The Perdition Score (36 page)

“First, making it back to hearth and home in one piece.”

We down a shot.

“Second, to a good day's work, even if you smell like the innards of a trout.”

We have another.

“Third, to a fine angel and friend.”

Down it goes.

“Last, to seeing the backside of you for a while.
Vaya con Dios
.”

I raise my glass, hoping he's not going to keep pouring.

“Same to you, Bill.”

We drink.

He leans his elbow on the bar.

“Is there anything left for us to do down here? Any demons to smite? Bears to wrestle?”

I cork the whiskey.

“Can't think of a thing, except wondering what you're doing next.”

He thinks for a minute.

“I might wander south in a bit. That is, unless you think you'll be sending some Wormwoods down here soon.”

I flex my arm a few times, hoping to feel something. There's nothing at all.

“It will be a while, I think. They've run off in a dozen different directions. I have to find out where and then get to them.”

“Tell you what. I'll wait a little while, then. Maybe set up camp at whatever's left of the house in the park. If no one wanders up in the next week or so, I'll take it as a sign to be moving on.”

I scratch my arm.

“Sounds like a plan.”

He straightens his mustache.

“That bite still bothering you?”

“Just itches a little.”

“Be sure to get it looked at. Don't go playing a hard-ass.”

I nod.

He holds up the bottle.

“One more for the road?”

I hold up a hand.

“I'm done for now. I have to walk a straight line if I'm getting home.”

“Then let's get you started.”

We take our time walking back to the sushi bar.

Bill frowns at it.

“I don't think I want anything to do with fish for a good long while.”

“Do I really smell?”

“I'm afraid so.”

I take off my coat. Hang it on a loose nail outside the restaurant. Maybe it won't stink when it dries and some wandering soul can use it.

The na'at I put in my back waistband where I usually keep the Colt. The black blade I slip into my boot.

I turn to Bill.

“You sure you're going to be okay on your own?”

“I've been in Perdition a good while, son. I know how to take care of myself. And thanks to you, I have plenty of firepower if anyone gets ideas.”

“Okay, then.”

I hold out my hand.

Bill grabs me in a brief bear hug. Nods as he steps back.

“Safe travels. Be sure to give Candy my regards.”

“I will. Bye, Bill.”

He holds up a hand.

I go into the restaurant. Keep going until the light changes.

And walk right into a wall of cornstalks.

Great. The maze. I'm halfway home.

Now I just have to figure out the other half.

A
HALF HOUR
in here and I'm sweating. My right arm has gone from numb to throbbing.

Wait. Has it been a half hour?

I get out my phone.

The battery is dead. No chargers in Hell. Got to remember that the next time I go down.

The next time . . .

That won't be for a while, not if I have to haul my sorry ass through this hayseed labyrinth. I keep waiting for Minotaurs or Victorian floozies to come running by, high on ether and absinthe. Now that I mention it, I wouldn't mind some of that myself. It would make the time pass faster. Or pass at all. How long have I been here? Right. No phone. No clock.

I'm really starting to feel a little ragged. Maybe I should have crashed at Bill's a little longer. No. That's dumb. If this bugbite is anything, then I have to get home and see Allegra.

Man, it's hot in here.

Candy and I got to Hell by turning left the whole way. Logically, I should get back by turning right. Wait. Does that make sense? You turn left to get through a maze. Maybe right is wrong. Ha. That was funny. Right it is, then.

Are the rows narrower going back? I swear they are. I keep bouncing off the sides.

Shit.

Just fell through one of the walls into a different row. Does that mean I turn left or right from here?

Right. Keep turning right. I'm sure of it.

Fuck.

Look for something familiar.

Hey, it's more corn. That helps.

Shut up and keep turning right.

Is my leg getting numb too?

I get out the black blade and poke my calf a few times.

Yep. Can't feel a thing. And I think I'm bleeding.

Is it hot in here? I'm really thirsty.

I turn another corner and start up a steep hill.

