The Sanctuary (24 page)

“Unfortunately, we did. But everything happens for a reason. We can try again later.” He smoothed my hair and kissed me on the cheek. “Let’s get you home.”

I broke out in hysterics. I couldn’t control the sadness I felt. “I wanted to have…”

“I know. It’s okay. I wanted it too.” He drew me close to him. “This is all normal what you’re feeling.”

“It’s all my fault.” I buried my head into him. “I’m sorry I wasn’t stronger.”

“Shh…it’s okay. I don’t blame you.” He rubbed my back gently.

“But what if we can’t have any more children? What if I can’t conceive?”

“If it happened once, it will happen again. Don’t worry yourself now. Let’s focus on getting better.”

Two weeks passed at a dreadfully slow pace. There was nothing I could do to keep myself occupied. I couldn’t follow my regular routine, and I couldn’t go anywhere without Val following me to make sure I was okay. I felt fine. I was even feeling a bit frisky, but I couldn’t satisfy any of my urges.

I was getting extremely frustrated mentally, physically, emotionally, and sexually, and there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn’t wait for this period to pass so we could move on with our lives and not be continually reminded of the sorrow that loomed over us.

I picked at my pasta, swirling it around my plate. I was tired of eating. “Can I ask you a question?” I leaned into him. “If I told you I wanted
one of those nights
, would you fulfill my request?”

“Darling, your follow-up is tomorrow. We should wait for the doctor to give the okay. Besides, you may be sore still, no?”

“I didn’t mean tonight. But say a month from now, if I asked, would you dominate me?”

“No,” he said between bites.

“Why?”

“Because you would want it. Then I would be giving in to you. You’re submissive in bed to me; it’s not the other way around.”

“So if I told you I wanted you to fuck me, you wouldn’t do it?”

“That’s completely different.
One of those nights
implies you want me to dominate you. But if you wanted me to fuck you, I would oblige, as it would have nothing to do with role play.”

I pouted at his explanation. “I want you to fuck me. Tonight.”

He shook his head. “No. We need to wait.”

I wanted to see how far I could push him. Would he break? “Fine, fuck me in the ass. I don’t care. I need you, Val.”

“I’m really not in the mood tonight, Eve.”

“To have sex or to dominate me?” I got up from my seat and straddled him on his chair. “I don’t care what you want. I am fucking horny. I don’t care how you fuck me, where you fuck me, or what you fuck me with. I want you, now.” I dove into his luscious mouth, pressing my tongue into him.

He pushed me away. “God, Eve, where did this come from? I’ve never seen you like this before.”

“Two weeks without you. That’s what’s happened. Please, Val, I need to feel close to you again. I miss you.”

A sinister grin overcame him. With his goatee fully grown in and his hair in messy, cascading waves, he looked the part of the devil in disguise. “You want me to dominate you? Oh, Eve, I can dominate you outside of the bedroom if you want.” He slid his hands around my waist, dropping them to rest on my ass. “Now, sit down and cease this nonsense immediately.”

I withdrew in disappointment, shifting off of him. “You don’t want me, do you?”

“Oh God, Eve, no.” He threw his fork down and dropped his fist to the table sharply. “I can’t do right by you lately. Everything I say you take the wrong way. You wanted me to role-play and I did, and now you think I don’t want you. Fuck, Eve, what do you want from me?” He pushed his chair back, grabbed his plate, and abruptly left the table.

He tossed his plate into the sink. He circled around the island and approached the table again. “I’ve bent over backward these past two weeks supporting you, your every outburst and every cry in the night. You have emotionally drained me, Eve, to the point where I don’t know how to handle you anymore. Don’t you think this has been hard on me too? Or do you think you’re the only one to suffer? Don’t you think I long to be with you again as we were?” He slammed the dining room chair back into place. “Stop being so damned selfish. There are two people in this relationship, you and me.” He stormed away.

My mouth dropped open. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I decided I didn’t want to add any more fuel to the fire. Dropping it would be the best course of action. “Our marriage license came in today,” I stated casually.

