The Rules Regarding Gray (16 page)

“Hey.”

Gray started moving beside him at the sound of his voice, and her eyes fluttered. When she inhaled deeply, her eyes opened and stayed open. She looked at him, smiling warmly.

“How’s my girl feeling?” Ian asked as he walked toward them.

Her face froze, and she glanced nervously at his eyes. All Jasper could do was suck his lower lip into his mouth. She rolled to her back, wincing as she had to shift her foot. She looked over at Ian, but she didn’t smile. She just eyed him, saying nothing.

“I’m sorry,” Ian offered. “I got so busy. I just… No excuses.”

“Then stop making them,” she responded under her breath.

“Cut me some slack, Gray. I’m here now. And I
am
sorry. I was a shit okay.”

She didn’t say anything, and Ian sat beside her on the side of the bed. “I brought pizza,” he said as though it was supposed to be his mea culpa for a being an asshole.

“She’s not feeling well. Her stomach’s been upset due to the anesthesia.” Jasper stood up from the bed, scratching the back of his neck and stretching. “Listen, I better go.”

“No. Stay. We’ll have a party in bed.” Ian smirked.

“I don’t think she’s up for a party right now,” Jasper responded.

“I didn’t
mean
that kind of party.” Ian actually sounded offended.

“You don’t have to go, Jas.” She watched him closely as he rounded the bed toward the door. Her lips pursed sweetly, vulnerably.

“No. I do. I need to get to the bar.” He smiled at her. “I’ll stop over tomorrow if that’s okay.”

She nodded.

He walked toward the door, slipping his shoes on at the entryway, and when he glanced back it was just to see Ian pull her mouth to his, but he paused before kissing her.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. And then his lips were on hers.

Her eyelids fluttered, but they didn’t close, and as she caught sight of him over Ian’s shoulder, she stared—her eyes wide and panicked.

Jas left. It was the only thing he could do. It was the only thing he should do. Sadly, it wasn’t what he wanted to do. It was what he had to do.

Chapter Fourteen

Jasper looked oddly serious when he came the next day, not that he didn’t naturally have that air about him. And Gray couldn’t say her disposition didn’t match his. She’d intentionally left the door unlocked on her last trip to the bathroom. “Trips” anywhere were proving far more difficult than she’d initially thought. She’d always assumed she was coordinated. She was a dancer after all. She’d learned very quickly that perhaps she’d given herself more credit than she deserved.

When he entered, he was bearing take out, and she struggled to get herself up as he set the bags on the table.

“Stay there. I’ll come to you.”

He walked over, sitting on the coffee table in front of her. He just studied her for a moment.

“Thank you for yesterday.” She felt so exceptionally nervous around him at the moment. Her brain had been wracked with the worry of an overdue conversation that needed to be had, and she was struggling. She didn’t want to have this conversation. It was, in fact, exceptionally painful to even think about the words she needed to say.

“You’re welcome,” he said gently.

“I … umm…” She took a deep breath, and then she glanced down to her lap. It was another breath later before she managed to get words out. “I’m really struggling with … this…”

His expression was gentle—even encouraging. “I know.” It was as if he knew exactly what she intended to say, and there wasn’t an ounce of surprise.

She just nodded her head for a moment as he watched. “I think we need to…” She swallowed harshly, trying to figure out how to say this and dreading hearing her voice utter the words.

“It’s okay, Gray. I understand.” He reached out and took her hand. “We need to slow this down.”

“You mean stop.” It wasn’t a question in the least, just a confirmation.

He smiled, but it looked forced, and he glanced down at his lap quickly. “Yeah. We need to stop.” He looked back to her face.

She stopped breathing for a moment at the sound of the words. It was an odd thing. She’d been prepared to say the words herself, but hearing them from his lips seemed to cause her entire body to ache. It wasn’t anything more than the pure understanding that he’d come to the same conclusion she’d been trying to accept for a couple days now.

His gentle smile fell, and he glanced down to her lap. When he glanced back up, he smiled, but it seemed forced and painful. “I don’t have to want to stop to know it’s the right thing to do.” He didn’t say anything for a moment. “I think things have gotten … confusing for you.” He watched her.

She nodded. He’d nailed her on that one.

“And it’s gotten confusing for me too.”

She tried to smile, but she was guessing it wasn’t very effective. “And here I thought it was supposed to be easy, fun … simple even.” Her sarcasm was barely noticeable, but his lip pulled up slightly.

“Well, here’s the thing about that… You aren’t simple, Gray.” He focused on her intently.

“You aren’t either,” she said quietly.

“I need you to understand I have an enormous amount of respect for you, and if at any time I made you feel otherwise, then I’m sorry. I love spending time with you, and I love talking to you. I really do.”

“Can’t we?”

He looked at her and chuckled, and the smile she saw finally looked real. “Well, seeing as you currently have all the time in the world and I’m flexible … yes. Someone has to sit here and watch you be a couch potato.” He smirked, but then he looked at her seriously again. “You’re beautiful. Every part of you, and I’ve…” He trailed off, shaking his head.

“Had to redefine your type?” she offered with a smirk. In truth, her body was flushing and warming, and the smirk and sarcasm was just a pathetic attempt to hide her nerves.

“Yes.”

“So, you now include short small breasted brunettes.”

“No. I include you.”

Her cheeks warmed.

“So, how about some lunch?” He clapped his hands on the tops of his knees as he watched her.

She nodded, trying to smile, trying to act normal, trying to act as though her heart didn’t hurt because of this decision.

He nodded as well, his own smile barely there. Maybe he was trying to pretend he was okay too. He took a deep breath, though, and he reached for her crutches. He helped her stand to her feet, and as they neared the dining room table, she could smell it. Whatever the hell it was, it smelled divine.