That doesn't seem right. Still. Nowhere else to go but forward.

It's a long way up and the ground is slippery. I look down at my feet. The road is covered in those centipedes from the park. I crush them with every step. Pale green guts explode on the road and my boots. There's nowhere to stop now and I can't go back the way I came. Got to get out of Deadwood with my head in one piece. That's the most important thing.

How long have I been here? It's really hot.

At the top of the hill is the Wormwood mansion. Which
is bullshit because I saw it burn. Great. I'm hallucinating. Or was the other time a hallucination? Wait. Was I really in Hell at all? Maybe I've been in the maze this whole time. I wasn't bitten by a bug. I just feel lousy because I haven't had any food or water for a while. That means I'm lost, right? Or maybe the maze is just longer than we thought.

Wait. Where's Candy? If we're still going through the maze, she'd be with me. Unless we got separated back at the mansion. Was there a mansion? I remember one, but maybe it was just that place I broke into in Beverly Hills. Where was that? Beverly Hills. Right. I just said that. Concentrate.

Stop falling. And stop going up the hill to the damned mansion. It wasn't even real. You're in the maze. Still. The mansion looks awfully real. As I go past, I look at the upstairs windows. See Nick's face staring down at me. He waves. I wave back. Good news. Beverly Hills. I'm almost home.

My leg really hurts. Maybe I poked it too hard with the knife. Maybe I ought to look. Can I do that without falling over?

Nope. Ow. Fuck my head. I can't see right.

Along the cornstalks are playing cards. They're all aces and eights. But there's a fifth card ahead, skittering along the floor in a breeze. I get up and follow it.

Funny. I think my leg is bleeding. Or is that another hallucination?

That must be it. Anyway, I lost the card. Damn. I'd like to know what it is. It's important, but I can't remember why.

Is it hot in here?

I'm on the ground. That's the first thing I've been certain
of in a while. Face in the dirt. It doesn't smell that bad. Like corn and earth.

A centipede runs by.

Time to move, only I can't. My head is funny and my leg is numb.

Someone reaches down and helps me up. I limp as I walk.

“Why did you send her to us?” I ask Samael.

“You needed help. I thought she'd be a good ally. Was she?”

“The best. Did you know she was going to die?”

“Of course not. I wouldn't waste a good warrior like that.”

“No kidding?”

“No kidding.”

We walk for a while.

“You're not here, are you? You're a hallucination.”

“Probably. But I'm not sure how to tell.”

“Can you see all those bugs in the corn?”

“No.”

“Then you're a hallucination.”

“How do you know they're not the hallucination?”

“Don't fuck with me.”

“I'd never do that.”

“I know. How's the war in Heaven?”

I look over and he's gone. I turn.

There's my father with a hunting rifle.

I duck.

A shot goes over my head.

Now I'm definitely hallucinating. Good for me. Confirmation. Wait. Hallucinating is bad.

Goddammit. I fuck everything up.

Turn right. Again. And again.

I think maybe I should have been turning left. Is it too late to start over?

Was Samael just here? He's the angel of death these days. He can be a lot of places at once. Does that mean I'm dead? Maybe I should stick myself with the knife again to see if I feel it.

I reach down for the knife. My leg is covered in blood.

Let's forget the knife and just assume I'm alive.

There's someone in the corn ahead of me. I think it's Candy. She's back to her old self. No Chihiro glamour. Leather jacket and Chuck Taylors over black jeans. It's wonderful to see her again. I run to catch up, but my legs don't want to cooperate.

If I had the Room of Thirteen Doors back, I wouldn't be lost in this Kansas weed patch. I'd be me again and everything would be all right. I've got to get it back. No matter what. All right. Start a list. First action item, get the Room back. What's the second thing I need to do? Get home. Maybe that should be first? I don't know. I just work here. You'll have to ask the manager.

I turn a corner and I'm home. There's L.A. spread out before me. The Hollywood sign on the hills. Capitol Records building over there. The Chinese Theatre there. Musso's in between. I should catch up with Candy. See if she wants to go for chicken and waffles.

