The Mask of the Enchantress (16 page)

I leaped up, took her hand, pulled her up from the stool and hugged her.

es, isn it exciting?she said.

oel must be pleased.

h yes, he is. Anabel, you must come back with me. I say you must particularly now.

don think I should, Jessamy.

ut you must. You can desert me.

esert you! You have a husband and a baby coming. You have everything. What can you want with me?

do want you.She was quiet for a moment. Then she said: nabel, I feel happier, safer, if you were there.

afer? What are you afraid of?

-nothing really.She laughed nervously. don know. Perhaps it because it a castle. There so much of the past there. All the long-dead Matelands Sometimes it seems as though they are there watching. Then there is the legend about the wives. It supposed to be unlucky to be a Mateland wife.

essamy,I said, ou are afraid of something.

ou know I was always a bit silly. Anabel, I need you. Ie worked it out. Janet could come with you. She could be your personal maid. It would solve everything if you came.

utperhaps the others wouldn want me. Your husband your father-in-law

oue wrong. Youe absolutely wrong. They were all pleased when I suggested it every one of them. They said such lovely things about you. Grandfather Egmont said you would brighten up the place. David said it would be pleasant to have you there because you are amusing.

nd Emerald?

he is never very enthusiastic about anything but she didn say she wouldn want you to come.

nd your husband?

think he would be as pleased as the others. He thinks it would be good for me to have you there. There is plenty of room in the castle. And Janet can come too. Do you think she would like that?

he would,I said. ut I don think it would be wise.I added firmly: o, Jessamy, I won come.

But I knew I should go. I could go two ways one was bleak, offering me nothing, and the other was beckoning me away to adventure, excitement and if it was going to be dangerous, well, it had always been my nature to court danger. It lured me, it fascinated me.

Within a month of my father death Janet and I were on our way to Mateland Castle.

So there I was installed in my turret room. My new home was now Mateland Castle. Janet was delighted.

bit different, this, from that vicarage,she commented. nd here I can keep an eye on that Miss Jessamy, a gentle little thing, and I not at all sure that she been done right by.

hat do you mean?I demanded.

reckon she neglected, that what. And there people here that wants watching.

So there was Janet, happy to be installed as the watchdog of the castle.

I was growing away from the shock of my father death. I had not realized when he was alive how much I loved him. He had always seemed so ineffectual, so vague, so shut in with his books, going about his duties, delivering uninspired sermons every Sunday to people who came not so much to hear them but because it was expected of them to come. Now that he was gone I knew what an unselfish man he had been. I missed his gentleness.

He had left a little money for meot enough to live on but sufficient for me to buy a few things I should need and enable me to preserve a modicum of independence.

To have left the vicarage and to have plunged into these new and exciting surroundings was the greatest help I could have to recover from my grief. I had never thought of my father as my guardian; he had never interfered very much and had been a background figure; but now that he was gone I felt alone.

I spent my days with Jessamy and I believe I was as much a comfort to her as she was to me.

There was no doubt of my welcome. Grandfather Egmont came down to dinner on my first evening and made me sit beside him. He seemed to be consumed by some secret enjoyment. oue going to bring a bit of life into the castle,he said, his chin wagging to express amusement. lways liked to see a pretty woman around.

David cocked an eyebrow and winked at me. o youe here,he said. ne of us now. No need for me to say how I feel about that. A thousand welcomes to Mateland Castle, beauteous Anabel.

And Joel? He looked at me steadily, his eyes smiling, telling me more clearly than any words could how pleased he was that I was there.

Emerald showed little feeling either way. hope youl like it here,she said, and her voice was dubious.

Elizabeth Larkham said that there was no doubt of Jessamy delight in my coming, as though she felt Jessamy was the only one who was going to profit from it.

And so here I was. I had found a refuge for myself and Janet. There was no doubt of Janet gratification. Even she shared that innate snobbery which most servants seem to have, and the grander the household in which they serve, the better pleased they are. And from a vicarage where certain economies had to be practiced to a castle where there seemed an unending flow of worldly goods was a great step upwards.

