The Ring (2 page)

What's up there? She had been intrigued. The house really was a beauty. Dolff had good reason to be proud.

He smiled at her. He enjoyed the admiration and approval he could see in her eyes. My ivory tower. That's where I work.

I thought you worked downstairs in the den.

No, that's just to entertain friends in. The living room still intimidates me a little bit. But this -he pointed skyward from the foot of the narrow stairs is it.

May I see?

Of course, if you can wade through the papers around my desk.

But there were no papers around the well-ordered desk. It was a small, beautifully proportioned room with a three-hundred-sixty-degree view. There was a cozy fireplace, and in every imaginable corner there were books. It was a room one could virtually live in, and Kassandra settled happily into a large red leather chair with a sigh.

What a wonderful, wonderful place. She was looking dreamily out at their schloss.

I think this is why I bought the house. My ivory tower, and the view.

I don't blame you, even though the rest is lovely, too. She had curled one leg under her as she sat down, and she smiled up at him with a look of peace that he had never quite seen on her face before. Do you know what, Dolff? This feels like I'm home at last. I feel like I've been waiting all my life just to come here. Her eyes never wavered from his.

Perhaps his voice was whisper soft in the room the house has been waiting for you all these years ' just as I have. He felt a wave of shock ripple through him. He hadn't meant to tell her that. But her eyes showed no anger. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.

It's all right, Dolff. She held out a hand to him, her diamond signet ring catching the sun. He took her hand gently, and without stopping to think, he pulled her ever so slowly into his arms. He held her there for what seemed like an eternity, as they kissed beneath the bright blue spring sky, and they held tightly to each other in his ivory tower. She kissed him with a hunger and passion that only fanned his flame, and it seemed hours before he had the presence of mind to pull away.

Kassandra ' There was both pleasure and torment in his eyes, but she stood up and turned her back to him, looking down at the park.

Don't. Her voice was a whisper. Don't tell me you're sorry. I don't want to hear it ' I can't ' And then she turned to him, her eyes blazing with a pain akin to his own. I've wanted you for so long.

But ' He hated himself for his hesitations, but he had to say it, if only for her.

She put up a hand to silence him. I understand. Kassandra von Gotthard doesn't say things like this, is that it? Her eyes hardened. You're quite right I don't But I wanted to. Oh, God, how I wanted to. I didn't even know how much I wanted to until just now. I never have before. I've lived my life until now just as I was meant to. And do you know what I have, Dolff? Nothing. Do you know who I am? No one. I am empty. And then, with tears misting her eyes, And I was looking to you to fill my soul : She turned away again. I'm sorry.

He came up softly behind her and put his arms around her waist Don't Don't ever think that you are no one. You are everything to me. All these months, all I wanted was to know you better, to be with you, to give you something of what I am, and to share some part of you, I just don't want to hurt you, Kassandra. I don't want to pull you into my world at the risk of making you unable to live in your own. I have no right to do that. I have no right to take you away to a place where you couldn't be happy.

What? Here? She turned to look at him with disbelief. Do you think I could be unhappy here with you? Even for an hour?

But that's just it. For how long, Kassandra? For an hour? Two? An afternoon? He looked anguished as he faced her.

That's enough. Even a moment of this in my lifetime would be enough. And then, the delicate lips trembling, she lowered her head. I love you, Dolff ' I love you ' I '

He silenced her lips with his own, and slowly they walked down the narrow staircase again. But they went no farther. Taking her hand gently, he led her to his bed and peeled away the fine gray silk of her dress and creamy beige satin of her slip, until he reached the exquisite lace that lay beneath, and the velvet of her flesh. They lay there together for hours, their lips and their hands and their bodies and their hearts blending into one.

It had been four months since that day, and the love affair had changed them both. Kassandra's eyes sparkled and danced; she teased and she played with him, and she sat cross-legged in his big, beautiful carved bed, telling him funny stories of what she had done the day before. As for Dolff, his work had taken on a new texture, a new depth, and there was a new strength about him that seemed to come from his very core. Together they shared something that they felt sure no one had ever shared before. They were a meshing of the best of two worlds: his hard-won, hard-earned, determined struggle to excel, and her fragile fluttering to break free of her golden bonds.

