Authors: Jean Nash
The Sea Star (33 page)
“Susanna....”
“I’m to blame for what happened. I should never have run complaining to you. I should have let him alone. All he wanted to do was live his own life, and I interfered.”
“Susanna, for the love of God, you’re not to blame.”
“I am, Jay,” she said dully. “Dallas has lost everything because of me. He’s even gone a little mad, I think, saying those dreadful things about you. As if I’d ever believe them. As if they could possibly be true.”
“They are true,” Jay said. In the silvery moonlight, his features seemed etched in stone.
Sensation returned to Susanna, prickling the skin on the nape of her neck. “What are you saying, Jay?”
“The fire at the Saint Andrew was my fault.”
“No!” she cried loyally.
“Yes, Susanna. Listen to me.
Dallas
was right when he said there are too many secrets in this family. I should have told you this long ago. The Saint Andrew....” He hesitated, his mouth hardened. “The Saint Andrew was my first hotel. I had overextended myself in making renovations and securing a top-notch staff. Attendance was light at the beginning, but then, miraculously, people started filling the place. I made more improvements—new central heating and a communication system in every suite. I knew the electrical wiring was being overloaded, but I was too busy, too intent on making my hotel the best in
New York
to do anything about it.”
He paused to light a cigarette with unsteady hands.
“One night in November,” he went on, “the coldest night in years, the heating system was turned up to its highest capacity, and a fire broke out in the basement.”
He stopped again and passed a hand over his eyes. “My God, Susanna, have you ever been involved in a fire? The flames spread so quickly and destroy everything in their path. And just as bad as the flames is the black acrid smoke. You can’t see, you can’t breathe. One deep breath sears your lungs, and you’re as dead as if the flames had devoured you. I tried to save as many people as I could, but so many panicked. A woman—a girl, really—broke out of my arms and ran straight into the fire. I watched her burn to death.” His voice shook. “I watched her die.”
“Oh, Jay,” Susanna whispered.
“Thirty people died that night,” he went on in a low, tortured voice. “After all the investigations had been conducted, the city gave me a medal. A medal, Susanna, instead of tossing me into jail and throwing away the key. They said I was a hero. They said I had saved so many people that might otherwise have died. No one blamed me for the wiring. The investigators said it was just an unfortunate accident. An accident!” He flung his cigarette over the balcony. “Good God, I killed every one of those people as surely as if I’d put a gun to their heads and pulled the trigger.”
He rose abruptly, strode to the balcony railing, and lighted another cigarette. “The law had exonerated me, but I knew I was guilty. I vowed then that I would do everything in my power to make not only my own hotels as safe as possible, but every other hotel as well. I joined fire commissions, safety commissions, formed commissions of my own when I saw no results from those already established. In the back of my mind, I probably wanted to own all the hotels in the country so that I’d be sure they’d operate under my standards of safety.”
Susanna rose and went to him. She understood so much now, so much. “Jay, you’ve done everything humanly possible to atone for that fire. There’s no need to go on castigating yourself. I still say you’re not at fault. When you added the central heating system and communications systems, didn’t a city official inspect the wiring and say it was adequate?”
“Yes,” he said slowly, never before having considered that aspect. “But....”
“Then, don’t you see? How could you have known what would happen? I told you Dallas was a little deranged tonight. I knew all those things he said couldn’t possibly be true.”
Jay flung his cigarette over the railing with a muttered oath. “But it is true, Susanna, everything Dallas said—about the fire, the Sea Star, and partly about the reason I married you.”
“Jay, don’t joke about something like that,” she said uneasily. “Not tonight.”
“It’s no joke,” he said grimly. “I wanted the Sea Star. I wanted to make it safe. Your father had refused to sell it to me, and then, after he died, I sent Ford to make you an offer on it. Do you remember?”
“Yes,” she said warily. “I refused him.”
“Then I met your brother at Dutchy’s,” Jay went on. “He said if I paid off his gambling debts and gave him fifteen thousand dollars, he’d give me his half of the Sea Star. And it
was
fifteen thousand, Susanna, not the five thousand he told you it was.”
“I believe you,” she said, still wary. “But what are you getting at, Jay?”
“It was my intention to acquire your half of the Sea Star, too. I suppose I planned to romance you, to maneuver you into selling it to me. But, you see, that was before I knew you. When I finally met you— Well, I don’t have to tell you how you affected me, do I? I’d never known anyone like you. You were....” He paused, afraid that he might sound like a fatuous fool, yet determined to bare his soul to this woman he loved.
