The Royal Affair (The Palmera Royals) (14 page)

“I could join you.”

“No! That’s not going to happen.”

“Happened last night.”

True. It had. So had sex on the dining table in front of a city bathed in the glow of neon, sex in the bedroom, and the shower, bathing with him, and finally back to the bedroom where he’d laid her reverently on the sheepskin rug in front of the fireplace and made glorious, delicious love to her.

But it wasn’t love. It was sex. An affair. Simply moments in time with no strings attached, something she needed to remember. She could not live on stolen moments.

Slipping from the bed, she escaped into the bathroom and shut the door behind her. She turned the lock.

Fifteen minutes later as she exited the bathroom, Jonas’s jaunty whistle reached her from the suite’s lounge.

Dressed in her black Armani suit with a cerise cashmere polo underneath, she stood in front of her mirror, brushing her hair. Her hand stilled as his comments came rushing back. He’d wanted her hair loose so he could run his fingers through it.

Refusing to yield, Marina gathered her hair up into a chignon, scooped up her Gucci handbag and quickly scanned the room, checking she hadn’t left anything behind. She made a quick call down to the lobby to arrange for her luggage to be collected and another call to her bodyguards to advise them she was ready.

She found Jonas sitting on one of the leather chairs by the vast window overlooking a thriving Auckland. Sunlight streamed in and haloed him in a golden glow.

Her footfall stalled at the doorway to the lounge, and she took this moment to etch every detail of Jonas Wilder into her memory. The way his hair fell forward and gave him that little-boy-lost look. The way his eyes always crinkled when he smiled. The shadow of his jaw.

Then he lifted his gaze from what he was reading, and a shiver rippled up and down her spine. “Hey.” He pointed to his cell phone diary. “Get your diary and we can synchronize.”

Her brain whirred with confusion. “Synchronize what?”

“Our schedules and when we can meet up.”

Oh God. Marina clasped her throat. For some stupid, naive reason, she had thought maybe, possibly, hopefully, that after last night, after making love, he would change his mind and wouldn’t want an affair but something more real. More permanent.

You hoped he’d profess undying love.

Her eyes drifted closed as she struggled to maintain her equilibrium. How dumb could she get?

That’s because you love him.

But what use was love when all he wanted was an easy escape clause?

She opened her eyes, not just physically but figuratively too. “The affair.” The word clawed at her throat.

“Sure. This way is best,” he countered.

Marina pushed away from the doorway and walked across the room, not once taking her eyes off him. She halted just beside his chair, the age-old spark of awareness kicking in with the intensity of a lightning strike. She fisted her hands at her sides, refusing to waiver. “An affair is what
you
want, Jonas.”

“You didn’t say no last night.”

“Lust. That’s all it was.”

“Really? And if I kissed you right now, would you say no?” His eyes narrowed on her, and she swallowed back the lump in her throat. He glanced down at his cell phone. “I’m attending the Dubai races soon. How about we book a couple of extra days?”

“And how about you listen?
I will not have an affair with you.
”

“
So what do you call last night?”

“Simply sex,” she bit out, as if the word were a sour taste in her mouth.

“Great sex. Remember the kisses, me inside you, tasting you.”

A wave of scalding heat surged through her. “You’re playing dirty.”

“Why not?”

“Because…” She hesitated, and a look of satisfaction flickered across his dark eyes. Smug satisfaction. She wanted to wipe that look right off his beautiful face.

And then you want to kiss it better.

But she wouldn’t. “I deserve better than a few nights secreted away somewhere, being picked up and put down at whim. You are right to make Suzie your priority, but you’ve never even considered giving me the opportunity to be part of that. Part of your family. I’m sorry you had a bad marriage. And I’m so very sorry Suzie got hurt. But she also deserves better.” She hesitated, knowing in her heart these were the right words to say, but they were hard. They broke her heart. “I
want
better than what you’re offering, Jonas.”

So say the words. Say it. Tell him you love him. Still love him.

Oh no. No, she couldn’t. She was a fool. A stupid, lovesick fool who had thought she was helping a child when what she was really doing was trying to rekindle a love that never really existed. She’d also thought it would give her a chance to get away from the constant media inspection of her chaotic circus-like world. She wanted to get off the roller coaster.

