The Lich (3 page)

‘Uh…oops!’ the Ice King mumbled. ‘I’ve got the dropsies!’

Finn looked on in horror. Just when it had looked like he had reached the heights of hero-dom – defeating an ancient bad guy and stopping the Lich from destroying all of Ooo – all seemed lost. Now it looked like all his hopes and dreams had been dashed. The like-a-lot of his life was drowning in the Lich’s Well of Power. The Land of Ooo just wouldn’t be the same without Princess Bubblegum around, and neither would her devoted hero, Finn.

After Finn and Jake rescued Princess Bubblegum, they rushed her to the Candy Hospital, where Dr. Ice Cream and Nurse Poundcake tried desperately to stabilise her condition as she was rolled into the ER on a stretcher.

‘What’s her condition, Dr. Ice Cream?’ Nurse Poundcake asked nervously.

‘She’s totally gross over 90 percent of her body,’ Dr. Ice Cream reported. ‘The other 10 percent is crazy nasty.’

‘Will she make it, doctor?’ asked Nurse Poundcake.

‘I don’t know, Nurse Poundcake,’ Dr. Ice Cream replied honestly.

Finn, Jake, the Ice King and the medical staff wheeled the stretcher into the operating room. The pretty pink princess now looked like a blob of featureless purple goo.

‘Put sugar on her – two scoops!’ Dr. Ice Cream ordered.

Then, suddenly, the steady beep on the monitor stopped and the green line went flat.

‘We’re losing her!’ the doctor shouted.

‘No!’ the Ice King wailed. ‘Not my number one! Princess, if you die on me, I will never forgive you! I’ll be lost, lost in my own emotional labyrinth….’

Finn couldn’t take it anymore. The Ice King was responsible for Bubblegum’s condition! What was he talking about?

Finn jumped across the room and slammed his fist into the Ice King’s pointed nose.

‘Wait, Finn,’ Dr. Ice Cream called to him. ‘Her sugar levels are stabilising.’

Finn rushed over to the stretcher. The purple goo began to melt and transform into the long pink hair Finn remembered. Princess Bubblegum was starting to look like herself again! Finn, Jake and all the candy citizens in the room cheered wildly.

‘Yes, I’m fine,’ Bubblegum whispered in a frail voice. ‘I just need to rest.’

While everyone else smiled and high-fived each other, the Ice King sat on the floor, weeping frosty tears.

‘My wife,’ he sobbed. ‘Is there anything weird about her? I can’t see through these tears.’

‘She’s fine,’ said Dr. Ice Cream. ‘Why?’

‘It’s just that, after Princess fell into the well, I saw something strange happen, something I still don’t understand,’ explained the Ice King.

Before the Ice King could finish his tale, Finn’s sword came flying through the room and landed next to the sobbing king.

‘Wait!’ the Ice King cried. ‘Listen to me!’

‘No!’ Finn shouted back at him. ‘Just shut your face, old man!’

‘Old man?’ the Ice King repeated disbelievingly. ‘What? I’m not old!’

‘Uh, yeah, you are, dude,’ Jake replied.

The candy citizens all called out their agreement with Jake’s statement.

‘Old?’ said the Ice King again, hanging his head. ‘I’m…I see. It’s all making sense now. I’m going, Princess.’

‘
JUST GET OUT OF HERE!
’ Finn yelled.

The king gave everyone in the room the peace sign and then flew out through the window. Finn turned back to the stretcher.

‘Sorry about that, Peebles,’ he apologised to the princess.

‘The Ice Wizard is a weak fool,’ Bubblegum replied in a strange monotonous drone.

‘Huh?’ said Jake.

Just then, Raggedy Princess came running over with a green sack hanging from her head.

‘Finn! The other princess and I made you a new backpack!’ she said.

‘Whoa! Raggedy Princess, it’s so awesome!’ Finn replied gratefully. ‘Thank you.’

Jake reached across the stretcher and tucked in Princess Bubblegum’s blanket.

‘You look like sick, grey meat,’ Jake said. ‘But we’re going to jack you up so awesome.’

Princess Bubblegum just stared blankly into space.

‘We should wheel her to her bedroom, right?’ Finn suggested.

‘Yeah, man,’ Jake agreed. ‘And then we’ll do magic tricks.’

When Finn and Jake got through decorating Princess Bubblegum’s room, it looked like it had been touched with more than just a magic wand. The whole room had been transformed into a floral festival.

‘Princess…Princess…,’ Finn and Jake called to their sleeping friend.

Princess Bubblegum blinked her eyes.

‘Surprise!’ the two adventurers cheered. ‘We picked every flower in the candy kingdom just for you! Woo hoo!’

The princess didn’t reply.

‘Princess Bubblegum?’ Finn called softly.

