The Runaway Countess (12 page)

Hayden shrugged. ‘Quiet most of the time. My mother was seldom there; she preferred town life.’

Like her son? Maybe that was why he was the way he was. ‘And your father?’

‘A countryman through and through. He was most happy with his horses and dogs, or when he was walking the fields or visiting tenants. Ramsay House was everything to him. Duty and the family name, all that. I was a disappointment to him all round.’

‘How could you possibly be a disappointment to them?’ Jane cried. ‘A handsome, popular young heir. What more could they want?’

‘My brother, I suppose.’

‘Your brother?’ She was shocked. She’d never heard of any sibling before.

‘Did you not know I had an older brother? He died as a child, before I was born, But my father was quite convinced he would have been the perfect heir. Serious and dutiful, dedicated to all things Ramsay. Not an irresponsible gadabout like the son they were stuck with. I finally ceased to go to Ramsay House on my school holidays, just so I wouldn’t hear the same conversation all over again. John Eastwood’s parents kindly took me in instead. Then I only had to hear about my shortcomings in letters. It all worked out very well.’

He sounded joking, as if he were merely recalling amusing peccadilloes from the past, but Jane knew him too well to be fooled. She had come to sense that there was something he hid deep inside, some hurt he covered up in drink and parties, something he would never reveal to her. Until now.

Jane’s heart ached as she turned his words over in her mind. It ached for the boy he had once been, who surely only wanted to be accepted in the role he had to play. But when
nothing would satisfy his father, when nothing could compare to a boy who was dead…

What else could he do but close off his heart? Live up to their low expectations until they became the truth. Until neither he nor anyone else could tell where the ruse ended and the real Hayden began.

‘I’m so sorry, Hayden,’ she said. ‘They were wrong to believe those things. If only they could have seen the earl you’ve become.’

Hayden gave a bitter-sounding laugh. ‘They would be just as disappointed as ever. My father would be happy to proclaim he was right, though I certainly get my taste for brandy from him. And my mother died in childbirth, trying to give my father another son long after she should have ceased bearing children. Poor Mother. But did I not disappoint you, too, Jane? In the end.’

She shook her head, her eyes aching with tears. Just in those few words she had learned so much, saw so much. Her sweet Hayden. How she missed him, missed the man she’d fallen in love with and first been married to. How deeply she wished he would come back.

Yes, she had been disappointed once. She
had been confused and angry. But now she perhaps had the first inkling of why. She didn’t know how to tell him that. She had to show him.

Jane feared she would start crying at his words. Hayden tried to make them sound light, inconsequential. But she’d never heard him say much about his family before; she’d only known they had died before she met him. And now she could hear the old, but still raw, pain in his voice. The pain that told him he could never build a real family. She slowly rose to her feet, went to kneel beside him and took his hand in hers.

His eyes widened in surprise. Before he could say anything, before she could remember everything that lay like a gulf of hurt between them and change her mind, she rose up to kiss him. She pressed one swift, soft kiss to his lips, then another and another, teasing him until he half-laughed, half-groaned and pulled her even closer against him. So close nothing could come between them at all.

He moaned against her lips and deepened the kiss, his tongue lightly seeking hers, and Jane was lost in him all over again. The way
it once was, the hot need that always rose in her when he touched her, surrounded them all over again like a wall of flame that shut out the rest of the world. She only wanted to be this close to him again, always. To be part of him and make him part of her.

She had questioned, worried, wondered for so long. Now she only wanted to be with Hayden again, to feel as only he could make her feel.

Hayden’s lips slid away from hers and he pressed tiny, fleeting kisses to her cheek, the line of her jaw, that oh-so-sensitive spot just below her ear. The spot that had always made her feel so crazy when he kissed it. She shivered at the warm rush of his breath over her skin.

She laughed breathlessly and wrapped her arms around his shoulders to try to hold herself straight. She feared she would fall down and down into love with him again and be lost for good this time.

‘Jane, Jane,’ he whispered hoarsely, pressing his lips to her hair, ‘we can’t go on like this. I still need you so much.’

She rested her cheek on the curve of his
neck and inhaled deeply the wonderful, familiar scent of his skin. This had always been the one true thing between them, the way their bodies knew one another, craved one another. Said things they never could in words.

And she knew in that moment she had to let go of her fears. Silently, she took his hand in hers again and led him to the old sofa in the corner. She only wanted to feel the way only Hayden could make her feel. She wanted to feel close to him again.