She hummed. “Smells delicious. What’d you bring us?”

“Spaghetti. You were talking about it yesterday.” He glanced to her as he shook his head in confusion.

“Spaghetti? I was talking about spaghetti?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. It was an odd conversation that didn’t really make any sense. I thought we were talking about why your parents weren’t here, and then you said something about drinking, spaghetti, and busses.” His face scrunched up as he considered what he’d just said.

“Oh! They’re in Italy on a wine tour. So… Yeah, I don’t know why I… I don’t think I should take two Vicodin again. Things got weird in my brain.”

“Yes, they did,” he responded with a smirk on his face, but his expression was just a bit too serious.

“Did I say anything else bizarre?”

“Yes,” he said without inflection, but he didn’t elaborate, and he ignored her as he finished pulling the take out from the bag.

“And?” She asked as he moved to the kitchen to get plates and silverware.

He returned, setting her plate in front of her. When he smirked at her again, she knew he wasn’t going to be sharing anything further. They ate in silence, and once they were finished, he stayed for a couple of hours and they sat on the couch watching television. There was a good foot of space between them, and while the sitcom was funny, there was no laughter.

Things had shifted between them, and she was guessing that simply wasn’t something he could ignore any more than she could. In fact, she couldn’t ignore it at all. Her every thought seemed to revolve around the notion that there wasn’t going to be any more them. The touches were gone, the looks, the seductive tone of his voice, and his damn inappropriate and lewd words that he had no problem using when they were intimate. That was all gone. It needed to be gone, because he was right. She was confused as hell.

He finally glanced at her, and he smiled.

“I should go soon. Do you need help with anything before I leave?”

She shook her head.

“You sure? You don’t even need help taking a bath?” His eyebrows were arched as he studied her, and there was a subtle smirk on his lips.

She smiled and chuckled. “Anna came over early this morning and helped me before she left for rehearsal.”

“Damn her,” he muttered sarcastically.

“I think I’m just going to take a nap.” She was ready to run away into her dreams. She needed to be away from her real life, because as much as she agreed, understood, and fully supported this decision, the pit of her stomach felt painfully empty, and her heart felt tight and rigid in her chest.

She followed him to the door, and when he turned back to her, he took a deep breath. He reached out, running the palm of his hand down her cheek, and he tried to smile, but it looked so strained it was hard to look at him. He wrapped his arms around her as her crutches fell to the ground, and he held tight to her body.

Her eyes filled with tears as she clutched at his back, and she held her breath, trying to stifle it. But it was hopeless, and as a tear escaped, it ran down her cheek and touched his neck. He hissed as he felt it, and then he moaned quietly as his arms tightened on her. He breathed against her neck, and his fingers gently stroked against her skin as he held her, and when he released his hold on her, he steadied her with his hands on her arms.

His eyes looked glossy, and he blinked as he shook his head. When he brushed the tear from her cheek, he swallowed over a lump. “This is why we can’t.”

She nodded. She understood that perfectly well.

* * * *

“Hi, sweetie. How are you?” Her mom sounded worried even though Gray was forcing herself to act chipper.

“Hi, Mom. I’m fine. How’s Italy?” She cringed. She had a Q-tip as a foot as Jas called it, and her parents were halfway across the world with no knowledge of it whatsoever.

“It’s beautiful, but … what’s going on?” Her mother had turned her blunt voice on.

“I… I don’t know what you’re talking—”

“You’re not listed on the cast of Giselle. Your dad was trying to show you off to this lovely couple we met, and he pulled up the Ballet Austin’s website. Giselle is the season opener, and I could have sworn you were cast as—”

“Mom, I’m out for the season.” She let out a huff of breath.

There was silence from the other end for a moment. “Rod?” she hollered as Gray pulled the phone from her ear. “Rodney?”

“What is it, Viv?” she heard her father’s voice in the background.

“Our daughter has something she needs to talk to us about.”

“Mom, I didn’t say—”

“No. You didn’t say. You haven’t said anything to us about this.”

Shit. This was the unhappy version of her mother. Gray didn’t particularly like this version.

“She’s out of ballet for the season,” her mother commented to her father.

“What? That’s not possible—”

“I ruptured my Achilles tendon a few days ago. I had to have surgery to repair it. I’m going to be out for a while… Maybe forever.”

“Oh, dear… You had surgery, and we weren’t even there?” Her voice was shrill.

She didn’t need to see her mother to know her hand was covering her mouth. It’s just what she did when she was in shock.

“I’m okay. I promise. I just—”

“Why didn’t you call us?” Her father’s voice was concerned.

She sighed. “I didn’t see any reason to ruin your vacation. There’s nothing you could have done for me here.”

“Except
been
there!” her mother exclaimed. “Rod, we need to call the travel agent—”

“No! Mother, no. Please. I’m fine. There is no sense in you cutting your trip short for this. Please trust me. I’m home. I’m being well taken care of by … friends, and I’m getting around well. Please don’t do this. You only have a few more days there. Just stay, and… and who knows, maybe I can come to you once you’re back in Boise. Okay?” She waited.

“Oh, sweetie. We can’t just—”

“Please?” she tried again.

It was Wednesday morning Austin time, and afternoon Italy time. Her parents were leaving on Saturday to return to the states, and Gray was absolutely in the right in suggesting it was ridiculous for them to leave now. It did not mean she’d be able to convince them of that.

Her mother sighed, and as Gray listened, her father stammered “Well… Well, we can’t just…”

“I don’t know, Rod,” her mother commented sadly. “Who knows if we can even get to a large enough airport to get ourselves out of here before then. We’re in the countryside right now. It’s… Oh, I just don’t know.”