The Queen Bee of Bridgeton (26 page)

"You can't possibly be thinking about forgiving her, can you?  There's no excuse for what she did."  Will stepped back and held me at arm's length.  He didn't understand the bond I had with Sasha.

"She's my sister."

Will closed his eyes and sighed.  "Fine, go home, relax for a few hours,
try
to find Sasha.  I'll bring dinner to you around 8:30, okay?  Call me if you need anything." Will walked me to the bus stop and gave me a long sweet kiss good bye.

I didn't have to search too hard to find Sasha.  When I opened the apartment door, she was sitting at the kitchen table. During the entire bus ride home, I tried to imagine what she would say to me or what I would do.  Nothing I imagined prepared me for what she actually said.

"So, I suppose Will told you everything?" Sasha said in a tone that I wasn't familiar with. 
A tone that sounded like defeat.

"Yeah, but I need to hear it from you." I walked to the table and took a seat across from her.  She didn't look at me.

"Fine, I'm a lying, cheating, backstabbing bitch.  Is that enough for you?" Sasha took out a cigarette, lit it and took a long greedy drag.  She was obviously a frequent smoker.

"No, it's not good enough.  I think you owe me an explanation," I said, staring at the cigarette like it was some kind of alien crawling out of her mouth. "When did you start smoking?"

"About three years ago," she answered, taking another puff.

"Three years? Three years! You've smoked for three years and I had no clue."

"There's a lot you don't know about me," she said, taking another cigarette out of the pack.  She wasn't even finished with the one in her mouth and she already yearned to start another.  She tapped the unlit cigarette on the table.

"Like what?" I pleaded. "I thought we were best friends.  I thought we told each other everything."

"We
were
best friends, until you found dance.  Then it was like you barely had time for me anymore.  You always had auditions and camps and tours.  Hell, you left me for an entire summer.  You left me in
Venton
Heights for eight weeks!  That's when I picked up this nasty habit."  Sasha took the half finished cigarette out of her mouth and snuffed it out on the table as if she was going to quit forever. 

"So, you were jealous of me?"

"No, I wasn't jealous of you," she said mockingly.  "Well, not at first, anyway.  I was happy for you.  It was like you had a guaranteed way out.  You are so good.  Do you know that?  You're the best dancer I've ever seen.  You have this amazing talent that can take you anywhere in the world.  And what do I have?"

"What do you have? Are you serious? You have a 2250 on the SAT's, you have a 4.0 GPA, you have a 5 on four different AP exams, and a scholarship to Princeton!"

"I didn't always have all that," she said, losing her resolve and lighting another cigarette.  "It took me six years to get accepted to Bridgeton.  Six years.  Then you come along and get in after one application. And when I got there, everyone had the same grades as me or better.  I still wasn't good enough. I was always going to be the poor little black girl from
Venton
Heights.  I didn't want that.  I wanted more.  So, I started to find ways to get better grades.  I wanted higher SAT scores, I wanted to be the best student there was.  Somehow, I hooked up with David and -"

"You started cheating." I finished the sentence for her.  She nodded.

"David and I came up with fool proof methods to get around teachers, proctors, even plagiarism detection technology.  We used everything from camera phones to calculators to iPods to good old fashioned cheat sheets sewn into the lining of my skirt or David's blazer.  I think at first, we just wanted to see if it could be done; if we could get away with it.  Then it became a challenge to try more and more different techniques.  It was like we got some sort of high every time we got away with something.  It was intoxicating.  Once we had our system perfected, we started using it to make money."

"Oh, Sasha, how could you?"

"Oh, don't give me that," she snapped.  "I did what I had to do.  Everyone does it."  Sasha started opening and closing her lighter.  She'd stare at the flame then snuff it out with the lid.  "I would do anything to get out of living in this place.  I didn't mean to drag you down with me." She continued staring at the flame.  She didn't look at me.  She hadn't looked at me the entire time.  I had hoped it was because she was sorry for what she'd done.  I hoped that the desperation which caused her to behave so maliciously had turned into shame and remorse.  I wanted her to cry and apologize and hug me and say that everything was going to be alright.  But that didn't happen.

"I should've known something was up when Will got back together with Ashley," she said. "Even David warned me.  I guess I underestimated his feelings for you." Sasha finished her cigarette and started another. "He really loves you.  I wonder what that's like."

"What are you talking about? What about Desmond?  He loves you."

"Desmond doesn't even know me, the real me.  He was just a cover and I really couldn't care less about him."

"What?" My mouth flew open in a mixture of shock and disgust.  Sasha's apparent double identity was more serious than I'd imagined.  I felt sorry for Desmond.  He couldn't have been more sweet and kind to her and she now talked about him like some sort of worthless fashion accessory.

