The Morning After (25 page)

The shame of a new admission arose, and Mason released another heavy sigh. “All this while, I've known that you believed that I was still sleeping on the couch because of what happened last year, and I knowingly allowed you to keep thinking that. As long as you thought I was still punishing you, you'd see it as something you deserved, and you wouldn't question me or pressure me to do anything different. Because you promised you would give me all the time I needed. And I knew you'd keep that promise.” Mason closed his eyes and a tear trickled out of the left one. “I figured that I'd just let you keep thinking that until I got my manhood back. I thought this invisible
OUT OF ORDER
sign that was hanging on me was just a temporary setback. I didn't think it would last a whole month, let alone a whole year. And if I could make you think I was still upset about what you did, then you'd never know that I lost
it
to begin with. You know?” Mason's shoulders slumped.

“It was a selfish, terrible, despicable thing to do, babe, and I ain't got no excuse for it. All I can say is I'm sorry. I knew you were being tortured by my alienation, but I let you go on believing that it was all your fault because I didn't want to face you. I just couldn't bring myself to tell you that I wasn't able to satisfy you anymore.” Mason wiped his face again and sniffed before continuing. “Reverend Tides ministered to me and told me how wrong I was. Told me that God wasn't pleased, and I'd never find deliverance in the middle of living a lie. He told me I had to be honest with you. Then he said that once I've done that, I have to start putting my faith and my words into action. In other words, I have to swallow my pride and move back into the bedroom with you.”

Mason shook his head. “This is hard enough. Talking to you even though you can't hear me is hard enough. Lying next to you, looking at your beautiful form, inhaling your natural fragrance . . . Lord knows I don't know how I'm gonna be able to do that knowing that there's nothing I can do with anything I see or smell or . . . touch. And if you look back at me and need some loving, I won't even be able to give it to you.”

Mason shuddered at the thought, then used the hem of his oversized Sean John shirt to dry his face. “I told Reverend Tides that you probably won't even want me in bed with you. How many healthy, vibrant, sexy women want to have a cold, limp, dead fish lying next to them? None. That's how many. None.”

Kicking the base of the wall, Mason then spun on the balls of his tennis shoes and walked briskly to the other side of the room. He lifted the blinds and stared out the window for a brief moment; not looking for or at anything in particular. Then he buried his nose in an African violet plant that one of Elaine's writing associates had brought when she visited earlier. Mason inhaled as deeply as he could, hoping that the fragrance would clear his head of some of the agony that rested there.

At the sound of the room door pushing open, he turned; glad that he'd taken the time to dry his tears beforehand. “Hey, Angel.” Mason hoped he didn't sound flustered. “What are you doing here?”

“What do you mean? I told you I was coming back this evening, remember?” she said.

Mason blinked. “Oh. Yeah. That's right, you did.” He couldn't believe he had forgotten.

Angel's eyes studied him for a moment, then they shifted to the bed and her entire demeanor brightened. “Elaine! Hey, sweetie; how are you?”

Mason's eye widened as they darted toward the bed. He barely felt it when Angel slapped him on the arm in reproof.

“Mason, I can't believe you didn't call me and tell me she was awake.” Angel made a beeline for the bed.

“I . . . uh . . . I . . . uh . . . I . . .” Mason's breath came quick as he watched Angel bend down and gather Elaine in her arms as best she could. She held her and told her how much she'd been praying and how glad she was to see her awake. The whole while, Elaine's eyes were locked on Mason, and all he could think was,
How long has she been awake? How much did she hear?

Last night, for the first time in his four-year marriage, conflict had forced him to sleep separately from his wife. Not only had Colin not slept in the same bed with Angel, he hadn't even slept in the same house with her. And not only had he not slept in the same house with her; he hadn't slept at all. Most of the night—or what was left of it—had been spent pacing the floor, calling Angel's cell phone, and praying that this disastrous ordeal wouldn't destroy their union. When Colin wasn't pacing, phoning, or praying, he was lying in bed staring up at the ceiling, asking himself what on earth had he done. The blaring of his alarm clock at 6:00
A.M.
was more than unnecessary. He wasn't even close to being asleep, but his body ached with fatigue. A just punishment for walking in the house only three hours earlier.

Colin immediately retreated to his office upon arrival to Wachovia Bank, and the first thing he did was send Nona an e-mail with strict instructions that he was not to be disturbed for any reason. Nona's e-mail reply to him went unanswered.

It angered Colin that Nona didn't know any better than to use their corporate system to send an e-mail with such a strong personal undertone. If it were ever read by anyone, it could easily be misconstrued. Put off by her carelessness alone, Colin deleted the message without the courtesy of a reply. Maybe he was treating her unjustly. Maybe Nona deserved an answer. But deserving or not, she wasn't going to get it. Not today anyway. Colin couldn't think of anything that he wanted to do less than talk to his
big sister
about the issue that may have permanently torn apart his family. Talking to her was what had gotten him in trouble to begin with. He wasn't exactly blaming her, but Nona was the last person Colin wanted to see or speak to.

