Authors: Jordan Silver
"Three... tell me what the fuck
happened to her, and you tell me right now, was she raped?"
He drew in a deep breath.
"Just tell me that much."
"No she wasn't raped, she was smart,
she used her head, but it was still bad."
"How long ago?"
I looked back over my shoulder to make
sure she was still okay. As of right now she just laid there not doing
anything, almost as if she'd gone away in her head.
"Six months."
Fuck, that's it? No wonder she was still
broken up by this shit.
"What about the one that got away,
who is he?"
"It's not so much that he got away,
but he comes from a wealthy family, and they used their money to get him off.
Something about him being on medication that made him do shit.
"You said six months, so that means
there wasn't a trial yet." Didn't those things take time?
"Yeah, but when it went before the
grand jury they indicted three and ruled him incompetent to stand trial."
"I'm going to see about her now, and
you're going to get me names of all involved. You don't have to tell me
anything else, just the names of the fucks involved, and I'll take it from
there."
"You and Kat?"
"That's for another time."
I closed the door in his face and went
back to the bed.
I didn't ask any questions, just figured
out how to unwrap her feet from her shoes, pulled the covers up over her, and
laid next to her.
"I'm just going to hold you, okay,
nothing else, and if this makes you uncomfortable tell me."
She didn't say anything, just buried her
nose in my neck as I cuddled her.
"Char, what the hell did you
see?"
"Hurt, she's hurt and hurt bad, El. I
didn't see the whole of whatever happened. You know how I pick up emotions
sometimes, well, our new little sister had some shit thrown at her."
Char shook her head as we headed for the
liquor cabinet. I had a couple hundred people in my backyard where I should be
hosting, but like doc said 'they'll keep'.
"Colton will take care of it, and
her, I know my son, he's his father incarnate, though I think Daniel got a
little more of the sweet, and a little less of the gruff."
"Colton's a good boy, I'm sure he'll
do right by our girl...now...GORGEOUS."
We started jumping up and down like two
toddlers at Disney On Ice, big grins on our faces.
"What are you two hens cackling about
now?"
Daniel sauntered into the room in his
chinos and a nice silk tee, his hair was still wet from his shower, and he'd
splashed on his special after shave.
Dirty dog; he knows what that particular
scent does to me, so I can see where he expected the day to go.
Thank you citizens of Washington State,
for making weed legal. Other people get hungry, sleepy, or happy, but my man
gets horny.
"Hey, Daniel."
Char gave doc her flirtatious grin, and if
I was a less confident woman and didn't know how much she was in love with her
own husband, then I would swear my bestie was trying to do my husband for the
last thirty years or so.
"Hey, Char, what the hell you getting
my wife into now?"
"Why do you always blame me? You do
know Elena is a shit stirrer, right? She basically starts most of the shit we
get into."
"What shit, Char, how much shit can
you get up to in a book club?" I gave her my innocent as a lamb smile.
"Even I know you're full of shit with
that one, El, now what gives?"
"Nothing, Daniel, we're just talking
about how to help a new friend."
"Fine, don't tell me, I'll go see to
our guests while you do your thing. Say, I have an idea, if you and the rest of
your posse are going to be dancing around in circles later around the bonfire,
then why don't we just light some weed instead of wood?"
"Daniel, you'll make everyone high,
and where pray tell will you be getting all that weed?"
"Look into the backyard, El. Between Colton's
guys, Stacy and Emory's friends and employees, and let's not even start on
Carol and her teenage crew, I bet we have enough to start ten fires."
He laughed as he headed towards the
kitchen and the back door.
"Okay, so what have we decided, Char?"
"We've decided that Colton will take
care of little Katarina, and we're going to stay out of it."
"Fuck that."
"Why, Elena Lyon, such language from
a lady."
"Whatever, I know from your reaction,
and hers, that it has something to do with her being attacked, right? Well you
know we don't let that shit slide, especially not when it's family. I'm tired
of this violence against women shit. Can you believe those fucktards in DC let
that bill die? Bunch of redneck fucks.
I say since our government no longer
recognizes the women of America, that we should go all militia on their asses.
We'll make Sherman's march through Georgia look like a walk in the park, since
they refuse to protect us, I say we start lopping off dicks."