“You were the most beautiful, intelligent, hard-working, loyal woman I had ever met. When I used to tell you that you had bewitched me, I wasn’t just spouting romantic nonsense. I
was
bewitched by you. I had to have you. But there were so many years between us. I felt that the last thing you’d want was an old workhorse like me for a husband.”
“Jay, you’re not old! Twelve years is not a generation span. My father was twelve years older than my mother.”
“Exactly my point,” he said grimly. “Look what happened to them.”
“My father’s abuse is what happened to them, Jay.”
“Your mother took a young lover, Susanna. Not that I’m faulting her, you understand. But in the back of my mind, where you were concerned, that was all I could think about.”
“Jay, for heaven’s sake! From the start I told you over and over again how much I loved you and wanted you.”
“I know you did. But you can’t begin to understand my state of mind at the time. I was petrified of losing you to a younger man. Don’t you remember how unreasonable I was on the subject of Teddy Addison? My intellect knew you had no interest in him, but my heart was terrified that you might leave me for him.”
“Oh, Jay,” she said compassionately. “Oh, my love.”
“Hear me out, Susanna. I doubt you’ll think of me as your love when I’m finished. I knew how much you loved the Sea Star, and I also knew that if I left it in your hands, your brother’s constant financial drain on you would eventually cause you to lose it. Originally, I wanted to restore it, make it safe, and then return it to you with some kind of legal proviso that would prevent
Dallas
from touching the profits. You can see how unsound my thinking was at the time. I soon realized that such a thing was impossible. Nothing could stop you from giving your brother money. Then it occurred to me that the one way of binding you to me was to acquire the Sea Star and keep it. Without a means of subsistence, you could never leave me—or so I convinced myself. Then, after we made love for the first time, I thought that if you should become pregnant, you would have to marry me. It all seemed so simple. I would own the Sea Star. You would be my wife. If would be difficult, if not impossible, for you to leave me. So I prayed you’d get pregnant. I
willed
you to become pregnant. So, you see, Susanna, everything
Dallas
said about me tonight was true in essence.”
Susanna heard her husband’s words, but it was impossible to give them credence. “I don’t believe you,” she said, staring at him. “Why do you say such things?”
“Because they’re true!” he said sharply, guilt roughening his tone. “I wish to God I could tell you they were lies, but I can’t. I’ve wanted to tell you the truth for a long time, but there was no easy way to admit what a bastard I’d been. I knew if you learned my real motives, you would despise me, as you have every right to do. But I loved you, I was desperately afraid of losing you, so I said nothing, and prayed you’d never find out.”
“It’s not true,” she said, unwilling to believe what he was saying. This was her husband, the father of her son and of the child to come. He could not have so wickedly used her. “Jay, I beg you to tell me this is some monstrous joke.”
“Do you think I would joke about something like this? I’ve just told you the entire truth, Susanna—something I ought to have done long ago.”
“No, no, no.” She covered her face with her hands to shut out the thought of his treachery.
He tried to take her in his arms. She wrenched away with a sound of revulsion. “Keep away from me!” she cried. “How could you have done such a vile thing? I loved you with all my heart. I trusted you with my life. And all the while, you were playing a despicable game, pretending you loved me.”
“I
did
love you, I do love you! Didn’t you hear what I said? I’ve never loved any woman but you. What I did was inexcusable. I freely admit that. But I love you, I want you, I don’t want to lose you.”
“Don’t!” she said when he made a move toward her. “I don’t want you near me. I want you to leave.”
“Susanna—”
“Get out, I tell you! I can’t bear to look at you. You don’t love me, you just
want
me, another possession, like one of your hotels. You don’t know what love is. If you did, you could never have done what you did. Dallas was right. You’ve cheated, lied, and ruined innocent lives. You took the Sea Star, you took Peter’s Beach. Is there anything else you want from my family?”
He took hold of her arms and pulled her hard against him. His hands bruised her flesh. His whole body trembled with fury and fear. “All I want is you,” he said fiercely. “All I want is you, Susanna.”
“It’s too late!” she cried. “I don’t want
you
anymore.”
Then she wrenched loose from his hold and ran blindly away from him.
Twenty-two
Susanna tore out of the suite and took the elevator down three floors, then she alighted and went down the corridor to the Weston suite on the third floor. She knocked at the door and called out to
Augusta
. The door of the suite opened. Ford, in a dressing gown, stared at her, surprised.
“Susanna, what in the world? Come in, come in. Don’t stand out there in the corridor.”
