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affairs in some kind of order, both for their own sake and to escape official trouble. Cephas in his time introduced certain divisions according to tribes and tried to reconcile their internal quarrels, but an ignorant man such as he cannot possess any real political ability. I have paid for Cletus� legal training, in memory of his brave conduct in the Praetorian camp. Perhaps one day he will succeed in establishing satisfactory order among the Christians. Then you would be able to get political support from them. But I have no great hopes of them. They are what they are. I am stronger now and the physicians are hopeful. Soon I shall return to Rome from this sulphurous resort, of which I am heartily tired. Naturally I have been keeping an eye on my most important affairs, though the physicians have been unaware of this. But it will be wonderful to taste good wine again, and after all this fasting and water drinking, I shall value the skills of my two cooks more than before. So I will hurry on now, as the worst is over. When I heard about Julius Vindex� secret ventures as propraetor, I read the signs of the times without hesitating. I had already realized long before that Piso could have succeeded if only his conceit had not made him despise the support of the legions. After the sudden deaths of Corbulo and Ostarius, the legion commanders at last began to awaken from their slumber and understand that neither military honors nor unconditional loyalty would save anyone from Nero�s caprices. I had seen this when I left Corinth. I hurriedly began to sell my property through my bankers and freedmen and to collect cash in gold pieces. Naturally these deals, the reason for which many sensible men did not yet realize, attracted attention among those better informed. I had nothing against that, for I was relying entirely on Nero�s ignorance in money matters. My actions aroused a certain anxiety in Rome, for the prices of apartments and also of country properties fell considerably. I sold more properties recklessly, although the money is safe in the soil and even makes a profit as long as the cultivation is in the hands of reliable freedmen. I did not bother about the falling prices but went on selling and collecting cash. I knew that one
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day, if I succeeded in my plan, I should retrieve it all again. The anxiety caused by my activities made financiers reassess the political situation, and in this way I also helped on a good thing. I sent Claudia and you to my property near Caere and for once made Claudia listen to me and stay there in safety until I sent for her again. As your third birthday was approaching, your mother was very busy. You were not a good boy, and to speak frankly I was tired of your constant running about and noise. As soon as I turned my back, you either fell into a pond or cut yourself. So this too meant I was pleased to go on my journey to secure your future. Because of Claudia, I could not form your character and had to rely on your heredity. Genuine self-discipline always rises from within, and cannot be forced from outside. It was not difficult to get permission from the Senate and Nero to leave the city and go to Vespasian as his adviser on Jewish matters. On the contrary, I was praised for my willingness to do my best for the State. Nero himself thought that some trustworthy person should keep an eye on Vespasian and get him moving, for he suspected Vespasian of loitering unnecessarily outside the walls of Jerusalem. As I was a senator, a warship was put at my disposal. Many of my colleagues probably wondered why such a comfort-loving man as myself was content to sleep in a hammock at night, not to mention the wretched food, cramped space and eternal lice of the fleet. But I had my own reasons. I was so relieved to have at last got my twenty heavy iron chests on board ship that I slept like a log the first night, until the tramp of bare feet on deck woke me. I had three faithful freedmen with me, who took turns in guarding my chests, as well as the usual military guard. In Caere, I had also armed my slaves, trusting in their loyalty to me. I was not disappointed. Otho�s soldiers did plunder my farm and smash my collection of Greek jars, the value of which they did not realize, but they did not harm either you or Claudia, and this was due to my slaves. There are still innumerable unopened graves in the ground, so I can probably replace my collection of jars. Fortunately we had good weather, for the autumn storms had not yet begun. I hurried on the journey as much as I could by
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distributing extra rations of food and wine to the galley slaves at my own expense, however mad this seemed to the naval centurion who relied more on his whip and knew that he could easily replace any slaves he lost en route with Jewish prisoners. I had other reasons. I think one can make people do what one wants with good rather than evil. But I have always been unnecessarily softhearted, as my father was. Remember that I have never once struck you, my insubordinate son. How could I possibly strike a future Emperor? To pass the time I asked many questions about the fleet during the journey. Among other things I was told why marines, both on board and ashore, had to go barefooted. This I had not known before, but I had wondered about it sometimes. I thought it had something to do with seamanship. Now I learned how Emperor Claudius had once in the amphitheater been angry when some marines from Ostia, spreading out a sunshade above the spectators� seats in the middle of a performance, began to demand compensation from him for the marching shoes they had worn out on the way there. So Claudius forbade the use of shoes in the entire fleet and ever since then his orders have been faithfully obeyed. We Romans respect our traditions. Later on I happened to mention the matter to Vespasian, but he considers it best for the seamen to continue barefoot since they are used to it. It has not done them any harm hitherto. �Why create more expenses in the already huge naval budget?