Authors: Amy S. Foster
“Will that be all, sir?” I ask in a passive voice.
“Don't let it happen again, Ryn. You're the team leader for a reason. Boone's a clown, Violet is a ballerina, and Henry is coiled so tight I think he might be one mission away from going postal. You're the only one with any sense. Or at least that's what I thought until yesterday. Don't disappoint me again.”
I refuse to say anything. I know he's pushing me, though I can't imagine what reason he has for doing so. My own family can't get a reaction out of meâand I
want
to be around them. This guy is getting nothing from me.
After another couple of seconds, he sighs and tells me to go.
I meet the rest of the team at transport to The Rift site. The site is about a mile away, down a graveled road through the forest. We say very little in the car because there are just normal troops accompanying us and we prefer to keep our distance from them. We understand that the things we say get reported back to Command and then to ARC. We're on the same team, but at the same time, we're not. No one trusts anyone here, and either way, I'm happy for the silence.
Today we are working up in one of the seven Nests above ground, in the tree line. The Nests surround The Rift and serve as both lookouts and vantage points for sharpshooting, if it comes to that. The four of us easily scale the rope ladder that leads up to a wood platform suspended in a huge sequoia tree. There are provisions hereâwater and emergency rationsâbut no bathrooms. The boys will often piss in empty bottles. The girls have gotten good at holding it until the shift is over in four hours.
Nothing like a little institutional sexism to remind us we're in the military.
Omega Team is at the rock on lookout. We really just have to check in and make sure Command knows we're here if needed. I ask the team to make sure their earpieces are functioning and then we disable the mics so we can talk without being overheard.
“So, did Applebaum cut you a new one this morning?” Boone asks, wasting no time. Before I can even answer he goes off again. “He's an ass. You didn't do anything wrong, Ryn,” Boone assures me.
“You really didn't,” Vi adds.
I lean back against a wooden slat in the platform. “I shouldn't have gone in alone. Without a weapon. It wasn't the smartest move,” I confess.
“It wasn't,” Henry says through clenched teeth.
Violet places a hand on my arm. “Oh, please. He was young and cute. It's bad enough that he ended up here. He didn't need a bunch of us ambushing him.”
I have to smile at her optimism.
Henry pulls a few pine needles off a close branch and throws them down from the Nest. “He could have been dangerous. You gambled. It worked out okay, but it might not have.”
“Stop being such a hard-ass all the time, Henry,” Boone says. “It's boring. I think I might have a coronary if you ever cracked a joke.” Of course, Boone's sarcasm does not play well with Henry. Henry
is
wound tight. Applebaum hadn't gotten that wrong. At six four, he is the biggest of us. His mom is Korean and his dad is Native American. He'd probably be the total package if you didn't have to go on such a search-and-rescue mission for his personality. The thing about Henry, other than the fact that he's a superb soldier, is that he is loyal as anything. He's taken a bullet for me more than once, multiple punches, and even a knife wound. Whether we are at work or hanging out, he is always just there. I love him. I love his quiet strength and the little things he does to show he cares about usâthings that Boone is too clueless to pick up on.
“Knock it off, Boone. It was fine with Applebaum, but to be honest I really don't want to talk about it.”
“Fine.” Vi tries to negotiate. “We'll leave Applebaum out of it if you tell us why you went out there alone. I meant to ask yesterday, but you went home so fast.”
“Whoa, what's with all the questions?” I snap. “It seemed like the right thing to do. That's it. No agenda. I just said I didn't want to talk about it.
God
.” My teammates look at each other with raised eyebrows.
“It's okay to think someone is cute,” Violet says softly. “It's okay to be attracted to someone, to have feelings for someone even if they come through The Rift.”
At that, I have to laugh. I look at her, my eyes widening. “Are you crazy? It's
not
okay to be attracted to anyone. Because obviously, thanks to ARC, we're mature enough to save the world but not mature enough to keep our hormones in check.” Without thinking, I pick up my arms and start doing a weird version of jazz hands while talking in an absurdly low
voice. “Hey, I'm ARC,” I blurt out sarcastically. “We're going to make you superstrong and superfast and supersmart but not smart enough!” I'm off on a tangent now. I see Henry sigh. “You might check for a text from your boyfriend while you're fighting for your life, so we're just going to put this little glitch in your implant that turns you into a maniac if you touch anyone you might be remotely attracted to. Not so much as a little, teeny-tiny, even-Catholics-would-approve-of-it hug. Nope, sorry! No sex for you! Ever!”
