“
I spoke to the captain last night, and he told me we would be arriving at port within a week’s time. A week seems like forever away though, and I’m not sure I can bear the time, not with him. Mr. Sloan Jackson came to my room last night. He offered to be my constant companion, my protector. He is a good kind man, but what can he, a mere mortal, do to save me now? I made my mistake in trusting Ewan, and now I know that there is no going back. At least, I felt this way before this night.
“
This night, I found myself alone at the railing at the end of the ship, my gaze peering down into the depths of the choppy waters. I could jump, I realized. I could jump within those dark depths, and the ship would leave me behind. The water would not be my demise, but when the sun rose, where would I go to escape it? The thought of facing Ewan again was frightening, but it was not what disturbed these dark thoughts within me. After discovering the truth of Ewan, how foolish I had been to believe him, I began to realize that those dreams I had possessed as a little girl, the ones of finding someone to love, of raising a family, those dreams would never be possible now. I would never know what it was like to grow old with the man of my dreams. I would never know love or companionship. I could not have children as my body was mow immortal and dead to the human world. I would never have a little child call me mother. I had no family left, and my only would-be friend was a vampire who, yes, strived to protect me and teach me all that she knew, but still came off cold and unfeeling. This was the life I had been reborn into? It did not look promising. I could feel the coldness, the numbness as it set in the pit of my belly. I knew that if I stayed an immortal, that that numbness would only grow, and I would become like Gina. Those dark, choppy waters below were starting to look very tempting. I wasn’t a good immortal after all. I could not even bring myself to drink human blood! Gina was disgusted with me, and truth be told, I was disgusted with myself for all I had already done.
“
Gripping the railing with white knuckles, I leaned over to watch as the water shot out from the propellers. If I jumped would the propellers pull me in? How bad would that hurt? I tried to weigh out my decision where I could die with the least amount of pain. I was contemplating the matter when I heard someone approaching. Turning I saw Sloan Jackson walking toward me. He was dressed in evening attire, but his dark, suit jacket was draped over his arm. How he had come to find me below decks, I did not know, but the heated look in his amber eyes caused me to suck in the breath I did not need. When I did, the scent of him washed over me, reminding me of the woods in the fall when the breeze was just right. He was a tall man, broad of shoulders with a tapered waist and long, athletic legs. I found myself watching his eyes, those amber eyes that reminded me of the color of warm whiskey. It was then, as he walked toward me that night, that I realized what a handsome man he was, how very appealing. He did not give up. Very stubborn, I added to my list as he came to a stop just before me, and a slow smile curved his lips.
“
“It’s a lovely night.” he said, his eyes not leaving mine. I nodded agreement, but did not remark upon his comment. “You’ve found a nice spot, great view, little distractions.” he commented as he stepped to the railing, and leaned down upon it with his arms. I turned facing the view as well. My gaze lifted to find the glowing moon in the sky. Feeling suddenly heated, I turned to see that those amber eyes had been set upon my face for those precious few seconds that my thoughts had been lost on the moon. He smiled then, and straightened to his tall height. “I didn’t see you at dinner.” he said, and I shook my head negatively.
“
“I wasn’t hungry.” I managed to whisper, and he turned, placing the small of his back to the railing as he too stared up at the peaceful moon. “You shouldn’t be here.” I reminded.
“Because of propriety or because of him?” he asked tightly, and I swallowed.
““I told you-”
“That he is like no other man I have met. I assure you, I can take care of myself, Miss. Saint Rose.” he returned. I wanted to scream to him that, no, he could not protect himself, not where Ewan was concerned, but how could I tell him such things without telling him everything!
“
“He doesn’t travel alone.” I reminded instead.
“Neither do I.” Mr. Jackson patted his shoulder, and I could suddenly make out the outline of what appeared to be a pistol beneath his thin, white dress shirt. It was fastened with some kind of a holster to his left shoulder.
““You carry a gun!” I blurted out, and he shrugged as if it did not matter. “It won’t help.” I said before I could think better of it.
“
“Why not? Is this man immune to bullets?”
