“Wow.” Max peered over her head at Brady, unasked questions in his eyes. “That’s definitely a surprise, squirt.”
“Go grab a grooming brush for your filly, Ava. And start thinking about names.” Brady ruffled her ponytail as she passed, eliciting the typical female protest.
Max waited until Ava was out of sight before he leaned in close to Brady. “Is this for real?”
“Let’s just say I had a bit of revelation last night.”
“From a certain cute blonde?” Max wiggled his eyebrows.
“No more matchmaking, bro. I can’t take it.” He pushed up the sleeves of his shirt, suddenly warm inside the barn. “But yes, Caley helped me see some things I needed to change. For Ava.”
“What about for yourself?” Max plucked a long strand of hay from the bale nestled in the filly and mare’s trough, and began winding it around his finger. “Did she help you figure that out, too?”
“Cut it out.” Brady grabbed a straw for himself and settled the end between his teeth.
“I’m serious, man. You and Caley have a connection. You shouldn’t throw that away.”
“You don’t understand.”
“Enlighten me.” Max turned and crossed his arms, daring Brady with his stance to answer.
Brady pulled the straw from his mouth and crossed his own arms in mirror image. “You remember how different Jessica and I were?”
Max nodded.
“Caley and I make those differences seem downright petty. She’s all into living loud, taking risks. Being that way is so important to her that it estranged her and her dad.” He plucked at the straw. “I sort of doubt I’m enough to make her change her mind if that wasn’t.”
“People change, Brady. Give her a chance.”
“To be honest, I don’t want to.” He shook his head. “Not like that. It’s who she is, man. Jessica and I married, each thinking we’d change the other, and were miserable our entire marriage. It just doesn’t work that way, no matter how deep the attraction. Or how deep the...” He almost said
love,
but bit it back.
Max heard it anyway. “If you love her, you can’t just let her go.”
“I know.” Brady pulled the straw into two pieces, then slowly let them drop to the ground by his boots. “That’s why I’m not going to trap her in the first place.”
Chapter Eighteen
D
espite her love of adventure and years of protesting her father’s regulations, Caley had always been a rule follower. Part of the consequences of living under constant rank at the fire station. But today, she had no qualms about sneaking Scooter into the nursing home for a visit with Nonie.
She adjusted her wiggling, blanket-wrapped parcel, casually nodded her head at a passing nurse, and ducked into Nonie’s room.
Empty.
Caley’s eyes took in the made bed, the dark TV and the streaks of sunshine pouring through the blinds, and nearly dropped Scooter in surprise. A burst of panic marred her senses, then dismay began a slow seep into her heart. Surely if something had happened, they’d have told her. A phone call, at the least. Right?
“You won’t find Ms. Irene in here, honey.” The nurse Caley had passed moments ago popped her head in the doorway, her curly dark hair secured in a tight ponytail.
So...where? Or was that some kind of code for heaven? Her throat dried and she shifted Scooter in her arms, who’d remained uncharacteristically still. Maybe he sensed Caley’s distress. She searched the nurse’s face for any hint of her worst fear, wishing she could coax her suddenly thick tongue into asking the burning questions.
A cool hand on her arm jerked Caley back to her senses. “Now don’t go getting all worked up, honey.” The nurse squeezed her forearm with sympathy. “I just meant she’s outside in the garden. Asked for some sunshine today.”
The garden. Outside. Not in heaven. The words slowly began to make sense, and Caley exhaled a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding. “Okay. The garden. Thank you.”
“Out the back doors and to the right.” The nurse started to leave, then leaned in toward Caley with a secretive grin, her teeth white against her cocoa-colored skin. “And outside, no one will tell you to put that dog away.” She gestured to the blanket in Caley’s arms.
A steadfast blush crept up her neck. “Right. Thank you.” She wouldn’t even pretend to deny it, not with Scooter’s black snout now sticking out of the blanket. He whined as if offended she didn’t offer any defense, and she shushed him as she hurried outside.
Nonie sat in a rocking chair in a small courtyard, her face tilted toward the sun as her house-shoe-clad feet gently coaxed the chair into rhythm. A thin blanket draped over the shoulders of her housedress, and despite her pale, thin skin, she looked the happiest and most relaxed Caley had seen her since returning to Broken Bend.
“Hi, Nonie.” Caley eased into the vacant chair beside her, grateful they had this area of the courtyard to themselves. Across the walking path, an elderly couple held hands as they sat on a stone bench, tossing bread crumbs to an eager squirrel. Nearby, a small fountain trickled water into a shallow pool surrounded by carefully tended flowers.
Nonie opened her eyes and smiled at Caley. “I wondered when you’d show up. Who’s that?” She pointed to Scooter, who Caley unwrapped and set on the ground.
She tossed the now hairy blanket on the concrete stepping stones by her feet as Scooter sniffed the wind in the direction of the squirrel. “This is Scooter. I’ve had him a few years now. I rescued him from a warehouse fire.”