They still walked in the park sometimes, but less often, and when they were together out of his house now, he often found her sad. There were too many other people, too many children and nannies and other couples strolling in the park. She wanted to be alone with him in their own private world. She didn't want to be reminded of a world outside his walls that they did not share.

Do you want to go back? He had been watching her quietly for a time. She was stretched gracefully on the grass, a pale mauve voile dress draped over her legs, the sun catching the gold in her hair. A mauve silk hat lay cast aside on the grass, and her stockings were the same ivory color as her kid pumps. There was a heavy rope of pearls around her neck, and behind her on the grass were her kid gloves and the mauve silk bag with the ivory clasp that had been made to match her dress.

Yes, I want to go back. She stood up quickly, with a happy smile. What were you looking at just then? He had been staring at her so intently.

You.

Why?

Because you're so incredibly beautiful. Do you know if I wrote about you I'd be totally at a loss for words.

Then just say that I'm ugly and stupid and fat She grinned at him and they both laughed.

Would that please you?

Immensely. She was teasing and mischievous again.

Well, at least no one would recognize you if I wrote about you like that.

Are you really going to write about me?

He was thoughtful for a long moment as they walked toward the house they both loved. One day I will. But not yet.

Why?

Because I'm still too overwhelmed by you to write anything coherent. In fact he smiled down at her from his considerable height "I may never be very coherent again.

Their afternoons together were sacred, and they were often torn about whether to spend them in bed or sit comfortably in his ivory tower talking about his work. Kassandra was the woman he had waited half a lifetime for. And with Dolff, Kassandra had found what she had always so desperately needed, someone who understood the odd meanderings of her soul, the longings, the fragmented pieces, the rebelliousness against the lonely restrictions of her world. They had come to an understanding. And they both knew that, for the moment, they had no choice.

Do you want some tea, darling? She tossed her hat and gloves on the desk in the entrance hall and went to her bag for her comb. It was onyx and ivory, inlaid and beautiful, and expensive, like everything else that she owned. She put it back in her bag and turned to Dolff with a smile. Stop grinning at me, silly ' tea?

Hmmm ' what? Yes. I mean, no. Never mind that, Kassandra. And then he firmly took her hand in his. Come upstairs.

Planning to show me a new chapter, are you? She smiled her incomparable smile as her eyes danced.

Of course. I have a whole new book want to discuss with you at length.

An hour later as he slept peacefully next to her, she looked down at him with tears in her eyes. She slipped carefully from the bed. She always hated to leave him. But it was almost six o'clock. After softly closing the door to the large white marble bathroom, she emerged again ten minutes later, fully dressed, with a look of great longing and sadness about her face. She paused for a moment next to the bed, and as though sensing her standing next to him, he opened his eyes.

You're going?

She nodded, and for an instant they shared a look of pain. I love you.

He understood. So do I. He sat up in bed and held out his arms to her. I'll see you tomorrow, my darling. She smiled, kissed him again, and then blew him another kiss from the doorway before she hurried down the stairs.

The drive from Charlottenburg to Grunewald, only slightly farther from the center of the city, took Kassandra less than half an hour. She could make it in exactly fifteen minutes if she kept her foot on the floor in the little navy blue Ford coupe; she had long since established the quickest route home. Her heart pounded slightly as she glanced at her watch.

She was later than usual today, but she still had time to change. It annoyed her that she should be so nervous. It seemed absurd to still feel like a fifteen-year-old girl late for curfew.

The narrow, curved streets of Grunewald came rapidly into view, as the Grunewaldsee lay flat and mirrorlike to her right. There wasn't a ripple on the water, and all she could hear was the birds. The large homes that lined the road sat solidly behind their brick walls and iron gates, concealed by trees and shrouded in their conservative silence, as in bedrooms upstairs maids assisted their ladies to dress. But she still had time, she wasn't too late.

