The Santinis: Vicente, Book 4 (9 page)

“
Cheating wasn’t the only thing Mike was good at.” She sighed. “The first time he hit me was after he came home pretty drunk.”

“
He hit you?” he asked.

She nodded. “I let it go that first time. He’d never been violent with me.”

“
Never? He just hit you out of the blue?”

When she studied him, she realized Vince believed her. It took every ounce of courage she had in her to tell him. There would be no reconciling the stories she told him with the Mike. She understood just what she was doing. She had never gotten the chance to stand up to Mike and it still pissed her off.

“
Yes. Of course, after a lot of therapy, I realized that Mike had been abusive in other ways. He didn’t have to hit me to hurt me. He was a master at drawing blood with just his words.”

Vince nodded. “Mike always did have a nasty temper and he liked to mouth off a lot. It was one of the things…”

“
I know. You two were friends, but I know that you kept him in line a lot. The truth was he wouldn’t have gotten anywhere without you in high school. You don’t think I didn’t know he had issues with his temper. When he got mad, he got mean.”

And those memories would haunt her forever. Why didn’t she see it? Why didn’t she just walk away before they got married?

Because she had loved him and believed that he would grow out of it.

“
What did you do after he hit you?”

She shrugged and looked out the window. “He apologized the next morning. And it didn’t happen again for a few months. That honeymoon period they all talk about. It’s just like they say. Brought me home flowers—which I ended up paying for. I look back now and wonder just how lost I was to accept that.” She looked at Vince. “I must have been a sorry excuse of a woman to expect so little from the man I married.”

She drew in a breath and let it out slowly. Her therapist had warned her about negative thoughts.

“
But it happened again?” Vince asked softly.

She looked at him. He’d sat down at the table. He was so good, so…strong. Just thinking about his feelings for her made her happy.

“
He came home so drunk I was amazed he could walk upright. I’d had enough. Worse, he smelled like cheap perfume. We were overdrawn in the bank and he was out drinking and whoring. I told him I was sick of his cheating.”

She remembered the way his face had changed from petulant drunkard to angry abuser in the flash of an eye. She hadn’t been prepared for the punch to her face.

“
What happened?”

She swallowed. “This time it wasn’t a slap. It was a beating. It was…well bad. He passed out later and I ran. I didn’t know where to go, so I called Jesse.”

She closed her eyes trying to forget the feel of Mike’s fist against her flesh, but to this day, she would wake up thinking he was there again.

“
That’s why he kept in touch. Didn’t you have any girlfriends to call?”

She shook her head and looked at him. When she saw that he was blurry she realized she’d been crying. “I had no friends by that point. Mike was already out of the Marines. Court martialed. Most of the other wives wanted nothing to do with me. Well, a few of them had slept with Mike. Another thing I didn’t realize at the time was how much he’d alienated my friends. I didn’t talk to my parents for months at a time. He’d chipped away at my circle of friends and family. I thought I had no one.”

“
So, you went to Jesse.”

She nodded. It was better to just have it out in the open. “So, Jesse took me to the hospital.”

“
You had to go to the hospital? It was that bad?”

“
Yeah. I had a couple cracked ribs and he broke my nose. They also had to take pictures of the injuries for the police report. Mike was arrested and I filed for divorce. I moved out of our apartment into a little studio. I thought I had made strides. I thought I was safe. I didn’t find out until too late that Mike made bail. The first thing he did was hunt me down.”

She stopped and took a few moments to compose herself. Going over the story always sounded odd, like it had happened to someone else. Vince said nothing but he rubbed her back. It was the best thing he could do for her. The silent show of support gave her the strength to finish the story.

“
He broke into my apartment. It was all a blur after that. They tell me he had beaten me pretty bad. Of course, I know he did because I saw myself in the mirror when I woke up.”

“
Woke up?” he asked when she didn’t go on.

“
Yeah. Mike apparently had his hands wrapped around my throat when a neighbor heard the noise and came to investigate. If the man hadn’t shown up, I’m positive I’d be dead right now.”

“
What happened?”

“
Mike got away. The neighbor, Craig, was more worried about me. He saved my life. The worst part was the police couldn’t find him. He’d disappeared and they thought he might have headed to Canada. Two days later, Mike had that wreck.”

Vince said nothing for a few moments. “Jules…”

She finally turned her head. The stunned expression wasn’t one she expected. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I haven’t told a lot of people. Even some of my closest friends have no idea.”

He shook his head and brushed the backs of his fingers over her cheek. “Don’t. Don’t ever feel you have to explain your reasons to me. I wish you had told me sooner, called me. I can’t believe you had to go through that alone.”

“
My parents were there the next morning. Jesse had called them. It was one of the worst things seeing my mother break down in tears when she saw my face.”

“
Hurting our moms is worse than stabbing our fathers.”

She laughed.

“
That’s good to hear.”

“
I went home with them and spent the next few months trying to figure out what to do. That’s when I decided to move back here. It was where I had always wanted to settle one day.”

He smiled. “And you opened your shop.”

She nodded.

“
But I don’t understand why you can’t get married.”