The princess opened her mouth and croaked in a voice as deep as a bullfrog’s. Then her torso slammed forward on the bed and she swayed like a cobra eyeing its prey.

‘Oh, gee!’ cried Jake, hiding behind Finn. ‘What’s wrong with Princess Bubblegum?’

‘Quiet, dude,’ Finn whispered to his pal. ‘We’re supposed to take care of her, not make her feel bad.’

‘I know, man,’ answered Jake. ‘But she just seems…weird.’

‘She’s just messed up from the accident,’ Finn explained. ‘We just have to take care of her until she feels better.’

When the best buddies turned around, though, Princess Bubblegum was no longer in her bed. They heard a crash come from the bathroom and ran in to find the princess on the floor, pulling things off the shelves of a cabinet.

‘Princess!’ Finn called. ‘Princess, no! You shouldn’t be out of bed!’

Finn picked up Princess Bubblegum in his arms and carried her back to bed. He looked into her eyes, but they didn’t look like the eyes of his friend. They still stared blankly into space.

‘Princess, I have to tell you something,’ Finn said.

Before Finn continued, he looked at Jake and nodded toward the bedroom door.

‘Oh, gotcha,’ Jake said, understanding Finn’s need for privacy. ‘I’ll go get some tea.’ Jake then stepped out of the room.

‘Princess, the sweater you made me kept me safe,’ Finn said to the princess. ‘I almost got super messed up, but it saved me. And I wanted to say thank you for imbuing this sweater with the power of liking someone a lot, cause…I like you a lot.’

Finn’s cheeks turned bright red as he finally confessed his like out loud. ‘We shouldn’t talk about this now,’ he added. ‘You should rest.’

‘Finn, I need you to get me some things,’ Princess Bubblegum replied weakly.

‘Yes, Princess,’ answered Finn.

While Princess Bubblegum whispered her request into Finn’s ear, Jake came back into the room with Peppermint Butler. To the candy servant, the princess’s whispers sounded like demonic chanting. Peppermint Butler dropped his tea tray on the floor and hissed like a cat.

‘Whoa!’ Jake said as he put his paw on Peppermint Butler’s head.

Jake started to tremble as he watched Peppermint Butler race from the room.

‘Something weird’s going on,’ he said, scared.

‘Jake!’ Finn shouted. ‘I’m going to get some stuff for PB! Be right back!’

The last place in Ooo Jake wanted to be at that moment was stuck in the flower-filled room alone with the strange-acting princess.

‘Hey, princess. Sorry you’re not feeling good,’ he said nervously. ‘Oh, I’ll sing you a song. You love it when I sing songs.’

Jake strapped on a karaoke speaker and microphone and morphed his belly into bongo drums. He began to tap a beat and sing a song about Princess Bubblegum.

The princess did not look as if she was loving Jake’s song-and-dance number. In fact, her facial expression hinted that watching Jake’s act was more like pure torture to her. Princess Bubblegum gripped the blankets tightly in her fists and snarled. When she let go of the blanket and reached out, the flowers she touched instantly withered and died. Then all the flowers in the room died, too.

Jake watched in fear as the princess’s body contorted into all sorts of weird positions. She spewed an unknown language at Jake, spit flying from her mouth and her voice sounding like nothing he had ever heard before.

‘Uh, this song’s not that good,’ Jake admitted. ‘It’s a bad one. I’m stopping.’

Princess Bubblegum blathered some unintelligible babble at Jake.

‘And starting a new song!’ Jake announced, hoping this would calm her.

Jake pounded his belly bongos while the princess rocked and raged on her bed, which was bouncing like a basketball being dribbled down the court. Suddenly, the room burst into flames. Jake backed up, only to find himself in the arms of a scorched, melting princess.

‘Jake,’ Princess Bubblegum groaned.

Jake ran from the room in a panic.

‘Oh my gob…oh my gob…oh my gob!’ Jake shouted, sweat pouring down his fur. ‘Maybe the toxic waste did something to her brain. Maybe it made her have demon powers – or something!’

Finn came running down the hallway, his arms full of the supplies the princess had requested. Jake stretched out his arms and grabbed his best buddy by the backpack.

‘Wait!’ he called to Finn. ‘What’s all that biz?’

‘Uh…bleach, lighter fluid, ammonia, gasoline,’ Finn replied. ‘I don’t know, lady stuff. Plutonium…’

‘No, man,’ Jake gasped. ‘No, no, no, no!’

The bedroom door opened, and Princess Bubblegum ambled into the room, looking nothing like the scorched princess Jake had seen just a few seconds earlier. She lifted the supplies from Finn’s arms and muttered a quick, ‘Thanks.’ Then she returned to her bedroom and slammed the door behind her.