I knew from the first that I had to go warily. David had, without doubt, determined to pursue me. There was a gleam in his eyes every time he looked at me. I knew I was already his mistress in his imagination. I was determined that I should never be in reality and I could see that he was equally determined that I should be. He was a ruthless man. Yes, indeed I must take care. Not that I feared I should succumb to his wiles. That could never be; but I believed he would do his best to trap me into an embarrassing situation. As for Joel, I was unsure of his feelings towards me. There were times when I found his eyes on me with the same desire which I had seen in David. When I was close to him he would touch my arm, my hand, my shoulders and I sensed that he wanted to be close to me.

I would have been insensible if I had not realized that I had aroused great feeling in these Mateland brothers.

There were times when I lay in my turret bedroom and said to myself: If you were a good and virtuous woman, you would go away from here. You know no good can come of this. David is a buccaneer, a descendant of those men who captured travelers and brought them to the castle to ransom or torture them. He would do anything to gain his desires. You are in acute danger from him. And you are becoming more and more involved with Joel. You are excited by him. In fact sometimes you seek his company. The truth is you are falling in love with Joel Mateland, allowing yourself to become more and more involved every day. To become his mistress would be more shocking than to become David because he is Jessamy husband.

It was an uneasy atmosphere. I locked my bedroom door every night. I was glad Jessamy was only a few doors away. I used to think of her and Joel together. But he was more often at the house in the town.

Jessamy was troubled. Once she had a nightmare and called out. I went along to her room, where she was tossing about in her bed. She was saying something about the curse on the Mateland wives.

I aroused her, soothed her and stayed the night in her room.

ou were dreaming,I told her. ou mustn have these nightmares. Theyl be bad for the baby.

Janet and I only had to say something would be bad for the baby and Jessamy would be most concerned. Her life centered round the baby. It was as though she looked upon it as some consolation.

There was so much I wanted to ask Jessamy about her marriage, but I found it difficult to talk of it. I feared I might betray my feelings about Joel.

The inevitable had to happen. I want you to understand, Suewellyn, that neither Joel nor I was wicked. We had both tried hard to stop its happening. But there is something unconventional about us both, and during those first months when I was at the castle we really did try hard, but it was too strong for us.

Jessamy had had to give up riding and I went out alone. One day I met Joel in the woods. I knew he had been waiting for me.

had to talk to you,he said. ou know I love you, Anabel.

ou must not say that,I told him rather feebly.

must say what is true.

ou married Jessamy.

hy didn you come with her that first time? Everything would have been so different if you had.

ould it?I asked.

ou know it would. There was a tremendous undeniable attraction between us from the first moment we met, on the altar steps. That was significant. Oh, Anabel, if it had only been you!

I struggled to remember my loyalty to Jessamy.

ut it wasn,I insisted. nd you married Jessamy. Why did you, if you didn love her?

told you about my first marriage. I had to marry again. I wanted children. I had waited years. That is what is so ironical. If only I had waited a little longer

t too late now.

He leaned towards me. t never too late.

ut Jessamy is your wife soon to bear your child.

ou are here,he said, nd I am here.

think I should leave the castle.

ou must not do that. If you did I should follow you, so you would achieve nothing by going. Anabel, you and I are of a kind; we were meant for each other. It was there between us right from the first. You know that as well as I do. Only rarely in life does one meet the right person at the right time.

ut we have met at the wrong time,I reminded him. oo late.

ee not going to let ourselves be hemmed in by conventions. Wel push aside these man-made barriers. Youe here and I here. That enough.

o. No,I persisted. essamy is my dear cousin. She is good and quite incapable of disloyalty and unkindness. We must not betray her.

tell you we are going to be together, Anabel,he said firmly. or the rest of our lives, I swear it. Do you think I going to let you go? Youe not the sort to let conventions ruin your life.

o, perhaps not. But there is Jessamy. If it were anyone else

et tether our horses here and talk. I want to hold you make you understand.

o,I said quickly. o.And I turned my horse and galloped away.

