The Princess of Trelian (22 page)

Meg hoped she’d be all right. If Tessel was all right, maybe there was a chance that Meg could forgive herself for what had happened.

She kept thinking back to what Tessel had said in the prison cell about duty and responsibility. It seemed obvious now that she had put her dragon first, ahead of everything and everyone else, no matter how she’d tried to justify it. Going to Lourin had seemed like a way to clear Jakl’s name . . . but Tessel was right that it probably hadn’t really been the
only
way. And had she bothered to try and think of alternatives? No. Not really.

Meg knew she could be impulsive. She knew she had to try to control her actions better. But she was also afraid that what was happening lately with Jakl was adding to the problem. She had thought at first that the nightmares were only affecting him while they were going on, but maybe they were staying with him in some way. Or maybe Jakl’s rages were causing the nightmares, and Sen Eva had nothing to do with it. Either way, she had to figure it out. Soon. When the crowd had been screaming for Tessel’s blood and she’d felt Jakl approaching, it had been very, very hard to hold on to herself and what she had to do. She’d kept slipping, losing herself in Jakl’s anger and her own, unable to separate the two. If Calen hadn’t been there to help her come back to herself . . .

But he had been. She just had to remember that as long as she had Calen, she would be all right. He would remind her who she was if she forgot again. And he was back home now, and he would stay with her and keep her . . . keep her herself. It would be all right. It had to be.

“We must send word to King Gerald at once,” her father was saying. “Before anything else, we must convince him that we are not at war.” He strode over to the door of the meeting room, opened it, and told the guard there to send for a steward and writing materials. Then he turned back to Serek. “You’re certain you removed the — the magic that Sen Eva was using to control him?”

“Influence, not control. But yes. And I would hope they would be on guard against her, now, so that she wouldn’t be able to get close enough to enspell him again. But he may still consider us to be the enemy, Sire. Even if Sen Eva does not return to him, his people will remember seeing the dragon attack, and he will remember that I left him immobile in his castle as we made our escape.”

“You had no choice,” King Tormon said. “And you were only trying to help clean up Meg’s mess. If Gerald declares war against us, you will not be the cause.”

Even now, Meg noted sadly, he didn’t look at her. Not even to accuse her.

“We must try to explain in our message just how insidious Sen Eva can be,” Serek said. “Convincing King Gerald will serve no purpose if she is still secretly in the kingdom, stirring his people into rebellion.”

“For all we know, she will convince the people to overthrow the king if he fails to act as she desires,” Anders added.

“For all we know, he may still decide we are to blame for everything that has been happening,” said the king.

“For all we know, our letter will never even reach him,” said the queen.

There was a moment of unhappy silence following this comment.

The steward arrived, and the king had them all wait while he penned a hasty letter, then had the queen sign it alongside his own name. He had the steward make two copies and signed both of them as well, then sealed them all with his ring and the wax the steward had brought and sent the steward to run the letters up to the Master of Birds. The birds flew fast; the message would arrive in Lourin in a few hours.

“A courier would be better,” the king said, “but the birds will be quicker, and given what happened to that poor girl . . . well, the birds will be safer, too. Although we should still send a courier to follow up. With soldiers, for protection. Bah! I never thought such a thing would be necessary, but it is clear we cannot be certain how far these people will go. Not with Sen Eva’s influence to be considered.” He ran a hand through his graying hair. “Damn. I thought we’d have more time than this.”

“We all did, Sire,” Serek said. “Or we hoped so, at any rate. I need to send word to the Magistratum at once and tell them what is happening. That events are already in motion.”

“What?” Calen asked. “Aren’t we hiding from them? Weren’t we just running away from them this morning?”

“They would certainly have come here looking for us regardless,” Serek said. “This was never a hiding place, only somewhere to come to regroup. And in any event, Sen Eva’s appearance changes everything. Until now all of our arguments have been speculation: what it will mean if she reappears, what we should do to prepare, what steps we should take now, and so on. But I can verify her presence in Lourin, and now it will be clear that she is actively trying once again to advance her goals.”

