The Sanctuary (33 page)

He slipped a finger inside of me, massaging the delicious G-spot area he knew drove me wild. I forced myself to let out a moan. I didn’t want to bruise his male ego. I had no other choice than to fake it tonight.

“Okay, okay, you win.” I laughed between breaths, pretending to be in the mood.

He glanced up from between my legs. “You’re so full of it. I know you, Eve. I know every curve of your body, every inch of your flesh, every move you make when you are ready to let loose.”

“Are you’re saying I’m predictable and boring?”

He inched up, pushing my legs open with his body. “No, not at all.” He leaned down and kissed my collarbone, still trying to get me in the mood. “Why don’t we play a little?”

I searched his face. His eyes were dancing. I had no idea what he had up his sleeve. “What did you have in mind?” The last thing I wanted was him to pull out my collar and dominate me.

“We can pretend it’s 1950, and you can play the good little wife.” He chuckled.

“Fuck you. Get off of me.” I slapped his chest. His actions and words were irritating to me.

“Would you rather me wank off to porn or make love to you?” he asked.

“I think porn would be the better option right now.” This was no way to get me in the mood. I rolled from underneath him and sauntered toward the kitchen to clean up.

He followed and leaned on the doorway. “I’ll be away from you for months, maybe even a year. I’ll have enough time on my hands to jerk off. Let’s at least enjoy us while we’re still together.”

With his words I realized what the other wives meant by letting them have their way. No wonder they were relieved their husbands were leaving on tour. But that’s not the lifestyle I wanted for us. I wanted to be loved completely, not used to satisfy his desires anytime he wanted.

I brushed past him and headed into the bedroom. “I preferred the way we were.”

“And we will be that way again, Eve. The next year will test us. That’s all.”

I slipped into bed. “Goodnight, Val.”

Val leaned down and kissed me softly. “I love you. Don’t ever forget that. I’m not tired yet, but I’ll join you in a few.” He proceeded out the bedroom. “I promise we will be all right. Sweet dreams, love. I will see you in the morning.”

I woke up refreshed and revived. I rolled around in
my bed
on my plush mattress with my favorite pillows. I smelled the sheets. They were the perfect mixture of lavender and vanilla. Home.
My home
. I was secretly glad to be back to the comforts and luxury I was used to. I wanted to stay and enjoy it, but work was beckoning.

As usual, the bed next to me was empty. Val had taken to sleeping next to me on occasion, but this was typical of him. Not only was he an early riser, but he also managed to function on very little sleep, usually crashing for a few hours at a time.

I quickly dressed in my gym attire and freshened up. I packed one of my favorite suits into my garment bag, grabbed my satchel, and walked into the kitchen. And as usual, Val was there, newspaper, cigarettes, and coffee already in hand.

“Good morning, beautiful.” Val leaned back as I passed for his morning kiss.

“Morning, darling.” I returned his kiss as I draped my belongings over a chair and sat down next to him. “Morning, Edward.”

“Good morning, Eve. How did you sleep?” Edward placed a plate of egg whites, turkey bacon, fresh fruit and my coffee in front of me.

“Very well, thank you. Will the car be here in twenty minutes?”

“But of course.”

“I won’t be home for dinner.” I sipped my coffee and glanced at the newspaper over Val’s shoulder. “Anything good?”

Val flipped through the newspaper. “We made the gossip section.”

I ripped the paper out of his hands and stared at a picture of us walking in the airport.

Eve Lauren Married?

Eve Lauren and her fiancé, Valo Ruska, made it official. Although the couple was only engaged last month, they were spotted wearing bands of gold as they returned from his home in Helsinki to her swank pad in New York City yesterday. Could the queen of event planning have eluded her own clique and secretly married her lover in Helsinki? A close friend revealed the couple tied the knot sometime during the winter holidays.

Eve, who is known to accurately predict the relative lifespan of marriages, perhaps can’t predict her own. We predict this marriage to last as long as Valo’s last album did on the American charts—several weeks before its success is over.

I turned to him. “Your albums are here?”

He lit a cigarette.