“See this? This is so like you, Eve.” He raised his hand in disgust. “You won’t even acknowledge how I feel, as if my feelings are completely unimportant.” He began to ascend the steps to our bedroom. “I’m going to sleep. Goodnight.”

His sharp words surprised me. I was speechless to his comments. Could I have been that selfish these past two weeks? I replayed our conversations in my mind. His answers always indulged my questions, my fears, my feelings. It had happened to my body, not his! How could he not understand the emotional turmoil I was experiencing? Didn’t he understand my hormones were all over the map?

We'd spoken about our feelings. He’d made it clear to me that we could try for another child if I wanted. But I never asked him how he felt through all of this. Could he have been
that
affected?

I walked up the stairs to our bedroom quietly, cautiously. I didn’t want to have this fight. I leaned into the room to see where he was.

The room was dim. The lights were out. The only glow was coming from beneath the bathroom door.

I knocked on the door softly. “Val? Can I come in?” There was no response. I cracked open the door, peeking in. He was finishing brushing his teeth. “Can we talk?”

He spit into the sink and wiped his mouth, ignoring me.

“Val, please don’t shut me out.”

He turned to me. “You’ve done a pretty good job at shutting me out. Please, Eve, I don’t want to be angry. Just let me be.” He brushed past me, giving me a quick kiss on the forehead before going back into the bedroom.

“I didn’t know how you felt.”

“And you still don’t. You haven’t even asked me why.” He lifted the covers and got under. “I’m going to sleep. I will see you in the morning.”

I slid next to him on the bed. “Please talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

“You don’t give up, do you?” His voice rose with anger again. “What do you want from me, Eve?”

It was the second time he’d asked me that question tonight. “I don’t want you to be angry with me because I tried to initiate sex with you.”

“This has
nothing
to do with sex.”

“Then tell me, why are you so cross with me?”

“You haven’t been easy these past two weeks. One minute you’re happy, and the next you’re sad. One moment you want me, and the next you’re pushing me away. You can be laughing one second then screaming the next. Your rollercoaster of emotions is scaring me. And I know it’s normal. I understand your hormones are fucking with your mind. But tell me, Eve, how am I supposed to feel? What am I supposed to do, not knowing how you’ll react? Am I supposed to fuck you and risk you crying? What if I hurt you? Am I supposed to make love you to and have you reminded of what could have been? And I can’t dominate you because, in my mind, I constantly see the pain in your eyes from that day. I still can feel the terror you felt, and it breaks my heart. I don’t know what to do. I’m not ready to take us back to where we left off.”

“Then let’s go back to where we first began,” I said with a twinkle in my eye.

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

I slid off the bed and grabbed his lighter from the nightstand. “You’ll see.” I walked around our bedroom, lighting the candles we had scattered about.

“What are you doing?”

I smiled and sauntered back to the bed. “I’m going to take a bubble bath and smoke a joint. You play the piano for me.”

“Eve, I’m going to sleep.”

I mounted him. “Do you love me, Val?”

He eyed me. “Yes, I do.”

“Do you trust me, Val?”

Recognition shot through his eyes. “Don’t try and flip the script on me.”

I placed my hands on his chest, pushing him down. “Do you trust me, Val? Because, goddamn it, I trust you unconditionally. You saved my life two weeks ago, and it doesn’t matter what happened the next day. I still had you. For once in my life I have learned what it is like to truly love someone. I give myself wholeheartedly to you. Now I want an answer. Do you trust me, Val?”

He breathed heavily. His face was a blank slate. Would he give in to me?

“Yes, Eve, I do.”

“Then play the piano for me. The song you played the first night we made love.” I pointed to the far corner of our suite.

He rose off the bed with a heavy aura and, without saying a word, walked to the piano bench.

“I’m going to take a bubble bath.” I reached into our cabinet and pulled out a joint.

I drew myself a warm bath and lit the joint. I stared out the window. Dusk had already fallen, but the scenery was just as lovely. The moonlight peeked its glorious silvery glow through the windows. I thought about the night we’d first become one, how perfect it had been and how beautiful our love had become.

I immersed myself in the warm, flowing water, washing away my soul of sorrow. The water would flush the past, and once I stepped out, I would walk into his arms again. It was my baptism of submission, his rebirth of control.