“
“Yes.” I looked him straight in the eye to say, but he took my boldness as an invitation, and before I knew what was happening he had stepped in close to me. Gently, his hand lifted to touch my cheek, his fingers caressing the skin in a tender motion. His eyes were smoldering, and I knew that he would not be denied. I could feel it then, not his thoughts, but the attraction that he felt, the desire where I was concerned.
“
“I want to help you, Lilly.” he called me, and I tried to step back, but he caught me by the arm, and then his fingers were sliding up and down my arm in slow appreciation.
“
“Why?” I demanded, and a slow smile lit his handsome face.
“
“Because you have bewitched me. I haven’t been able to stop thinking of your beautiful face since the first moment I laid eyes on you.” He said lowly, huskily as he moved in closer to me. His words caused my stomach to tighten, and I knew that whatever it was he was feeling for me, I was not immune to it. I was feeling it too, but then I thought, what if it isn’t real? What if I somehow possess the same power as Ewan? What if I am drawing this man to me by powers of persuasion? If I did hold that power, why was this man, why was Jax, the only man who seemed to have been affected by it? “I don’t wish to frighten you. I know what you’ve been through, and I know that you are not yet ready for me, sweet Lilly, but when we dock in America, I’d like to call upon you?”
“
“Me? But why? You know-”
“I don’t care.” He stroked my cheek, laying his palm against the coolness of my skin. I could not help but to lean into that inviting palm, so warm against my cold skin. “I want you.” he voiced, and in saying so, he leaned in to me, his mouth hovering over mine. I knew that he meant to kiss me, and I wanted that kiss more than anything, but a part of me suspected that perhaps I was still being that fanciful girl with dreams of forever stuck in her head! I turned my head just as his lips touched the corner of my mouth. His hand lifted to the back of my head, sifting through the long lengths of my hair. He pulled me to his chest, and the strength of his arms came around me. It was remarkable how safe I felt in those arms, though I knew that he was merely a mortal, that he would never be able to protect me the way I would need him too. Just for a small moment, I longed to feel
human, to pretend that perhaps I could find my happily ever after, after all. As I stood there wrapped in Jax’s comforting arms, I pictured in my mind’s eye him and me growing old together, having babies, having a family. We would laugh and talk, and love and have a marvelous time together forever, but that wasn’t possible! He deserved better than the likes of me!”
Jack’s gaze ripped away from the journal at those words. Lilly had said the same thing to him the night that they had made love!
“You deserve better than me, Jack.” She had said forlornly after announcing that she could not have children.
“There is no better than you.” he had responded, feeling it to the very heart of him! Sighing now, he returned to the journal. He read of how they had stayed below deck talking. Jax had told Lilly of his home in Texas where he worked as a lawyer, and owned a small spread of land that he used to raise beef cattle. He told her that she would look amazing riding beside him on horseback as the sun set it the West behind them. That was when she had pulled away from him and told him that she did not do well with the sun. He asked her over her upbringing, and she told him how she had lived with her aunt since the age of eight, how she had no family left now.
“Except for your cousin.” Jax had reminded, and she had looked up at him as if she had forgotten. Jack could picture her there, that surprised look on her face at the mentioning of Gina. She had looked so lovely in the soft yellow gown she had been wearing with that golden hair piled atop her head in soft curls, the latest fashion. This was the picture Jack had developed in his head. He wondered if it was accurate? He read of how Jax and Lilly’s discussion had turned back to Ewan and his followers, though Lilly had never revealed the name of the man who had hurt her to Jax. She had begged him to allow this night to be the last he came to her, telling him to regard his own safety, to please take care, and mind her advice. Jax had grinned, not understanding, and had promised he would find her the next night, had even offered her the use of his arm to escort her back to her cabin. Then Lilly had broken down in tears and had run from him, but Jax had been quick on her heels, and taking her by the arm he had demanded to know why she believed this other man to be so much stronger than he, himself was.