She pulled the car to a quick halt at the entrance to their driveway and hopped rapidly out of the car, fitting her key into the heavy brass lock in the gate. She swung both sides open and drove the car through. She could have someone come back to close the gate later. She didn't have time now. The gravel crunched noisily beneath the wheels of her car as with a practiced eye she surveyed the house. It had been built in something of a French manner and stretched out endlessly on either side of the main door. There were three sober-looking stories of discreet gray stone, topped by yet another floor with lower ceilings nestled beneath the handsomely designed mansard roof. The upper floor housed the servants. Beneath that was a floor that she noticed now was lit by lights in almost every room. Then there were her own rooms, as well as several guest rooms, and two pretty libraries, one looking out over the garden, the other over the lake. On the floor where her own rooms were shone only one light, and beneath that, on the main floor, everything was ablaze. The dining room, the main salon, the large library, the small smoking room paneled in dark wood and lined with rare books. She wondered for a moment why every single light on the lower floor appeared to be on that night, and then she remembered, and her hand flew to her mouth.

Oh, my God ' oh, no! Her heart pounded harder, she abandoned her car outside the house. The huge, perfectly manicured lawn was deserted, and even the abundantly stocked flowerbeds seemed to reproach her as she ran up the short flight of steps. How could she have forgotten? What would he say? Clutching her hat and gloves in one hand, her handbag jammed unceremoniously under her arm, she fought the front door with her key. But as she did so, the door opened and she stood staring into the intransigent face of Berthold, their butler, his bald head gleaming in the bright light of the twin chandeliers in the main hall, his white tie and tails impeccable as always, his eyes too cold even to register disapproval. They simply gazed expressionlessly into her own. Behind him a maid in a black uniform and white lace apron and cap hurried across the main hall.

Good evening, Berthold.

Madam. The door closed resolutely behind her, almost at the same moment as Berthold clicked his heels.

Nervously Kassandra glanced into the main salon. Thank God everything was ready. The dinner party for sixteen had been the last thing on her mind. Fortunately she had gone over it in detail with her housekeeper the morning before. Frau Klemmer had everything under control, as always. Nodding to the servants as she went, Kassandra rushed upstairs, wishing she could take the stairs two at a time as she did at Dolff's when they were running up to bed ' to bed ' a glimmer of a smile floated to her eyes as she thought of it, but she had to force him from her mind.

She paused on the landing, looking down the long gray-carpeted hall. Everything around her was pearl gray, the silk on the walls, the thick carpets, the velvet drapes. There were two handsome Louis XV chests, magnificently inlaid and topped with marble, and every few feet along the walls were antique sconces with pretty flame-shaped lights. And set between them were small Rembrandt etchings, which had been in the family for years. Doors stretched to her right and left, and a glimmer of light shone beneath only one. She stopped for a moment and then ran on, down the hall toward her own room. She had just reached it when she heard a door behind her open, and the dimly lit hallway was suddenly flooded with light.

Kassandra? The voice behind her was forbidding, but when she turned to face him, the eyes were not. Tall, lithe, still handsome at fifty-eight, his eyes were an icier blue than hers, his hair a mixture of sand and snow. It was a beautiful face, the kind of face one saw in early Teutonic portraits, and the shoulders were square and broad.

I'm so sorry ' I couldn't help it ' I got terribly delayed ' For an instant they stood there, their eyes holding. There was much left unsaid.

I understand. And he did. So much more than she knew, You'll be able to manage? It would be awkward if you were late.

I won't be. I promise. She eyed him sorrowfully. But her sadness was not for the dinner party she had forgotten, but for the joy they no longer shared.

He smiled at her from across the vast expanse of distance that seemed to separate their two lives. Hurry. And ' Kassandra ' He paused, and she knew what was coming, as waves of guilt surged upward toward her throat. Have you been upstairs?

She shook her head. No, not yet. I'll do that before I come down.