She laid back on the cushions and looked up at him in the shadows. His eyes glowed and his face looked taut and intent with the desire she could tell he tried to hold back. She raised her arms up to him in a silent gesture of welcome.

‘Jane—are you sure?’ he said roughly.

‘Shh, Hayden,’ she whispered. She wanted no words now. Words only shattered the spell she wanted to weave around them. To try to repair some of the damage they’d so carelessly done.

She reached up and drew the pins from her hair, letting it coil around her shoulders. He’d
always liked her hair and she watched his eyes darken as he studied her every movement. Feeling bolder, she shook her hair down her back and slowly unlaced the neckline of her gown. The cool air brushed over her bared shoulders.

‘Jane!’ he moaned, rubbing his hand over his eyes. ‘What are you thinking now?’

‘Please, Hayden,’ she said. She swallowed her fear and smiled up at him. ‘I want you. Don’t you want me?’

‘Of course I do. I’ve always wanted you more than anything in the world. But I—’

Whatever he wanted to say was lost when he caught her up in his arms and kissed her, passionately, deeply, nothing held back any longer.

Jane felt as if her soul caught fire. She had to be closer, closer. She pushed his coat away from his shoulders and untied his cravat. For an instant, he was tangled in his clothes and they fell together back on to the sofa, laughing. But once his coat and shirt were tossed on the floor and she felt his bare skin under her hands, the laughter faded.

Her touch, light, trembling, learned his
body all over again. The smooth, damp heat of his skin, the light, coarse hair dusted over his chest, the tight muscles of his stomach, his lean hips.

The hard ridge of his erection, straining against the cloth of his breeches. Oh, yes—she remembered
that
very well.

As they kissed, falling down into the humid heat of need, she felt his hands sliding over her shoulders, releasing the fastenings of her gown and drawing it away.

She kicked the skirt down and laughed as they slid together, skin to skin, the silken length of her hair twirling around them to bind them together. He pressed his open, hot breath to her neck and all thought vanished into pure sensation.

Jane closed her eyes and let herself just feel. Feel his hand on her hip, his mouth on the curve of her breast. She ran her hands over his strong shoulders, the arc of his back, and couldn’t believe they were here together like this again. Her legs parted as she felt the weight of his body lower against her.

He reached between them to unfasten his breeches, then at last he pressed against her
and thrust inside. It had been so long since they were together that at first it stung a bit, but that was nothing to the wonderful sensation of being joined with him again.

She arched up into him, wrapping her arms and legs around him to hold him with her.

‘Jane,’ he groaned, and slowly he moved inside her again. Deeper, harder, until there was only pleasure. A wondrous delight that grew and grew like a sparkling cloud, spreading all through her.

Jane cried out, overcome by the wonder of it. How had she lived all those years without that, without him?

Above her, she felt Hayden’s body go tense, his head arched back. ‘Jane!’ he shouted out and his voice echoed inside of her, all around her.

And then she exploded, too, consumed by how he made her feel. She clung to him, feeling as if she tumbled down from the sky.

Long moments later, once she could breathe again, she slowly opened her eyes. For an instant, she was startled to find the familiar old room around her and not some
new, enchanted glade. Hayden lay next to her, his arm tight around her waist. His eyes were closed, his body sprawled around hers in the way she remembered so well. Almost as if they had never been apart at all.

She closed her eyes again and fell back down into the sweet, drowning warmth of being near Hayden all over again.

I
t all appeared to be heading in the right direction.

Emma stood on her tiptoes to peer between a gap in the maze hedge. They weren’t really talking, but every once in a while they would smile at each other, or touch hands as they passed a trowel or bucket. Emma found it most satisfactory to see those touches linger, the smiles grow longer.

There was something new, something harmonious, in the air today. Emma wasn’t entirely sure what had changed, or even what had gone wrong in the first place, but it felt most satisfactory. She didn’t want Hayden
to go away, leaving Jane all worried-looking and lonely again.

Plus it distracted Jane so Emma could get on with her own work.

Emma ducked back into the maze. ‘Come on, Murray,’ she said, hurrying off along the pathway. She took the old journal from the pocket of her apron and carefully flipped the brittle pages open to the sketch she’d found. She was sure she was very close now. The treasure had to be somewhere nearby.

‘Is your sister up to some mischief?’

