The Price of Freedom (19 page)

She shivered at his tone. It was as if the tender, caring Jess she'd come to love had disappeared. In his place was a grim and frightening man she hardly recognized; a man who scared her.

"How long do you think it will take you to find her?" she asked.

"I have no idea,' he said. "But I can promise you this. I won't give up until I have."

* * * * *

Leaving the station wasn't a problem, just as he'd said. After waiting a week for things to calm down, they'd simply filed their paperwork with the station controller and hired a runabout to take them out to the ship. Bethany held her breath until they started slowly pulling by the station's main defenses, amazed that it had been so easy to sneak in and out. No wonder the Pilgrims had been able to attack; the station all but had a revolving door instead of an airlock. She shivered, and hoped that they would find a way to tighten up security before there was another disaster.

"You can never really control a place like this," Jess told her as they pulled away. "There are too many people coming and going, and none of them want their actions examined too closely. If the Saurellians crack down too hard, they'll lose half their commerce. It was the same way when the Empire held the station."

She had nodded, pretending to understand. Sometimes her own ignorance of the outside world frightened her. Jess fell silent, focusing instead on watching the sleek little ship's control board. He wasn't piloting himself, but he seemed to be trying to learn, she realized. It must be unsettling for him to rely solely on the auto-pilot computer. He'd watched the control board on the ore transport, too.

"Is this ship easier to fly than the transport?" she asked after a while.

"Well, it's designed to be relatively simple," he said softly. "But I still think it will take me a long time to figure it out. There are tutorials, but I doubt I'd be able to do much for us in a pinch."

"A pinch?" she asked. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, there are all kinds of things that could go wrong," he said. "If we got caught in the middle of a battle, or more likely if we ran into smugglers…" His voice trailed off.

She stifled a little whimper; it had never occurred to here that there might be predators out in space.

"Are we ever going to find a safe place?" she asked softly. He looked at her with surprise written across his handsome face.

"Of course we are," he said. "There are all kinds of wonderful places out there. We just have to decide which one is right for us. Then we'll sell this ship and build a new life for ourselves. We'll be able to do whatever we want."

"After we kill Jenner," she qualified, her voice soft.

"Of course," he said. He leaned toward her, taking her hands in his and looking into her eyes intently. "I know that it's hard for you to understand, but I have to do this. This woman is responsible for destroying my life and killing my sister."

"Jess, has it ever occurred to you that she's just one cog in an entire system that killed your sister?"

she asked softly. "You've told me that you were created on an Imperial slave farm, that you were born into slavery. Is it really Jenner's fault that she happened to be the one who bought you?"

"You have no idea what you're talking about," he said abruptly. Something inside her sparked at his condescending tone.

"You're right," she snapped back. "I have no idea what it means to have lived my entire life under someone else's control. I have no idea what it means to work your fingers to the bone and get kicked for your efforts. And of course, I've never had to fear for my life."

The stunned look on his face was priceless, and without thought she burst into bitter laughter. He frowned; she stood and walked out of the cockpit, shaking her head. Men. They were all so arrogant.

How dare he think she wasn't capable of understanding his anger? She just didn't see the purpose in chasing one Pilgrim woman—however cruel—around the quadrant when they had been given a chance to start over with their lives. It wasn't going to bring Calla back.

She stalked down the corridor toward the suite of comfortable rooms that formed the bulk of the small ship's living space. She'd noticed a console in there earlier; perhaps the ship had a library. She needed a distraction.

* * * * *

Jess gazed after her as she left, utterly confused. How had he become the bad guy? How had a conversation about his suffering ended with him feeling like such an ass?

Of course she knew what suffering was about, he thought angrily. How could she doubt that he understood what kind of pain she had experienced? But her suffering was over; the men who had hurt her were dead. She had her vengeance; it was easy for her to move on.

