The Miraculous Makeover of Lizard Flanagan (9 page)

A tampon. That had to be what that long, thin thing was that was in the bathroom. Yuck. I decided I'd use a pad when the time came.

I stared out the window. Nobody, not even Google, could answer my biggest question:
When
would it come? And
how?

I flopped on my bed and buried my face in the pillow. Being a girl sure wasn't as easy as it had been in elementary school.

For the next week, the girls talked constantly about the dance on Friday after school. They debated about what to wear, who would be there, how to fix their hair, and mostly who would ask them to dance.

I tried to tune it out, but it wasn't easy. I was surrounded by it.

“Have you changed your mind about the dance?” Mary Ann asked before the bell starting school on Friday. We hadn't mentioned it since the slumber party.

“Nope.”

“All the guys will be there,” she said.

“I bet not,” I said. “We rode all the way to school with them today, and no one even brought it up. Zach's the only one who's talked about it at all. He didn't say for sure he was going, and he hasn't said a word about it since.”

“Sam hasn't mentioned it?”

“Nope,” I said again.

“That's strange. Maybe they don't know about it.”

“There're posters up all over school. They couldn't have missed them.”

“So you're definitely not going?” she said.

“Nope.”

“Well, I guess I'll go with Ginger then.”

“Suit yourself.”

I'd wondered who Mary Ann was hoping to dance with. I decided I didn't want to know.

Mary Ann was wearing a new pair of dressy shorts and a white shirt. She hadn't worn a skirt since the first day of school.

Most of the girls were dressed up, wearing new walking shorts or skirts or even dresses. Before and after classes, the girls talked and laughed louder than usual. They stood in groups in the halls and whispered excitedly to one another and stared at the boys and sometimes yelled flirty comments at them. The guys were just as bad, yelling stuff back and grinning like idiots. It was all pretty disgusting.

“I can't wait to dance with Zach,” Lisa whispered to me during gym class. It was raining outside, so we were getting ready to play volleyball. Ms. Puff had just finished taking roll. Mr. Grodin, standing in front of the boys on the other side of the gym, was taking roll, too.

“I don't think Zach will be there,” I said.

A look of horror passed over Lisa's face. “But he said he was going.”

I stared at her. “He did?”

“Yeah,” Lisa said. “Ginger asked him about it on Wednesday, and he said he was.”

I didn't know what to say. He hadn't told me he'd decided to go. Why hadn't he asked me to go with him? He'd always asked me to go to school stuff before.

“In fact, he's going with your brother,” Lisa said.

“Sam's going too?”

“
Everybody's
going.” Lisa was smirking now. “Didn't they tell you, Lizard?”

I was speechless. Nobody had said a word. Why hadn't they told me?

The volleyball game began. Ed was on my team. All during the first part of the game, I kept glancing him.

“You going to that dance after school?” I finally asked him during a break in the game.

“I don't know,” he said. “Maybe. You?”

“No,” I said. “Are Sam and Zach going?”

“Maybe,” he said. “Why aren't you going?”

I shrugged. “I don't know. Doesn't sound like much fun.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I know.”

“So I'll ride my bike home with you, okay?” I said. “I'll meet you at the bike rack after school.”

Ed looked uncomfortable. “Well,” he said, “I might go for a few minutes, just to check it out. I don't know.”

“Really?”

“Why don't you go, too? All the guys will probably go together.”

“Oh.”

I didn't want to go to the dance. But I also didn't want to be the only person who didn't go. I didn't like being left out. This was the first time I could remember that ever happening.

“Okay,” I said finally. “I'll go and hang out with you guys.”

“Okay,” Ed said.

A serve came flying over the net. He jumped up and spiked the ball, and we were back in the game.

At least I wasn't going to be the odd man out, I thought. A stupid dance couldn't be that bad. And it would only last for an hour and a half. It wasn't as if I was going to be physically tortured for ninety minutes.

Besides, I kept telling myself, I'd be with my best buddies.

