Authors: Scott Michael Decker
Snarling Jaguar guffawed, pounding the ground with a fist.
“Laugh, you blood drinking weasel! Laugh like the Infinite! The first chance I get I'll shove your face into a cesspool!”
Snarling Jaguar laughed harder.
“Why are you keeping me paralyzed, you scum faced, diseased penis of a wart hog? Afraid of what I'll do when you set me loose?”
His face to the sky, Snarling Jaguar's laughter rolled over the hills. “You're hilarious, Lord General. Insult me more!”
Guarding Bear glared at him, then abruptly laughed also. “That's all the obligatory flattery you'll get from me.”
“Do you know why you're here, Lord General?”
“Obviously, Lord Emperor, you've taken me, my medacor, my niece and the Lady Snow hostage. Has Flying Arrow declared war on your stinking Empire yet?”
Snarling Jaguar smiled. “No, Lord General, and I haven't on yours, despite your violating the Inviolate Insignia.”
Sighing, Guarding Bear frowned. “Oh, that—forgive me, Lord Emperor, I acted rashly. Infinite be with you, Lady Snow. This testicle sucker's warrior didn't hurt you, did he?”
“The Lord Blow did no irreparable damage, Lord Bear,” Fleeting Snow said, smiling.
“Your language, Lord General!” Snarling Jaguar said in mock shock. “Shall I have your speech disabled again?”
Guarding Bear sighed. “Not necessary, Lord Emperor. How went the negotiations?”
“Other than your indecorous behavior, very well. I filched Swan Valley from the Lord Emperor Arrow, got a consort for my son, made an alliance with the Lady Matriarch Water, bargained for the Lady Snow's knowledge about the Tiger Fortress, and got possession of you, Lord General.”
* * *
“Eh, Lord Emperor? Of me?” Guarding Bear hoped he feigned enough surprise, silently blessing Healing Hand for his friendship.
“To give the Lord Emperor Arrow time to forgive your unpardonable transgression, the Lady Matriarch and I decided you'll hibernate in the Southern Empire for awhile.”
“Nothing more fun than pissing on the feet of Emperors, eh Lord Emperor?” the General said.
Snarling Jaguar laughed. “If I have the Lady Medacor release you, Lord General, will you come with me peacefully?”
“I agree to restrain my urge to strangle you, Lord Emperor.”
“Your restraint is admirable.” The Emperor signaled to the medacor.
Calming Touch passed her hands across the General's head. “You'll find your muscles responding slowly for a few days, Lord Bear. I suggest you wait before doing anything strenuous, such as provoking a fight with the Lord Emperor Jaguar.”
“My very thought. Thank you, Lady Touch. Would you like to test my arousal responses tonight?”
“We'll see, Lord Bear,” she said, smiling briefly.
“So, my niece, you've become the Lord Heir's consort, eh? My mate's been hawking her wares.” Guarding Bear stretched his muscles, stiff from disuse.
“Yes, Lord Bear,” Sparkling Stream replied. “The Lady Water's arrangement pleases me immensely.”
“Glad to hear it, Lady Stream. May your fertile womb always stiffen the stalk of the jaguar.”
“You're so kind, Lord Bear, thank you,” Sparkling Stream said, kissing him. “Your puns are the worst, however.”
Smiling, Guarding Bear struggled from the palanquin, swaying unsteadily. “Help me stand, eh?” With her aid, he stepped forward tentatively. “I
do
feel sluggish, Lady Medacor. I'm getting old; Infinite forbid I slow down, eh?” He glanced at Snarling Jaguar. “Allow me to bow properly, Lord Emperor.” He knelt to put his head in the grass.
Smiling, Snarling Jaguar nodded to acknowledge.
Guarding Bear settled himself on his haunches. “Lady Snow.” He bent his index finger to beckon.
Fleeting Snow knelt before him. “Yes, Lord Bear?”
“That's not necessary between us, my friend,” he murmured, gesturing her to sit beside him. “Why didn't you tell us about the trade?”
“I didn't have the chance, my friend. I didn't know Scowling Tiger planned to trade me away until that day.”
“Not to worry, eh?” Guarding Bear said, shrugging. “Have you spoken with the Lady?”
Smiling, Fleeting Snow nodded.
“Has she already told you that you may ask anything of us? As I thought. If we can grant it, we will.”
Nodding, Fleeting Snow laughed gaily. “I need to think about it, my friend. Before you make any promises, you'd better hear what the Lord Emperor wants to tell you.”
