The Red Fox: A Romance (8 page)

Leaf listened to Jay open up about his personal life. She wanted to share her heart with him, too, but she didn't know how. She didn't know how to let down all her internal defenses and allow herself be vulnerable with someone else.

Everyone in her life, up till this point, would only use her venerability to their own gain. But she could open up to Jay, she knew it. He had already caused so much change within her. She felt a freedom inside of her she'd never thought was possible. She was even beginning to see her inner smile, through the dark mist that had lingered in her soul for so long. Now, it was lifting, and something beautiful was beginning to shine through.

She listened to him and wondered why he couldn't see how brave he was. He was looking at what all the bullies from his past had made him feel. But he lived in a way that none of them ever would or ever could. He was honest to his own heart. He lived searching to know himself. He fought to remain unique, to remain in love with all the things that brought his heart to life. He was brave enough to see through all the weaknesses of the people around him; he looked deeper and saw the parts of them they couldn't even see themselves.

Berkley thought of himself as brave, but he knew nothing of courage. He could only see his strengths, but never looked deeper within himself to understand his weaknesses. He could never look, for to do so would reveal his cruelty and his meanness. If Berkley chose to look, he could change, he could grow, he could become a better man. But she knew he never would. He didn't have the courage. Berkley was the real coward. While Jay fought to know his true self, Berkley lived behind the ignorance of his mask, his tough guy persona, too afraid to even know himself.

She listened as Jay continued to share his heart. As he sketched, his own face shone. She was beginning to see what was inside him too, and it made her smile.

Being with him made her past feel a million miles away. Being with him turned her thoughts of the future from black and white into color once more, just like the future she dreamed about when she was just a child at the feet of her Nanna.

Day Five.
Jay arrived at school to see it already decorated for the evening's festivities. Rick met him in the hallway, looking very excited.

“
Guess who's going to the Ball with,” he cupped his chest with his two hands, “
Rack Of The Year—
Suzy Summers?”

“
Nice one,” Jay said.

“
And you? Who are you taking?”

“
I'm not taking anyone. I'm not even going to the Ball.”

Rick looked at him in shock. He shook his head and then spun around and pinned Jay to his locker.

“
Woah, woah, woah! You're not going to the Senior's Mid-Year-Ball? Come on man, you've got to! It's
the
Ball. The biggest party of the year. It's legendary in our school."

“
Berkley will just humiliate me if I go.”

“
Not if you don't go with Leaf. Just pick another girl, Romeo.”

Jay turned to his friend. “I don't want just
another
girl.”

“
Oh, No,” Rick rolled his eyes, “Noooo! Don't tell me you're in love.”

Jay didn't say a word, but he did smile.

“
Bad, lover boy, bad, bad,
bad
!”

Jay laughed. “I don't care, it feels so
gooood!”

They both laughed.

“
You really think she's
that
special?”

“
She's even better than
that
. You don't know her, no one here does. If anyone had taken more than five minutes to look past her reputation and all the lies that have been told about her, they would have seen the masterpiece within her.”

“
What about Berkley? He's not going to be so excited to hear of this blossoming love.”

Jay's heart sank. It was true. Even if he didn't ask Leaf to the Ball, he'd still be hovering over his shoulder, ready to pounce, ready to make him cower endlessly in humiliation.

“
I'll just keep on running.”

“
It's probably the safest thing to do.” Rick said.

Jay stopped what he was doing and looked right at Rick, quite confused at what he'd just said.

“
Safe?
And what do you think is the
right
thing to do,”

Rick exhaled a long, loud breath. “I don't have the heart to tell you, and I don't think you have the courage to do it.”

Jay looked at Rick and shrugged his shoulders. “Come on, what is it? What should I do?”

Rick leaned in closer to him. “If Leaf means that much to you, you should ask her to the Ball, and to hell with Berkley. You can run from him to save your own ass, but there's no running from him if you want to take hold of the girl you love.” Rick leaned over and whispered. “Come on, Romeo, it's time you stopped running and faced your fears.”

Berkley walked into the cafeteria with his usual swagger. He scanned the room and saw Leaf sitting in her usual spot, alone. She wanted him. She wanted him,
bad.
He was sure of it. The game of hard-to-get had gone far enough, and he decided it was best to end it here and now.

He walked up to her and waited for her to acknowledge him. Once it became apparent she wasn't going to, he sat down next to her and said, “So, I'll pick you up at 7pm, OK?”

She didn't look at him, she just raised her left hand and started wiggling her pinky.

“
Get lost,
little
man.”

He leaned closer, “Let's stop with the games. Come on, I'm taking you to the Ball tonight—and we can even go back to my room afterwards,” he raised his eyebrows, “like old times.”

She turned and poked him rapidly on his forehead, “If you had your
dick
here, at least your brains would then be in the right place.”

The table next to them began to chuckle under their breath. Berkley shot them a dirty look and they all fell silent. He really couldn't understand why Leaf was still playing, surely she was dying to get back in the sack with him. That's seriously what he thought.