"Give me the bottle, El, the day
hasn't even started yet and you're starting your shit. I promised hubby that
this year we’d behave." She shook her head as she downed her tequila shot.
* * * * *
It seemed like we were lying here for a
long time, and she hadn't moved, hadn't uttered a sound, so that's why I almost
jumped out of my skin when her soft, scratchy voice started.
"I was spending the night with my
friend...I'd told her I couldn't make it, but then I got my stuff done earlier
than expected, and I changed my mind at the last minute.
Donna had met this guy Taylor a week
before, and I tried cautioning her you know, but she was crushing hard on him,
and I guess she let her inhibitions down.
I got to her house, but her parents were gone
for the weekend, and it was the first time they'd ever left her alone, so it
was supposed to be our last sleep over before college.
We spent the night watching all our
favorite movies and making plans for our futures and stuffing ourselves with
pizza.
I didn't know that she'd told this guy
that she would be home alone..."
She stopped talking, and I grew tense. I
knew that whatever was coming was going to be bad, and I tried to prepare for
it. My natural instinct would be anger and the need for action, but she didn't
need to see that right now.
I squeezed her to me, a silent message to
go on. I wanted it done, and wanted her to tell me all of it, so I would know
what I was dealing with.
"I got really thirsty after we fell
asleep, like, around three in the morning I think. I went downstairs to raid
the refrigerator, but I didn't turn on the light. I'd been there so much I
pretty much knew the layout of the whole house.
I got my drink and was on the way back
when I heard noises at the door. I was gonna go see who was there. I thought
maybe her parents had changed their minds and were coming back home.
Something stopped me from doing that...I
saw them come in, four of them, and they were high or drunk I'm not sure which.
They were grinning and high fiving each other, and they didn't see me."
She started to shake, and my heart hurt as
my stomach lurched. Fuck.
"They went up the stairs and started
opening doors, so I grabbed the phone off the hook, but that's when I heard her
scream."
She was full out shaking, so hard the bed
moved, and I pulled her even closer and wrapped my arms around her trying to
give her some of my warmth, and wishing like fuck that she'd never experienced
what she was about to describe.
"They raped her, and took turns
hurting her and laughing. I can still hear them laughing, and I'd dialed 911
without realizing it. The lady on the line kept asking me what was my
emergency, but I couldn't speak.
Then she screamed for me, Donna, she
screamed and screamed and I couldn't do anything. I was frozen in place.
I Think I walked into the wall or
something, but I knocked something over and somehow they heard it, and one of
them ran down the stairs.
He yelled 'fresh meat' up the stairs to the
others, they came, they tried...I fought them. I used every trick my dad had
ever taught me, and I fought, but then they caught me by my hair."
One hand went to her beautiful hair as she
gazed off into space, lost in that time, back there where she'd lived her
horror.
"They beat me, with their fists...I'd
dropped the phone after I banged into the wall, it was still on...by the time
they finally got my clothes off the police were there.
When one news reporter asked the operator
why she didn't just hang up after I didn't speak, and how she knew it wasn't a
prank call, she said it was because I'd given her the police code for a rape in
progress. I didn't remember doing that.
The phone was still open, and she heard
everything that was happening to me, so that's why the cops got there so fast.
I was lucky.
Donna, she, they hurt her so bad, her poor
body was broken...she killed herself three days after getting out of the
hospital.
Taylor was never charged. He was on anti
depressants, or something like that, and they say it made him do things, and
the other three are awaiting trial."
"You can stop now, angel, you don't
have to say anymore."
"I'm sorry that happened to you and
your friend, and sorry you have that in your life, but it's going to be okay
now."
I held her as my mind raced, what she'd
described was beyond horrific, and that she would carry that memory for the
rest of her life pissed me the fuck off, but my next concern was how the fuck
to reach into a jail in Arizona and fuck some shit up.
It was time to reach out to the
brotherhood of the bike. My crew is what you might call the gentleman's club of
the brotherhood, but one hand washes the other. I'll get my feelers out by
tomorrow, and the three behind bars will have to be dealt with by other hands,
but Taylor, that little mother fucker was mine.
I could hear the party going on outside,
and the laughter and gaiety while one so young suffered just feet away.
Life is strange as fuck. Some people can
be suffering while others have no clue, and they are just going along with
their daily life as usual.