He'd only left his office twice today: to visit Elaine in the hospital during his lunch hour, and then at five when he shut down his computer for the day. Both times, he managed to avoid direct contact with his assistant.

Worry had kept Colin alert enough to get through his shift, but worry had also left much undone. At half past four, when he packed his briefcase and turned off his office lights, there were still phone calls that needed to be made, e-mails that needed to be answered, and paperwork that needed to be completed. But none of that was more important than finding and talking to Angel. Colin shook his head every time he thought about his idiocy.

When he walked in the house in the wee hours of the morning and found his wife waiting up for him, Colin didn't know what to think. He didn't know what to say. Angel was seething, and she had every right. Even the late, great Johnnie Cochran couldn't have created a defense for Colin that his wife would have bought. A man walking in the house at three in the morning only meant one thing as far as Angel was concerned. She'd used words to describe him that he'd never heard her say before. She called him unfaithful, an adulterer, a liar; even a lowdown, cheating dog. Every verbal assault was excruciating. A lashing with a bullwhip couldn't have been more painful.

As wrong as Colin knew he had been for spending the unnecessary time with Nona, he was honest when he told Angel that having an illicit affair with his assistant had never even been a consideration. When she shoved his stained shirt in his face, Colin's mind was racing so fast that he couldn't even come up with a viable defense for the lipstick on his collar or the exotic perfume smell in the fabric. And his reason for walking in the house at such a dastardly hour—though true—sounded ridiculous even to his own ears.
I just fell asleep by mistake
was about the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard, so he sure couldn't expect Angel to accept it.

Colin made a valiant effort to explain his side of the story, but Angel wasn't even coming close to hearing it. He wasn't given a fair trial. His wife wasn't only the prosecuting attorney; she also served as both judge and jury. Every objection he tried to implement was overruled; every defense he voiced was met with contempt. She had already deliberated his case and handed down his guilty verdict before he even walked in the door. Her suitcase was already packed, and though Colin didn't notice it when he first arrived, their son had already been brought out of his bedroom and was sleeping on the sofa beside where Angel stood. Her uncharacteristic yelling awakened Austin, putting him in the middle of a war zone that he was far too young to have been exposed to. And when Angel stormed out the door with the suitcase in one hand, she had their wailing son perched on the opposing hip. That was the last he'd seen of either of them. The punishment felt like a life sentence.

Now, as he exited the interstate and merged onto the access road that would lead him to home, Colin sought heaven for an appeal. He needed a retrial and he needed it fast. Every hour that passed without Angel knowing the full truth was an hour that wasn't working in his favor. He had to find her; get her to listen to him. Colin had to redeem himself. If she'd just give him ten minutes—even five would do—Colin knew he could say the words that would put his marriage back on the right track.

He looked toward Essie's home upon turning into Braxton Way and felt the urge to stop. Colin parked his car on the side of the road in front of the house. He got out of the car and walked the length of Essie's property; strolling down one side of the yard and back up the other side. This was the most time he'd spend on the land since the morning after Essie died; when he came with neighbors and friends to hold a candlelight memorial in honor of her life.

“Hey. I thought that was your truck that I saw through my bay windows.”

Colin was standing near the edge of Essie's lawn, staring blankly at the strip of empty land across the street when he heard Jennifer's call. He turned to see her standing on her porch wearing a white Baby Phat T-shirt, green knee-length shorts, her hair pulled in a ponytail with bangs covering her forehead, and no shoes. She looked like little more than a teenager.

“Iota Phi Lambda in the house,” she said with a laugh. Then she put the tips of her index fingers together to form an upside down “V” and struck a camera-ready pose.

It was the first time he had ever heard her mention being in a sorority. Thus the green and white ensemble, Colin assumed.

He grinned in approval. She looked nice, but probably not as nice as his companionship-starved eyes made her look. “I see,” he replied. He cleared his throat and reeled in his thoughts. “I didn't scare you by parking so close to your house, did I?”

“No, you didn't scare me. I knew it was your vehicle. I was just wondering whether it was you or Angel that was driving it.”

“Well, it's me.” Colin shifted his feet, wondering if Jennifer knew what had happened between him and his wife.

“Are you coming to pick up Austin-Boston? Angel left him with me as soon as I got home from work today. She was over there at the house when I arrived, and she said she'd be back soon. She knows I have an appointment this evening. When I saw you, I figured her visit with Elaine at the hospital was running later than expected, and she asked you to stop by and pick up the baby.”

Colin relaxed. Not only because Jennifer obviously didn't know about his marital discord, but because God had already answered a portion of his prayers by giving him the opportunity to see his son. He should have known that the hospital was where Angel would be. She and Elaine had gotten quite close over the past year. “Yeah, I'm here to pick him up.” It wasn't a lie. That may not have been what he'd originally come for, but it was what he was there for now. “Is he asleep?”

“I fed him a little while ago,” Jennifer said as she nodded her head. “He ate real well, so I knew it wouldn't take long before he was out like a light. I'll go wake him up and get him ready.”

