“Would you like more?”
His generosity startles me, even though I know the purpose in it: his own feeding pleasure. Still I’m grateful for an extension to my reprieve.
“Can I have just half a bowl more? And a little more bread?”
He nods and takes my bowl from me. I feel weird, him waiting on me. Is this normal for a vampire/pet relationship? Then again, when I had a cat growing up, no one expected the cat to self-feed or do anything except be a cat. I wonder if I’m even allowed to get food on my own.
After the second half-bowl and piece of bread, I push it away. My anxiety begins to climb because there seems to be nothing left in the way between us. No more preliminaries or explanations, and no new ways to stall have presented themselves. Whatever he’s going to do to me, he’s going to do. Soon.
I’m nervous about what he’ll do, but I’m also nervous for more mundane reasons. I know he’s going to fuck me. I’m nervous because I’m sure every girl is nervous about her first time, especially when she’s waited so long it’s become built up too big in her mind. Even though I know I don’t have a choice, my brain can’t call it rape because for whatever reason, the idea of him inside me, makes me wet. If he doesn’t already know that, he soon will.
He takes the bowl and places it in the dishwasher, along with the spoon. “Finish your water,” he says, his back still turned to me.
I don’t even think about protesting. I down the rest of the water and hand the bottle to him, which he puts in a recycling container.
“Would you like a tour of your new home?”
I nod, not able to hold eye contact. It’s not that I’m afraid he’ll suddenly be able to hypnotize me. It’s just that his eyes are so scary. They aren’t red right now. They are a very dark brown, so dark that it’s hard to see where the iris and pupil meet, and that’s just as terrifying as the red.
He takes my hand and leads me through the house. My new
home
. It feels so wrong. It’s as if he’s wrapping my captivity in some nice, civilized box. By now I’m sure I won’t be locked in a dungeon because it doesn’t seem to fit Christian. I have no doubt I will have the opportunity to gaze into the abyss, to see the full truth of his darkness. I have no doubt he’ll hurt me. But he’ll do it on clean satin sheets in romantic lighting.
I think about my mom again. I think about 4:30 a.m. coming and going. Of me not showing up to decorate the cookies. Of never getting to lick frosting off my fingers again, or even eat a cookie if he holds true to his
no crap
diet rules.
I wonder if she’ll be able to open the shop when she discovers I’m not in my off-campus apartment oversleeping. I hate the idea of being a six o’clock news sound byte. It’ll be worse at school. Rumors and stories will spread like wildfire. Even if Christian lets me go, I’m not sure I could face all the eyes forever on me, wondering what happened and what I’m not telling. I try to blend. I’ve worked so hard at it. After this I could never blend again.
He’s pulling me through a dark hallway with old paintings that are probably members of his family. They’ve got that feel to them. I find myself tugging back, resisting as the panic builds. I want to convince him to let me go, at least partly. If this goes through to the morning, I know I can never leave even if I managed escape. I can’t live with all those eyes on me—both camera and human—asking questions and whispering. I just can’t.
“Master, please. Please just let me stay at my apartment. Let me live my life and you can have me at night. I’ll do whatever you want. But I have to be at the bakery at 4:30 during the week… ” I trail off because this is so stupid—asking to be his part time prisoner. For a terrifying minute I’m afraid he’ll kill me or hurt me badly for even thinking something so ludicrous, but he just laughs.
“I’m afraid I can’t do that. You see, I’m a very jealous sort. When I’m sleeping during the day, how do I know you wouldn’t be fucking that pussy, Devon?”
Devon. I can’t believe I’ve forgotten about him. Christian could have killed him, but if he’s worried I’d sleep with him, he must have left him breathing. I feel a small bit of relief settling next to the guilt.
My eyes are on the ground again because the vampire is looking at me too hard. I’ve never been looked at like this before. I can barely cope with it.
“I... I wouldn’t. I swear I wouldn’t. I would be faithful to you.”
This makes him laugh again. “So you want to be my part-time pet? Live with me when it suits you so you can keep the rest of your life in order? I waited six YEARS for you!” His voice has risen, causing me to cringe.