The moment those words passed her lips, her determination grew, ringing triumphant, and gave her the impetus and strength to carry out what she had determined to do. Turning away, she strode back across the room.

“Where are you going?”

“Home, Jonas.”

He sprang to his feet. “You can’t.”

She tilted her chin up a fraction, her princess training coming to good use for once.

Stand tall.

Stand proud.

Look them directly in the eye.

“Can’t? You forget, Wilder, I can do anything I want to.”

The light in his eyes dimmed, and his mouth soured into a grim line. He grunted a snort of disgust. “You’re pulling the royalty thing on me? Obviously it comes in handy when you want to run.”

“I may be royal and, according to the media perception, born with the proverbial silver spoon. In many ways, it’s a stifling life, but,” she said as a wave of pride washed through her, “I’ve stood up for myself, made my own life, my way. It was
fun
being ‘bad’ for a while, but it also made me realize that I want more than what you can offer. I want it all, while you’re a coward, hiding behind your daughter.”

Fury darkened his expressing in an instant, and he strode toward her and then stopped. “You don’t know what you’re bloody talking about. Suzie nearly died. She hadn’t spoken for four years. Long, silent years. Do you know how hard that is?”

“No, I don’t, but I do know that you’re too scared to chance happiness, that you blame yourself for not being with Suzie. You blame me!”

“We were having sex at the time of the accident. Did you know that?”

“But does it make it wrong? As you said, it didn’t last night. Oh, and by the way, I’m not running away, I’m simply walking out on you, because, Jonas, I deserve better than some tawdry affair.”

Her vehicle, driven by Jacques, with Pierre seated in the front passenger seat, was halfway to the airport before Marina dared to exhale properly.

She’d done it. Nearly.

All her life, despite her thrust for independence, she’d been in a glass cage. Time to smash her way out.

Retrieving her cell phone from her Gucci bag, she hit the speed dial button for Lucas. It rang once before he answered.

“Hello, Lucas. How’s Cassie? Good, I hope. Now don’t bother to speak, just listen, and yes, I know that’s not something you normally do, but for once, how about you give it a go.” Marina smiled to herself, imagining her brother’s jaw dropping at her monologue. Too bad. “I’m on my way back to San Torrevna, and I thought I’d let you know I’m moving out of the palace.”

“Really?”

Marina slicked the tip of her tongue over lips suddenly dry as any desert. Dredging up her determination, she ploughed on. “Yes. I’ve already spoken to Claudio Santos,” she said of the palace’s building manager. “I’ve rented Charlotte House. The top floor is an apartment just calling out for me to move in.”

“Interesting.”

Marina hesitated. Lucas’s comment wasn’t what she’d expected. Blustering and argumentative, yes, but quietly agreeing? Now that was something entirely different. However, she couldn’t stop now. “Yes, isn’t it? But wait, there’s more.”

“I suspected as much.”

Another nonplussed reply from Lucas. Marina’s confidence deflated a tad. The sign for the international terminal indicated their arrival at the airport.

Haere Ra. Good-bye. Come back to New Zealand again.

Marina knew that wasn’t about to happen. “At the moment, I’m attending everything you throw at me.”

“Not quite. There was the event at the children’s hospital the other day.”

Marina didn’t falter. “That’s right. I didn’t, and that, dear brother is just the way it’s going to stay. I’ll still attend functions, but they’ll be what
I
choose to go to, charities where I think I can make a difference.”

“About time.”

“Pardon?”

“It’s about time, though I do wonder if Wilder put you up to this.”

Mention of Jonas like a knife was thrust deep into her heart. “It’s nothing to do with him. I’ve decided I’ve given years of my life to San Torrevna, and now it’s time to do what
I
want to do. I’m sorry you don’t get to do the same.” Their birthright was instilled into them almost from the time they were born.

“Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong.”

“I am?”

“Absolutely,” he confirmed, his tone lighthearted. “You see, I may have thought the same as you a while ago. Actually, I did. Then everything changed. Cassie changed the meaning of my life.”

Marina couldn’t think of what to say, but also couldn’t douse the sudden jealousy clawing across her heart. Lucas, who had been a diehard playboy, had found love everlasting. So why couldn’t she?

