The Pleasure Garden: Sacred Vows\Perfumed Pleasures\Rites of Passions (11 page)

Edmund shut the gate behind him and felt a jolt against his back. Curious, he leaned down, his torchlight picking up the secretive smile of the mask, laying on the ground looking up at him. He picked it up and hung it again on the peg, remembering when he had done so the first time. This time, he would not break his promise to return.

Cara woke to the sound of thunder rolling overhead. It took her a moment to remember where she was. She’d chosen this place for its isolation, thinking that when they discovered her absence, they would first go to her father’s
household. She pushed herself up from the bed of straw she’d gathered the night before, and peered out the open window. The view offered the lush green of the valley beginning to blossom with spring, and gray ominous clouds rolling in, darkening the skies. What little sleep she’d had was restless, fraught with the choices she must make, and with wondering whether Edmund would indeed return. His determination to marry her off to Gregory plagued her, her heart refusing to believe that he didn’t still care for her. If she listened, and married Gregory, it would mean the certain destruction of her family and her village. If she refused, the repercussions could be worse. The dark, stormy clouds wiping out the clear blue sky matched her mood as she turned from the window. She appeased the gnawing in her stomach with a few bites of stale biscuits she’d snatched while escaping through the food storage tunnels. They offered little comfort to the riling of her stomach, and Cara cupped her hands, retrieving enough water to cool her parched throat.

The shrill neigh of a horse caused her to draw away from the window. Fear struck her heart. What if Edmund had told Gregory where to find her? Was he so determined that she’d be better off with his old friend? Cara summoned her courage and peeked around the edge of the window, relief flooding her when she saw Edmund striding across the brown lawn. She turned and heard his purposeful steps on the tower stairs. He walked into the room, and she could not contain her joy that he’d kept his promise. She ran to him, curling her arms around his neck. But he stood stiffly, not returning her exuberant embrace. Confused and more than embarrassed, she stepped away and looked at him. His face was drawn, his cloak and clothing soaked. It appeared as though he’d had little sleep.

“I am here as you requested. I have stated that I was coming to speak to your family, to check if they have seen you. Gregory shows great concern, Cara. I beg you tell me what it is that causes you to run away from a marriage that stands to give you and your family the best of all possible futures.”

Dumbstruck, Cara searched his eyes and stepped away from him. Had she been fooling herself that he still cared?

“I brought you some water,” he said, rummaging through his bag.

Cara could only watch how matter-of-fact he was acting. How detached he was compared to yesterday.

“I wasn’t sure if you had eaten.” He untied his cloak, draping it over a broken chair. “I brought an apple and some cheese.”

“I do not need your charity.” She returned to the window, letting the soft rain brush against her heated face.

“Cara, I do not know what more you want from me.”

She smiled, though her heart was bitter. Indeed, what she’d thought he wanted was
her.
She looked down at the tattered, dry garden below, recalling the story. “Do you remember the tale of Beltane?”

“Scarcely, but enough, I think,” he responded.

“The story says that the garden died when the May Queen died. She could not love the man who had chosen her as his queen, and she could not have the man she truly loved.” The reality of the queen’s heartbreak—legend or not—Cara now understood intimately. How she must have suffered. “The man she had given both her body and heart to did not possess the same commitment beyond his desire for her.” Cara’s chest grew tight, a sense of hopelessness building with the sorrow in her heart. Her eyes were
drawn to the craggy stones below, imagining the queen’s lover finding her broken body.

Cara jolted when Edmund’s hands cupped her shoulders.

“Is that what you think? That I cared for you only in the carnal sense?” he asked quietly.

She shrugged, her shoulders burdened already, without his pity as well.

“I did love you,” he stated.

His confession, meant to appease, instead stabbed at her heart. “Did?” she repeated, jerking away from him. “’Tis a great comfort to me to know that now,” she said, her voice filled with anger.

“Cara.”

He started toward her and she stopped him with an upturned hand. Was there any reason now to tell him about his daughter? With the eyes of her heart at last opened, she would no longer pine away with silly romantic notions. “I would like to know, Edmund, in these past years, was there never a time you thought about us, how it was between us? And yesterday…I thought—” She shook her head. “Tell me that what happened yesterday meant nothing.”