Nonie leaned forward in her chair and let Scooter sniff her hand before he lost interest and dismissed her with a quick swipe of his tongue. “He’s cute. Ava must love him.”
“She does. She’s constantly drawing pictures of him or sneaking him treats.” Scooter had gained a few pounds since Caley began her job as Ava’s nanny, but he didn’t seem to mind in the least.
“Ava’s a good girl. You bring her next time, you hear?” Nonie folded her hands across the stomach of her housedress and began rocking again. The wind picked up and stirred her unruly tufts of hair. Despite the disobedient strands, her lipstick remained fixed in place.
The sight brought comfort. Caley smiled. “I will. She’s with her dad right now, getting a pretty special surprise.” She couldn’t wait to hear the details about the filly after she got back home.
No. Back to the
ranch.
Her stomach twisted. Had that kiss with Brady shaken her so badly she’d begun thinking of the ranch as home? She hadn’t even thought that way about her rental property. Or anywhere in Broken Bend, for that matter.
Just with Brady.
“Seems like her dad is a pretty special guy, too.” Nonie’s warm voice cut through the memories of that sizzling kiss, and Caley flushed for the second time since arriving at the nursing home.
“They both are.”
“But?”
But.
There was always a
but,
wasn’t there? Caley took a deep breath, watching as Scooter settled on top of her shoes and began gnawing on a stick. “
But
we’re so different, Nonie. It’s not even apples to oranges. It’s like...apples to pineapple. Or kiwi.”
“Sounds like a pretty good fruit salad.”
She grinned despite the seriousness of the conversation. “If my life was a buffet, there’d be no problem.” Then her smile faded. “I really like him, Nonie.”
Like
didn’t even begin to cut it. But she refused to tread even further down that dead end, even to herself. “It just won’t work. We both know it. He’s got baggage that makes mine look like a one-night stay at a budget hotel.”
Nonie continued to rock, her gaze riveted on the water fountain before them. “Have you made him my cookies yet?”
“I tried, remember? Epic failure.” Caley groaned. “I guess that recipe will die with you.” She bit her lip, not having intended to mention dying, but Nonie didn’t seem to notice her slip.
“Sounds to me like you have all the ingredients you need. Just got to figure out how to mix them together properly.”
They weren’t talking about cookies anymore. She shifted her feet, earning a protest from Scooter, who crept away and lay on top of Nonie’s slippers instead. “I’m not a good chef. Trust me.”
In the kitchen or in the love department.
“Quit stirring and start blending.”
Blended cookies? She frowned. “Nonie, you’ve lost me.”
“Figuratively, dear. Don’t you dare go back to that ranch and put my cookie mix into a blender.” Nonie chuckled. “You’ve got to blend all these elements of your life, Caley. Quit compartmentalizing. And let God have the speed control on that blender.”
Control. Not something she was very good at giving up. And to God? What if He didn’t take any better care of her than her father had? What if He decided to leave her like her mother had?
Wasn’t it better to reject first?
But the memories of her childhood lessons at church refused to let go. She’d given God her heart at a young age, but reality and the pressures of life had muddied the once crystal-clear water. And now she didn’t know which end was up. Had God changed? Or had she?
Nonie seemed to be waiting for an answer Caley didn’t have to give. She sighed. “I’ll try, Nonie.” That was the best she could do. If she could even do it.
“You know, dear, following your heart doesn’t have to mean an adrenaline rush.” Nonie peered at Caley as if attempting to see inside her head. “Putting down roots here in Broken Bend—with Brady—just might be your biggest adventure yet.”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” But it wasn’t that simple. Everyone probably thought Mom was sure when she married Dad, and Caley knew all too well how that worked out. How could anyone really know?
Speaking of her parents... She inhaled slightly for courage, finally feeling able to form the statement she’d been debating the entire drive over. “Nonie? I’m...I’m ready.” Ready to know the truth. Ready to hear whatever Nonie had hinted at during her last visit before her stop at the cemetery.
Ready to confront the skeletons of the past once and for all.
Nonie kept rocking, as if Caley hadn’t just put her entire soul into that simple sentence. “Ready? But Bingo just got comfortable.”
Caley frowned before the realization finally sank in. “You named the proverbial elephant Bingo?”
“Well, he didn’t seem to be going anywhere.” She shot Caley a wink before shifting slightly in the chair to face her.
She snorted. “Then consider me here and armed with elephant spray.” She couldn’t shake the dry tone of her voice, but from the saucy smile lighting Nonie’s face, she knew her grandmother enjoyed the banter.
A faraway expression slowly crossed over Nonie’s face, and she closed her eyes as the sun bathed her features. “Do you remember what you told your father that night?”
