doctor Davis.
“I need to utilize your pregnant-wife skills with some other husbands, Jack,” he said. “Now, let's take a look, shall we?”
I looked at Ella Rae, Laine, and Jack, all glued in their same places. “Come on, y'all,” I said, “at least look out the window till I get the sheet wrapped around me.”
Ella Rae looked exasperated. “Is there anybody in this room who hasn't seen you naked?” she asked.
Everybody looked at each other and then all looked back at me.
It's one thing to go to the girl doctor by yourself, you know? It's uncomfortable, and it's always cold and always humiliating. But imagine if you had the doctor, his nurse, and three other people in the room with you. See what I mean?
“How can you ask me to leave when I'll never witness anything like this again?” Laine said.
“Really?” I glared at her. “Did you just play the death card so you could stay in here?”
She smiled smugly. “I did.” Of course Ella Rae wasn't about to leave if Laine was staying. Jack argued he put the baby there in the first place and he certainly wasn't going anywhere. So I lost the round and everybody stayed. I could have gone out to the highways and byways and compelled the widows and the strangers to come in, I guess. I could've gathered people off the street. Doctor Davis's rules seemed to fly out the window when we arrived.
At least Jack had the good sense to turn his back during the actual exam. But I'm pretty sure the other two would've taken pictures if Doctor Davis would have let them.
When the exam was completed, Laine jumped right in. “Well?”
“Well,” Doctor Davis said, “anytime now.”
I struggled to sit up and reached for Jack's hand. “What do you mean, anytime? I'm not due till next week.”
“Babies have a way of showing up whenever they want to.” He smiled. “You're three centimeters dilated. You could stay there for hours or for days. Call me when you go into labor or
when your water breaks. You have my cell number and home number, right?”
I nodded. It just got real in here.
Ella Rae was dancing up and down in place and Laine was grinning from ear to ear. Jack was silent and squeezing my hand so hard it hurt.
“Jack.” I wriggled my hand around. “Ouch!”
“I'm sorry, baby.” He picked up my hand and kissed it. “Better?”
I made a face at him. “What am I, five years old?”
“Next time I see you, we'll fetch a baby, okay?” Doctor Davis said.
“Okay,” I said. “Thank you.”
“Can I see you outside a minute, Doc?” Jack asked.
“Sure, Jack.” He slid open the door. “Laine, you be sure and call me if you need anything.”
Doctor Davis and Jack disappeared into the hallway, and Laine and Ella Rae both started squealing and asking questions.
“Are you scared? Are you freaked out? Does it hurt? Can you feel it? What's it like?” They fired off round after round so fast I couldn't tell who asked what question. But I could tell them, for sure, the answer to each one was an emphatic,
Yes!
“I just wasn't expecting him to say . . . you know, I mean, I thought I had a week or two . . . Yes, I am freaked out.”
“It's okay.” Laine handed me my pants. “We'll be here, I promise.”
My heart was filled with gratitude because Laine would
be here to see my baby, to hold it, love it. On the other hand, I was so terrified I found it hard to complete a sentence. I wasn't afraid of having the baby, but I was suddenly quite intensely aware that I would be its mother. What did I know about a baby? They had bobbleheads and they made puppy sounds. That was the extent of my knowledge on the subject.
What had I been thinking? I couldn't be anybody's mother. I had just learned how to be a wife fifteen minutes ago. I'd been living in la-la land for the past seven months. As long as the baby was inside me, I was mother of the year. But it was coming out now, and they were going to deposit it in my lap. I had to take it home with me. Its little life was in my hands. It would look to me for food and safety and guidance. I was an idiot! And my hands were shaking like leaves.
“I'm good.” I faked a smile and slipped on my pants. “It's all good.”
“Great,” Laine said, “ 'cause I am starving. Let's eat.”
Music to my ears. She ate like a bird now and any declaration of hunger sent us all scrambling to fetch food for her. The announcement also temporarily distracted me from worrying about dropping my baby the first time I held it or forgetting where I put it. Jack was waiting for us in the parking lot and we drove over to our favorite Mexican place, Simpaticos. We were seated at the table before I even thought to ask Jack why he'd spoken to Doctor Davis.
“What was that all about?” I asked.
“Nothing.”
“Something,” I corrected.
“I was just asking about anesthesia,” he said. “Nothing special.”
“What? Are you serious?”
“Look, Carri,” he said, “that film we watched was bad. It was bad.”
The girls and I began laughing.
“I don't want to take anything, Jack,” I said. “That's why we watched the Lamaze DVDs.”
“We'll see.” He took another drink of his beer. “I'm just making a backup plan.”
I shook my head. That was my Jack. Always a backup plan, no matter what the circumstances.
Ella Rae gave Laine the eagle eye. “You don't have to lick the bowl, Laine. They'll bring you some more.”
“Shut up, Rae.” Laine scraped the bottom of her salsa with a chip. “You complain if I don't eat and you complain if I do.”
Ella Rae flagged down our server. “Excuse me,” she said. “Could we have some more chips and salsa? Thank you.” She turned to Laine. “Slow down, Porky, help is on the way.”
“They're just so good today,” Laine said, licking her fingers, and pointed at my salsa bowl. “Can I have yours?” I slid my salsa over to her. “Knock yourself out, girl,” I said.