The soft stream of notes floated through the air. It permeated the room and flooded my senses. He began to play for me. I inhaled the joint again, remembering the passion I'd felt the first night I was with him. I was Eve, luring him into the Garden of Eden. I wondered if I would be able to tempt him again.

I stepped out of the tub and wrapped a towel around myself. I was certain this time I would be able to secretly observe him. I pulled down my hair, letting it fall naturally around my face. I tiptoed out and lingered in the shadows.

The moonlight’s rays beamed beauty around him as he sat playing for me. I watched his long, strong, graceful fingers cascade gently across the keys. His head was tilted to the side. His eyes were halfway drawn, as if he was remembering how we began. His lips moved slowly, mouthing each word to the song.

I stepped into the light and dropped my towel.

He turned, removing his hands from the piano. “God, Eve, you’re beautiful.” He patted the bench gently. “Come here.”

I walked over, confident in my stride, and sat down next to him. “Do I still tempt you as much as I did then?”

He leaned into me, and our lips met in a fiery, hot embrace. He drew his hands to both sides of my face, holding me to him.

I pulled back, stood up, and sauntered to our bed. I slid backward on it and gestured with my finger. “Come here.”

He rose and slowly walked to me, only pausing to slip out of his pants. He leaned down, his tall six-foot-two frame devouring me. I shifted back to the center of the bed so we would have more room to play.

He crawled on his knees across the bed, like a lion hunting its prey. He leaned onto me, kissing me on my neck. He pressed down, and I opened wider to allow him to fall into my body. He kissed me again, covering me with soft, sweet kisses.

“You’re beautiful.” He kissed me on the nose. “And you still taste like bubbles.”

My hands rested gently on the nape of his neck. His hair felt like spun silk between my fingers. “Do you remember what you told me right before we made love? You asked me what I wanted. Ask me again, Val.” I gently nibbled at his ear. “Ask me…”

He shifted away slightly. His cock was getting harder by the second. He looked into my eyes. “Tell me what you desire.”

“I desire you.”

He moved closer, our noses nearly touching, staring me in the eyes. “Tell me what you want.”

His cock throbbed against me, sending a surge of wetness between my legs. “I want you, Val.”

His hand reached down and grabbed my breast, squeezing it, testing the waters. “Tell me what you need.” His gaze was electrifying.

“I need to feel you inside of me.”

He breathed in heavily and bit his lip, containing his groan. His hand slid down my back, arching me up into him. He grabbed my ass and thrust my groin into him, his cock fully erect and waiting for its release.

“Tell me, Eve, what do you need?” he asked again, lips grazing mine.

“I need you to make me whole again.”

His eyes desired me. It was the same desire I’d seen many times before. I could see the urge to control dying to break out, the control to have me once again. He grasped his cock and guided it to me.

I felt the hesitation in his movements. I wrapped my legs around his lower back and pressed him into me.

The head of his cock entered, and I felt tenderness, as if I was losing my virginity to him. He slowly inched his way inside, being careful not to hurt me.

“It’s okay, Val. I’m okay,” I whispered to him.

And with those words, he slid farther inside without delay. His strokes were smooth and soft, penetrating me at just the right depth. He enveloped me in his arms, bringing my head to his chest. He cradled me, rocking us in unison, causing his hipbone to gently hit my clit in waves. My toes began to curl in pleasure, and my body began to shiver in his arms.

“Eve, can I…”

“Go on…” I said between breaths, knowing what he wanted to do.

“There is a risk if I do.”

Our eyes locked in love. “I’m okay with that risk.”

His arm began to tremble, and he collapsed into me moments later. Our bodies lay intertwined, our limbs interlaced in harmony. He opened up the gates to heaven, and I entered his realm.

We walked out of the doctor’s office, hand in hand. Everything had gone smoothly, but she did warn me I should allow my body to fully recover for a few months and gave me a prescription for birth control.

“I have to get this filled,” I said, holding the prescription in my hand, opening the door to the pharmacy.

“I need something too.” His eyes danced. He had something up his sleeve.

“I’ll be in the back.” I grabbed a basket. There were other items we needed for the house too.