âKeep firing. Cover him,' the sar-major is yelling again. I'm scared and he is starting to give me the shitsâ¦always yelling.
Harry lunges forward, runs ten or so feet and flings the grenade. Heads down, hide your faces.
The grenade explodes with a sharp, almost ridiculous, crack and a fountain of deadly white phosphorous showers onto the enemy position.
A North Viet soldier, his head on fire, runs shrieking onto the road, twisting, squirming arms flailing the air as he tries desperately to extinguish the flames.
âOne for Bung,' smiles the signaller lying beside me, as he sends a burst into the screaming man's legs.
The North Viet collapses writing on the ground.
âFinish him off,' someone calls.
âLet the cunt burn,' replies the signaller, the cold smile still on his face.
The sar-major sights and puts a round into the head of the screaming enemy.
âWho's the fucking humanitarian?' grunts the signaller, changing magazines.
WE move across the bridge in single file, past the smouldering corpse. The smell of roasted flesh hangs thickly, sick-sweet, in the air as we pass the enemy gun crew, roasted, still manning their guns now damaged beyond repair by Harry's grenade.
I look behind me and see a medic cutting Bung's lower dog tag from the green cord that circles our dead comrade's throat.
My toe has cracked open again. Bloody tinea.
âHow does the saying go?' asks Harry from behind me.
âWhat saying?'
â“You knew the job was dangerous when you took it.” That saying.'
âOh
that
saying,' I reply.
A gunship passes over our heads and makes several sweeps across the market place. Puffs of smoke drift from the electrically operated Gatling guns mounted just above its skids as it rakes the wooden buildings.
A dirty, brown-coloured dog runs past us and stops next to the North Vietnamese corpse that claimed Bung. Wagging its tail, it dips its head then races down the road and across the bridge, a length of grey intestine dangling from its mouth. No gun carriages hereâ¦and it's cheaper than Pal.
âGot a cigarette?' Harry asks, lengthening his step and moving up beside me.
I am waiting for him to mention Bung.
He takes the cigarette and falls back in behind me.
He says nothing.
THE rain, the most welcome mid-morning rain, starts to splash down on the smashed town in large heavy drops, drenching and cooling friend and enemy alike. Small bursts of popping, sizzling steam rise from the charred and smouldering market place. No one relaxes.
Our tired, sweaty assault group, wet clothes hanging from our smelly bodies like soaked sheets of newspaper, lies peering into deserted and burning buildings. Seventeen patrol, struggling under the weight of their M-60 and several green-painted ammunition canisters, moves up past the three-tread concrete steps behind which Harry and myself shelter. Harry is reloading the small jewel-box-size magazines of his Armalite from several compact white cardboard packages, each stamped repetitiously with the words REMINGTON CAL .222.
âFinished,' he mutters as he shoves a fresh magazine into the open metal housing that sits like a square toothless mouth in the belly of his weapon. His index and middle fingers hook themselves over the T shape of the cocking handle and the tendons stand out in uniformly spread lines on the back of his hand as he draws the bolt back then releases his grip to let it crack hungrily forward in search of the shiny new round.
The rain, cooling and welcome half an hour ago, now becomes irritating. The whole thing has gone beyond a joke. No more warrior camaraderie now. Each of us sits and waits for the counter-attack that we know must come soon.
NO more striving to become part of the efficient professional world of the professional soldier. Fuck their professionalism. The war has been lost, we realise it at last. The politicians and we the imbecile followers, imbeciles to follow, know that we have been betrayed for a political lie. Yet we are here, we can't go home when it's over, when the protest is over or when the RSL closes.
We are stuck here, refusing to admit defeat, an army of frustrated pawns, tired, wet and sold out. Yet we still believe in our task; still, after all this, we are bound together all over the world, friend and enemy alike, the soldier, the green-clad, second-class citizen of the earth, more professional in our hopelessness than all the other professional men of the world put together.
We charge no high fees to defend a grubby street. We demand no increases in rates to make calls at night. We will arrive at any dictated hour to join in our pastimeâto hunt and dispose of each other in the ultimate test of the mind, the reward of which is life for another day, another week. You have angered us, all of us, your praetorians from the red tabs downwards are angry.
You have lied to us for the last time. We, the survivors, will come home, will move amongst you, will wait, will be revenged.
âYou blokes like a biscuit?' The signaller extends a hand. Harry and I take a hard slab of oatmeal from the brown paper package held between grubby wet fingers.
âTa awfully,' comes from Harry's oatmeal-filled mouth.
STEAM rises from the road as the sun reclaims its cooling water, drying our faces and clothes. Islands appear, white-ringed salt cakes drawn on acne-covered, green-hidden backs.
âWhat's that place?' a finger points, sabring the air towards the yellow walled building with sepia rust bleedings smeared down its sides.
âIt's the orphanage.'
âYou four. Over the wall and see if it's clear.'
âCall down some artillery. Why not?'
âMight be kids in there. Can't take the chance. The newspapers would have us for breakfast if we called a fire mission on kids.'
âDon't see too many newspapermen around here.'
âDon't argue. Just do it.'
âBugger the kids.'
Four men dive across the street. A rifle ridges two pairs of hands as a dirty boot with white worn toe leather springs up from the ground, pauses on it for a moment, then swings over the wall.
âOK.' Muffled.
The other three scramble up the yellow stone and vanish.
âGlad it's not me,' hisses Harry, blowing his nose on his fingers.
I can't be bothered answering him. Two large blue flies perform a love ritual on my left forearm. I brush them away savagely, annoyed by their presence and the possibility of their enjoyment.
