The Paler Shade of Autumn (29 page)

Jet is showing Autumn another of the properties he is thinking of buying. So many months and he has not been able to make up his mind, despite selling his Sydney apartment two months ago.

Autumn wears a pair of burnt orange gloves and clasps Jet’s hand tight. “You really need to make up your mind. The amount of money you spend on that hotel would have paid for a deposit on an apartment thrice.”

He chuckles.

They enter a building, sandstone, ornate, possessed of historical Brisbane charm. The foyer is breathtaking: parquetry floors, flowery corniced ceilings complete with chandeliers.

“I’m loving this foyer. Maybe you should ask about buying this floor.”

Again he chuckles, but remains silent. She watches Jet as they ride the elevator up to the apartment. His jaw seems tight, his shoulders tense.
Is he nervous? He is never nervous
. She smiles and clasps his hand tighter. “I’m sure if you like it, I will too,” she says.

He nods, still mute.

The doors open up to the apartment. Though bare, with plain beige walls, it is beautiful: columns, glossy timber floors, ornate cornices, antique light fittings, window seats and a view of the river and Story Bridge. Jet shows her from room to expansive room, each as exquisite as the next, until he leads her into the master bedroom, a room that surpasses all the rest; the heart of this amazing apartment. It is enormous, with a walk-in-wardrobe as big as the bedroom in her own apartment. The en suite is all contemporary marble, complete with a claw-foot bath and double-headed shower.

“It’s simply breathtaking. The entire apartment,” she says, spinning in the centre of the room, attempting to absorb it all at once. She smiles at Jet, who is observing her intently. “Please tell me you’re going to buy this. If I had the money I’d buy this.”

He laughs out loud and pulls her into his arms. “I’m so glad you like it.”

“I love it. I absolutely love it, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is if you love it. You’re the one who has to live here. I don’t even begrudge you waiting so long to decide on a place now, because you were obviously waiting for this to become available.”

“It’s not that I didn’t like any of the other apartments we viewed. I did like them and I could have lived in them.”

“But?”

“But in every place there was something missing. I’ve been unable to figure out what, until I found this place.”

“And what is it, Jet?” she asks, eyes wide.

“You, Autumn. You’ve been missing.”

Her forehead furrows as she smiles. “But I looked at every apartment with you.”

He nods. “Yes, but you weren’t going to live permanently in them with me. You weren’t going to own them with me.”

Autumn narrows her eyes. “What are you saying?”

He takes a deep breath in and offers an anxious, smile. “I’m saying that I want to marry you and I want you to live here with me as my wife.”

Her mouth gapes, eyes wide.

“Marry me, Autumn,” he says.

“Is—is this a proposal?”

Jet laughs nervously. “Yes. It’s a proposal. Autumn Leone will you marry me?”

Autumn’s lips tremble as she tries to smile or cry, she can’t decide which. Tears pool in her eyes and fall onto her cheeks when she manages an exuberant laugh. “Yes, Jet. I would love to marry you.”

Jet laughs with her. “I’d love you to marry me. I love you, Autumn. I love you and I need you in my life.”

She giggles, loud and carefree, and jumps into his arms. He spins her around, laughing, kissing her.

“Oh, I nearly forgot,” he says, planting her feet back onto the floor. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a black ring box. He opens it; lifts a ring from its satiny centre.

She reefs off her left glove and holds out her hand for him. Autumn gasps, covers her mouth with her other hand as she spies the beautiful, square-cut diamond.

He laughs. “That’s a good gasp right?”

She jumps up and down excitedly as he pushes the ring onto her finger, fitting perfectly. “Yes, it’s a good gasp, a gasp of utter amazement. You couldn’t have chosen a more perfect ring. It’s so beautiful. Is it—oh I can hardly ask—is it antique?”

He nods. “Fitting for our history I think.”

Tears fill her eyes and her throat constricts. “So fitting,” she whispers, lifting her hand and watching the diamond sparkle as the light catches its facets. She leans in to him and kisses him hard on the lips. “Thank you, Jet. You make me so happy. You are truly too good to me.”

“Never. I could never be too good to you. Though, I’m relieved you like the apartment because I’ve already signed the contract.”

She raises a single eyebrow.

“All it needs is your signature and then it’s a done deal. We move in here in thirty days.”