Thinking about food wasn't smart.

I fall on my knees and vomit. It's full of thorns and bugs. I get back up and head for L.A.

And bump into another goddamn row of corn.

I'm starting to think I'm lost.

I look up.

Mr. Muninn's floodlights are overhead. That means I'm back in the cavern. Have I been here the whole time? I don't want to be in the cavern. I want to go home. The maze took me to Hell. Why won't it take me back to Max Overdrive?

Maybe I'm going in circles. Let's stop and think.

I'm in a maze. Candy and I walked through it in a few hours. The maze fits in Muninn's cavern, so it can't be that big. Of course, it's magic, so maybe it's bigger on the inside than the outside. Still. If I go in one direction long enough, I have to come out or to a wall or something. Right? There's no such thing as an infinite maze, is there?

Only one way to find out.

I reach back for the na'at, but have to use my Kissi arm because my right isn't working too well. Extend the na'at into a sword. Then hack at a row of corn.

It comes down exactly like dead cornstalks should. I step through into the next row and hack again. And again. The dry corn falls in heaps before me. This is such a good idea. I'm really smart. I'll be home in no time.

The only downside is that each time I cut through a row, it sends dust and pieces of corn into the air. After a few rows, I'm in a corn snowstorm. And I'm pissing off all the bugs. Wait. Are the bugs even real? I can't remember. A lot of this has been real and some hasn't. Or the other way around. Fuck it. Keep cutting.

I plow through row after row after row, looking back every now and then to see if I'm moving in a straight line. It gets harder as I go and the corn dust gets thicker. After a while
I stop looking. There are too many insects and it's starting to freak me out a little. Also, the corn is growing thorns. It cuts my hands and arms as I slice through the rows. The corn keeps changing and the light grows dim. I'm hacking through the woods leading up to the Wormwood mansion in Griffith Park. Only now I know it's a hallucination. I'm in the corn maze. Just keep cutting. Just keep going.

How long have I been in here? I take out my phone. It's dead. No chargers in Hell.

Man, I'm thirsty.

I look back the way I've come.

Centipedes. Spiders with Nick's face. A tentacle thing sprouts heads as it moves. Burgess. Quay. Charlie Anpu. Their teeth are little hatpins that the insects cling to like the cornstalks.

My legs get weak. I'm hot. Then cold. The insects mass around my feet.

I smash headfirst through the next couple of corn rows. Get up the na'at and slice through the rest. But I'm not going fast enough.

The insects are on my legs. I feel them crawl inside my leg where I cut myself. They're moving through my veins and arteries.

I run.

Someone is up ahead.

If it's my father, I'm going to punch him in his fucking face.

It isn't my father.

Hesediel slits her throat and falls into the tank.

I jump for her.

And land on concrete. I roll. Smash into the side of a parked car.

I pull myself up on the bumper and look around.

This feels real. I smell the exhaust fumes. Feel the too-hot sun on my back.

I turn and look behind me. No bugs. No dead angels.

Maximum Overdrive is just across the street.

I want to run, but all I can do is limp.

I stumble into the shop. It's full of customers. They look at me. Is this real? It could be a movie. But which one?

“Oh, my ears and whiskers,” I say. “How late it's getting.”

“Fuck me,” whispers Kasabian. Then he yells, “Candy!”

It's definitely too hot in here.

I
THINK
I'
M
asleep for a long time.

Allegra comes by a lot. Vidocq comes by too.

“Hey old man.”

“Hey yourself,” he says. “Look at you. Always getting in trouble. Always worrying people.”

“A born drama queen,” says Allegra.

“You have to admit, when you get sick it's always something exotic,” says Candy.

“Next time,
you
get bitten.”

“I did.”

She holds up her hand. It's wrapped in gauze. I didn't notice until now.

“You all right?”

“I'm fine. Just a little sore. I was counting on you being my houseboy for a while, but, well, that's not going to happen is it, Camille?”