The Mission (18 page)

She could hear voices, these ones were not Australian, they were not even English-speaking. Crap.

Ryan indicated to Tilly that he heard two.

One of them yelled out something, maybe a command to come out. Nobody moved. Then Jaz almost screamed as shots were fired in through the door.

Ryan flung his hand out to her and indicated for her to stay low. Jaz wanted to inch forward the few metres so she could touch him, but remained where she was, petrified.

While one guy remained out the front, Jaz could hear another moving around the building. How long till he reached the window? Shots went off again and a little explosion. The bike? Jaz could feel the heat through the building. Was that a warning? On the bright side, it made access through the window a no-go.

Jaz watched the door and saw the muzzle of a gun enter and fire. Bullets were going everywhere. Then the gunman fell through the door. Tilly had shot him. Ryan reached out for the gunman, probably hoping to take his gun, but his body was dragged away. More shouting voices.

Ryan held up his hand with three fingers. There were more than two. Ah hell, thought Jaz. This mess was a long way off being over.

More bullets through the door but the guy wasn’t going to get them from his angle and he probably knew it. He came towards the door, but it was two men at once and only Tilly had the gun. While Tilly fired at the guy on his side, Ryan pulled on the other man’s muzzle of his rifle, pulling him further in and then wrapping his arm around him. Jaz saw the glint of his blade in the light from the vehicle’s headlights as Ryan slit his throat. It was probably quick, but to Jaz it was slow. She covered her mouth as the man’s body went limp and blood poured from the wound in his neck. She’d never seen so much blood. Now she wished the vehicle’s lights weren’t so bright.

Her eyes were glued to the man who was now lying face down in the dirt. He blinked a few times before his glassy eyes stayed open, unseeing. A dead man. Killed right in front of her. Her stomach churned as the metallic scent reached her nose. She didn’t want to get sick with her headwear on, how awful. She probably would have been sick if it wasn’t for Ryan pulling her up.

‘Jaz, are you okay? Are you hit?’

He was holding her at arms-length, watching her face while touching her arms, checking for bullet holes. ‘I’m so sorry you had to see that.’ He pulled her into his arms and it was Ryan’s body that calmed her belly. She tucked her head into his chest, preferring the smell of his sweat to the blood.

‘Is she okay?’ said Tilly.

‘I think so.’

Ryan let her go and Jaz caught the expression on Tilly’s face. They probably didn’t hug while on a mission. He lifted an eyebrow at Ryan questioningly. But he didn’t get any answers. Ryan wasn’t big on sharing. Her mind was rambling but anything was better than thinking of that man and his open neck wound. A prickly sweat came over her; she was close to being sick again but forced it away. Hell, she wanted this, she’d said yes to this so she had better try and get used to it.

Beside the throat guy, the other gunman lay sprawled out. Jaz could see blood pooling at his back from bullet holes. Three precisely. Tilly was a good shot. More absent rambling. She felt detached as if this was a dream. Maybe they were dummies? Was this just an episode of
CSI
or
Bones
? Fake blood and gore?

She wished.

‘Let’s get the hell out of here,’ said Tilly.

They went to his ute first but they had shot it to bits. ‘We’ll have to take theirs. Get in, someone would have seen the bike explosion or heard the guns.’

They climbed into the open jeep. Ryan was still holding her hand, probably because Jaz was holding him so tightly he couldn’t let go.

‘Tilly, you’re shot,’ said Ryan, noticing the blood on Tilly’s arm.

‘It’s okay, just a straight through.’ He found a shirt on the floor and gave it to Ryan to tie up his wound.

Ryan needed his other hand and had to pry it away from Jaz. ‘I just need to fix Tilly’s arm, okay?’ he said, trying to reassure her.

‘You sure she’ll be alright? Is this her first mission?’ asked Tilly as Ryan wrapped his arm. ‘She looks young.’

‘Don’t know. Jaz is only eighteen. This wasn’t supposed to go bad.’ Ryan’s voice was thick with emotion. Jaz could hear it but couldn’t feel it. She felt nothing.

‘Well, now she knows what she’s said yes to. We all have to see it eventually, she’ll get stronger from here,’ said Tilly.

‘I feel awful,’ Ryan whispered, as he finished the bandage.

‘She’s still alive.’ Tilly started the jeep and headed back out the way they came.