Up from behind the steps and make for the next doorway. A short burst of fire, then the familiar crump of a grenade as another building is cleared and exchanges loyalties.
âHow many were there?'
âTwo only.' Two fingers held aloft signify the kill.
âHow's your ammunition?'
âFine, how's yours?'
âWell set up at the end of this street.' The sar-major is yelling again. âMove out. GO.'
We run the thirty or so yards to where the street ends in a confusion of broken masonry and projectile-chiselled holes. Smoke drifts from a small crater in the road. M-60 bipods clatter to the ground, push forward, sliding into fire positions as gun crews shelter behind thirty-six-inch black barrels and chained ammunition, consoling their weapons with grunts and boot shuffles, dragged through the town by their black, reptilian protectors.
Magazines changing, hooking, pulling back and clicking home. Familiar sounds again.
A water bottle arcs up from the half-diamond sweat patch of a green back and glues itself to its supplicant's dry lips. There's a purpose for everything. Even insanity.
Scan the tread soles, the worn tread soles of combat boots, green cotton pulled lash tight over bent knees and thighs.
A pair of hands followed by a head appears at the lip of the orphanage wall.
âSeems to be clear.'
âWhat's in there?'
âOnly a few nuns.'
âDo they screw?' comes from the cigarette-punctuated mouth of a machine gunner. A few of us laugh. Most of us don't even bother to listen.
âSir,' the signaller is calling the sar-major.
âYeah?'
âSunray, sir. We're ordered back. Choppers on the way.'
The four scouting infantrymen slide back over the wall, the last one ripping his shirt on the iron railing as he drops to the roadway.
âOK. Pull back.'
âSir?' The signaller again.
âWhat now?'
âSunray's congratulations on taking the bridge.'
âMy compliments to Sunray. Inform him we're moving back now.'
âMakes you wonder, doesn't it. A whole morning's work for nothing,' grunts Harry getting to his feet and blowing his nose on his fingers.
âARE you awake?'
âYeah.'
âYou're going home.'
âWhat?' Sitting up.
âYou're going home.'
âWho?'
âYou.'
âJust me?'
âNo. You and you.' The 2 IC's pointing finger sweeps, stops, hovers at Harry and myself.
âHow soon can you be ready?'
âSoon as you like, sir.'
âRight. There's a Caribou to Saigon in an hour, correction, fifty minutes. Hand your weapons in as soon as possible.'
âI don't believe itâ¦YOU FUCKING SCREAMER.' Harry is jumping up and down and yelling, shaking my hand, laughing.
A few sets of camouflage clothing thrown into kitbags. Boots blackenedâ¦impossible to shine. Half-clean set of green fatigues. Thrown on badges. Ribbon bars pinned on shirts.
Weapons handed in. Look after your rifle, it'll look after you. Try to picture home streets, old friends, families. Be there soon.
âThere's no pull-through here.' The supply corporal.
âAw Jesus, who cares?'
âOK. Forget it. Have a good trip, you lucky bastards.'
âYeah. Look after yourself.'
Packed, ready.
One last look around the tent. Bye Shaw, Bung, footless Rogers.
Walk down the road⦠âHey, cookie!'
âYeah?'
âGET FUCKED.'
âYou too.'
Handshakes. Harry and the cook.
âLook after yourself, cookie.'
âYou too.'
HARRY and I. Sydney Airport. More handshakes.
âWanna beer?'
âWanna beer?'
âWhy not?'
âWhen's your flight?'
âEight tomorrow.' Climb the stairs to the bar.
Red carpets. Carpets. When was the last timeâ¦
âTwo of your best beers, please.'
âYou just back from Vietnam?'
âNo,' answers Harry.
âOh.' The barman moves away.
Harry and I grin at one another. Looks at his watch.
âI gotta make a telephone call.'
âSee you downstairs.' And on my own, I start thinking. Now for tribute and trappingsâ¦War Service Homes and new, second-hand Holdens. All one has to doâ¦
âAnother beer?'
âThanks.'
â¦is raise the deposit. Bullshit's a deposit. Festooned. Still dust carrying. Still with tinea. Open your gates. Strew my path with the roses of your admiration, and I shall strut, medals, wings, badges flailing on my trusty free gift to all the participants; Boots, General Purposeâ¦slightly used. Smile knowingly.
Pitch your condescending change to the organ grinder's monkey dressed in his green. Well, green once. (The girl beside me at the bar is making gestures as if to advertise the fact that I stink.) And I will lick up the droplets of your pitying safety and clutch them to my inept self, and sniff the dog's arse of your offerings, and let the wash of your pious love hang about my ears as the lace curtain of my military halo.
Shake your heads and let the small change purses of your mouths, so elegantly preened and purged of all grossness, whisper and grunt platitudes.
HARRY is at the bottom of the stairs, his right foot resting on a large green kit bag.
âWell,' he asks. âWhat now?'
âLet's get pissed,' I answer.
âWe'll drop this shit off first.' He indicates his kit bag, âAnd see if we can grab two harlots. Just for fun, eh?'
âWhat a nice idea,' I grin.
Back at the Watsons Bay Hotel.
âTwo beers please,' says Harry. Looks at me. Lapses into fluent cliché.
âHasn't changed a bit has it? Seems like only yesterday.' The beer drips from my chin and onto my shirt front.
âWhat, this joint?'
âUh, huh.' And drains his glass.
âSo here we are,' he says.
âSo here we are,' I answer.
âFuckin' terrific,' mutters Harry. Lifts his eyes skyward.
âFuckin' terrific.'
And as he said it the rain started. We would get drenched as we climbed the hill, I thought.
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