He looked away, a painful scowl marring his handsome face.

“Say it,” she demanded, tired of being the only one who believed in what she felt even now, as much as three years ago.

A cold rush of wind swirled through the open window, picking up bits of straw and debris in its wake. The strong scent of roses grew intoxicatingly thick. Her desire for him blurred reality. She slipped her gown from her shoulders and stood in naked challenged before him. If lust was all they had between them, then she needed to know.

His head snapped up and his eyes roamed over her body, heating her blood.

“Is that why you came back? To satisfy your need once more, before I am wed? Why not admit it to me and to yourself? You dinna care for me, you’ve made it clear. What else is left?”

His lips pressed together in an angry line. “That is not fair, Cara. It is not your body I came for.”

She laughed. “Then perhaps it is your noble intent to save the poor pagan girl you tarnished all those years ago? Who, in a weak moment, tempted you beyond your control?”

He was upon her in two strides, grabbing her arms. “Stop it,” he growled. His eyes flashed with frustration, but something more.

“But I ask why anything should have changed? You never intended to come back for me, did you?” She thought all her tears had dried, but having him close, seeing the confusion in his eyes, renewed the pain.

“I did intend to return that night,” he muttered through clenched teeth. “I wanted to. They threatened to harm you and your family, as well as mine. I did not leave quietly. My father would have chosen to keep the entire incident quiet, but Gregory admitted to his parents everything about us sneaking into the festival.”

Cara searched his face, unsure if she could risk that he might be telling her the truth. “Would that not reveal Gregory’s true character?” she asked.

“I was young, Cara. The statutes back then would have found us all in treason to the king. What I did was for the good of all. I wish you could believe me.” His eyes filled with frustration, pleaded with her to understand.

Edmund’s hands trembled as they touched her face, and
his stormy eyes held hers. “I prayed that one day you could forgive me. But yesterday, when you sent for me, it was as though time had stood still.”

He drew her into his arms, hugging her so close Cara could barely breathe. His lips touched her bare shoulder. She felt his warm breath skitter across her flesh.

“God forgive me, I have always loved you, Cara.”

She turned her head, meeting his hungry eyes. “Love me now, Edmund.”

His manner, patient this time, aroused her in new ways. Thorough in his quest, he nuzzled the curve of her shoulder, brushing his mouth along her flesh, unhurried in his journey to her mouth. Needing to touch him, she drew his rain-soaked shirt over his head, revealing the hard, bronzed body of a man who worked in the sun. She ran her fingertips over his flesh, delighting that he welcomed her exploration. He threaded his hands through her hair, capturing her head as she leaned forward, leaving kisses on his chest, his throat, his chin.

“It is useless, Cara. I can no longer deny my love for you.”

His mouth came down on hers, seeking, probing. She grew wet, restless, feeling his hard length beneath his breeches pressed against her stomach. “My Edmund,” she whispered breathlessly, succumbing to another of his fiery kisses.

He knelt with her on the blanketed straw, nudging apart her thighs. His kisses snatched away every thought, creating a desperate ache inside her. Another breeze wafted through the room, bringing with it the promise of spring, of new life. Cara held him to her breast, closing her eyes as she savored his gentle touch.

He trailed hot kisses across the curve of her stomach, his
mouth brushing over the sensitive spot between her thighs. Her fingers kneaded his hair, the teasing of his tongue drawing her up, sending fire through her veins. He rocked back long enough to free himself, then covered her body with his, pushing his swollen cock deep into her ready warmth.

“Don’t leave me,” Cara sighed, drawing her knees upward, relishing the ease of their lovemaking. He withdrew, then pressed deeper, filling her.

“I am here, Cara. I am here.”

She could not get close enough. She wrapped her arms around him, feeling his muscles bunching, flexing beneath her palms with each thrust. A sound escaped her lips as her body exploded in a burst of light and her soul was reunited with his, drawn together in a powerful release. Her fingers gripped his shoulders, helplessly drawn upward with his insistent frantic drive. Her body broke free once more and her soft cry joined his as he followed her. Cara held him close, welcoming the weight of him joined to her, wishing they could remain always as they were now.