“I had thought you might stay in New Zealand.”

“There’s no reason for me to stay.”

“What about Wilder?”

“He doesn’t enter into the equation, Lucas.”

And for the second time in as many days, Marina hung up on her brother.

Chapter Thirteen

Three Weeks Later

“Daddy, will you read to me?’

Suzie’s tiny voice interrupted Jonas’s maudlin thoughts, and he swiveled round in his leather chair, drawing his gaze from the view outside his home office to face his little girl. Her eyes were wide with trepidation, and his heart skipped a beat as he chided himself once more.

See, still you think of Marina and ignore your child.

They both deserved better.

And what about him? What did he deserve?

“Come here, sweet pea.”

Suzie ran to him, dragging her princess doll with her. She hadn’t let it out of her sight since Marina had left.

Since you made her leave, you mean.

Suzie scrambled up on his knee, long blond curls tickling him as she shifted to get comfortable. “Now, Daddy.” She wagged a finger at him, using a big-girl voice.

He loved that. Loved that she was talking, chattering nonstop, even. Better that than the silence.

“I want you to read this.” She handed him a book.

Jonas didn’t need to look at the cover to recognize which story it was. Its scraped and dilapidated cover acknowledged a much-loved and much-read story. Except he had evaded reading it for the last three weeks.

Marina had read this book to Suzie, and Suzie loved Marina.

So what about you? Don’t you love her?
Jonas squashed that subconscious question. Love was out of the question. Look what had happened last time.

He began to read about princesses and their champions, about chasing dreams. “And the hunter rode on his big black horse toward the castle, only to come to a halt at the river. He tried to cross it, but the water flowed too fast, and he went back to the riverbank.”

Suzie pointed to the picture. “Will he make it? I hope so.”

“The hunter tried two more times, but then he gave up. He watched the river, scared to try again.”

“I think he’s a coward, Daddy, don’t you? He needs to keep on trying.”

Coward. The word resounded in his brain. Marina had called him a coward.

“He shouldn’t give up should he, Daddy?”

Jonas’s gaze snapped from the colorful drawing of the man on horseback waiting to cross the river, and looked at his daughter.

Sweet, sweet Suzie. She hadn’t given up, despite the tragic accident four years ago. She was bright, happy. Brave. She’d only needed the coaxing of a princess.

He needed Marina.

That night at the Kaimanawas, he’d desperately needed her. Needed to feel whole again, part of something and someone. But it had to be with Marina.

No.

He didn’t want a halfhearted, diarized affair, but really needed her, deep down, heartfelt. Forever.

So why hadn’t he tried to get her back
?
Because he had been scared. He’d lost Talia when she’d tossed him aside for someone else. He should have seen it coming, but he’d been too busy working every hour possible to bring his fledgling stables into the big time. Then she’d left with her lover.

For four years, he’d convinced himself he was fine. Smug, even. Until it all came crashing down when Marina had turned up and his world went topsy-turvy all over again. It’d been far easier to send her away again than to tempt fate.

And so he’d suggested an affair. Easier that way. No one would get hurt.
He
wouldn’t get hurt.

Deep down, he’d known Marina would never accept an affair. She was an all-or-nothing kinda woman, and she’d chosen nothing.

Emerald had told him not to be a bloody fool. He should have listened to her, because right now he knew he’d screwed up big-time.

Jonas finished reading Suzie her story, and of course, the princess and the hunter had a happy ending. Now he just had to ensure he got the same. He would kick that coward to the curb once and for all.

With Suzie settled in bed, Jonas made the calls he needed, then took the stairs two at a time for his bedroom. Suitcase on his bed, he packed quickly and then checked his watch. He had just enough time to get Suzie over to Emerald’s and then drive to Auckland, to the airport.

“Daddy, you going somewhere?”

Jonas dropped the suitcase and sat on the bed. “Yeah, sweet pea, I am. I thought you were asleep.”

“I can’t sleep. I miss Marina.”

“Me too, honey. Me too.”

“So you going to get her and bring her home?”

Suzie’s intuition surprised him, and it must have shown. She climbed up onto his knee again, wrapping her tiny hands around his neck. “You gotta go, Daddy. You’re sad. She needs to come home. She belongs with us.”