“Eh? What could
he
tell me?” Then Guarding Bear smiled. “He
could
tell me how to stop being the Peasant Upstart Usurper. Lord Emperor, I'm very grateful you insisted Flying Arrow spare me for my unforgivable insult. I admire your strength and wisdom. Few would've restrained themselves as you did. Again, thank you, Lord Emperor.” Grinning, Guarding Bear bowed.
“We both succumbed to pride, Lord General. I happened to recover first.” Snarling Jaguar shrugged. “You'd have done the same in my moccasins, eh?”
Looking inside himself, Guarding Bear nodded. “Yes, I'd have done the same. What did you want to tell me, Lord Emperor?”
Snarling Jaguar looked around at the assembled people. Most of them smiled. Fleeting Snow turned to watch Guarding Bear's face. Grinning at the General, Snarling Jaguar said, “The Lady Consort Flowering Pine is pregnant.”
Guarding Bear looked off into the distance, his face blank, his shoulders easing back, his spine straightening. “Infinite bless her,” he said absently.
Stalking Jaguar leaned forward, looking baffled. “You're not
angry
, Lord General?”
“Eh?” Guarding Bear returned from his absence. “Angry, Lord Heir? No, not at all. That's
wonderful
news!” He returned his attention to the distance. “I wonder which castle lackey she straddled. Do you think she gutted him?” he asked the Emperor.
Snarling Jaguar laughed and shook his head. “You have such a talent, Lord General, for finding the darkness amidst the light.”
“I work very hard at it, Lord Emperor.” Perhaps too hard, Guarding Bear thought. “No, Lord Heir, I'd be foolish to want anything else. A Succession Assured brings peace, eh? Now, we won't have a struggle for the throne in the interregnum.”
“I don't understand, Lord General,” the young man said. “You'd
win
that struggle. You or your progeny would rule the Eastern Empire!”
“Perhaps, Lord Heir, perhaps not. I want what's better for the Empire more than I want to be Emperor.”
Stalking Jaguar's disbelief was plain. “Forgive me, Lord General, but isn't your usurping the throne better for the Empire?”
They want me to stay the same, Guarding Bear thought, frowning. To them, I'll always be the Peasant Upstart Usurper. I'm not and never have been. I
won't
let them dictate my role. The General looked into his soul and found the quiet strength of the Infinite. “Not if it costs fifty thousand Eastern lives, Lord Heir, not if it costs a single Eastern life. What good is dominion if I have to decimate the people over whom I exert that dominion?” Guarding Bear looked around, content with the Succession Assured. “Infinite bless her.”
“Lord General,” Snarling Jaguar said, “she's pregnant with twins.”
“Eh?” Guarding Bear looked around, distaste on his face. “Infinite blast her, they'll fight between themselves for the throne!”
Snarling Jaguar laughed. “Perhaps, Lord General, perhaps not. The Lady Matriarch Water divined the pregnancy as the negotiations concluded and said, 'One would be too few.' ”
Guarding Bear looked at him, expecting him to continue. “That's all she said?”
Snarling Jaguar repeated Bubbling Water's whole prophecy.
Guarding Bear shook his head. “Nothing more than that, Lord Emperor? Blast! You know the vagaries of prophecy; that could have a thousand meanings. True, perhaps one son will die. Infinite knows, eh? Still, the Lady Consort's pregnancy brings us all hope. The Empire prays the sons won't repeat the father's mistakes.”
“Depends on their teachers, eh Lord General?”
“So it does, Lord Emperor Jaguar,” Guarding Bear replied, a half smile on his face, his gaze on the distance again. That's the secret, he thought. If I won't usurp the throne from the tyrant because the price is too high, I'll
teach
the sons how to govern. Guarding Bear silently thanked Snarling Jaguar for pointing the way.
“Well, bless the Lady Consort anyway.” Thank you, dear Lord Infinite, for answering my prayers, the retired General thought. “Listen, all of you,” Guarding Bear said in his resonant voice of command, “I don't want the throne for myself or my children. No matter what you believe, I'm not the Peasant Upstart Usurper.
“I'm Guarding Bear,” he said, knowing exactly what that meant.
* * *
Scott Michael Decker, MSW, is an author by avocation and a social worker by trade. He is the author of twenty-plus novels, mostly in the Science Fiction genre and some in the Fantasy genre. His biggest fantasy is wishing he were published. His fifteen years of experience working with high-risk populations is relieved only by his incisive humor. Formerly interested in engineering, he's now tilting at the windmills he once aspired to build. Asked about the MSW after his name, the author is adamant it stands for Masters in Social Work, and not “Municipal Solid Waste,” which he spreads pretty thick as well. His favorite quote goes, “Scott is a social work novelist, who never had time for a life” (apologies to Billy Joel). He lives and dreams happily with his wife near Sacramento, California.
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