But it was inevitable. One afternoon he came to my room. Jessamy was sitting in the garden. It was a lovely September day and we were enjoying the sunshine of an Indian summer.

He shut the door and stood there watching me. I had taken off my dress and had been about to change and join Jessamy in the garden.

He took me in his arms and kissed me. He went on kissing me and I was as eager for him as he was for me.

But Jessamy was down there, innocent and unsuspecting, and I clung to the loyalty and love I felt for her.

o, no,I protested. ot here.

It was an admission. He held me at arm length and looked at me.

ou know, Anabel, my love,he said, hat we belong together. Nothing on earth is going to keep us apart.

I did know it.

He went on: oon then.

And he was smiling.

I don want to make excuses. There is no excuse. We became lovers. It was wicked of us, but then neither of us is a saint. We could not help it. Our emotions were too strong for us. It is rarely, I am sure, that two people love as we did immediately and simultaneously. I am sure to love like that is the happiest state in the world if one is free to do so. We tried to forget that we were betraying Jessamy, but of course I could not completely. It was the bitterness in my ecstasy. Perhaps there were times when we were together in closest intimacy when I did forget; but it could not be for long and I found it hard to escape from the memory of Jessamy. She was always in my mind except for those rare momentsnd I despised myself for deceiving her because when I looked back I realized that I had known something like this would happen if I came to the castle. I should have been noble and unselfish; I should have taken some post with a disagreeable old woman and pandered to her wishes, taken her nasty little dog for walks, or tried to grapple with the education of little horrors in an alien nursery. I shivered at the thought, and yet, wretched as I should have been, I could have held up my head.

Jessamy had a difficult pregnancy. The doctor said she must keep to her bed, which she did. She was uncomplaining, eagerly looking forward to the day when her child would be born. She was very thoughtful towards me. ou must not stay in all day, Anabel,she said. ake one of the horses and exercise it.

Dear Jessamy and despicable Anabel! I would take one of the horses and ride to the house in the town, and there Joel and I would be together.

He did not suffer so greatly from remorse as I did. He was a Mateland, and Matelands, I imagined, had never denied themselves the gratification of their senses. That there had been many women before me I was fully aware. Oddly enough I regarded this as a challenge. I was going to keep him devoted to me. I was determined on that. Indeed I was a mixture of contrasts at that time. I was exultant, ecstatic and yet filled with a sense of self-loathing and shame. But one thing I did know and that was that I had to behave as I did. It was as though there was some powerful force driving us together. I think he felt it too. He said there had never been anything like it in his life before, and although this is the sort of thing people say lightly in such circumstances, I believed him.

Understand, Suewellyn, that had this not been a mighty and overpowering emotion in me, a certainty that this was the only man I could ever love, I should not have entered into this relationship. I am not a good woman, but I am not a light one.

So while Jessamy was awaiting the birth of her child, I was making ardent love with her husband. We were completely absorbed in each other and it was only when we were alone in that house that we could allow ourselves to act naturally. In the castle we had to cloak our feelings, and we knew we were involved in a highly dangerous situation. It was not only Jessamy we had to deceive, I was constantly aware of David watching eyes. He was amused by my rejection of him and at the same time his desires were strengthened by it.

If she knew, Emerald paid no attention to this. I dare say she was accustomed to his philanderings. I often caught Elizabeth Larkham watching me closely. She was Emerald friend and clearly did not approve of David interest in me.

As for the old man, he would have been highly amused by the situation if he knew of it, I was sure.

It was a strange household. When I was in the castle I was most at peace with young Esmond. We had become good friends. I used to read to him, and we would sit with Jessamy while she worked at some baby garment and I read aloud. It was a comfort to me to have the boy there; I was very uneasy when I was alone with Jessamy.