“Please… I’m sorry, Please… ”
But he’s not done. He forces my face up to his, and I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing I hadn’t been so stupid.
“Six years,” he says quietly. With my eyes shut, the only thing I can process is his voice as it drops over me like a blanket. “It’s not a lot of time to a vampire, but it’s still a long time for a sentient being to be lonely after you’ve found the one you want. And you have to watch her laugh with others and hold hands and have crushes. And you can’t be near her during the day, which is when most of her life happens. If she’s in danger during that time, you can’t stop it. I’ve been driven nearly mad waiting and now you want to be mine on a part-time basis? Am I understanding you correctly?”
The tears are choking me, making it hard to get any words out. “I’m sorry.”
I think he’s going to do something awful, but he’s quiet. I realize I’ve let down my mental shields when he speaks again. He’s seen it all. Every ridiculous thought that led to my request.
His hand is on my cheek now, forcing my eyes to meet his. I start to shut them again, but he shakes his head. “Don’t, Juliette. Look at me.”
I force myself to obey him, trying to buy back his good will, if he had any of it to give to begin with.
“Listen to me and hear me. You will never be free. Never. The people will talk. Let them. The news will sensationalize. Your parents and friends will mourn and finally let you go. There is no window of opportunity where you can go back where no one knows. You can’t keep all worlds happy. It’s them or me. And that isn’t your call to make. It’s mine. As are you.”
I don’t push him out of my mind again. I’m too afraid. And I know he’ll feed me his blood which will stop him from getting inside my head at all. I can be patient and wait for that even though the idea still disturbs me. I just nod, trying to stop shaking. I can barely comprehend that this is my new life, imprisoned with a literal horror movie monster that even now electrifies my nerve endings by his mere presence. Some part of me hopes he loses control tonight and drains me because I don’t know how I can stand this for months or years. It’s too much.
“Death wish already?”
Of course he’s in my head. He’ll suck up every thought I let him have, and I’m too scared to try to deny him access.
“That’s smart. Keep being smart, Juliette and perhaps I’ll forgive you for your insulting request.”
He takes my hand again and leads me up a staircase and down the hallway to the last room on the right. “This will be your room. During the day, while I sleep, you’ll be confined here. Once we are connected by blood, I’ll feel it if you need me, but I warn you... if you panic about something during the day, it had better be an emergency. Disrupting my sleep will not endear me to you. Eventually you’ll sleep on my schedule. It may be hard at first, so there will be books and a television and healthy snacks in a small refrigerator should you need any of that. I want you to be comfortable when I’m not with you. The bathroom is off to the side there.” He points. “You’ll have plenty of time to explore it all when I’ve gone to bed for the day.”
I only have a few moments to take in the luxury of the room. It’s got a large picture window and I can see, even at night, that we are in an isolated area, someplace where me having a window doesn’t pose a threat to him. I still can’t help but feel that giving me sunlight is a nice gesture. The windows have heavy drapes that can be pulled closed to block out the daylight when I do succumb to his sleep schedule.
The bedspread is a lavender brocade with gold and dark purple embroidery. The pillow cases confirm my suspicion about satin. I’m lost in thought about this beautiful room and how my life will be long, lonely days in here trying to sleep and nights with Christian as the only other being I’m near.
“It won’t be like that. Soon you’ll adjust to sleeping in the day. And we will go out. We won’t stay inside all the time.”
I look up. “We won’t?”
“I am the most lethal thing you will ever be alone with; I don’t
need
to keep you hidden in a closet. We will go out where you are not known, and you will obey me to the letter or you’ll watch humans be slaughtered, knowing it’s your fault they died.”
Before I can respond, he takes my hand again and continues the tour. It’s wrong, but his skin against mine still comforts me, much like it did that night.
We walk through countless elegant rooms, many of them bedrooms, but also a dining room, ballroom, parlors, a room with an entertainment center, several nice bathrooms.
A vague hope flutters inside me that someone else comes here, someone who cleans the house and takes care of things, someone who could discover me and free me. But the house feels dead, like a museum, and some rooms have a healthy amount of cobwebs. Much of the house is clearly not in use.