“You didn't need to go straight to the Blood Lust, Ryn,” Violet says with an undeniable hint of sadness. “It's a long way from liking the way someone looks, and maybe even crushing on them a bit, to activating that part of the chip's programming. It's not like we have no control.”
I look up to the sky and shake my head. “Oh, well,
I know that
,” I spit back meanly. “Look at you and Boone. You guys have been in love with each other since we were fourteen and you two haven't killed each other.” This is common knowledge, but we never speak it. The fact that we are all
just
the best of friends, like familyâthat is another lie. “It's easy, right? As long as you guys don't touch each other or even brush up against one another. Unless you're fighting. We can always fight. They made damn sure of that.”
“Shut up, Ryn,” Boone shoots back, clearly wounded.
“And what about poor Henry?” I continue even as Henry shoots me a death stare. “He's gay. I mean, seriously, he's like every gay guy's wet dream. He could get more ass than all of us put together and he can't even jerk off without destroying his bedroom, maybe even his whole house. So yeah, I'm a little skittish. I'm a little fucking sensitive about being attracted to anyone, because I can't even stick my hand down my pants and make this teeth-grinding ache go away.” The silence in
the Nest becomes a living thing, awkward and full of ugliness. I put my head down on my knees. Shit.
“I'm sorry,” I say finally. “That was mean. I don't know what's wrong with me. And so help me God, Boone, if you say âPMS' I will punch you in the face.” Boone puts his hands up in surrender. “Can we please just drop it? I don't know why I went out there or why this Ezra guy should be any different from anyone else. He probably isn't. I'm just . . . I don't know . . .” I rummage around in my head trying to come up with the words to explain how I feel. When I can't, I just apologize again.
Vi reaches over and gives me a hug. “It's okay. We're all just doing the best we can. Some days are better than others,” she says, and I nod my head, embarrassed. I hate hurting my friends. And for the most part, Violet was right. The Blood Lust is one of the crueler by-products of the chip, but it's not like we want to kill every person we find attractive. It's always there, though, simmering beneath the surface like a sleeping junkyard dog. As long as we are careful, as long as we don't linger on romantic thoughts or touch someone that we might haveâin another lifeâhooked up with, the dog remains asleep. I understand that the idea behind this wiring was to make us more efficient, but honestly it takes a lot of energy to suppress these urges. ARC must know this, but they continue on with it anyhow. Maybe it's just too late; they can't have some Citadels who can get it on and some who can't without a mutiny. Or maybe it's just another cruel way to control us. I don't know, but if you combine the Blood Lust with our constant lying and living a double life, we can burn out in this job. When that happens, they send the Citadel away for a couple months to recuperate. Sounds great, but it's not something we push for. Our teams depend on us. What if something bad happens while we're gone? Something we might have stopped?
I take hold of her hand. “Thanks, Vi.” I watch Boone look at us. We are comforting each other the way best friends do. He turns sharply away, uncomfortable, knowing it's something he'll never be able to safely do with herâyes, even something as benign as holding her hand. There's a lot of pain on this platform, and it's relieved only when I suddenly hear Omega Team in my earpiece. The Rift is opening. I enable my mic, as do the rest of us.
We stand and look out at The Rift. That was quick. We have been on duty for only a matter of minutes. I check in with Command, confirming that we have eyes on the situation and can see The Rift opening. The center of The Rift turns black as tar and then we hear an earsplitting sound.
An explosive detonated by a hand-held rocket launcher deploys as soon as the Karekins enter this Earth. They don't mess around. The rocket destroys a tree about seventy-five feet away from us. Karekins are streaming out of The Rift. I use my enhanced eyesight to count as they come through. A dozen. Two dozen, fifty, one hundred, one hundred fifty, two hundred. That's a significant number. There are about a hundred of us Citadels, so I don't love the odds. The five other teams that have been hiding in trenches will emerge. The reinforcements will come forward. Each Nest team will jump down, leaving the best marksman behind to shoot whomever they can safely. In our case it's Violet. Boone, Henry, and I give each other a nod and do a swan dive off the platform, flipping at the last second so that we land on our feet. I immediately get shot in the shoulder. Karekins use laser technology. I wince in pain and take sharp breaths until I can steady myself. The suit has absorbed most of the impact. I'll have a bruise, but that's about it.