“I feel great today,” Laine said. “Like I could run a marathon.”
Ella Rae snorted. “Please. You wouldn't run thirty feet when you didn't have cancer.”
In some social circles a statement like that would undoubtedly be rude, even cruel. But in our circle, it was hilarious. Laine laughed so hard I thought she'd choke on her chips.
Jack shook his head. “You three have the most unusual relationship.”
“Yes, we do,” Laine said. Just then the fresh chips and salsa arrived. “Ahhhh, finally.”
“So,” Ella Rae said, “let's talk baby names. And I want answers this time, not any of that âwe haven't decided' crap. It's bad enough you won't tell us what flavor it is.”
“I don't know what flavor it is.” I smiled and looked at Jack. “But Jack knows.”
“What?” Ella Rae and Laine said in shocked unison.
“When did you find out?” Laine crammed her mouth full at the same time she tried to ask the question.
Jack smiled but remained silent.
“This is wrong,” Ella Rae said. “Why does he get to know and we don't?”
“You know, Rae,” I said, “I don't know why my
Baby Daddy
should know and you shouldn't. He wanted to know, so he called and Doctor Davis told him.”
“That's so unfair,” Laine said. “Wait . . . I see a light.” She grabbed her chest and rolled her eyes back in her head. “This could be it. I feel myself slipping . . .” She looked back at Jack. “That didn't work, did it?”
“Not even close.”
“Please tell me you don't know, Carrigan,” Laine said to me.
“I don't. I swear,” I said. “And don't do that fake dying any more. I don't like it. He won't even tell me what it is. I guess I could ask, but we're this close now, I'll just wait.”
“What's happened to you?” Ella Rae asked. “Who are you? The whole time you've been preggers, you've either been mad as an old wet hen or chilled out like a glaucoma patient in California. I never know what I'm gonna find in the mornings.”
I laughed. “Have I been that bad?”
Nobody answered.
I laughed harder now. “Sorry, I thought I'd been a picture perfect pregnant person.”
Ella Rae contorted her face and put on her best whiny pouty voice. “It's hot. It's cold. I want a popsicle. I hate popsicles. I'm sleepy. I can't sleep.”
“I'm hungry. I'm nauseated. It's too bright. It's too dark. I want pizza. I hate pizza,” Laine added.
I was cracking up and so was Jack. “Stop,” I said. “I get it.”
“I'm never getting pregnant,” Ella Rae said. “It makes you a nut case.”
“That ain't why,” I said. “You can't leave alcohol alone for nine straight months.”
“That is a lie!” she said.
“We all good here?” our server asked, appearing at the table.
“One more margarita,” Ella Rae said.
“See!” I shouted.
“Nothing says âI mean business' like a shopping cart at the liquor store, Rae,” Laine said. “I was mortified.”
“It was for a party,” Ella Rae defended.
“A party of one,” I said.
“Okay.” Ella Rae stopped laughing long enough to pretend
to be offended. “Is this some kind of intervention? Because I gotta tell y'all, I'm not fixing to be intervened. Besides, drinking rum before ten a.m. doesn't make you an alcoholic; it makes you a pirate.”
Laine spewed iced tea through her nose, and I had to hold my belly under the baby, I was laughing so hard. Jack said nothing, just shook his head. The truth was Ella Rae didn't drink nearly as much as we teased her about it. And she absolutely didn't drink before ten a.m. But when she did drink, she was loud. That had earned her the reputation. She just never bothered denying it. Ella Rae was one of those people who never worried with what other folks said about her. She only cared about the opinion of her family and what she called her “inner circle.” I had always admired her for that.
“Girl, stop,” Laine said. “You're killing me.”
Laine felt good, and she wasn't faking it. I could always tell when she faked it. But there wasn't an imitation smile or reaction in her today. It was all authentic. She didn't look great, but she felt great, and I'd take that any day. It made me feel like the whole world was perfect. We'd laughed so much the past hour and a half, I hadn't even thought about the cancer or what a terrible mother I was going to be. I looked around the table at everyone, so happy and relaxed, and wished I could bottle it, save it, preserve it.
“Enough,” Laine said, wiping the tea from the table. “Let's go buy something for the baby. Of course, if we knew if it was a boy or a girl, it would help the selection process tremendously.” She looked at Jack.
He grinned. “Not a chance.”
“You are mean as a snake, Jack Whitfield,” Ella Rae said.
I stood up to go. Immediately a whoosh of warmth ran down my legs. I stood still, looking at the puddle I was now standing in.
“My water just broke,” I said.
Leave it to Ella Rae to sum up a situation: “Well, this ain't good.”
“Push, Carri, push!” Laine yelled in my ear. “You're almost there! Go! Go! Go!”
I felt as if I'd been pushing for hours. If Jack or Laine told me to push one more time, somebody besides me would need a doctor tonight.
At least Ella Rae wasn't trying to pull that rah-rah crap with me. The last time I had seen her, she was in the corner of the room gagging. She bugged out at the first sign of blood. I would've laughed about it if I weren't giving birth to what was surely an alien baby, ripping its way into the world. I gritted my teeth and pushed again. Sweat dripped into my eyes, and I gripped Jack's hand so tight I thought his bones would break. The contraction finally subsided and I flopped back down on the bed.