Even if someone
did
come here to clean, it could be another vampire, or somebody under Christian’s thrall. As old as he is, he would think of a loose end like that.
We pass one room without going in. The door is shut.
“What’s in there?” Someday I will learn to keep my fucking mouth shut.
He turns toward me so fast I know I’ll never forget he isn’t human. His eyes are that fire-red glow again. His fangs edge out from between his lips, and it takes everything in me not to try to run for it, even though I know such an act is beyond futile.
“That room is private. It is none of your concern what is in there.”
I think it must be a dungeon.
“No. You’ll see the dungeon when I’m ready for you to see it. It’s not the dungeon.”
I’m horrified, though not all that surprised that there’s a dungeon. Of course there’s a dungeon. He was probably around when dungeons were
en vogue
and everybody who was anybody had one.
I try to blank my mind of all thought so there simply isn’t anything for him to see and know. We go on in silence until we reach the last room in the house that I haven’t seen, besides the forbidden room. I know this last room is Christian’s and that it is where I will be spending the rest of the night.
He ushers me in and the door shuts with a loud finality. I spin to face him and find myself backing up.
“Must we play this game, Juliette? You back away, I move forward at that maddeningly slow pace. You try to run, convincing yourself you have some hope. I play with you a bit and let you think it before finally closing in? Really. I’ve done this for centuries. Just stand still and let me come to you.”
I wish whatever causes me to freeze in terror will start working again because now that I’ve been ordered to just stand here, every muscle fiber in my body is twitching, poised and ready for flight. Mercifully, he doesn’t do the maddeningly slow advance. He moves so fast it’s as if he teleported across the room. Maybe he did. I’m only human. What the hell do I know about vampire travel? He breaks all known laws of physics anyway; a little teleportation added to the mix seems trivial.
He’s standing mere inches from me. I can smell him. Rich, dark, spicy. Somehow I know this is just what he smells like. It’s not a cologne or aftershave. It’s just one hundred percent aroused male vampire.
And though my eyes haven’t strayed to his pants, I know he’s aroused. It’s in the look in his eyes, the flare of his nostrils, and the sudden reappearance of his fangs. He’s hungry for me. This is both terrifying and somehow alluring. I will not lie. I know I’m pretty. I’m not one of those pretty girls who is either insecure or lies to themselves about their charms. I know I’m desirable.
Men have always reacted to me as if they are a dog and I’m a tasty T-bone. And yet, no one has ever looked at me in quite the desperately starved way that Christian is looking at me now. My head is tilted up to see into his eyes even though I’ve tried to avoid it. They aren’t the angry fire-red, nor the soulless black. Right now they are a warm orange-yellow, like a comforting fire that captivates me and draws me in.
I’m not convinced his thrall doesn’t work on me. Christian is bigger than I thought. Not just broad, but tall. It’s hard for me to gauge without us both standing against the wall and drawing chalk lines over our heads—something I’m sure the vampire would never lower himself to in order to satisfy my childish curiosity. But I’m pretty sure the top of my head comes just below his shoulder. He must be close to seven feet tall.
Even if he were human I’d be scared shitless of him.
His fingertips skim along my neck and collarbone, and I shiver. His hands remind me of doctor’s hands, the good ones who have cool, dry skin that makes you feel safe. But there is nothing safe about Christian. It’s as if his entire being is made to seduce and tempt and make you feel safe when everything rational in your head screams that you aren’t.
This is when I know he’s right about the thrall. My mind can’t be controlled by him. If it could, I wouldn’t be rationalizing. I wouldn’t be able to think the thought that it’s all a trap. I would just swoon and go along with it. As magnetic as he is, and as easily as I could see myself falling into it, my fear is still at the forefront of my mind, and my logic reigns supreme.
“I can’t think which virginity I want to take first,” he practically purrs in my ear.
The tears slide down my cheeks. He’s got the perfect ability to know the exact thing to say to terrorize me and make me flit about in my own head like some crazed hummingbird with too many nectar choices. I’m trying hard not to think about the options because I don’t want to put any new ideas in his head. Though it’s laughable with my age and inexperience that I could ever think a thought Christian hasn’t already had.