“Where’s my mother?” she said breathlessly.
“I’m right here, Susanna.”
Augusta
, also in nightclothes, emerged from the bedroom. “What is it? Why are you here so late?” Then, seeing her wretched face, “Dear Lord, has something happened to Courtney?”
“No,” Susanna said. “It’s....”
“Susanna, sit down.” Ford led her firmly to the sofa, then he fetched a glass of brandy and insisted she drink every drop.
Augusta
sat next to her and put a comforting arm around her shoulders, but Susanna felt that she’d never know comfort again as long as she lived.
“Now tell us what’s wrong,” Ford said. “
Dallas
didn’t come back to bother you, did he?”
Susanna shook her head. She told them what had happened, omitting nothing. “It was all a game with Jay,” she concluded bitterly. “He wanted the Sea Star, and he got it from me. He claims he loves me, but a man who loves a woman doesn’t deceive her as he did me.”
She lapsed into silence, her throat aching. For a time, no one moved or uttered a sound. Finally,
Augusta
said, “I was wondering how long it would take him to tell you.”
Susanna stared at her mother. “You knew?”
“Some of it,”
Augusta
admitted. “The rest I surmised. You’re wrong about one thing, though, darling. Jay does love you. He loves you so desperately it breaks my heart.”
“How can you say that?” Susanna cried. “He
used
me, Mother. All he ever wanted was the Sea Star. He uses everyone. Can’t you see that? I thought he was helping
Dallas
by buying Peter’s Beach, but the only reason he did it was to keep it for himself.”
“Susanna, be reasonable,”
Augusta
said. “What would Jay want with that wreck of a building?”
“I don’t know!” she cried, beyond reason, beyond fairness. “I wouldn’t put anything past that man now. He’s lied to me so often—about everything under the sun. For all I know, he did murder Alan and Teddy!”
Again there was a silence, which in the wake of her accusation, echoed loudly in Susanna’s ears. She cringed with remorse. Jay hadn’t murdered anyone. She was sorry she’d said that. But he
was
guilty of killing her trust in him. For that she would never forgive him.
“Susanna,”
Augusta
said sternly, “you don’t really believe that, do you?”
Susanna closed her eyes and shook her head. “No.”
“Then, don’t ever say it again, not even in anger. The truth is—”
“Augusta!” Ford said sharply. “Be still.”
Susanna’s eyes flew open. She looked at Ford, who stared intently at his wife.
“Ford, I beg you,” Augusta said. “You must tell her. This cannot go on. She says she doesn’t believe it, but for her to have said it means the thought has crossed her mind more than once.”
“What are you talking about?” Susanna demanded. Dear God, was Augusta asking Ford to confess to the murders?
“Ford, please,” Augusta insisted. “Your duty is to the living, not to the dead. Tell her the truth. It’s not fair to let her torture herself needlessly.”
Ford’s face was stark, his hands were tightly clenched. A dart of fear shot through Susanna. He looked capable of murder right now. He looked as if he might do harm to his wife, without a qualm and with the greatest pleasure.
“Ford.” The word was an entreaty. “Please tell her—for my sake and for your own peace of mind.”
A long moment passed. Susanna held her breath. A tumult of emotions were reflected in Ford’s eyes, all of them violent. Finally, he sighed deeply and leaned back in his chair. When he spoke, his voice was almost too low to be heard.
“Jay didn’t kill Alan and Teddy. My brother did.”
“What?” Susanna’s mind reeled.
“
“Your brother was the one who sent Jay’s cigarette case to the
Boston
police?”
“Yes. He stole it while he was here in
Atlantic City
for Courtney’s christening. He sent it from here to throw everyone off the track.”
“But how do you know all this, Ford?”
“
Susanna couldn’t speak. That poor, sick man had taken two lives and had almost been responsible for taking a third. Nothing on Earth could justify what he’d done, but had Jay, after all, set those horrible events in motion?
“Ford,” she said with difficulty, “you once told me that
Ford didn’t answer. Susanna watched conflicting emotions play across his face. She saw pain, rage, and bereavement vying for first place. In the end, his innate sense of justice prevailed.
“I wasn’t lying,” he said. “Jay did nothing to my brother. He simply picked up the pieces after
“Then, why did you and Jay have a falling out?”
“Jay changed,” Ford said. “He lost faith in me, kept things from me. I couldn’t do my job properly if he didn’t trust me. I can’t tell you how much I resented his attitude. I had done nothing to merit such treatment.”