“Don’t smoke in the house. It will ruin the resale value,” I chided him.

“Don’t tell me what to do in our house. And yes, all of our albums have been released here.” He continued to smoke.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Does it matter? I wanted you to like me for who I am, not for my past. When we first started dating, I told you I was living off of my past success. I didn’t want to come back to this life.”

“Then why are you still doing it?”

“Don’t give me this shit, Eve. You know I have a contract to fulfill.”

I glanced at the clock. There wasn’t enough time for this argument. “You could have delayed it until the company was sold so we didn’t have so much pressure on us.”

“Why do you think I’m trying to rush things? I’m hoping to release the album by May so we can do a summer tour here. This way I will be done by the time you wrap things up. Do you think I want us to fail?”

“No, but it would have been nice for you to share that part of your life with me. I know nothing of your music career except what you have showed me.” I tossed my bags over my shoulder. I had to leave.

“You never asked. You never took the initiative to listen to my work. You could have found my music anywhere if you were interested.”

His words stung. He was right. If I was interested, I could have easily found his music online. “I wanted you to show me. I didn’t want to pry into a life you wanted to leave behind.” I got up to leave. I was running late.

“Stop the bullshit, Eve. Let the truth be told. You’re so wrapped up in your little world you don’t give a fuck. You may love me to death, but there is something missing. You don’t know how to care for anyone but yourself.”

“That is completely untrue, and you know it,” I screamed and burst into tears. “If you felt this way, why did you marry me?”

“I married you because I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he said calmly.

Edward cleared his throat, making his presence known. “Eve, it’s past six.”

“Come take a ride with me. I have to get to the gym.”

“See, you’re putting the gym, you’re putting you, before us. We’re having a discussion here.”

I dropped my bags. “Fine. Edward, you’re dismissed for the day.” I sat next to him again. “What have I done wrong? Tell me so I can fix it.” I was in a rush. I hoped he would make this quick.

He lit another cigarette and inhaled half of it in a single breath. “I’m sorry I spoke in anger. I’ve been up all night, thinking. And the paper set me off.”

“About what?” I asked him softly, reaching out to touch him. I knew he was upset.

“I know how involved you are with your company. Your daily routine is booked, not just today, but every day. Where do I fit in? Why did I come here to spend extra time with you when you don’t care that I’m here? How are we supposed to work when you can’t even come home on time for dinner?” He took another drag of his cigarette. “You don’t see us as an us. You see this house as yours, my house as mine. Your life as separate from mine.”

He walked to the counter, pouring another cup of coffee. “You once said our lives would be too chaotic for a relationship. I’m only beginning to understand what you meant. I’ve been willing to push back my responsibilities if you got pregnant, but I can’t see you doing the same if I needed you there.”

“That’s not true, Val. If you needed me, I would be there for you in a heartbeat.”

He placed his hands on the counter across from me. “Well, I do need you, Eve. I know going back to work is hectic, but I’m afraid you may revert to your old self and forget about me. Fuck, Eve, we haven’t been here a day, and our lives are already separate.”

“You’re pissed because I wasn’t interested in sex last night, aren’t you?”

“No, sex has nothing to do with this.” He placed his fingers to the bridge of his nose and squeezed it, shutting his eyes tightly. He sighed. “I tried to score more coke last night.”

“What?” I was shocked. “Why would you do that?”

“Because I’ve been in rehab twice for it already.”

I pulled my cell phone out of my purse and dialed Vicki. “I won’t be in today. I’m not feeling well. Call me when you have a moment.” I hung up and walked to him. “Talk to me, Val.” I held his hand and brought him to the couch. “What can I do?”

He shook his head and lit another cigarette. “This is why I said I didn’t want you to do blow. I was afraid we would both spiral downward. Only problem is, shit hit the fan four days after we partied, and I wanted more to kill the pain.”

“What pain? What are you talking about?” His riddles concerned me terribly.

“The pain of realizing how our worlds collide. The fear of losing you. You are my world; you give me something to wake up for. I can’t handle this again.”