� he said. Thus naval centurions still consider it an honor to go barefooted on duty, although they like to wear soft parade boots on their feet during leaves on shore. It was a great weight off my mind when I eventually put my valuable chests in the keeping of a well-known banker in Caesarea, safe from the dangers of the sea. Bankers have to trust one another, or no reasonable business life would be possible. Thus I trusted this man although I knew him only through letters. But his father had in my father�s youth been my father�s banker in Alexandria or had at least sold him travel documents. So we were in a way business friends. Caesarea was at peace in the sense that the Greek inhabitants had taken the opportunity to kill the city�s Jews, women and small
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children as well. So there was no trace of the revolt to be seen in the city, except considerable shipping activity and guarded mule caravans carrying equipment to the legions outside Jerusalem Joppa and Caesarea were the two most important harbors supporting Vespasian. On the way to Vespasian�s camp outside Jerusalem, I saw how hopeless the situation was for the Jewish civilians who were still left. The Samaritans had also joined in and had cleared their decks. The legionaries themselves did not differentiate between Galileans and Samaritans and Jews in general. Fertile Galilee with its million inhabitants was devastated, to the lasting injury of the Roman kingdom. Of course it did not officially belong to us but had been handed over to Herodus Agrippa to rule because of old ties of friendship. I took this matter up first when I met Vespasian and Titus. They received me wholeheartedly, for they were curious to know what was happening in Gaul and Rome. Vespasian told me that the legionaries were angry about the fierce resistance the Jews were offering and that they had suffered severe losses from fanatics attacking the roads from their hiding places in the mountains. He had been forced to give his commanders authority to create peace in the countryside, and a punitive expedition was on its way to destroy one of the Jewish strongpoints by the Dead Sea. Arrows had been shot from the towers and according to reliable sources, injured fanatics had sought refuge there. I took the opportunity to read them a brief lecture on the Jewish faith and customs and to explain that it was obviously a question of one of the Essene sect�s closed houses into which they withdrew for religious exercises because they did not wish to pay taxes to the temple. The Essenes sought to retreat from the world and were hostile to Jerusalem rather than friendly. There was no reason to persecute them. They were supported by certain peaceable people in the country who neither could nor wished to be initiated completely, but preferred to lead their modest family lives without harming anyone. If one of these people took in an injured fanatic seeking protection and gave him food and water, then he did this for religious reasons and not in support of the rebellion. From what I had heard from my companions on the journey, these people had also
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given shelter and food to wounded Roman legionaries and bound up their wounds. So I felt they should not be killed without reason. Vespasian muttered that in Britain I had not been particularly knowledgeable about warfare, so he had preferred to send me out on pleasure trips about the country and give me the rank of tribune when my father became a senator, more from political reasons than for gain. However, I succeeded in convincing him that it was not worth killing the Jewish country people or burning their humble homes just because they took care of the wounded. Titus agreed with me, for he was much taken with Herodus Agrippa�s sister, Berenice, so was interested in the Jews. Berenice lived incestuously with her brother, in the hereditary manner of the Herodians, but Titus said that in that case he must learn to understand the customs of the Jews. He seemed to have hopes that Berenice�s great love for her brother would cool and she would begin to visit him in his comfortable field tent, at least at night when no one would see her. This was a matter I did not think I could become involved in. I was deeply hurt by Vespasian�s contemptuous words about my travels in Britain. So I remarked that if he had nothing against it, I should like to set out on a similar pleasure trip into Jerusalem to view the defenses of the besieged city with my own eyes and find the cracks which might possibly exist in the strength of the Jews. It was important to know how many disguised Parthian mercenaries were there to lead the work of strengthening the walls. The Parthians had had a great deal of experience of sieges and defense in Armenia. In any case there were Parthian bowmen in Jerusalem, for it was not advisable to wander within range of the walls. I was not so ignorant of matters of warfare that I believed that inexperienced Jews could suddenly have learned this frightening skill with bow and arrow. My suggestion made an impression on Vespasian. He peered at me, passed his hand over his mouth and laughingly explained that he could not possibly take the responsibility for a Roman senator�s exposing himself to such danger, if I meant it seriously. If I were taken prisoner then the Jews would demand concessions of him. If I lost my life ignominiously, then this would bring shame on Rome and on him. Nero might take it into his head that