It was so hard to explain it to him. She didn’t truly understand it herself. “I love you, Vince. I do. I don’t say things like that I don’t mean.”

“
I feel a
but
coming here.”

“
I just can’t do marriage again. I made such a mess of it before.”

“
That was Mike.”

She shook her head. “Mostly, I agree. But there were two of us in that marriage. I should have never put up with his cheating or drinking. I should have walked away earlier. I’m not giving him an excuse. Now, though, I don’t know if I can deal with marriage.”

“
So you won’t marry me?”

“
Are you asking?” When he didn’t answer she said, “I’m not sure if I can. I love you, Vince.”

“
You don’t want to have children?” he asked, his voice hoarse with emotion.

It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him yes. She would happily have his children, but she pushed that thought down. She couldn’t allow herself to fall into that trap again. She had wanted to be a mother so badly when she and Mike married. He’d put her off and, in the end, she was glad of it. She didn’t want to have a child see what a monster his father had become.

“
Who says you have to be married to have kids?”

He shook his head. “You’re not like that, Jules.”

“
At one time, maybe not. I’m not that girl anymore, Vince. Don’t look at me like I’m lying to you. Marriage…I just wasn’t made for it. I can’t do it again.”

He cupped her face. “You’re wrong, Jules. That girl is still in there. I feel her every time I kiss you, every time I take you to bed. She’s there. You just have to stop being scared.”

“
I’m not scared. Not of you. God, Vince, you make me feel safe just by being in the same room.”
And complete
. She had never felt like that with Mike and that was sad. “I just don’t know if I can accept marriage again. I don’t know if I’m made to be a Marine wife.”

“
His failures had nothing to do with you.” She opened her mouth, but he shook his head. “No. Don’t argue with me now. I love you. I fell in love with you when I was seventeen and didn’t know what the hell love was. You’ve always been the woman for me. You just accept I’m here for keeps. You don’t have to marry me, but you have to give me the right to at least try and change your mind.”

“
You won’t push me?”

He smiled and her heart squeezed tight. “I didn’t say that. But, I will give you space. You can trust me.”

“
I told you I trust you. I just…I don’t trust myself.”

He nodded and brushed his thumb across her bottom lip. “Think about it, Jules. I’m here for the long haul even if you don’t ever want to get married. Don’t push me away because of what that bastard did to you. We both deserve better. I’ll wait even if the day never comes.”

He kissed her, just a quick peck then he stepped back and left her alone. She sat down at her kitchen table. Suddenly, she was crying again. She laid her head on the table and decided for once to give into the pity.

“
There you are, Jules,” Joey said. Jules would have groaned if she were alone. Which made no sense because she couldn’t be alone and be discovered by Joey.

She looked up and found Vince’s mother standing in the doorway. Monday did suck. It sucked bad.

“
Here I am. Dealing with the books. Again. I need to hire someone.”

“
I agree. I think I should send Stewart over to help. He has an MBA.”

It took a second for her to link Stewart with Mr. Santini. It was just hard to see him as anything but Papa Santini.

“
Yeah. But isn’t he retired?”

“
Yes, and I’m glad for it, but he needs something to keep him busy. It’s that or I might have to stab him. We need our space every now and then.”

Then silence.

“
Was there something you needed?” she asked, afraid of the answer. She knew Vince wouldn’t tell tales. But if Joey sensed someone had hurt her baby boy, she might be mean. Jules didn’t have it in her to fight his mother right now.

“
Do you mind if I sit down?”

She shook her head. Joey shut the office door and settled in the chair in front of the desk.

“
I never asked you about your marriage.”

And she had been grateful for that. “No. You haven’t.”

She held up her hand. “I would never invade your privacy. I just know it wasn’t good.”

She said nothing. Everyone knew something horrible had happened so there was no need to deny it.

“
I know a survivor of violence when I see one. Before I met Stewart I dealt with it.”

“
You? I find that hard to believe.” And it was. Joey was a strong confident woman. She was terrifying in a good way.

“
I was. In high school, I was kind of an art nerd.” She chuckled. “I still am. Anyway, right after high school, that summer, the captain of the football team asked me out. I was thrilled. I didn’t date much in high school because boys, well they rarely looked at me. So here was the most popular guy in school asking me out. It was so stereotypical that it almost hurts to think how I believed he really liked me.” She sighed and for once, Jules saw the vulnerable woman beneath that steel surface. “It was horrible. There wasn’t a name for it at the time, but today they call it date rape.”

“
Oh, I’m sorry.”

“
Don’t be. You did nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong. It was that bastard.” She smiled at Jules. “It took me a couple years of therapy to be able to say that and meant it. But, I couldn’t stay close to home. Those days it was impossible to even think about going to the police about something like that. I lived in a small town and I would run into him every now and then.”

“
How horrible.”

“
I agree. That’s how I ended up across the country waiting on tables instead of in college studying art.”

“
And you met Mr. Santini.”

She chuckled. “I wanted nothing to do with men, but well, you know Santinis.”

“
Yeah. I do.”

“
I know you do.”