Reality reminded her that was not possible.

He stood, drawing up his breeches, and took her hand, pulling her into his embrace, kissing her slow and tenderly. Then he sighed and stepped away. Cara hugged her arms around herself, chilled at his absence. He found her gown and held it out to her. “Though I question the wisdom of putting this on, for I am bound only to remove it shortly, I do not want you to catch a cold.”

“Edmund.” With his assistance, Cara tugged the gown over her head. “I must speak with you about a matter of great importance.”

“Indeed, my love. You must get something to eat and then we must find a way out of this predicament.” The
corner of his mouth lifted in a grin. He rubbed his knuckle softly down her cheek. “You can tell me anything, Cara.”

There was no easy way to convey her news, but if they were to start a new life together, he needed to know the truth. “We have a child, Edmund.”

10

EDMUND STARED AT HER, LETTING THE WORDS register in his mind. “What did you say?” He was certain his ears were playing tricks on him.

“A child, Edmund. It was the night of the festival that she was conceived.”

His arms went limp at his sides; he’d lost the ability to speak. Three years. A child of his would be three years old. He found his tongue and pushed through his confused thoughts. “What do you mean ‘she’? I have a…a daughter?” An image of a blond-haired child flashed in his mind. “Why did you not write and let me know?”

“And who would I have trusted with such news, do you think? Your family? Your best friend, Gregory, perhaps? She’d have been taken from me, Edmund, and I would not have it. Besides, until this day I didn’t suspect that you cared enough to want to know.”

Edmund rested his head on his hand, his thoughts spinning. And yet they kept returning to one illuminating fact—he was a father. “Does your family know I am the father?”

She looked at her feet. “Nay, I told my mother you were to become a priest.”

He felt a little nauseous. “I need to sit down.” He realized that Cara was waiting, silently watching how he was taking the news. He reached up, drawing her down beside him. “Tell me everything, Cara. I want to know everything that I’ve missed.”

“At first I denied the possibility for as long as I could, but when my body had changed to the point where I could no longer conceal it, I had to tell my family.” She smiled as though lost in her thoughts. “I used to sit in my room and talk to her, tell her about her da. What a kind and generous, handsome man he was.”

Edmund squeezed her hand. “Go on. How did your father take it?”

“As you might imagine. I inherited my coloring and my temper from him. I expected the disappointment. My da and I, the pair of us, can be stubborn, buttin’ heads like two goats, but inside, we see things much the same. It was not a surprise when he suggested that I go to live with my married sister until the child came.”

“The two of you live with Kiernan, then?”

Her gentle eyes welled. “Nay, the child thinks I am her relation and that Kiernan is her mother. It’s what my father thought was best. He said no man would want a woman already with child unless she was a widow.”

The things she’d suffered at his expense. Edmund closed his eyes, regretting the time he’d not been there when she needed him. “God in heaven,” he whispered. He touched her chin, lifting her face to meet his eyes. “She doesn’t know?”

Cara’s smile trembled. “I named her Moyran. She ac
quired my fiery tresses, I’m afraid, but she has her father’s beautiful eyes.”

“Moyran.” Edmund said the name aloud. He looked at Cara with new eyes, seeing a greater resilience in her than he remembered. He pulled her into his embrace. “I should have been there.”

She caressed his cheek. “You are here now and that is all that matters.”

She hugged him tight, pressing her face against his heart. Outside, the rain had stopped, and thin ribbons of dusky pink sliced across the gray skies. He’d told Gregory when he left that he was going to speak to her family, to see if they had heard from Cara. Despite how he felt, or these new circumstances that further gave cause to his fight, Edmund could not let Gregory marry Cara now. But he had no plan, no help from anyone. He closed his eyes and laid his cheek on her head, his heart crying out to the God of heaven to show him what to do.

“Edmund, there is more I must tell you, and it does my heart no good to be the bearer of such news.”