The Nurse's Love (BWWM Romance) (10 page)

“My childhood was nothing special, Cooper, I’d rather not discuss it but you can tell me about yours.” She was fighting now and he knew he had touched on a subject she was uncomfortable with. Perhaps it was the key to why she didn’t believe in love but did believe in God.

“I’ll make you a deal, Faith, I’ll tell you about mine but only after you promise to share yours with me when I’m done?” He smiled at her. Negotiation with Faith Parks was something he liked to do. There were always sparks there. He watched the emotions play out on her face.

“Fine, I agree, but we can ask questions and we have to answer.” Faith set about getting comfortable in her chair and settling in to listen intently to Cooper discuss his childhood. He told her about the fun he had with friends and girls, which he skipped over entirely. He told her about music and how important it was to him growing up. He talked about business and his mother.

“She is quite wonderful, really.” Faith spoke about Mrs. Robinson.

“She is, but she meddles so much.” Cooper ran a hand through his hair. “She means well though.”

“What about your father...?” she asked timidly. She knew this was a sore area.

“What about him, Faith?” He was scowling now but she wanted to talk about it.

“I know but I am asking so share with me, I want to help.” She touched his hand lightly. He flinched and looked over at her. Faith was surprised to see the pain in his eyes.

Cooper started to tell her the story about his father, and how important he had been to him growing up.

“Now you.” He said it simply. “Your turn, Faith.”

“Well you know my parents both died when I was young.” She left it at that.

“Oh no you don’t, Faith, spill.” He rolled over slightly to take in her whole face as she spoke.

“Ok, I lived with my nana for a bit before she died. She was old. She was my very favorite person, she collected cat statues. She said it was less work than the real thing.” Faith smiled as she thought about it.“When she died, I went to live with my aunt and cousin.” Faith took a deep breath and swallowed hard. She glanced over to see him watching her.

“It wasn’t a pleasant experience.” Cooper reached out and took her hand in his.

“Tell me.”

“They were mean, not in the traditional sense. They found an old army cot in the trash one day and propped it up in the laundry room. That is where I slept. It rained a lot. I think it did anyways. There was a hole in the ceiling right above my head.” She laughed a little.

“They made sure I was there to do whatever they wanted. I cooked and cleaned and if I wasn’t, I was in the laundry room on my cot. I remember I found a doll one day after school and I took it home. It was missing an eye and an arm but I cleaned it up and held on to it tight. It comforted me.” She sighed and kept going. “One day they found it and threw it away, I didn’t even know, I just saw that it was gone one day. Then my cousin asked me where my doll was one day, and I knew. I would be allowed to eat whatever scraps they left for me and they didn’t want themselves. Occasionally I would lick the bowl if I was cooking something good, but if I were caught my aunt wouldn’t hesitate to take a wooden spoon to my knuckles.” She rolled onto her side now and looked back at Cooper who looked at her sadly.

“Did you believe in love when you were a child?” he asked, barely a whisper.

“Yes, when I was very young I wanted a family and a life and a handsome husband who would love me. My parents fought so much that over time I just knew it wasn’t real. They stayed together to keep face but they didn’t love each other. Then my aunt would have men around...all the time they would hit her and she would tell them she loved them and they would always try to touch me. I knew better…I knew love wasn’t real. The only person I knew that would love me was God. But now I'm older. I believe it can happen but it isn’t always easy.”

“So you have changed your mind about love then? You told me a few months ago you didn’t. What changed?” He watched her closely.

“I’m not sure it just has.” She turned her face back up to the ceiling.

“What about boyfriends and such, Faith? There is no way you never had a boyfriend.”

“I had some, mainly just friends. When it got to a place where they wanted more, I would end it. It complicates things...love does.”

“I’m sorry, Faith, I’m sorry your life was like that. I keep seeing you as a child and it breaks my heart how anyone could be mean to you or hurt you.”

“Thank you, Cooper, but I am stronger now for it.” She smiled at him.

“Still, I hurt for you.” He said it with some finality. “You know, Faith, not all relationships are like that. There are some that are very good. They just take work, you just haven’t found the right person yet, Faith, that’s all.”

“How do you know there is a ‘right person’ out there, Cooper? How can you be sure?”

He took her hand in his again. “You just need to open your eyes to what’s around you, Faith, that’s all.” Faith enjoyed the moment they shared for a second before breaking the spell by pulling her hand away.

“Well tell me, what did you want to be when you grew up?” She smiled at him encouragingly.

“Okay no laughing, I wanted to be a musician. I played jazz sax and I was pretty good at it. I decided in my senior year of high school I wanted to be a musician. I was planning to follow my dream. When I went to college, my father indulged me slightly; we agreed I could take classes in both musical arts and business. He never put much faith in my musical career ideas. He said they were great for a hobby but not a career. I had gotten into so much trouble as a teen, I think it was his way of making sure I even attended college at all. It took a lot for me to grow up. By the time I had, Andrew was next to take over the business and I was being groomed as a backup. When he got sick in my last year at So Cal, I graduated and took over helping him from home. He couldn’t leave the house for a year.

“So here I am now, I enjoy the health profession and being a doctor, the structure and strategy of it all but I miss the freedom I had in music. My father got well but he was different somehow, he never started back again.”

“Have you ever thought about playing again?” Faith was surprised he had a musical streak, she would have never taken him for that.

“Play now? I can’t even imagine to be honest. I would be nice to try.” He smiled at her. “I would be all over the place doing gigs and playing in a band. Can you just see it?” He laughed heartily.

“Yes, I think it’s important to make time to do what you love, Cooper.” His laughter was infectious and she giggled herself.