Colin looked toward Essie's house and suddenly had an uncanny urge to go inside. “Hey, Jennifer?” She turned to face him. “Do you have a key to the house? I haven't been inside in a while. While you get Austin ready, I'd like to take a look around.”

“Yeah, I have one,” she answered. “It's really Jerrod's.” Colin noticed the way her eyes saddened when she said her son's name, but she stuck out a brave chin when she added, “Let me run and get it. I'll be right back.”

It only took her a minute to return. At first, Colin wasn't going to say anything about Jerrod, but when he reached to receive the key from Jennifer's hand, he couldn't resist. “How's Jerrod doing? T.K. told me that he found him. Is he back home yet?”

Jennifer didn't seem to mind his prying. “Not yet. I haven't had the chance to speak to him, but T.K. says he's doing okay. He'll be staying in Stone Mountain until Sunday evening.”

“He couldn't be in better hands.” Colin's words were genuine, and Jennifer nodded like she agreed wholeheartedly.

“I know. I'm not worried about him. Not as long as he's with T.K.”

Colin hesitated. He knew that with his next words, he was taking a risk. But he said them anyway. “Listen, Jennifer. Don't take this the wrong way, okay? I know you're a grown woman who is fully capable of making her own decisions, but I really wish you'd rethink this whole thing with T.K.” When her face didn't cringe into an angry scowl, Colin figured it was safe to continue. “I can't even begin to tell you how hurt he was, and still is, about the way you ended things. T.K. is an exceptional man, and he really cares about you. I don't know how you feel about this other dude, but I know how you feel about T.K. Donaldson. I've seen the two of you together, and I know what's in your heart for him. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe for a minute that this other guy is any match for T.K.” Colin sighed. “Okay, maybe I'm being biased. I mean, T.K. is my friend, and I've never even met Jerrod's father, but like I said . . . correct me if I'm wrong.” Colin watched a wet trail quietly make its way down each of Jennifer's cheeks before she whisked them away. “I'm sorry,” he said. “I didn't mean to—”

“Don't apologize, Colin.” Jennifer wiped her face again.

“You're right. I don't know what I was thinking or how I could have treated T.K. so badly. I messed up real bad, and I wish I could take it all back, but I can't.”

Colin knew that feeling all too well. He propped his right foot on the bottom step that led to her porch. “You may not be able to take it back, but you can at least try to reach out to him.”

“I did.”

“And what? He won't talk to you?” Colin knew that feeling all too well too.

Jennifer shook her head in protest. “No, that's not it. That's my appointment. I have to drive over to Stone Mountain in a couple of hours to talk to them.”

“Well, that's a good thing, right?”

“I don't know.” Jennifer shrugged her shoulders, then folded her arms in front of her. “T.K. thinks that I'm only coming to apologize to Jerrod about the sloppy way I sprung everything on him about his dad and me.”

“And you're not?” Colin's interest was piqued.

“Yes. But that's not all I want to talk to him about.” A light breeze brushed past them. Jennifer combed her fingers through her bangs to correct what had been ruffled; then refolded her arms. “I want to tell them both how stupid I was and what a big fool I made of myself. I want to tell them that I want things back the way they were. With
both
of them.”

Colin's eyebrows rose. “You want to get back with T.K.? You mean it's over between you and this other cat . . . for good?”

A frown furrowed Jennifer's brow, and her eyes dropped to her bare feet. “I ended everything with him today. There wasn't really anything to end,” she continued. “Nothing genuine, at least. He never loved me, and I never loved him either. When I took an honest look at my heart, I knew it never belonged to him. I was just taken in by what he was offering, not even questioning why he was offering it.”

“What was he offering?” Colin couldn't imagine that Jerrod's father could offer Jennifer anything that T.K. couldn't match and supersede.

“A family.” Jennifer's arms dropped by her side. “I want a
real
family so bad that I was willing to risk everything. But when it came down to it, Devon didn't want a family, he was only interested in the benefits that making us a family would bring. He had dollar signs in his eyes.”

Colin was confused. “You got money?” His blurted words didn't quite sound right, and he was just about to offer clarity when Jennifer burst into laughter.

“No. I didn't mean it like that. What I meant is that Devon saw fame and fortune in Jerrod's future. He was just making an early investment because he knew that if he showed up at my doorstep later on, after all these years, I would have seen right through the façade. If he staked his claim now, then he'd already be in the picture to reap the inevitable benefits.”

“You mean the benefits of Jerrod's track skills?” It all made sense to Colin now.

“Yeah. He knows that colleges are already waiting on Jerrod, and the news features on television and in the newspaper told him that Jerrod's competing for the Olympics was just a matter of time. He's been living in Atlanta for years, but never even made his presence known until he found out what his son had the potential to become. Devon was really using us.” She shook her head. “He's always been a user; just in it to get what he wants, and then he moves on. I guess it was wishful thinking that made me believe he'd changed from the person he was when we were teenagers.”