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he had deliberately rid himself of one of Nero�s personal friends. He looked at me craftily, but I knew his cunning little ways. So I replied that for the good of the State, friendship must stand aside. He had no reason to insult me by calling me a friend of Nero�s. In this respect we need hide nothing from each other. Rome and the future of the fatherland were our guiding lights on the battlefield, where the corpses stank, the carrion birds gorged and legionaries hung like sun-dried sacks from the walls of Jerusalem. I raised my voice rhetorically as I was in the habit of doing in the Senate. Vespasian patted me on the back in a friendly way with his broad peasant hand and assured me that he in no way doubted my motives and put his trust in my patriotism. Naturally he had not even imagined that I was going to slip into Jerusalem to betray his military secrets; I could not be that mad. But on the torture racks not even a strong man can keep his mouth shut, and the Jews had shown themselves to be skillful interrogators when it came to getting information. He regarded it as his first duty to protect my life and my safety, once I had voluntarily put myself under his protection. He introduced me to his adviser Josephus, a Jewish rebel leader who had betrayed his friends when they had all decided to commit suicide rather than fall into Roman hands. Josephus had allowed his friends to die and had then surrendered, saving his life by prophesying that one day Vespasian would be Emperor. As a joke, Vespasian had had golden shackles put on him and promised to release him if his prophecy came true. Later, when he was freed, he insolently called himself Flavius Josephus. From the very first I took an instant dislike to this despicable traitor, and the literary reputation he has since acquired has in no way altered my opinion, in fact to the contrary. In his foolish voluminous work on the Jewish rebellion he overestimates, in my view, the significance of many events, and is much too long-winded in his accounts of details. My criticism is not in the slightest influenced by the fact that he found no reason to include my name in his book, although it was solely due to me that the siege was continued, once I had seen the circumstances within the walls with my own eyes. It would have been mad for Vespasian, in this political situation, to use his
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well-trained legions for useless attacks against the unexpectedly strong walls, when a siege and starvation brought about the same result. Unnecessary losses would have made him unpopular with the legionaries, which would have not suited my intentions at all. But I have never longed for recognition in history, so this despicable Jew�s silence concerning my contribution is unimportant. I never bear grudges toward inferior people and do not usually avenge insults, as long as I am not tempted by an unusually favorable opportunity. I am only human. Through one of my freedmen, I even offered to publish Flavius Josephus� books, both The Jewish War and his accounts of the history and customs of the Jews, however many inaccuracies there are in them, but Josephus said that he preferred a Jewish publisher, despite the advantageous conditions I had offered. Later I had a shortened, unauthorized version of The Jewish War brought out, for the book seemed to go very well. My freedmen had his family and his old mother to support, so I did not oppose this suggestion of his, for someone else would have done the same thing. I really mention Josephus only because he servilely agreed with Vespasian and opposed my views. He laughed scornfully and said that I obviously did not know what a wasp�s nest I was thinking of sticking my head into. If I somehow got inside the walls of Jerusalem, then I would never get out again alive. After many objections and much prevarication, he nevertheless found me a map of the city. I learned it off by heart while my beard was growing. A beard in itself is no safe disguise, for the legionaries had followed their fierce opponents� example and let their beards grow and Vespasian had not punished them for it. He even allowed a legionary to exchange a flogging for a fine. This was one of the reasons why he was so popular, but it was also difficult for him to maintain Roman army regulations in the field, for his own son Titus had cultivated a silky beard to please the lovely Berenice. Saying that I must find the safest place in which to make my way into the city, I went on a long excursion around Jerusalem and was careful to remain more or less within range of the enemy�s bows and war machines, though naturally I did not risk my life