Caley didn’t have to ask which night she meant—the night she told her dad about signing up with the Peace Corps. She slowly shook her head. “I just remember I told him about enlisting, and he freaked out.” To put it mildly. She could still hear him yelling in her mind, despite not being able to pull out the specific words. Probably for the best.
Nonie nodded, eyes still closed as if shutting out the present offered a clearer view of the past. “You told him ‘I need more than this.’”
That was right. She’d said that after he asked what was so wrong with living at home and going to community college after graduation. “I remember now.”
Nonie turned her head until her gaze locked with Caley’s. “Tell me what you know about your mother.”
She jerked at the abrupt change of subject, the growing pit in her stomach letting her know that maybe it wasn’t that big of a switch after all. She petted Scooter with her foot as she sought to put into words the limited knowledge she had of her mom. “I know Mom left us for another man. Some rich guy.” That was about all she’d caught in those early years of her dad’s mutterings before he shut down the topic completely. “And that she and Dad were high-school sweethearts. I assumed Mom married before she knew what she really wanted in a husband.”
“Is that why you haven’t settled down yet?”
Caley looked away on impulse, despite knowing Nonie’s piercing stare wouldn’t miss a thing. “A little.” She inhaled the scent of autumn as she fought back unexpected tears. “I don’t want to make the same mistakes she did, leave the same trail of pain. I don’t want to be like her.”
If she was careful about anything in her life, it was that. She might live for taking risks and putting herself on the line for others, but she would never be so selfish that she’d chance destroying her future family the way her mother had destroyed theirs.
Nonie lifted her hand in a brief wave as a fellow resident shuffled past them on a walker, then reached across the chair to grasp Caley’s arm. “Your mother didn’t just leave for another man. She left for another life.”
Caley withdrew from her grip, cracking the tension from her knuckles. “What do you mean?” Her stomach ached, and somehow, she knew her grandmother’s next words would matter. A lot.
“When she told your dad she was leaving, do you know what she said?”
No. But as the ache spread, Caley did know. She glanced at Nonie, pain needling her temples, and silently begged her not to confess what she now felt in her heart. But it was like trying to stop a roaring brush fire with a child’s bucket full of water.
Nonie’s lipstick-tinted mouth pursed before spreading into a thin line. “She said ‘I need more than this.’”
* * *
Caley eased her truck back onto the road, swiping at the moisture that still puddled under her lids. She’d pulled over as the tears refused to cease on her way home. Nonie’s admission and the truth of what she’d put her father through so long ago wouldn’t ease up on her conscience, and she almost pulled over a second time to gain control.
Her pager beeped from her hip, but she didn’t even glance at it as she continued to drive and relive the past, one heartbreaking memory at a time. She’d wounded her father in a way she’d never understood. No wonder they’d been so strained after that night. But why hadn’t he told her? According to Nonie, it was simply because he tried to spare her the truth about her mom. Spare her more pain from the abandonment. It was easier to put it all on himself, and not reveal the whole picture. Her mom hadn’t wanted the other man, she wanted what he could give her—everything Caley’s dad couldn’t. Travel. Money. A world beyond county borders.
Everything Caley had wanted and shoved in her dad’s face, too.
She beat the steering wheel with her fist. All these years, she’d sacrificed over and over in an effort not to repeat her mother’s mistakes. Yet she’d been far too late.
She was her mother.
Caley pulled into the ranch driveway, skipping her house and going straight to Brady’s. They had to talk. Now. Before she stayed on this roller coaster a second longer and risked hurting more people. Despite that kiss, nothing had changed between her and Brady on the surface. She would still be moving on eventually, and they were still miles apart in all the ways it mattered most.
And now she knew for sure she was capable of causing deadly hurricanes in her path.
She jumped out of the truck, ripping the keys from the ignition, and pounded inside the house, almost forgetting to knock. “Brady!” But wait, what was she thinking? He wouldn’t be inside. He was never inside.
She changed directions to the barn, Scooter on her heels, and stopped short as she stepped inside the cool interior. The sight of a happy Ava in front of the filly’s stall nearly wrenched her heart in two. This would be the hardest sacrifice she’d ever made. But she had to do it. Had to cut and bail now before more people got hurt.
Before more hearts got broken.
She forced a smile at Ava, who grinned and waved wildly. “Come see my filly, Miss Caley! Dad said you already knew about her. Isn’t it the coolest?”
“Totally.” She projected her voice to be heard down the barn aisle. “But I need to holler at your dad real quick. I’ll be right back, okay?” After she talked to Brady.
After she quit her nanny position.
She backpedaled out of the barn before Ava could protest, though the girl looked so entranced by her new pet she doubted she would have anyway. She spun around and caught sight of Brady rounding the corner of her truck.
“You’re back! Did you see Ava yet? You were right, she was so— Hey, are you okay?” His grin faded as he took her in. If her burning eyes were any indication, she was probably flushed red from forehead to neck.