“I really should be able to anticipate your presumptuousness by now.”

“Is it presumptuousness or is it that I know you well?”

She grins. “Maybe a bit of both.”

“Whatever it is, it certainly didn’t stop the anxiety and incessant self-questioning I’ve had all morning.”

Autumn throws her arms around his neck and presses her lips to his for a long, glorious moment. She lifts her hand up behind his head and spies the glittering, most amazing diamond on her ring finger and an excited shriek sounds from her throat. “Tae is going to flip when she hears the news and sees this ring. But I’m not going to tell Mum and Dad or Jordy until tonight at dinner.”

She doesn’t understand what possesses her to do it, perhaps the bliss overwhelming her senses, but she reaches for Jet’s hand. The first time in many months. She wraps her fingers over his and her mind is flooded with all his emotions of pleasure, relief, peace and a love so deep it transcends all that happens and has ever happened in his life. She lets go and stares up into his buttery brown eyes, so kind, generous. “I love you just as much, Jet,” she says softly.

“I know you do.” He kisses her on the cheek.

She slides the other glove off her hand and tucks it into her pocket. “I’m not even going to wear these today, I’m that happy.”

Jet laughs and threads his arm around her elbow. “I’m glad, because you’ve made me that happiest I’ve ever been.”

Autumn and Jet don’t arrive at the Leone residence until night has blackened the neighbourhood. Their Sunday roast is minutes from being served when they step into the kitchen.

“You’re late,” says Mrs Leone lifting her head from the baking tray filled with roast vegetables.

“I’m sorry, but we had, um, things to do. It was hard to get away,” says Autumn, a blush spreading across her collarbones and up her neck. Her excuse is a version of the truth—they did have things to do, like spend the entire afternoon together in bed.

Mrs Leone carries the tray to the table. “Alright, take your seats. Dinner is ready.” She strides from the kitchen, bringing back Frank, Jordy, Rose and Sienna.

Sitting around the table, Jordy stands, lifting his glass of wine in front of him. They share speculative glances with each other.

“What’s going on?” asks Mrs Leone, unable to decide on a smile or a frown, shifting between both.

“I have some news that I felt needed sharing before we dig into this delicious dinner.”

“News?” says Frank, eyebrows arched.

Autumn looks to Jet, wonders if he has told Jordy of their news. Surely not, and besides, Jordy wouldn’t be the one to jump up and tell everyone.

Jordy clears his throat and looks to Rose, eyes oozing with affection. “I would just like to tell you that Rose and I are going to have a baby.”

Autumn gasps and Mrs Leone squeals. Her mother jumps up from her seat, jogs around the table and throws her arms around her son. “Oh, this is wonderful news. Such wonderful news. I can’t believe it.” She moves on to Rose, hugging her tightly, nearly strangling her with an embrace. “How far along are you, love?”

“Seven weeks,” says Rose.

“Oh, my. This is just wonderful. Isn’t it Frank?”

Frank smiles, turns to his son, hand extended. “Congratulations, son.”

Autumn watches the interactions and giggles gleefully. She exchanges a silent look with Jet; a look, which communicates that their own good news will have to wait. She hops up from her seat and cuddles her brother; a long, loving embrace and when she releases her arms her eyes are gleaming, as are his. “I’m so excited for you both,” she says, looking back from one to the other. “I’m going to be an Aunty. And you, Jordy, you’re going to be a dad.”

“I know. Can you even believe it?”

Autumn grins and shakes her head. “No. I can’t. But even so, I’m over the moon.”

Jet offers his congratulations with a shake of the hand to Jordy and a kiss on Rose’s cheek.

Frank stands and raises his glass in the air. “To new life, to new beginnings, and to new and old love alike.”

They all thrust their glasses into the air, and take a gulp of their respective drinks. All through dinner, conversation revolves around the imminent arrival of the tiny being nestling in Rose’s womb, as though the foetus was a little magnet pulling them all towards it. The atmosphere crackles and sparkles with excitement and anticipation. Each of their lives has veered off their current path, to some degree, in a fresh and welcomed direction.

