Read The Mysterious Stranger Manuscripts (Literature) Online
Authors: Mark Twain
In her triumph and delight she tried to clap her hands, but it was
a failure, they wouldn't clap any more than mushrooms. Then she
said-
"Duplicate, would you believe he is alive if I should prove it?"
"Sho," I said, "come off!-what are you giving me?-as he used
to say. You're talking nonsense, Mary. When a person is dead,
known to be dead, permanently dead, demonstrably dead, you can't
prove him alive, there isn't any way. Come, don't you know that?"
Well, she was just beaming, by now, and she could hardly hold
her system together, she was that near to bursting with the victory
she was going to spring on me. She skipped to the floor and flirted
something to my foot with her paw; I picked it up, and she jumped
into her chair again and said-
"There, now, he said you would know what that is; what is it?"
"It's a thing he calls a paper-Boston paper."
"That's right, that's what he said. And he said it is future English
and you know present English and can read it. Did he say right?"
"The fact is right, but he didn't say it, because he's dead."
"You wait-that's all. He said look at the date."
"Very well. He didn't say it, because he's dead, and of course
wouldn't think of it; but here it is, all the same-June 28, 1905."
"That's right, it's what he said. Then he said ask you what was
the Founder's message to her disciples, that was in the other Boston
paper. What was it?"
"Well, he told me there was an immense war going on, and she
got tired having her people pray for peace and never take a trick for
seventeen months, so she ordered them to quit, and put their
battery out of commission. And he said nobody could understand
the rest of the message, and like enough that very ignorance would
bring on an immense disaster."
"Aha! well, it did! He says the very minute she was stopping the
praying, the two fleets were meeting, and the uncivilized one utterly annihilated the civilized one, and it wouldn't have happened
if she had let the praying go on. Now then, you didn't know that,
did you!"
"No, and I don't know it yet."
"Well, you soon will. The message was June 27, wasn't it?"
"Yes."
"Well, the disaster was that very day-right after the praying
was stopped-and you'll find the news of it in the very next day's
paper, which you've got in your hand-date, June 28."
I took a glance at the big headings, and said-
"M-y word! why it's absolutely so! Baker G., don't you know this
is the most astounding thing that ever happened? It proves he is
alive-nobody else could bring this paper. He certainly is alive, and
back with us, after that tremendous abolishment and extinction
which we witnessed; yes, he's alive, Mary, alive, and glad am I, oh,
grateful beyond words!"
"Oh!" she cried, in a rapture, "it's just splendid, oh, just too
lovely! I knew I could prove it; I knew it just as well! I thought he was gone, when he blazed up and went out, that way, and I was so
scared and grieved-and isn't he a wonder! Duplicate, there isn't
another necromancer in the business that can begin with him, now
is there?"
"You can stake your tale and your ears on it, Mary, and don't you
forget it-as he used to say. In my opinion he can give the whole
trade ninety-nine in the hundred and go out every time, cross-eyed
and left-handed."
"But he isn't, Duplicate."
"Isn't what?"
"Cross-eyed and left-handed."
"Who said he was, you little fool?"
"Why, you did."
"I never said anything of the kind; I said he could if he was.
That isn't saying he was; it was a supposititious case, and literary; it
was a figure, a metaphor, and its function was to augment the force
of the-"
"Well, he isn't, anyway; because I've noticed, and-"
"Oh, shut up! don't I 'tell you it was only a figure, and I never
meant-"
"I don't care, you'll never make me believe he's cross-eyed and
left-handed, because the time he-"
"Baker G., if you open your mouth again I'll jam the boot-jack
down it! you're as random and irrelevant and incoherent and mentallv impenetrable as the afflicted Founder herself."
But she was under the bed by that time; and reflecting, probably,
if she had the machinery for it.
FORTY-FOUR, still playing Balthasar Hoffman the magician,
entered briskly now, and threw himself in a chair. The cat emerged
with confidence, spread herself, purring, in his lap, and said-
"This Duplicate wouldn't believe me when I told him, and when I proved it he tried to cram a boot-jack down my throat, thinking to
scare me, which he didn't, didn't you, Duplicate?"
"Didn't I what?"
"Why, what I just said."
"I don't know what you just said; it was Christian Silence and
untranslatable; but I'll say yes to the whole of it if that will quiet
you. Now then, keep still, and let the master tell what is on his
mind."
"Well, this is on my mind, August. Some of the most distinguished people can't come. Flora McFlimsey-nothing to wear;
Eve, ditto; Adam, previous engagement, and so on and so on; Nero
and ever so many others find the notice too short, and are urgent to
have more time. Very well, we've got to accommodate them."
"But how can we do it? The show is due to begin in an hour.
Listen!"
Boom-m-m-boom-m-m-boom-m-m!-
It was the great bell of the castle tolling the hour. Our American
clock on the wall struck in, and simultaneously the clock of the
village-faint and far, and half of the notes overtaken in their flight
and strangled by the gusty wind. We sat silent and counted, to the
end.
"You see?" said I.
"Yes, I see. Eleven. Now there are two ways to manage. One is,
to have time stand still-which has been done before, a lot of times;
and the other one is, to turn time backward for a day or two, which
is comparatively new, and offers the best effects, besides.
"-'Beautiful Snow,' you see; it hasn't been written yet. I vote to
reverse-and that is what we will do, presently. We will make the
hands of the clocks travel around in the other direction."
"But will they?"
"Sure. It will attract attention-make yourself easy, as to that.
But the stunning effect is going to be the sun."
"How?"
"Well, when they see him come rising up out of the west, about
half a dozen hours from now, it will secure the interest of the entire
world."