“Because he is!” she had screeched. “You don’t understand, Jax. You don’t understand.” she had cried out, and Jax had appeared wounded to Lilly. “There is no other way to keep you from me other than telling you the truth, is there?” she had said in sudden realization. “No other way to keep you safe from them, from me?”
Jax had agreed that the truth was probably best, but he had been unprepared for the truth Lilly had given him.
“You’re telling me such impossible things to frighten me away.” he had accused. “It won’t work, Lilly. I mean to protect you for the duration of this voyage, with or without your permission.”
It was then that Lilly pulled poor Jax back into a dark corner of the deck, and showed him the truth by cutting her arm, and allowing the blood to flow so that her vampire eyes would come to light. Jax had stumbled backward in shocked disbelief. Shaking his head, he had continued to move backward, away from her, but before he could leave, Lilly had pulled him back. She had begged him to tell no one, explaining that if it were only herself she would not mind if he told the entire ship, but Gina was a good, kind being, and did not deserve such a fate!
Jack read on, reading of how Lilly had calmed Jax down, how they had stood there, staring at each other as the light had died from her eyes. Jax had ripped the sleeve from his arm, and had tied it around her fresh wound as Lilly had explained to him everything that had happened to her recently. When she was through, Jax had stared at her, still in shocked disbelief, but he had calmed. She had told him how she had not taken human life aboard the ship and neither had Gina, that it was all the others’ doings, and she told him that this was the true reason that she feared for him, that this was why it was best if he stayed away from her.
Jack could see her there, tears shining brightly in her eyes as she had tried to back away from Jax, to leave him be forever, but Jax had grabbed her arm to still her. He had pulled her into his arms once more, had stupidly whispered words of reassurance against her ear as his hands had swept up and down her back! The fool had thought to save her, Jack realized!
Then Jax had come up with the plan to do just that. He decided that he would sneak into Ewan’s room as the vampire slept, end the beast’s life then and there, during the daylight hours when Ewan could use no power against him. Lilly had warned that the vampire could possibly have protectors, but Jax knew that those protectors, if indeed there were any, would be human, and he swore that he could handle mere mortals and had laughed arrogantly at the thought. It was a plan, though Lilly expressed her fears and worries for the man. It was a plan that was set to occur at daylight. The two stood there on the deck, held securely in each others’ arms like star-crossed lovers who would soon possess their happily ever after, but it was not to be. For suddenly Ewan appeared there with the other two flanking his sides. They had tried to run, but the other two were quicker and swiftly blocked their only exits. Lilly had placed herself between Ewan and Jax, but Jax had pressed her back and Ewan, in a rage, had run at the man.
Jack could see it now, the two men, one mortal the other immortal, both full of rage, running at each other. The immortal stronger, faster, grabbing the mortal by the neck, and lifting him with ease up and over the railing of the ship so that his feet dangled in the thin air beneath him.
“No! Ewan! Let him go!” Lilly’s pleading, tear-filled voice filled Jack’s ears now. “Please, Ewan. Please. I’ll go with you. I’ll do anything you ask. Just please let him go.” she had begged, and then Ewan
did
let Jax go, dropping him to the depths below. The cold water had come up like a rush of ice against his skin. The rough waters pulling and dragging him under, filling his lungs as he had fought hard to kick to the surface. Jack shook the thoughts from his head. He had a good imagination, he thought in dismissal, and his gaze returned to the last few pages of Lilly’s journal and he read.
“I could do nothing but scream and scream and it did nothing to ease the welling pain inside of me. Jax had tried to help me, and I had failed him. I ran to the railing, prepared to dive in after Jax, but strong arms caught me around the middle, and dragged me back. I screamed. I fought with all of my strength. I called Jax’s name over and over again, hoping beyond hope that he or someone else that could help him, would hear me. I shouted for help at the top of my lungs, and that was when a fist hit me hard in the jaw, and I sank to my knees. Kicks to the ribs ensued, and then a boot to the jaw and blood spit out from my swelling, bottom lip, but all of the pain they inflicted upon me that night was nothing compared to the knowledge that I would not be able to save him. I would not be able to save Jax.