It had felt so long on the bike, but in the jeep they seemed to arrive at the hotel in seconds. Jaz had sat frozen in the same position the whole way back, unable to lean against Ryan and too scared to let herself sleep.

‘See you, mate. Good luck,’ said Ryan.

‘Thanks. You too. Until next time.’ Tilly shook his hand. ‘Nice meeting you, Jaz.’

She wanted to say ‘likewise’ or at least nod but she couldn’t do either.

They got out of the jeep and Tilly drove off. She hoped he could get out of the country safely. There would probably be a bounty on his head and people looking for him everywhere. She trusted Tilly had an exit strategy and wished she’d said something to him now. Even if it was ‘good luck’.

Ryan tucked his hands into his pockets; it was a must, especially since one hand was covered with dry blood.

They snuck back to their room, not passing anyone that late at night. Ryan shut the door and Jaz went and sat on the end of the bed. She just sat there, staring at nothing. Ryan was moving about the room and said something about a shower and then he was gone and she was alone. For the first time since she was little, she wanted her mum’s arms to hold her tight and for her to whisper that everything was going to be alright.

Jaz didn’t realise time had passed but Ryan was crouched in front of her, his hands on her knees and he was talking to her. She tried hard to hear his words, as she stared at the black head cover with the small slit beside her on the bed.

‘Jaz, go and have a shower, you’ll feel better.’ The concern in his voice tugged at her heart. She could smell him, fresh from the shower, no metallic blood tainting him. Ryan’s thumbs massaged her knees but she couldn’t raise her eyes to his face. She was scared that if she saw him, she’d see the dead man too.

‘Come on, shower.’

Jaz nodded and collected her toilet bag and items. She got undressed, not really remembering how it happened, and stepped under the water. It was scalding hot but she still didn’t really feel it. She put her head under the water, soaking her hair and trying to wash away the night’s images. She didn’t even know what time it was; probably well after midnight.

Looking down, she watched as the water drained away. A flash of blood running like the water assaulted her mind and Jaz felt her stomach flip. Bending over she dry-retched. Now she was glad she hadn’t eaten in ages.

She dry-retched one more time before the tears fell. Visions came flooding back as her stomach churned. Ryan was banging on the door calling out to her but she couldn’t reply. Sobs were coming faster than the water from the shower as she clung to the side of the wall. She couldn’t control it anymore.

‘Jaz, I’m coming in.’

She didn’t care. She was beyond any thought as her emotions took over. The water stopped and a big white towel came around her shoulders. When she was covered, Ryan turned her around and hugged her tight. Strong but gentle arms held her. It was just what she needed and she fell against him like a dead weight and cried.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Ryan kept saying over and over, as she drowned his shirt with her tears.

When her sobs slowed, Ryan lifted her out of the bath and used the other towel to dry some of her hair. It was tender and sweet and, had she not been having a meltdown, it would have been romantic.

She wanted to get dressed, but felt so drained and weak. Ryan must have known this because he picked her up and carried her to the bed. Its covers were pulled back and he laid her down before turning to turn off the main light. He climbed in alongside her and pulled her into his arms, so her back was pressed against his chest.

‘How’re you feeling?’ he asked softly.

With his arms holding her tight, she felt safe. Not even lying there in just a towel fazed her. She’d seen a man die, nothing compared to that.

‘Better,’ she said. She knew he was waiting for her to talk. That he needed to know she would be okay.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ His words were gentle against her ear.

But she shook her head. What was there to talk about? She saw Ryan kill a man. How did that make her feel? She wasn’t yet sure. It was a ‘them or us’ moment. ‘Live or die’ and Ryan chose to live. She couldn’t fault him for wanting to live, and to save her. It was just going to take time to adjust.

‘Do you remember your first?’ she asked curiously. Her eyes were sore and would no doubt look like baboon butts, big, puffy and pink. She was glad Ryan was behind her and it was dark enough, even with the bathroom light on. Thankfully, her nose had stopped running but she wished she hadn’t used Ryan’s shirt as a tissue. Luckily it hadn’t bothered him. Had girls cried all over him before?

‘Yes, I do. I was nearly nineteen. Funnily enough, I was with Tilly and another guy. We were still in Perth and I was just an extra to help out. Turns out the guys they were trying to do a deal with smelled a rat and pulled guns. I just remember bullets and people flying everywhere. When it came quiet, the three guys were dead, and Tilly was shot.’