10

After school, the sixth graders headed for the dance in the gym. Lisa was right: everybody was there, practically the whole class. The girls stood along one wall and the boys lined up along the other.

Orange and black crepe paper banners decorated the walls, and orange balloons were tied to chairs lining the room. If the people who'd decorated were going for a romantic look, they'd really blown it. It looked more like a carnival.

I was the only girl on the boys' side, but that was the way I wanted it. I just wished Mary Ann would've come over to our side.

I had butterflies flying around in my stomach, and that made me pretty ticked off with myself. It was just a stupid dance.
Get a grip, Lizard,
I said to myself.

Mr. Sanders, the lunchroom supervisor, stood behind a long table that had a boom box sitting on it and a microphone on a little stand. He played music, mostly Top 40 stuff from a couple of years ago, and stood there with his hands stuffed into his pockets while the music played. He looked bored.

The music had been playing for about ten minutes, and so far no one had gone out on the floor to dance.

Sam, Zach, Ed, Stinky, and I horsed around with each other. A couple of times every minute, they'd stop and stare across the gym at the girls. On the other side, the girls hollered in one another's ears to be heard over the music. They stared right back at the guys.

At least we weren't dancing. This wasn't too bad. I figured I could handle this for another eighty minutes.

Across the room, a group of girls walked out on the floor. Looking very self-conscious, they started dancing with each other. Everybody watched them.

It was really pathetic. The guys obviously weren't interested in dancing with them, so the girls had to dance with each other.

Too bad. I laughed to myself. I thought about what Sara had said at the slumber party. She'd been worried about being the only girl who wasn't asked to dance. Well, she didn't have to worry about that anymore. No one was asking anyone to dance.

I did sort of feel sorry for Mary Ann, though. But I figured she'd get over the disappointment. Maybe it would help her come to her senses.

I grinned at Zach, who smiled back. “I guess you don't have to dance at a dance,” I said. I laughed. “We can talk, just like you said.”

He wrestled me into a choke hold and rapped hard on my head with his knuckles.

During the next song, some more girls came out on the floor and danced.

Ed Mechtensteimer punched Zach's arm. “Hey, Walters,” he said. “Lisa looks like she wants to dance. Why don't you ask her?”

Zach laughed and shrugged. His ears started to turn red.

“Come on.” Ed grinned. “You know she wants you to.”

“Not now,” Zach said. “I'm talking to Lizard.”

“Aw, Zach's shy,” Sam said. “Let's help him out.”

“Yeah,” Ed and Stinky agreed.

“Leave him alone,” I said. I pushed Stinky away.

“Hey, don't touch the shirt, Lizard,” Stinky said. “I just got this shirt, and it wasn't cheap.”

“Give me a break, Stinky. Who cares about your ugly shirt?” I laughed and gave him another shove.

Some of the guys gathered around, grinning.

“This shirt isn't ugly,” he insisted. “It's cool.”

“Nobody with the name Stinky can be cool.” I laughed even louder.

“Hey, how'd you get that name, anyway?” Mike Herman asked.

“He made a stinko in first grade,” I told him, “and ever since he's been called Stinky.”

We all cracked up.

Except Stinky. His face tensed up hard as a rock. I couldn't tell if he was going to punch me out or run away crying.

I stopped laughing. “Hey, Stinky. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.”

He gave me a hard shove and walked out of the gym.

The guys moved away from me, glancing at one another. Then they turned and gazed at the other side of the room.

I walked over to Zach.

“Want to go for a walk?” I said. “There's not much going on here.”

“No,” he said.

“I guess I was too hard on Stinky,” I said. “I was just teasing, but I shouldn't have said anything about his name.”

“Yeah,” he said. He kept his gaze on the other side of the room, then wandered away.

Ed walked over with Mike Herman. “What would you say about Sara Pulliam?” Ed was saying.

Mike looked around. “Where?”

“Over there by the door,” Ed said. “The blonde.”

“Mmm, I'd give her a seven,” Mike said.