“What about you, Faith, do you have a dream you want to fulfill?”

Loving you, she thought to herself but answered, “I want to travel.” She smiled.

“Travel? Where would you like to go?” Cooper asked.

“I have a book, it seems silly I know but it’s filled with things I want to see at each place I want to visit. Mainly I want to go to France.” She explained the nursing abroad program and how she had applied but never heard anything so it probably wasn’t going to happen.

“Don’t give up, Faith, you’re great at your job, maybe one day we can go together. You the nurse and me a musician.” He smiled.

“That would be wonderful, Cooper.” She smiled at him. Knowing it would never happen but enjoying the fantasy, Faith lay on her back and glanced at the ceiling. The nurses came in again to check vitals and Faith excused herself to change into something comfortable and settle in. Cooper went back to his paperwork and she watched him as he intently looked over the document in his hand. It was covered in red and she knew he was in the zone. Cooper was watching Faith as much as she was him. He knew what he wanted to say and what he was feeling but he didn’t know how to tell her…how to approach the subject. “Faith, I hope I didn’t keep you from anything tonight?” she glanced up to see him watching her.

“Did I say something wrong, Cooper?” She sat up.

“No.” He went back to circling things and marking out things in red.

“Then why did you say it like that, I know you, Cooper, and I know when you’re angry. What I don’t know is why.” She stopped his hand from marking through something on the sheet and he glanced up at her.

“I can’t even run away from this argument, look at what a mess I am.” He was sick with despair. He knew he couldn’t fight for her now, not like this, being in the damn hospital.

“Cooper, you have been through something horrible, you have to heal. I just don’t understand why you’re so angry with me.” She said the last part with such sadness he looked over at her to see she was crying quietly.

“Oh, Faith, I’m sorry, I’m not mad at you.” He ran his hand through his hair. “If anything I’m the furthest thing from angry with you.” He hung his head down for a moment. “Faith, come here.”

Faith wiped her eyes and moved towards him. She stopped when she was standing in front of him. He looked up at her and his eyes were glassy.

“I need to tell you something. I don’t want it to scare you but I can't even start to explain it to you unless you hear me out.” Faith could feel the panic start to rise. She could love him, she could admit that to herself but if he felt something back it would make things so complicated…too complicated.

“I think about you most of the time. About your face and the sweetness you give off even when I am being...well, being me. I feel a lot of things for you, Faith, do you understand what I mean?” He watched the emotions on her face. He could see she was starting to retract and he didn’t want that. “I don’t want you to be afraid, Faith, I won’t ever say or do anything you don’t want to hear. Just trust me.”

Faith could feel herself getting colder, her fingers were numb and the panic was subsiding slightly.

“You’re getting married this year, Cooper, have you forgotten about that? What you need to focus on is Cynthia.” Faith pulled away from him and helped him lay back on the pillows.

He sighed. “I’m not marrying her. She is gone all the time. How can she be a partner when she can’t even show up when something bad happens? Besides I don’t love her. I thought I could but it’s not her…” He trailed off.

“You have been in a near death experience, Cooper, you’re emotional and that’s normal. God put me in your life to simply help remind you of why we are all here and maybe to give you perspective, that’s all. I was at the right place at the right time and you got here and now you’re going to be okay.”

Faith walked towards to the door. “I’m going to go for a walk for a moment, I’ll be right back, Cooper.” She left quickly before he could stop her.

Chapter 16

She felt bad, she had left knowing he couldn’t follow her. It was unfair but she needed to breathe for a moment. What was he trying to tell her? He couldn’t have said more if he had just come right out with it. To hear him speak words of love to her out of emotion would have broken her heart. It was better she stop him before it gets any more complicated. She walked out to the rails in the front of the hospital and took in a deep breath. This was all beginning to be too much. She loved him, she had admitted it a long time ago but she could keep that to herself. She could love him quietly and to herself. If he voiced his own feelings, she would be lost.

She would have to go, especially now. He deserved to know the truth about the baby. Love was not everything and if they voiced it aloud, or worse, acted on it they would both end up unhappy just like her parents. She would rather be without Cooper than to be just one indifferent part of his life. It was too much. She waited a while longer. Thinking and breathing, she let herself focus once more on the importance of what was good in her life. She had come from nowhere and become a nurse to help others. To help people who needed it. Mrs. Robinson was not just a patient anymore. She found herself checking on Mrs. Robinson more often than not, like a mother would, not just as a nurse. She wanted the Robinson family to be happy and whole and hoped that it would be. The interest she had in this family wasn’t healthy. It would only end up with her getting hurt, she knew that now. She prayed for God to give her strength in ignoring these feelings, she prayed and hoped the nursing abroad program would come about so that she could leave and let Cooper find his way back to his fiancée.

She went back inside and noticed that Cooper had fallen asleep. He really was an amazing man. She moved over to him and smoothed back the lock of hair on his brow. She would miss him terribly when she was gone. She snuggled into the chair and drifted off herself. Thinking not of France and Paris ,but of a handsome man.

Chapter 17

The next morning came with a flurry of activity. The nurses came in and Faith noticed it was after 9. She must have slept soundly, Cooper was groggily teasing the nurse who was restarting his IV fluids. He mentioned something about his horrible dragon breath and she blushed at him. Poor girl didn’t stand a chance. Faith was amused. After they left, Faith turned her attention to Cooper. He was bare chested and uncomfortable with the new IV and the loss of hair on his arm where they had pulled out the old one.  He was frowning and rubbing the spot when he noticed Faith looking at him. He grinned and shrugged at her.