‘He must get that a lot,’ she said.

Ryan chuckled. ‘He does. I was also shot in the leg and I was lying next to a guy with a bullet hole in his head. I can still picture that image. First time I’d seen a dead guy. He was staring at me lifelessly as a small trail of blood ran down his face — ’ She tensed. ‘Sorry, probably too much information, but that’s how I remember it. Lucky for us Tilly is a bloody great shot. So was Tim, the other guy, but he had all the luck because he came away unscathed.’

‘Did it stay with you? Did you get past it?’ She felt sleepy as his heart beat against her back rhythmically.

‘It’s still kind of with me, in the deep recess of my mind but I moved on. Figured out how to deal with it, which really came down to kill or be killed.’ A pause. ‘Jaz, I wish you hadn’t seen that. Hadn’t seen me…’ He stopped and took a few shaky breaths.

Jaz turned herself around in his arms and rested her hand against his face. The light from the bathroom glowed enough so she could see his eyes. The pain in his voice was so raw that she had the courage to face him, and was surprised when all she saw was his handsome face. He was so blindingly handsome, even when his eyes were filled with so much regret. ‘I wish I could have saved you from seeing that.’ His voice trembled. ‘It was supposed to be a simple intel pickup. I’m sorry. I hope you don’t hate me.’

Jaz forgot everything as she traced her finger over his face, her thumb across his lips. ‘It was going to happen one day, Ryan. And I could never hate you.’ Far from it.

Her words eased some tension from him, his eyes clearing. ‘Really?’

‘Yep.’ With a smile she said the first thing that popped into her mind. ‘If anything, you were really bad-ass.’ And he had been. She thought back to what Tilly has said, how those men had killed all those innocent people. Now there were three less killers out there.

Ryan opened his mouth as her thumb crossed his lip again and she felt the heat spread through her. This close to Ryan, her emotions shot to bits, and all she could think about were his lips. She wanted him, wanted to erase the bad memories and put new ones in its place. Leaning across, she kissed him. It was soft, gentle and he didn’t reciprocate at first. She brushed her tongue against his lip, urging him to play.

A growl rumbled up inside him as she stretched her hands over his short hair, pulling him closer. And like that, Ryan was won over. His mouth opened, drawing her in. Jaz was no longer sleepy, instead her nerve endings buzzed and her toes curled. He was better than she remembered. His tongue brought red-hot fire to her lower belly as she tried to drink him in.

Jaz moaned when his hand gripped her barely covered backside, drawing her closer to him and against his hard erection. She’d never wanted him so much as she did right now. She wanted to touch, taste and explore all of him. Her towel and his clothes were in the way.

Jaz shimmied the towel down, letting her breasts free. Pushing her hard nipples against his chest brought her tremors of pleasure. Ryan must have felt them too, for his hand found a soft mound. He pulled away from her mouth, breathing heavily as his finger rolled over her nipple, sending her body into shock with each brush. That animal growl came again as Ryan kissed her then moved his lips down her neck. He traced his lips along her collarbone, then down until he found her hard nipple and took her in his mouth. The wet roughness of his tongue was even more torturous than his fingers. Jaz was burning with the need for him, everything was hot, wet, wanting. She pushed herself against his arousal, gently rocking back and forth, sending her close to the edge.

‘Ryan, I want you,’ she said huskily.

He stopped abruptly. Slowly he pulled away from her, his breathing heavy. The next thing he did hurt. He pulled her towel up, unwrapped himself from her and skittled off the bed.

‘Jaz, this can’t happen.’ He stood there, his hand over his mouth, but he was still aroused. ‘This was wrong.
So
wrong.’

If she thought him jumping away from her hurt, it was nothing compared to his words. ‘Ryan?’

As he headed to the bathroom, his voice was gruff. ‘Get some sleep, Jaz. We still have to get home yet and I have to hide the documents.’ Then he was gone, shutting the bathroom door and encasing her in the dark.

Everything had been going amazingly and then he had stopped. And to say it was wrong? How could something so wonderful be wrong?

She heard the shower start up. A cold one this time? Maybe she should go in and join him but she was scared he’d reject her again. He was in there a long time, and the events of the night quickly sent her to sleep.