“What are her goals?” the queen asked. “Revenge? Or does she really believe in that prophecy about the war and that other mage’s return? Surely that’s not . . . that can’t actually happen, can it?”

“We are very afraid that it can, Your Majesty,” said Serek. “There are other mages who disagree —”

“Idiots,” muttered Anders.

“But the signs seem very clear to the rest of us that if certain elements are all in place, Krelig will indeed be able to cross back over to our world.”

“Why is the war so important?” Calen asked. “What does that have to do with his coming back?”

“We don’t really know,” Anders said. “We think he had a vision that told him he could not — or perhaps
should
not — return unless there was a war going on. It could be as simple as needing the rest of us to be distracted enough that we won’t be able to organize ourselves to stop him. Or there could be something more to it. . . . Again, we just can’t know for sure. Our divinations give us only hints. Mage Krelig’s vision may have told him more.” He shrugged. “Or not. If he’s like, ah . . . others . . . who have the Sight, he has probably learned to trust his visions even if he doesn’t understand them.”

“We do know that he must have someone’s assistance on this side, however,” Serek said. “The portal spell needs to be cast from both this world and the other. If we can only find Sen Eva again and get her into custody . . .”

“I can’t believe we let her get away!” Meg said. Then she realized how that might sound. “I don’t mean that you did anything wrong, Mage Serek. I just mean . . . she was right there. I should have done something earlier. Somehow. When I first realized who she was.”

“You have done quite enough,” said the queen, finally looking at Meg. Her eyes were cold and angry.

“Mother, I —”

“Enough,” said the king wearily. “Meg, I know how you feel about the accusations against Jakl, but you must understand how wrong it was for you to go off on your own that way. We are lucky to have you back in one piece.”

“And it appears you have only made things worse in the meantime,” her mother added.

“Sen Eva made things worse!” Meg cried, jumping to her feet. “I’m not the one —”

“Enough, I said!” The king’s shout cut through the room. Meg stared. He hardly ever raised his voice that way. “Meg,” he went on, after a moment, “perhaps you should go and get some rest now.”

Meg wanted to object, but she didn’t have the heart to keep trying to defend actions she now regretted. And she didn’t want to provoke her father to yell at her like that again.

“I’ll walk with you,” Calen said. He looked quickly toward his master. “If that’s all right with you, Mage Serek.”

“Yes, go on,” Serek said, waving a hand toward the door. “The rest of us have much to discuss. I’ll find you when I need you.”

Grateful, Meg held the door for Calen, and they both stepped out into the hall.

“So,” Calen said, once the door had closed behind them, “what’s going on with the link?”

“Let’s go down to the garden,” she said. “Oh, Calen, there’s so much I need to tell you.”

They started down the stairs. When they reached the first landing, Pela suddenly popped up before them.

“Princess!” she said. “They told me you were back! Are you hurt? What happened? Why did you run off that way with that courier girl? They said she was in the infirmary. They said — oh!” She stopped abruptly and looked at Calen. “The mage’s apprentice. Hello.” Pela’s eyes darted quickly around — probably, Meg realized, looking for a chaperone. Meg tried not to smile.

“Hello, Pela. Yes, I’m fine. This is Calen. Calen, have you never met Pela, my lady-in-waiting?”

“Uh, hello,” said Calen.

“Can I do something for you, Princess?” Pela went on. “Help you change into a dress, perhaps?” She looked meaningfully at Meg’s clothing. Meg glanced down and was astonished to realize just how dirty and disheveled she was.

“Oh,” she said. She hadn’t even considered stopping to change before going to tell her parents what had happened, and then they had all started talking, and fighting. . . . “Um, maybe that would be a good idea.”

“Meg —”

She held up a hand. “I’m not stalling, Calen — I promise. But I shouldn’t really be seen sitting around in the garden in tatters like this. Meet me in an hour?”

“All right,” Calen said. He hesitated, then added, grinning, “You do look pretty awful.”

Meg swatted at him as he ducked away, and then she let Pela lead her off toward her rooms. Pela babbled on about all the things the servants had been saying and asked endless questions about Tessel and Calen and Anders and Serek without waiting for any of the answers. It was just as well; Meg didn’t feel much like explaining the little she could explain or coming up with suitable excuses for not explaining the rest.