I wanted to go down there and yell at them
to get the fuck gone, which was stupid; none of those people had anything to do
with what had happened to her. What I was really pissed about was the fact that
I couldn't act yet, and I wanted to be up and moving, but I needed to be
holding her more.
This changed things, and I couldn't just
fall on her like I'd been about to. She was obviously still hurt, and still
healing, so I'd have to watch, and to gauge where she was in her head. One
thing was for sure; she wasn't staying in that fucking shell a minute longer.
Why should she hide who she was, because those fucks were cowardly assholes?
She hadn't done anything wrong, and as far as I can see, they'd taken
more than enough from her already.
"Angel, can I ask you
something?"
She nodded her head against my neck.
"How do you feel? I need to know so I
know what to do for you."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean right now, where are you with
this, are you scared, angry, hurt, what...? I want to know where your heart and
mind is."
"I'm not sure, I've been all those
things...no one else asked me that. I guess everyone just assumed they knew how
I should be feeling, but you're the first one to ask me that.
It feels good that you asked, and it's
making me think right now..."
"And what do you feel, baby?"
She took a minute while she moved around a
bit until she was finally sitting up next to me.
Her eyes were red from crying, but even
that didn't take away from their beauty. I reached up with my palm and held her
cheek, and when she rubbed her face against my hand like a baby fawn, she stole
the fucking heart right out of me.
I dropped my hand, still warm from her
skin, as she sat up straighter.
"I'm mostly angry, at them, at me, at
Donna.
Then I feel guilty for being angry at her
because she's dead, and then I feel guilty that I'm here and she's not, but I
tried to warn her.
This guy was older, and in college, so the
things she said, that he was saying to her, made me uncomfortable. It's like I
could see through his bullshit but she couldn't.
If only she'd listened to me, then none of
this would've happened, but it's stupid to stay angry at her because she's
gone. My best friend is gone, and I couldn't do anything about it.
I hate myself for standing there like a
scared little rabbit while they brutalized her."
"But you were able to fight them
off."
"What does that say about me? Why
didn't I use some of that to help her?"
"Do you take fighting lessons, are
you trained in any of the arts?"
"No, I just knew what my dad taught
me over the years, and it just kicked in I guess, but while they were up those
stairs, and she was screaming for me, I couldn't move. I was too afraid."
"Clear and imminent danger, so your
survival instinct kicked in, and no one knows why the body reacts the way it
does to fear, or why some people can accomplish the impossible in certain
situations. All I can tell you, Angel, is that you were meant to survive, and
that's why you're here, and you shouldn't feel any guilt for that. What
else?"
"I don't know, but sometimes I laugh,
and I'd hear myself laugh and get sad. It feels wrong to laugh, like I should
remember that night for the rest of my life, and never laugh or be happy
again."
"So why don't you kill yourself if
you don't want to live?"
She looked at me in horror, but I wasn't
taking that shit back. Obviously no one had talked to this girl about this
shit, or if they had they'd done a piss poor job of it.
I wasn't going to join that line of fuck
ups. She needed a hard wake up call, before one day she ended up slitting her
wrist or some shit. This thinking of hers was all fucked up, and she wouldn't
heal like that, but only get worst as time went on.
"Why would you say something like
that, that’s? That’s cruel."
"No, Angel, what you're doing to
yourself is cruel. You begrudge yourself happiness, and you walk around trying
to look like, and be, someone else, so laughter is out, fun of any kind is
out..."
"Well I'm here, aren't I?"
"I'm sure Elena didn't give you a
choice. I know my mother, so you didn't come because you wanted to as much as
you were obeying an order. You've turned yourself into a robot, no human
emotion..."
"I was just dry humping you at the
side of your parents' house. What are you talking about?"
And we'll be getting back to that later
please God, that and much more, but later, after I've straightened your shit
out
. That much I was sure
of.
"Yeah, and I'm sure you'll make
yourself feel guilty for that later, like you've done with everything else
since the incident."
"Why are you being such an asshole
jerk?"
She clapped her hand over her mouth, and I
howled with laughter. I couldn't help myself, I rolled into her, taking her
down with me as I rolled around on the bed laughing my ass off.
"See that bitch that was just here,
that's who I want to meet."
I kissed her quick and rolled away.
"Come on let's go."
"I don't feel like going back out
there."