“Oh, no!” Susanna said suddenly.
“What is it?” Ford asked. “Do you know why he changed?”
“Jay thought,” she said unwillingly, “he was
sure
that you had murdered Alan and Teddy.”
“I?” Ford said, outraged. “Why, that—”
“Ford,” Augusta reminded him, “before you found
Ford’s face flushed. “I had good reason to suspect him.”
“But don’t you see, Ford?” Augusta said. “Both you and Jay ought to have been smart enough and loyal enough not to suspect each other of murder. And you, Susanna, are also being unfair to Jay. What he did was wrong, I agree, but he ultimately told you the truth.”
“What if he did?” Susanna said defensively. “Mother, how can I live with a man who deceived me so unconscionably?”
“Jay loves you, Susanna, and despite what you’re feeling now, I know you love him. You have Courtney, you’re having another child. Will you jeopardize your children’s future by leaving their father and destroying your family?
I
did that, and I haven’t stopped regretting it. Don’t follow my example, darling. Believe me, if you live to be one hundred, you’ll never be able to forgive yourself.”
Susanna stayed the night in the Weston suite. She slept very little. She tossed and turned, thinking of Jay and wondering if their damaged lives could ever be repaired. She kept thinking of
Augusta
’s words:
Don’t jeopardize your children’s future
. Frightened, she wondered if she should remain with her husband to spare her children pain. But then she thought of Jay’s deceit and her blind faith in him. How could she spend the rest of her life with such a man? Surely her children would sense the animosity she bore him.
When she finally fell asleep, she began to dream. Jay and Dallas were shouting at each other in the Excelsior’s restaurant. They were about to come to blows when the scene changed, and Susanna was in
New York
, begging Jay’s sisters for help. Then the
Boston
police arrived and arrested Susanna for murder, but Ford intervened and said they had no jurisdiction in
New York
. As the police turned to leave, their uniforms changed into firemen’s gear. An alarm sounded, and the men dashed out to battle the fire at the Saint Andrew. In the next instant, Susanna was out on the sidewalk, watching the hotel go up in flames. People were shouting and running about. Bells kept ringing. The dream was so vivid that Susanna could feel the heat of the fire, could smell the choking acridity of the billowing smoke.
“Susanna, wake up! Wake up, darling, please!”
Hands shook her roughly. She opened her eyes, groggy and disoriented, and saw Augusta, fully dressed, bending over her.
“Susanna, get up. There’s a fire down the street at the Tarleton Hotel. It’s spreading quickly. The wind is blowing sparks all over the Boardwalk. Hurry, darling! Get dressed!”
Susanna’s heart began to pound. Where were Jay and Courtney? She leaped out of bed. Augusta handed her one of her own skirts and shirtwaists. “These will be a bit too large for you, Susanna, but they’ll have to do.”
“Mother, where are Jay and Courtney?” she demanded, dressing hastily. “Do you know if they’re all right?”
“That young girl was here with Courtney. I told her to take him to the Sea Star, where he’ll be safe.”
“And Jay?” Her voice was shaky.
“I don’t know, Susanna. Jay is probably helping to get the guests out of the hotel, as Ford is doing.”
The two women left the suite and went down to the lobby, which was empty except for two national guardsmen, rifles at the ready, standing sentry at the front door.
“This way, ladies, if you please,” one of the guardsmen said. He could not have been older than nineteen.
“Where’s my husband?” Susanna asked. “Mr. Grainger, the proprietor.”
“He’s searching the building with Mr. Weston and Captain Fielding, ma’am, to make sure it’s empty.”
“My mother and I will wait for him here.”
“Sorry, ma’am. No one may remain in the hotel. Captain’s orders. Please leave the building and wait a safe distance outside. I’ll tell Mr. Grainger you’re looking for him.”
Unwillingly, Susanna obeyed. Out on the Boardwalk, which was teeming with firemen and onlookers, she and Augusta watched in paralyzed fascination as the Tarleton Hotel went up in flames. Susanna had an eerie feeling that she was still dreaming. As in the dream, people were shouting and running about. More fire engines, horse carts, and hook and ladder wagons rushed to the scene. Farther down the Boardwalk, flying embers ignited other buildings—Keeler’s Pharmacy, Smith’s Rolling Chairs, the Mexican art store, Meyer Brothers novelties. In the distance, Susanna could see Young’s Ocean Pier filling with curiosity seekers, who watched the spreading destruction with laughter and applause, as if the fire were a Boardwalk attraction presented for their enjoyment.