She had to admit that it was lovely to let Pela take care of her. Without once waiting for direction, Pela called up some hot water for a bath, helped Meg out of her dirty clothes and into the tub, and helped her to wash and dry and change into fresh clothing. Meg felt rather more like herself again once she was clean.

She sat at her dressing table to let Pela put up her hair. It made her think of the way Maerlie used to arrange her hair for her sometimes. She wished her sister were here now. Maer had always been so good at making her feel better. Although she would certainly not have supported Meg’s secret journey into Lourin. She’d probably be just as angry with Meg right now as their parents were.

“I wish you had told me,” Pela said suddenly, breaking into Meg’s thoughts.

“What?” Meg looked at the younger girl in the mirror, but Pela’s eyes were still on Meg’s hair.

“About going to Lourin. I could have helped you.”

“Pela —” Meg broke off, unsure what she meant to say.
I couldn’t trust you not to tell my parents? I didn’t want to risk getting you in trouble? I couldn’t possibly explain why I needed to go there without telling you things I need to keep secret?
Those were all true, but she didn’t feel like she could say any of those things straight out. “I know you want to be helpful,” she said instead, “but there are some things I just need to do on my own.”

“But you didn’t do it on your own; you took that courier girl with you.” Pela frowned and twisted up another section of hair. “But I didn’t mean you should have taken me with you. I just meant you should have told me. I can’t help you if you won’t let me.”

Meg was still trying to think of how to respond when Pela stepped back and smiled at her in the mirror. “All done, Princess,” she said brightly. “Now you look just like you should. Do you like what I did with your hair?”

“Yes, Pela. Thank you.” Pela was right; she did look much more princess-like now.

“I’ll take care of those dirty clothes,” Pela said. “Unless you’d like me to walk you down to the garden?”

“No, that’s all right.” Meg stood and started for the door, then turned back. “Thank you, Pela. Truly. You really are a great help to me.”

“Of course, Princess,” she said. She gave Meg a little curtsy and ushered her out the door.

Calen was waiting for Meg on one of the stone benches. She almost stopped for a second just to stand there and appreciate how wonderful it was to see him, here, finally, back where he belonged. She was sure he was glad to be back, too. He’d only had a chance to tell her tiny snippets of what had happened at the Magistratum, but it certainly did not sound good, for the most part. Except for his new mark. He seemed very proud of it, holding his head up with a little more confidence than he had before. She was glad to see it.

She sat down beside him and smiled unashamedly. “It’s so good to have you back home, Calen,” she said.

“It’s good to be back,” he said. “I, uh . . . you know . . .”

“Missed me?”

“Yeah.” He looked up to catch her grinning at him. “Just a little,” he added hastily. “Not a whole lot, or anything.”

“Oh, of course.”

They sat there for a moment, Meg still smiling, Calen picking at a loose thread on his sleeve.

“So,” he said, finally. “Tell me.”

Her smile fled, and she looked at him seriously. “I don’t know what’s happening to me, Calen. To us.” She told him about Jakl’s sudden rages, the way it was getting harder and harder to maintain the barrier when she needed to protect herself from the dragon’s emotional influence. “And it’s not just Jakl,” she added. “It’s me, too. Sometimes I get angry all on my own, and he’s the one who’s influenced by me. It’s like . . . like there’s always this terrible rage, waiting inside me, and sometimes it just washes over me. But either way, wherever it starts, we both end up feeling it by the end. And then it just gets worse, and feeds on itself through the link. . . .” She trailed off, knowing Calen understood.

“That’s definitely not good,” he said, frowning. “I need to figure out why that’s happening. We can’t have Jakl going all crazy one day, and you not being able to stop him.” He hesitated, then added, “Or have you going all crazy instead.”

“Right,” she said. “There’s also . . . I’ve been having these nightmares. I thought maybe they had something to do with it. Jakl is definitely experiencing them with me in some way. Emotionally, at least, if not the specific images. They’re different from regular bad dreams. And . . . Wilem has apparently been having them, too.”