“No way, man,” Ed said. “Nine plus.”

Were they rating her? No, that was too stupid. I leaned in closer.

“I'll show you a nine plus,” Mike said. “Look at the girl with the long red hair. She's standing under the basket over there.”

“Yeah, I see her,” Ed said. “She's okay.”

“
Okay?
” Mike said. “She's terrific! Look at what she does to that sweater!”

He and Ed snickered loudly.

They
were
rating her. It was the most revolting thing I'd ever heard in my life.

“You know what I think?” I butted in. “I think you're both a couple of pigs!”

“What do you mean?” Ed asked.

“You and your sickening ratings,” I said. “You guys have turned into a couple of jerks!”

“Pigs or zombies?” Ed shrugged. “Make up your mind.”

Mike laughed. They turned their backs on me and went on grading practically every girl in the room.

They hadn't even cared what I thought.

When Zach and Sam came over a few minutes later, Ed and Mike told them what they were doing.

“Lisa's definitely a ten,” Zach said. “Maybe an eleven!”

“So's Ginger,” Sam said.

So my good buddy Zach and my own brother Sam were just as bad as Ed and Mike. They were all zombies, every one of them.

“You all make me sick,” I said.

The guys glanced over at me but didn't say anything.

“If you don't ask Lisa to dance, Walters,” Ed said, grinning, “Sam and I will carry you over there!”

“Just cool it,” Zach said. “I'll ask her later.”

“Let's do it!” Sam said.

They grabbed Zach and dragged him out onto the floor. Zach fought hard, but not too hard, I could tell. Mike Herman joined Sam and Ed, and with three guys against one, there wasn't much Zach could do.

The girls saw them coming and pushed Lisa out in front. She laughed and tossed her hair while her Prince Charming was hauled over to her.

Finally, Zach stood in front of Lisa. I don't think either one of them said anything—their lips didn't move—but after a few seconds, Lisa stepped toward him. Then they started dancing, moving their bodies to the music. The kids hooted and applauded.

I laughed. Zach had never looked sillier, out on that gym floor, trying to dance. He sort of jerked his arms around and then he'd move his feet in little steps while he kept his arms still. It looked as if he couldn't concentrate on his arms and legs at the same time.

When the song was over, I thought Zach would come back to our side. But he didn't. He stayed on the floor with Lisa and started dancing again when a new song started.

I guess Zach gave some of the other guys courage, because about five of them walked over to girls on the other side and asked them to dance.

Al Pickering walked across the floor, right up to Mary Ann. She beamed and they began to dance.

Al Pickering, quarterback on the football team, and Mary Ann! I couldn't believe it. They used to play against each other on the metro flag football league. Now they were
dancing.

I hadn't seen Mary Ann look this happy since her frog won the Raccoon Creek frog jumping contest in the fourth grade.

Then Sam started across the room.

Oh, no, Sam, not Ginger,
I thought as he headed toward my locker partner.
Anybody but Ginger!

He stopped right in front of her. She nodded and grinned at him, and they started dancing.

I'll have to hear about this at my locker every
day for the rest of the year,
I thought.

One by one, the guys on my side of the room walked over and asked girls to dance. Some of the girls came over and invited the guys to dance, too.

Even Ed Mechtensteimer danced. He picked Sara Pulliam, the “nine-plus.”

I just stood there and watched. Even Shannon, Angie, and Cheryl were dancing—with one another.

There were only two people in the whole room who weren't dancing. One of them was Mr. Sanders.

And one of them was me.

I walked over to the corner of the room. The volleyball nets had been pushed aside there, and I stood behind them.

What a stupid dance! In fact, everything that had happened since I'd started sixth grade was terrible. I hated middle school!

I looked through the netting at the girls on the other side, and stared at the girls who had received Ed and Mike's highest ratings. On a scale of one to ten, how would the boys rate me?

That's stupid!
I thought immediately, shaking the question out of my mind.
Who cares how they would rate me?
It was a rotten way to think about a person.