“I can’t promise, Suzie. Marina is a princess; she has lots of things she has to do.”

“But she loves us.”

“I hope so.”

“I know so, Daddy. She loves us, and you love her lots, and I love her too.”

“I sure do, Suzie. I sure do.” He only hoped Marina loved him enough to forgive him.

“What do you mean, I can’t see the princess?”

“Just that, Mr. Wilder,” Marina’s bodyguard Pierre intoned in his deep baritone voice as they stood in the marbled foyer of the building that was meant to be her home. He knew that because he’d done a little digging. First, a call to his sister Stella who used her connection with Prince Lucas’s wife, Cassie. No one hesitated about giving him the information, which was surprising, to say the least. Now, however, he’d hit a roadblock called Pierre.

“She’s busy.” The bodyguard didn’t move an inch.

“So can I leave a message?”

“I don’t think that’s wise.”

“Who says?”

The bodyguard’s mouth quirked. “Me.”

“You’ve no right.”

“My job is protecting Her Royal Highness.”

“From nut cases and cranks.”

“And your point is, sir?”

“Oh, shit, this is ridiculous. Look, mate, I love her, all right?”

“The entire country loves the princess.”

Jonas offered the beefcake a scathing glare and dragged his hand through his hair. God, he felt like crap. Nearly thirty hours flying, and he hadn’t bothered to shave or shower on arrival, but raced from the airport straight to Marina’s residence.

Phoning her on the way hadn’t worked.

Trying to get an appointment, the beefcake had stymied that idea.

What next?

A tiny smile crept up on him. Could he do it? “You’ve left me no choice, mate.”

Sudden concern colored the bodyguard’s expression, but Jonas didn’t care. He was on a mission, and this was not going to be impossible.

Sprinting from the building, one of the oldest in the city that had been fashioned into exclusive apartments, he hailed a cab and got the driver to take him to the closest electronics store. “Wait here. I’ll be a few minutes.”

True to his word, back at the cab, he positioned his purchase on the seat beside him and gave the address from which they’d just driven.

The driver hesitated. “Sir, what are you intending to do? I don’t want to get into trouble.”

“Relax, mate. I’m going to propose to the woman I love.”

“Oh, love, is it? That’s okay, then. I am a romantic, been married for thirty years.”

“Great. So give me some of that romantic magic. I’ve got some big-time groveling to do.”

The driver’s gaze flicked to Jonas’s purchase and grinned. “I think that what you have in mind just might do the trick.”

He sure hoped it would. At last the driver drew up outside Marina’s residence again. From his earlier detective work, he’d gleaned that Marina’s apartment took up the entire second level. Jonas exited the cab and extended a few notes to cover the fare.

“No, sir, no charge. Good luck.”

Thanking the driver, he waited a few seconds before the cabbie headed off in search of his next fare, and then quickly set up the iPod and small speakers. The guy in the shop assured him it would be loud enough, and when Jonas had briefly explained his idea, the salesman had happily loaded up a particular song.

He was all set to go. He hit Play and within a few seconds, he was surrounded by music. Actually, the entire street was music filled!

“
Love is in the air,

Everywhere I look around…

And I don’t know if I’m just dreaming,

Don’t know if I feel sane,

But it’s something that I must believe in and it’s there when you call out my name…
”

The music blasted from the speakers, and Jonas simply stood there staring up at the second floor.

Which window? Was she even there? God, he hoped so.

The song played on and on, with no response from inside. Then he saw a flicker of a curtain from the left corner window. Marina? Or just the beefcake? He sure knew which he preferred.

He upped the volume. That should get her attention.

The sash window shot up, and there she was. Beautiful—and angry as hell. “Jonas Wilder, what do you think you’re doing? And turn that racket down.”

“I told you I would. It’s a love song.” He dutifully turned the volume down a fraction.

“Would what?”

“Serenade you. Your hair is loose.”

Instantly, her hand went to her hair. “So?”

“I like it loose.”

“What you like doesn’t come into it.” Her gaze shifted sideways, and Jonas followed suit. A crowd had formed.

“What do you want, Jonas?”