“Handle what?” His words frightened me.

“The possibility of us drifting apart. Touring puts a strain on any relationship, but combined with your lifestyle, where does that leave us?”

“It leaves us with faith. Faith our love will survive. We will make it through this. I love you, and I have no doubts about us.”

“I’ve been here before, Eve.”

“But I haven’t. Talk to me.” I curled up on the couch next to him.

With those words, his heart poured out. When success hit, so did the parties, the groupies, and the drugs. He was dating his high school sweetheart, but she couldn’t handle the distance of touring and started dating someone else. The heartache fueled his next album, which solidified them as a successful band but, again, with success in the industry, comes parties. Two albums later, Kateriina brought a whole new dimension to his life, but she was completely psychotic, jealous, insecure, and co-dependent. When he returned home from touring, she accused him of cheating, and she left. He went to sleep, but she returned in a drunken rage and attacked him in the middle of the night.

“So you see, I’d sworn off women and drugs until I met you.” He smiled, relieved to get it off his chest.

“I assure you I’m not like them. You promised me last night it would be all right. What happened?”

“I was alone with my thoughts. And when I think, it’s like a tumbleweed. Things keep rolling over in my mind.”

“Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for you. Selling the company, learning Finnish, applying for my residency. I hope you realize how much you mean to me. I try to take care of you too. Do I not do a good enough job to reassure you about my feelings?”

“No, you do.” He lit another cigarette.

I could tell things were starting to smooth over, but I wanted to make sure. “Do you want me to tour with you? I’m sure I could work something out.”

“No, you have your own responsibilities.”

“My responsibility is making sure we’re okay, and if that means taking time off of work, then I will do it. We come first. You come first.”

He draped his arm over me and kissed me on the temple. “You know, if you'd left this morning, I probably would be using again today.”

“That’s why I stayed home. I knew something was wrong.” I snuggled into him. “Is there anything I can do to help you not use?”

“Be there for me when I need you.” He kissed me again. “I love you, darling.”

“And I love you too.” I looked at him. “So now I’m home. What do you want to do?”

“Honestly?”

“Of course.” I laughed.

“I’d like to sleep and maybe play this afternoon, but I’m afraid I have none of my equipment with me.”

The thought of him dominating me was an instant turn-on. We hadn’t had a session since Christmas and make-up sex would be fun, even if it involved a little spanking. “I can go while you sleep and gather what you need.”

He shook his head. “You wouldn’t know what I would need.”

“So collar me and take me with you.”

“You want to be dominated in public? What about your image?” He appeared concerned.

“It’s cold out. I’ll wear a scarf.” I winked.

“I don’t think you know what you’re getting yourself into.” I saw temptation in his eyes. He was considering my request.

“You’re right. I don’t. But isn’t that the beauty of it?”

He eyed me before kissing me and rising to his feet. “I love you, Eve. I’m going to take a nap. I’ll consider your request.”

“Yes, Sir.” I was happy to fulfill his desires.

Five hours later, I sat in my living room finishing my meeting on my laptop. Val might have guilted me into staying home, but he couldn’t stop me from working if he was asleep. The meeting went exceptionally well. The Murdocks gave me cart blanche over their daughter’s wedding.

As soon as the meeting finished, Vicki quizzed me. “What’s going on?”

I sipped my coffee. “Nothing. What do you mean?” I glanced at the clock. If Val’s normal sleeping pattern was any indication, he would be up at any moment.

“You know what I mean. Or did you not see the newspaper this morning?”

“I saw it.” I knew, if I stalled, I might be able to change the topic.

“And?”

“And what?” I took another swig of coffee.

Vicki snapped, “What has he done to you, Eve? You’re calling out sick from work. You’re acting irrationally. You just met him. You do this every day for a living. You know when relationships are going to work and when they aren’t. And even I can see he’s not for you.”

“You don’t know him like I do.”

“You’re not thinking clearly. You worried about Jude cheating on you, yet you marry a man who is offered free sex on a daily basis?”

I loved when her feathers were ruffled. “I have no worries. He will be faithful to me.”