Jane laughed at Hayden’s wry question. ‘Probably. She usually is.’ She plunged her trowel into the rich, loamy soil of the flowerbeds and pulled up old, dead roots. Hayden tossed them into a bucket and reached out to pull up some more of the stubborn roots Jane couldn’t reach.

It felt like a glorious morning. The sun was shining, the garden looked tidier and prettier under the light, and Hayden was with her. Best of all, he even seemed to be enjoying their quiet morning together.

‘How old is Emma now?’ he asked.

Jane sat back on her heels and swept her hair back from her damp brow. ‘Sixteen. I know she can’t run wild here for ever, but she seems to be so happy. After that school…’

‘The school she hated?’

Hayden sounded so quiet, Jane wondered if he remembered their old quarrels about Emma when she wanted to retrieve her sister from the school and bring her to stay with them. ‘Emma likes to be free,’ Jane said simply. ‘The school was suffocating her. I could see the light in her eyes dying, though she never talks about what happened there. I want to make it up to her. But I do sometimes wonder if I am doing her no favours by letting her run around here doing whatever she likes.’

‘You want her to have a Season?’

‘Eventually I suppose she will have to. But not with us being such a scandal. She would be cut before she even made her first curtsy.’

Hayden laughed wryly. ‘You didn’t consider that when you asked for a divorce.’

‘I considered many things,’ she said. ‘I just couldn’t see how we could go along as we have been. Married, but apart.’

‘And what do you think now? How should we go on?’

Jane turned to face him. He looked so serious, so focused solely on her. If only it could have been like that years ago. If only she could have conquered her fears. If only he had listened to her then.

But he seemed to be listening to her now and that made the world of difference.

‘I don’t know,’ she said simply. ‘All these years I’ve thought of little else but us, the mistakes we made and how best to fix them. I could come up with no answers. After last night…’

‘Things are different after last night.’

Different in a good way? Against her will, Jane felt a small touch of hope.
She
had certainly felt different after last night. She’d floated through the morning as if on a cloud, remembering every touch, every kiss. The way she woke up to find him gone, but a flower left on her pillow and a note asking if he could work with her in the garden today.

Yes, things were different. She could feel it, she knew it. But could she make it all last?

A tiny droplet of water hit her skin, then
another as the skies turned a pale grey above them. she took his hand and led him in silence into the house. Once they were in her bedchamber, she turned to him and stared up at him. Her heart was bursting with hope and fear. ‘Oh, Hayden, I—’

But his mouth covered hers, catching her tentative words, her senses, her balance, sending them all whirling away until there was only him.

Her passion, which had been reawakened last night, rose up inside of her again. With a moan, she wrapped her arms around him as he lowered her back to the bed. His body against hers, the weight of it, felt wondrous, perfect.

Whatever else happened between them,
this
had always been so right. In their years apart, she’d tried so hard to forget him, to push away all her feelings for him. But those feelings were stubborn things and wouldn’t go away so easily. And now, as he kissed her, they burst free like the rain from the sky.

Jane pushed his coat back from his shoulders and fumbled with the knot of his cravat, desperate to touch him. He drew back
from her only to tug his shirt free from his breeches and loosen the placket in the front. He lifted her skirts up around her legs and she wrapped them tight around his hips. Then his body was tight against hers, his lips seeking hers. He smelled of sunshine and clean soap, and of himself, that intoxicating scent that always drew her so close.

She ran her hands over the smooth, warm skin of his shoulders above the edge of his loosened shirt. He groaned and kissed the curve of her neck as she arched her head back and revelled in the feel of his mouth on her skin.

He pulled her up against him. She opened her eyes and stared up into his eyes as he slowly thrust forwards.

Everything vanished but their skin touching, sliding against each other. She heard his harsh, uneven breath, his moan, and she answered it with her own cry. Then the pleasure burst over her and she clung to him, sobbing out his name.

‘Jane!’ he shouted. ‘Jane,’ he whispered, thrusting harder, faster, until she felt him find his own release. ‘Jane, Jane.’

Just her name, but it was enough. In that moment, it was everything.

For a long time they just lay together amid the tangled bedclothes. Jane listened to the rain patter on the windows, the soft sound of Hayden’s breath, and she closed her eyes to let the moment stay for as long as it could. Soon, very soon, they would have some serious matters to consider. Would they, could they, live together again? Where, and how? Could they possibly try again to have a family? She was afraid of the answers to all those questions, but she knew they would have to be faced. The past couldn’t just be erased.

But not yet. Not nearly yet.