“Your attention. Your bodyguard stonewalled me at every turn.”

“That’s his job.”

“Deserves a pay raise, then, because it worked. So it’s his fault, really, that I had to resort to serenading you.”

She leaned forward, and her hair fell over her shoulders. Jonas remembered twining it around his fingers, remembered the silkiness of it cascading over him when she’d lain on top of him.

Oh jeez.

“Actually, you’re making a spectacle of yourself.”

“It’s all for you.”

“Jonas…please don’t.” She pointed to the iPod. “What is that song?”

“Love is in the air…” He gave her a wink.

Her jaw dropped. “Oh.”

“Is that all you can say?”

“What do you expect me to say?”

“How about,
come up and see me
.”

“What’s the point?”

“The point is, sweetheart…”

“Jonas!”

The whispers around him increased.

“He called her sweetheart.”

“He loves her.”

He sure did. But he intended to whisper those sweet words to Marina first.

“I could sing along, if you like, but I warn you, I’m pitch deaf, so I can’t guarantee much melody.” He opened his mouth, but before he could utter a sound, Marina beckoned.

“Come up right now, Jonas Wilder, before you say something that I’ll regret.” She offered a quick wave to the crowd and closed the window.

“Looks like you’ve got her,” a spectator offered with a slap on Jonas’s back.

“You reckon?” Jonas didn’t wait to hear the man’s response and instead scooted up the wide marble steps to the impressively carved double-door entry.

“Hey, mister, you’ve forgotten your music.”

“Keep it. I’m hoping I won’t need it.”

He received the thumbs-up in return and gave it right back, then entered the lobby and closed the door behind him.

He didn’t bother waiting for the elevator but took the staircase. The door opened before his fist hit the wood.

“Come in, though heaven knows why I’m doing this.”

“Because you’re…”

“Insane. Nuts. Annoyed.” She stomped across the room and came to a halt beside a velvet-covered sofa festooned with a zillion cushions.

All Jonas could do was stare.

Her patent-leather-shod foot tapped a chaotic beat on the richly patterned Aubusson rug. “You’ve got five minutes, then I’ll be calling the
beefcake
to escort you from the building, and I warn you, it might not be a pleasant departure. Pierre doesn’t like name-calling.”

Jonas inhaled.
Okay, Wilder, you’re on. Here goes.

Why, oh why had he come? She was…coping. And she was absolutely not over him.

He looked… Beautiful. Just as she remembered, except…

She looked again. Really looked. There was something different about him. A fragment of sadness etched into his demeanor, his eyes.

“I’ve come to tell you I made a mistake.”

Her foot continued its beat. “You made several. Which one are we talking about?”

“Letting you go.”

“
Letting?
” She shot him her best princess glare, while her nails dug into her palms to prevent her reaching out to him. “You didn’t
let
me go, Jonas. I think you may have forgotten that
I
walked out on
you
. I deserve better than what was on offer.”

“You’re absolutely right.”

“Glad you agree, but why bother flying all this way? You could have sent me an email.”

“Not for what I want to say.”

Marina’s heart skipped a beat. Hope grew afresh, but she couldn’t let it. She’d hoped before, only to be let down. She tapped her watch with her forefinger. “Time’s ticking. You have two minutes left.”

The flush of desperation colored his expression, which shocked Marina. The man was normally cool, calculating and precise. Desperation never entered his world.

“I want to say I’m sorry for…for, well, offering only part-time love.”

“You didn’t offer love at all. You offered an affair.”

“That’s what I mean. It wasn’t, isn’t what I want, not now.”

Marina’s throat thickened. “So what is it
you
want?”

“You.”

She spluttered.

“You were right, I was a coward. When Suzie was injured, I blamed you for being a distraction.”

“And now?”

“Now it’s a distraction I want.”

“Tough, Jonas. I’m not something you can pick up and put down at will, just because you’re lonely.”

“You’re right again. I am lonely. Lonely because you brought something into my life I didn’t realize I wanted, needed so deeply, until you’d gone. I want a second chance, Marina. I want to make you happy.”

“You want a mother for Suzie. I’m not a replacement.”

“It’s not because of Suzie, but she does love you. It’s because I need you.”