He couldn't just let Jenner get away with what she had done to destroy him and Calla. She had sold him to the miners deliberately, he knew that. She'd wanted him dead; he knew too many of her dirty little secrets. Sooner or later he would have embarrassed her. Still, he'd thought there was more time.

He shook his head. No point in wishing he could go back. Calla was dead. Jenner had to pay. It was simple enough, so why didn't Bethany understand? Damn woman.

He sat there for several more minutes, trying to concentrate on following the control board as the auto-pilot propelled them to the edges of the system. Once they were good and clear, it would initiate a jump through hyperspace. Not for the first time, he marveled at the technology that made travel across the vast reaches of space possible.

But the computer couldn't hold his attention forever, and his thoughts kept turning back to Bethany.

She had been so upset when she left. He hated seeing her that way. He loved it when her face turned to his with a smile. She had a special way of looking at him that made him feel as if everything in the world was just right. When he came into a room she was always happy to see him. She would jump up and run over to him, giving him kisses interspersed with a thousand questions about some new aspect of life outside the asteroid belt.

None of that life had been in her face when she'd left him. He shook his head and sighed, leaning back in his chair. He needed to go and talk to her.

Leaving the auto-pilot to its mysterious tasks, he walked slowly down the corridor toward their living quarters. For a small ship, it was extremely comfortable. Three sleeping chambers, a sizeable fresher, living area and galley. There was even a small exercise room. Even more amazing to him was that they owned this lovely little vessel. Between the ore shipment and selling the freighter itself, they had done quite well financially. He realized he probably had more money at his disposal than Jenner did. It was a comforting thought. He entered the living area. Bethany was sitting in the living area before the main data terminal. She had to have heard him walk in, but she ignored him. He came to stand behind her, studying what she was doing. She seemed to be scrolling through a history text written in Basic.

"I didn't know whether you could read or not," he said.

She spoke curtly. "While the Pilgrim educational system is not particularly good, we do learn to read," she said.

Damn, he'd said the wrong thing. Now she was even more offended.

"We also took Basic arithmetic and computer programming," she said quieter. "It's fairly difficult to live on a mining station filled with complex equipment like recyclers and our hydroponics gardens without a little bit of education. Of course, I'm sure it's not up to your standards."

"I didn't mean to sound so insulting," he said, bringing his hands up to rest them lightly against her shoulders. She didn't respond, so he started to slowly knead. The muscles were tight beneath his touch; she wasn't going to make this easy.

"I'm also sorry about our discussion in the cockpit," he said. "It was wrong of me to belittle what you've been through. We're both survivors of slavery, just different kinds."

"I'm glad you realize that," she said. He continued kneading her shoulders, feeling some of the tension leave her body. Against his will, he could feel himself growing aroused. The smell of her hair wafted up toward him, and he inhaled deeply. A second later he wished he hadn't. His pants were suddenly too tight and he shifted uncomfortably. She seemed to be completely unaware of his arousal, continuing to scroll through the text before her. The silence between them lengthened, and he shifted again.

"Will you accept my apology?" he said finally. She shrugged her shoulders, and something in him snapped. He needed her forgiveness. He swiveled her chair around and knelt before her. Then he took each of her hands in his and looked directly into her face. She stared back, eyes questioning and a little surprised.

"I'm truly sorry," he said softly. She nodded her head at him, and he smiled. Then leaning forward, he kissed her gently on the lips.

It was a sweet kiss, almost passionless at first. At least on her part. His entire body clamored for him to pull her down, to jump on her and take her. He fought the urge, knowing it would be a terrible mistake. He wanted whatever happened between them next to come from her. He wanted her to acknowledge what he said, to let him know she understood his meaning deep down inside.

He held back a surge of triumph as she leaned forward into the kiss, deepening it slightly. It was still soft, and both of their mouths were still closed. But she was responding, nuzzling at his mouth just as he was nuzzling at hers.

They stayed that way for several minutes, and then he ended the kiss. He leaned his head against her chest, reaching both arms around her slender form to pull her close. She was soft, warm. His. He still wanted her, but that initial physical urgency had disappeared in a rush of emotion. He didn't want to simply roll her beneath him, to take her body with his.