"I should think as much."
"Oh, yes, depend upon it. There is going to be more early rising
than the human race has seen before. In my opinion it'll be a
record."
"I believe you are right about it. I mean to get up and see it
myself. Or stay up."
"I think it will be a good idea to have it rise in the south-west,
instead of the west. More striking, you see; and hasn't been done
before."
"Master, it will be wonderful! It will be the very greatest marvel
the world has ever seen. It will be talked about and written about as
long as the human race endures. And there'll not be any disputing
over it, because every human being that's alive will get up to look at
it, and there won't be one single person to say it's a lie."
"It's so. It will be the only perfectly authenticated event in all
human history. All the other happenings, big and little, have got to
depend on minority-testimony, and very little of that-but not so,
this time, dontcherknow. And this one's patented. There aren't
going to be any encores."
"How long shall we go backwards, Balthasar?"
"Two or three days or a week; long enough to accommodate
Robert Bruce, and Henry I and such, who have hearts and things
scattered around here and there and yonder, and have to get a
basket and go around and collect; so we will let the sun and the
clocks go backwards a while, then start them ahead in time to fetch
up all right at midnight to-night-then the shades will begin to
arrive according to schedule."
"It grows on me! It's going to be the most prodigious thing that
ever happened, and-"
"Yes," he burst out, in a rapture of eloquence, "and will round
out and perfect the reputation I've been building for Balthasar
Hoffman, and make him the most glorious magician that ever lived,
and get him burnt, to a dead moral certainty. You know I've taken a lot of pains with that reputation; I've taken more interest in it than
anything I've planned out in centuries; I've spared neither labor nor
thought, and I feel a pride in it and a sense of satisfaction such as I
have hardly ever felt in a mere labor of love before; and when I get
it completed, now, in this magnificent way, and get him burnt, or
pulverized, or something showy and picturesque, like that, I shan't
mind the trouble I've had, in the least; not in the least, I give you
my word."
Boom-m-m-boom-m-m-boom-m-m-
"There she goes! striking eleven again."
"Is it really?"
"Count-you'll see."
It woke the cat, and she stretched herself out about a yard and a
half, and asked if time was starting back-which showed that she
had heard the first part of the talk. And understood it of course,
because it was in German. She was informed that time was about to
start back; so she arranged herself for another nap, and said that
when we got back to ten she would turn out and catch that rat
again.
I was counting the clock-strokes-counting aloud-
"Eight . . . . nine . . . . ten . . . . eleven-"
FortyFour shouted-
"Backward! turn backward! 0 Time in thy flight! Look at the
clock-hands! Listen!"
Instantly I found myself counting the strokes again, aloud-
"Eleven . . . ten . . . . nine . . . eight . . . . seven . . . six
. . . .five. . . .four. . .two. . . one!"
At once the cat woke and repeated her remark about re-catching
the rat-saying it backwards!
Then FortyFour said-
"see you'll-Count."
Whereupon I said—
really? it Is"
And he remarked-the booming of the great castle clock mixing
with his words-
"again. eleven striking goes! she There word (here his voice began to become impressive, then to nobly rise, and swell, and grow
in eloquent feeling and majestic expression), my you give I least,
the in not least; the in had, I've trouble the mind shan't I that, like
picturesque, and showy something or pulverized, or burnt, him get
and way, magnificent this in now, completed, it get I when and
before; love of labor mere a in felt ever hardly have I as such
satisfaction of sense a and it in pride (here his voice was near to
breaking, so deeply were his feelings stirred) a feel I and thought,
nor labor neither spared I've centuries; in out planned I've anything
than it in interest more taken I've reputation; that with pains of lot
a taken I've know You (here his winged eloquence reached its
loftiest flight, and in his deep organ-tones he thundered forth his
sublime words) certainty. moral dead a to burnt, him get and lived,
ever that magician glorious most the him make and Hoffman,
Balthasar for building been I've reputation the perfect and out
round will and Yes,"-
My brain was spinning, it was audibly whizzing, I rose reeling,
and was falling lifeless to the floor, when 44 caught me. His touch
restored me, and he said-
"I see it is too much for you, you cannot endure it, you would go
mad. Therefore I relieve you of your share in this grand event. You
shall look on and enjoy, taking no personal part in the backward
flight of time, nor in its return, until it reaches the present hour
again and resumes its normal march forward. Go and come as you
please, amuse yourself as you choose."
Those were blessed words! I could not tell him how thankful I
was.
A considerable blank followed-a silent one, for it represented
the unrepeated conversation which he and I had had about the
turning back of time and the sun.
Then another silent blank followed; it represented the interval
occupied by my dispute with the cat as to whether the magician
was come alive again or not.
I filled in these intervals not wearily nor drearily-oh, no indeed,
just the reverse; for my gaze was glued to that American clock watching its hands creeping backward around its face, an uncanny
spectacle!
Then I fell asleep, and when I woke again the clock had gone
back seven hours, and it was mid-afternoon. Being privileged to go
and come as I pleased, I threw off my flesh and went down to see
the grand transformation-spectacle repeated backwards.
It was as impressive and as magnificent as ever. In the darkness
some of the people lay prone, some were kneeling, some were
wandering and tottering about with their hands over their eyes,
Katrina was walking backwards on unsteady feet; she backed further and further, then knelt and bowed her head-then that white
glory burst upon the darkness and 44 stood clothed as with the sun;
and he bent and kissed the old head-and so on and so on, the scene
repeated itself backwards, detail by detail, clear to the beginning;
then the magician, the cat and I walked backward up the stairs and
through the gathering eclipse to my room.