“
Look,” he said. “I'll be at your place at seven. No more discussion.”

She shook her head and stood up. At that moment Jay and Rick walked into the cafeteria. When Jay saw her his face lit up with joy, and so did hers.

Berkley swung his beefy head around to see why Leaf was suddenly so happy.

“
Oh, no you don't—not New Guy again?”

“
Listen to me
Pinky
,” she said in the loudest tone she could muster without screaming. Everyone else fell silent and turned around to see what was going on. “I am not going with you to the Ball. I already have my heart set on a better man to go with.” She pointed to Jay, “See that man. He's the man I want to go to the Ball with.”

Berkley shot up in anger. She was trying to make him out to be a fool, and nobody made
the
Man look like a fool.

“
But you're not going with him, because if he takes you to the Ball, I'm going to remove his head from his body.”

“
He's not scared of you!” she screamed.

“
Oh, really?” Berkley said in amazement. He stared back at Jay, who was now standing frozen in time near the entrance. All eyes were on him as Berkley screamed.

“
Then come on, New Guy, and ask her. You heard me, ask her—and I'll
break
your face!”

Jay felt his stomach melting again. All eyes were on him. Berkley was watching. Leaf was waiting.

Like the monster it was, anxiety gripped him, suffocating him. Fear fell into his stomach like shattered glass. He was frozen, because his heart couldn't understand why Leaf had just done that to him. Of all the people who would humiliate him, he never thought it would be her. She knew he was scared of Berkley. She knew he didn't have the courage to take her to the Ball. He had already told her. She knew exactly how he felt, and now in front of everyone she had exposed his weakness, and everyone would now watch him run again, like the coward that he was. His whole body started to go weak, his eyes unlocked from Leaf's gaze. He turned and ran.

And, just like that, he was gone.

Berkley began to laugh.

“
A better man?” He turned back to Leaf, “He's
a coward!
Nothing more, nothing less.”

He expected that to shut the mouth of Leaf once and for all, but he was mistaken. Instead she lunged at him and threw her finger in his face.

“
He's no coward.
You're
the coward! Do you hear me, you're the one who doesn't even know what it means to be human!” She turned and grabbed her things before pointing to Berkley once more, “And he'll take me to the Ball tonight, you'll see.”

“
Well, then, let's see!” he replied, ready to take up her challenge. He stood up on the chair and called out to everyone. “Let's see if New Guy asks this
loser
to the Ball,” he was now the one pointing at Leaf. “You're all witnesses. We'll see who's
the Man
and who's the
little boy
tonight.”

He looked down and grinned at Leaf. His stupid looking face made her feel sick in her stomach.

She turned and raced out of the cafeteria.

After a few minutes, she caught up to Jay, who was already off the school property and walking away as fast as he could.

“
Wait,” she called out from behind him, but he kept walking.

She sped up, quickly overtaking him and then swinging around and forcing him to stop.

“
Why did you do that to me? Why did you humiliate me like that?” he asked, his eyes mixed with a red anger and a wet sadness.

“
I only did what you're doing to me,” she replied.

“
What am I doing to you?
Humiliating
you?”

“
No, you're making me believe!”

“
In what?”

“
In who I truly am, not what others tell me. Not what my past tells me, but what my heart tells me. That's what you're making me believe.”

“
What does that have to do with making me look like a fool in front of the whole school?”

She grabbed him and forced him to stop and face her.

“
Because my heart is telling me the truth about you, that you're a brave man. That you're a courageous man. That you're
not
afraid.”

“
But I
am
afraid.” He tried to walk off but she held onto his arm and wouldn't let go.

“
No, you're
not!”
she said emphatically. “You believe that, but it's not the truth—do those words sound familiar? That's what you told me the other day. Do you know that those words have been transforming my heart for days now? They have been giving me hope, making me see the truth. They are
your
words, words of life, and they are as true for you as they are for me.

“
I just want to be left alone without bullies ruining my life, without living in fear!”

He broke her grip and pulled his hand back to his side. He began to walk off again. Leaf didn't move. She watched him walk off.

“
Well, sometimes you've got to face your fears before you can live without them!” she called out.

He stopped but didn't look back, and replied, “It's easier to run. It's safer.”

Leaf raced up to him and stood in front of him again. He gazed at the concrete sidewalk. Slowly, she tilted his head up from the ground so that he was looking her in the eyes. “But
running away
is not who you are, because you are
not
a coward. You are a brave man and you don't have to run. You don't have to hide. That's not who you are.”

She took his hand. “Come on, forget about class, I want to show you something.”

He looked up, still unsure what to do, but her eyes gave him comfort. They gave him enough reason to follow her.

“
Where are we going?” he asked.

“
Back to my secret place.”

She led him though the woods, back to the same ledge she had brought him to the first day they had met.

“
Does this place look familiar?”

“
Please, don't ask me to take my clothes off again.”