He wanted to be close to her. Bethany. Close to whatever it was about her that had scared him so much a moment earlier when she hadn't wanted to talk to him.

Holding her made everything feel right again.

He could feel her fingers in his hair, stroking gently down, and then she kissed the top of his head.

She shivered, then pulled him tightly against her body. He could feel her shaking, and pulled away to see what was wrong.

She was crying.

A feeling of helplessness washed over him, and he tucked himself back against her, stroking her back in what he hoped was a comforting way.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry I hurt you. Please stop crying, Bethany. I won't do it again, I promise."

That's not why I'm crying," she replied, her voice breaking. "I'm scared, Jess. What will we do if this Jenner woman finds out you're following her? What if she's with other Pilgrims? They might hurt you."

"I won't let them hurt me," he said.

"No?" she asked. "You think you're so powerful? It's a risk and you know it. Don't you understand?

We're free, Jess. We have money. We have time. There's nobody in the whole damn universe who knows or cares where we're going. Why are we following this woman when we could be making a life for ourselves?"

"Because I have to," he said, still holding her. "I have to do this, for my sister and for myself."

"You aren't even sure where to find her," she said quietly. "There are a thousand places she could be, a million places. We could look for her the rest of our lives and never find her. Do you really think your sister would want you to waste your freedom on some stupid quest for revenge?"

He stayed silent, trying not to think of what Calla would say. Calla would agree with Bethany, he knew it in his heart.

But Calla and Bethany were women. They needed protection from the harsh things of life, couldn't possibly understand why he had to find Jenner, to kill her. Every time Bethany sniffled, pain ripped through him. He hated this; hate the fact that she was suffering. He had to get her to stop crying or he would end up crazy.

So he lifted his head again, this time taking her mouth in a kiss that was completely different from that he'd given her before. This was a kiss meant to seduce. He nibbled at her lips, ignoring the salty taste of her tears, and she opened before him.

He pulled her entire body forward on the chair so that her breasts were pressing against his chest and her legs wrapped around him. He dug his fingers into her hair, holding her still for his touch, and as his tongue delved into her mouth, she whimpered. She shifted against him and his cock leapt to attention.

There was nothing new in that; it seemed like he'd had a full erection since the first time he'd seen her. No matter how much they made love, it was never enough.

He pulled his mouth away, ignoring her little sigh of disappointment as the kiss ended. His lips fell to her neck. There he traced the lines of her throat with one hand, each light touch followed by a kiss. He was filled with the realization of how special she was to him, how much his happiness was intricately and inevitably wound up in hers. He didn't have any way to tell her his feelings with words, though. He had to let his touch speak; he could only hope she would understand.

She whispered something as he kissed the hollow at the bottom of her throat, but he ignored it. If she was telling him to stop, he didn't want to hear it. He had to show her how much she meant to him, that they were made for each other.

She sighed and leaned back in the chair, allowing her arms to fall to one side. He took advantage of the change by gently opening the front of her blouse. It was soft, silky. So different from anything she'd worn on the Pilgrim station that he'd been concerned at fist that she wouldn't like it.

She had loved it, just as she loved all the new clothing he brought her. She treated each item like an exquisite gift, though they were clothing any other woman would take for granted. She took nothing for granted, he thought. It was just one more thing he loved about Bethany. She was so very alive.

He kissed down the opening of her shirt, enjoying the feel of her breasts rising on either side of his face. He moved down along the curve of one, dropping light kisses on it and nosing the underside of the swell with infinite gentleness. She gasped, and he smiled. He did the same to the other side, taking care not to touch her nipples. Indeed, fabric clung to them, twin points keeping the silky fabric from falling away to either side. He sat back for a minute, just enjoying the sight of her. She was spread before him wantonly, her face filled with nothing more than sheer pleasure in the moment.