The family drink, eat, laugh and reminisce, but mostly talk about the future. Midnight is nearing when Autumn and Jet get up to leave. As a family, they gather around the front door, shaking hands and kissing cheeks, discussing when they will meet next, what plans they have for the immediate week ahead. Only with one foot out the door, does Rose spy the glittering jewel on Autumn’s finger; a symbol of news planned to be announced at dinner, but soon overshadowed by Rose and Jordy’s own good news.

Rose snatches for Autumn’s hand and takes it in hers. “What’s this? An engagement ring?” she screeches.

But to Autumn, Rose could have cursed at her the worst names utterable and she would have been oblivious, as her mind is lost to the flow of images streaming from Rose’s mind to her own. While the rest of the family’s attentions are on her, Autumn’s attention is fixated on the cinematic scenes of the future.

With a deep intake of breath, Autumn stumbles out the door, her legs taking on the consistency of runny egg yolk. She finds Jet’s shoulder with her trembling hand and holds on tightly, straightening her body, avoiding the otherwise imminent collapse onto the front porch floor. Jet wraps his arms around her and pulls her body in close.

“Are you ok, Autumn?” he asks, quickly.

Autumn looks up to Jet, then to her Mum, whose face is overcome with an aggressive frown, eyes wide. She quickly averts her eyes, not able to meet Rose’s and definitely not Jordy’s. She strains a smile. “I’m fine, Jet. Too much wine,” she says.

Rose, unaware of Autumn’s
abilities
, readily accepts her explanation for her condition. “Are you engaged or what?” she asks.

Autumn catches her breath, which seems to have receded from her lungs, but can’t utter a single word, not even a syllable.

“Yes, we are,” says Jet. “We thought we’d best not compete with the wonderful news of the baby. I think I’d better get Autumn home now, though.”

Mrs Leone nods, lips pursed.

Rose screws up her face, confused.

“Come on,” says Jet, wrapping his arm around Autumn’s waist, bearing the majority of her weight.

The family falls into silence, which lasts until Autumn and Jet have reached their car and driven off up the road.

Autumn’s phone rings before she is able to break the silence that has also filled the void inside the car.

It’s Jordy.

“What did you see?” he asks.

Autumn gulps down the sob that has forced its way to the back of her throat.

“Autumn, what did you fucking see?”

“Rose will lose the baby,” she whispers into the phone.

She doesn’t wait for his reaction and ends the call not saying anything more. She doesn’t give the details: the blood that floods Rose’s jeans and drips onto the white bathroom tiles, smearing with each bare footprint towards the toilet. Blood that Jordy will later mop up and on the smudges that have dried, get on his knees to scrub them away. She doesn’t explain the deluge of grief that rips through Rose’s soul as a painful contraction forces her to her hands and knees and provides the certainty that she has lost the baby she made with the man she loves.

“I’m sorry.” says Jet.

Autumn wipes the tears from her eyes with her dress. “I can’t take much more of this shit. I can’t do it. We need to find someone, a doctor, someone, someone who can take away this curse of mine.”

“With or without your curse, ability, what have you, bad things are still going to happen. You will never be able to stop that.”

“I know. I know. But at least I won’t be the harbinger of bad news. At least I will be like others and have it come into my life when it’s supposed to. Not before. At least I won’t have to live for months with the anticipation of the worst. What if I touch Dad’s hand one day and I see him dying, or Mum, or you. How will I cope with that?”

“It will be an advanced warning of something that will happen regardless. You will get to spend quality time with them, which is a lot better than many people get. Surely that’s the better option?”

Autumn sighs. “You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But it’s not the natural way, Jet. It’s not normal. It’s not right. And it’s hard. It’s so fucking hard.”

Autumn attempts to rationalise the events of the night during the drive home to Jet’s hotel room. She’s knows Jet is right—with or without her gift, Jordy losing his baby to miscarriage is an inevitability she cannot control, no matter how much she wishes she could. But something still niggles at her, something she can’t quite place as a solid thought, yet can feel in her body in the way her stomach muscles clench and her heart speeds up every time she comes close to finding out what it is.

“I feel invasive,” Autumn says, unbuttoning her dress when they are in Jet’s bedroom.

He stands behind her and wraps his arms around her waist; kisses her head. “How so?”

“To have seen the images so vividly and to feel the pain of the contractions and experience their soul-destroying grief seems invasive, like I have intruded on Jordy and Rose’s privacy.”