"Too bad, you're going. Your days of
hiding are over, and you didn't do anything wrong. You didn't go up the stairs,
because subconsciously you knew it was four of them against you, and you had no
weapon, and nothing to fend them off, so you actually used the only weapons at
your disposal, the phone, then you used your head, another weapon, only of a
different nature, so you see, Angel, you weren't useless, and you won in the
end.
All we have to do now is deal with your
misguided belief that you have anything to feel guilty about."
People were looking and wondering, most
likely, what we were doing together since I had her hand locked in mine. I
didn't answer any of the silent questions as we went towards the table where my
crew and their families were sitting.
"Hello ladies, this is
Katarina."
I introduced her to each of the wives
before taking a seat and seating her next to me. My first inclination was to
pull her down on my lap, but I didn't think she was ready for that yet.
"I'm going to get you food, so you
want to come with, or are you good here?"
She stood up with me, her face blushing
red.
"I'll come with you."
"Hello, Colton, Elena said you'd be
here soon." Jennifer blocked our path.
Fucking bitch.
I felt Angel's hand twitch in mine and
gave it a squeeze.
Jennifer's eyes dropped from me to our
clasped hands, and her face grew angry.
She opened her mouth to say something scathing
no doubt, but was thwarted.
"We're about to eat, later."
The enigma that was my Angel dragged me
off towards the food table leaving a stunned Jennifer with her mouth hanging
open, and it might be in poor taste, but I couldn't help laughing.
I loved that fire in her, and I will do
everything in my power to draw it back out of her. To break open that shell,
and drag her out of it.
Jennifer wasn't going to like being
dismissed like that, but who gave a fuck?
* * * * *
"I do not like that person. She's so
full of herself, and I know she was about to start her 'who is this' shit
again...oh crap, did you want to talk to her, oh my gosh I'm so sorry...I
didn't..."
"Don't start second guessing yourself
now, feel free to put Jennifer in her place anytime."
I wanted to ask if she was his ex, or
future or whatever, but I thought that was not my place, but then again the way
he was holding onto me...
"Exactly what are we doing?"
"With what?"
I swung our joined hands up so he could
see.
"Oh that, I'm getting you used to my
touch, so get used to it. There's going to be a lot of that in your
future." He smirked down at me.
Gulp, why is it that my underwear always
suffered in his presence? The old me would've voiced that question, but the new
me was a little more cautious...what Colton doesn't know is that there was more
to the story. Like the way people had turned against me and my mom for accusing
one of the city's golden sons of something as horrendous as rape.
Donna's family had fled after her suicide
It was too much for two people who had had a late in life baby after years of
trying
People had made accusations, like Donna
and I had asked for it, and some said we'd lured the boys to the house. Two
young girls alone for the weekend, and looking to have a good time, so we'd
probably been drinking and getting high, you know how all teens are. I guess we
were into being beaten black and blue too since we were both almost beyond
recognition by the time the paramedics showed up.
There was a lot of scrutiny about the way
I dressed, and since Donna was no longer there to carry any of the burden, I
bore the brunt of it.
My every move was scrutinized, the way I
dressed, and my hobbies, which were all Tom boyish if you want to know the
truth. Instead of being seen as a girl who liked riding bikes or skate
boarding, like so many others before me, I was now the slut who liked to hang
around with groups of boys.
You try walking around in low rider jeans
and tanks, or cute little skirts (which I used to love) while the world is
calling you a slutty teen.
So no, I didn't use my usual snarky wit on
him; I just enjoyed the feel of his thumb rubbing circles in my palm.
The BBQ turned out to be fun, and his mom
and her friend never mentioned what had happened earlier, for which I was
abundantly grateful, and I caught his dad giving him a thumbs up behind my head
while puffing away on a joint.
When I looked back at Colton he was just
shaking his head at him.
"Mom, your husband's being embarrassing
again."
"Daniel, put that thing out."
"Hell naw woman, as a matter of fact
I forgot to show you something up at the house."
He wiggled his brows at her and I couldn't
help it, I laughed so hard I fell off my chair which made him laugh and then everyone
was laughing.
That's how my dad found me.
"What's going on over here?"
He was smiling as he asked, smiling and
looking at me with such happiness in his eyes.
God, had it really been that long since
he'd seen me laugh like that?