I take about two seconds to calm down. I must not be angry. I must feel nothing. I must run forward when every
instinct I have still says, even after all this time, to get the fuck out of there. I take out my gun and shoot one Karekin in the middle of the forehead. I swing around and shoot another in the same place. Karekins, like us, evolved from apes. I think in their case it was more of a King Kong thing. They are eight or nine feet tall, and hairy. Their eyes are small and slit-like. They use sound and smell mostly to fight. Sounds like a big disadvantage, but the research people at ARC think it might be an advanced form of echolocation that allows them to compensate for their poor eyesight. They aren't savage, though. They wear sleek black uniforms and have advanced weaponryâlasers, remember? Most important, they keep coming through, and they seem more prepared each time to deal with us. It's almost as if they are getting to know our weaknesses and adapting, which should be technically impossible. Because that would mean that they are reporting back through The Rift, and they should not be able to do that. Yet here they are. Shooting into the trees, into the Nests.
How else would they know to do that?
I feel one of the Karekins pick me up from behind and fling me at least twenty feet to the side. My shoulder takes the brunt of the impact. I know it's been dislocated. I flip up before I can get attacked again. I try to pull my shoulder back into its socket. I can't get the right angle. Bracing myself, I smash it into a tree so that it pops back into place. I hear a Karekin behind me. I kick out, pushing off from the tree trunk. I turn around and he staggers a bit. I leap up, using his shoulders as leverage, and land with my legs around his neck. I squeeze, and we both fall to the ground with a thud. I reach down and pull my bowie knife from my boot and stab him squarely in the throat. I push my body out from underneath him. Just for good measure I slice his throat back and forward. Blood spurts all over me.
Gross.
I almost laugh at that thoughtâsurrounded as I am by all this gore and deathâbut another Karekin is already racing toward me on the ground. I have just enough time to whip my knife out of the other one's throat and throw it into the approaching Karekin's right eye. Their suits are just as protective as ours, so there is no point in aiming anywhere else. Boone runs up beside the one who is now down on his knees with my knife planted firmly in his eye. Boone shoots him in the forehead and kicks him down to the ground.
There are screams and shouts, and the sound of gunshots and the smell of blood are thick in the morning air. I cannot afford to take the time to really live in the middle of all this. And yet, just for a split second I wonder how I got here. Who put my name down on the list for this? Who guessed that I would make such a good killer? Who would even look at a seven-year-old and be able to imagine such a thing?
“Ryn!” Henry screams at me. He leaps ten feet in the air. I turn just in time to hear a laser pulse whiz past my ear. I can't believe how stupid that was. I lost focus for just a couple seconds and I almost died. Henry is now just a few feet away, but before I can turn and face the enemy to fight, I feel a massive Karekin hand on the back of my neck. He's going to try to snap it and now I have to break free. Henry lunges at him. The Karekin has just enough time to remove his hands and hit me with something large and heavy on the head. When I fall, the sky shifts sideways. It's like it happens in slow motion. One minute I'm up and the next I am floating to the ground. Henry has killed my attacker. From this angle it all looks so different. Like a dance. I can almost hear music in the rifle shots.
“Ryn, are you okay?” Henry screams, but his voice seems far away, like he's on the other side of the forest and not right
beside me. I open my mouth to answer, but all my words are gone. I want to say that yes, I am fine, but I am not fine. I am always almost dying and so is he and Violet and Boone. I am not fine, because I will most likely die a virgin. I will never have another profession. I am a liar. I'm not even sure I am capable of telling an absolute truth. My head will heal, but I am not okay. I want to say this, but I can't say anything. Nothing is working on my face. Henry stands guard over me, taking out two or three Karekins as I lie helpless on the ground. The world tilts again and everything goes black.