"Sex with
Desi
is like having your teeth cleaned.  It was an inconvenience but it had to be done to keep up the look I wanted.  Unfortunately, I'm in love with David. But I couldn't go around telling people that because he's such an asshole. Sex with him was just as exciting as the cheating. 
Sometimes more.
  It was an exhilarating rush." I covered my ears like a child not wanting to hear the gory details of her illicit affair with the boy I once idolized, but she kept going.  She saw how uncomfortable it made me, but she kept describing with horrifying explicitness her relationship with David. "Sometimes we'd mix the two and do it in the locker room during a test we happened to be cheating on. Once, I used
Desi's
car to go pick up a pizza.  On the way, I stopped at David's house and we had sex in the backseat.  David actually made me call
Desi
while we were doing it and had me ask him if he wanted pepperoni."

Sasha closed her eyes, let out a long puff of smoke and smiled as if she relived the encounters.  "What he said about the video camera is true.  He does keep a hidden one in his room.  That's how I knew about Lauren
DeHaven
and Brooke and that David cheated on me with Colbert."

"Wait, Colbert?" I interrupted her remembering her supposed good friend who was now wasting away in some rehab clinic as part of her probation. "Did you have anything to do with her arrest?"

Sasha sighed and said, "I did what I had to do.  She knew David was mine.  She had no right." I shook my head.  What kind of a person was she?  I wished I could have turned around and run out of the apartment so as not to hear the awful things she told me, but pure shock had cemented my feet to the ground and forced me to sit there and learn the dreadful truth. "After a while, David and I got bored and had to try riskier things. David got a hold of some prescription drugs that we started selling and I found someone in
Venton
Heights that sold marijuana." She fell silent and reflective for a while and just smoked her cigarette.

“What about your hair?” I asked staring at her long beautiful locks that I now knew was a wig. “Did Lauren, Brittany, and Ashley really put Nair in your shampoo?”

Sasha rolled her eyes. “Don’t be stupid, Sonya. Don’t you think I’d be able to smell Nair a mile away?”

“Don’t call me stupid, Sasha.”

She ignored me and said, “I fell asleep smoking a cigarette and set my hair on fire.”

“And you’re calling
me
stupid?” I folded my arms in a satisfied gloat.

Sasha glared at me. "Princeton is revoking my acceptance," she said as she stood up from the table.  "But, you knew that would happen, didn't you?  You had to know Bridgeton would expel me and I wouldn't be going to Princeton."

"Oh, wait, so now you're saying this is my fault?" I stood as well and returned her glare.  "You're unbelievable! It's David's fault, then it's Will's fault, then it's the Bitch Brigade's fault and now it's mine?  When are you
gonna
take responsibility for your own actions, Sasha?"

"Don't lecture me, Sonya.  You have no idea the kinds of sacrifices I've made for you.  I got you into Bridgeton, I kept your grades up,
I
protected you from the Bitch Brigade for as long as I could.  I've taken care of you all your life and you couldn't do this one thing for me."

"Are you insane? You purposely set me up, humiliate me in front of the entire school, make my boyfriend think I'm a whore, and you have the nerve to be mad at
me
?" 

"It was for the best!" Sasha slammed her fist against the table.

I couldn't believe she expected me to take the fall for her willful treachery.  It was one thing when I thought she had just made a
mistake, that
she had fallen into a trap laid by David.  But now, I saw her for what she really was. 

"You mean it was the best for you," I said softly.

Sasha rolled her eyes and huffed, "Forget it." She reached down and picked up a suitcase that I hadn't even noticed.

"I'm gone," she said coldly heading toward the door.

"What?"

"I can't stay here.  I'm done with
Venton
Heights, I'm done with Bridgeton,
I'm
leaving."

"But, where are you going?"

"Doesn't really matter as long as I get out of here," she shrugged.  "I've got money and there are plenty of people who owe me favors.  Don't worry about me.  I'll survive." She locked eyes with me for a moment and I saw a sad little girl who didn't feel she was good enough. A little girl whose inner strength I used to envy, but now I despised.

Without saying another word, Sasha turned, walked out the door, and out of my life. 

Each year, the night before graduation, Bridgeton seniors got together at Fletcher Field for the senior campfire. The tradition started about nine years ago as one last opportunity for the seniors to bond before saying goodbye to each other perhaps forever.  They sit around a fire, share stories of their years together, and watch the senior slide show projected on a huge screen like a drive-in movie.

"You sure you
wanna
do this," Will asked as we drove out to the field located 15 miles outside of town.

"Yeah, I'm positive." I looked down at Will's laptop and put the final touches on my little presentation.