****
Thursday, May 20, 6:30 p.m.
J.T. had no idea how long he’d stood staring the empty doorway. He’d wanted to call out, to stop her, to try to explain.
But no, you let her go.
She couldn’t possibly have understood. Instead, he’d opened his mouth and reached out his hand to her back. The one woman who’d made him believe in home and family was gone and probably forever. Maybe it was better this way.
He shivered when a cool hand rubbed his arm. “Go away, Mother. Haven’t you done enough?” Again, she hadn’t been there when she was needed. He didn’t want to hear her excuses. Didn’t want to know where she’d been. He knew where. And he knew why. At a bar. For a drink.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll never leave again.”
“Stop.” He spun to face her. There’d been a time he would’ve believed her, but that naïve young boy had grown up. “Don’t lie to me. I’ve heard those same four words too many times.” He scrubbed his hand over his eyes. Four words? Jesus Christ. She talked in four word sentences. He looked back at the exit half-expecting Leigh to be standing there smiling.
“Can we, for now, forget how badly I’ve hurt you and talk about my mother? When I got home this morning, Elva told me what happened. I came straight here.” She moved to a group of chairs and sat down.
“What happened last night? Did Nana run after you? Beg you not to leave?” He leaned down, gripped the arms of her chair, and bent close to her face. “She fell after you drove away and lay helpless outside in the driveway while you went barhopping.”
“None of that’s true.”
She tried to rise, but he stood his ground. He wanted her to understand Nana could’ve died alone in the night. “Didn’t Elva tell you where she found her?”
“Yes. Son, please listen. Mama didn’t chase me. She knew where I was going. I went to pack my things.”
“You packed? To go where?”
“Home. To my mother.”
“You’re moving in with her permanently?”
“Yes. She didn’t expect me back last night. I had to clear things with the apartment manager this morning. Go look. My stuff is still in her car.”
He tried to read behind her flashing eyes. She was an expert when it came to lying. And for years, he’d believed her until she’d proved she couldn’t tell the truth.
“Mama loaned me her car, for God’s sake.” She returned his glare. Fire flashed in her eyes.
He studied his mother’s appearance for the first time since she’d arrived. His resolve slipped. Had he pronounced her guilty too quickly? Misjudged her? Damn right, based on past history. The redness in her eyes could be from crying, and the old familiar stench of a night out drinking wasn’t seeping from her pores. Her slacks and blouse weren’t wrinkled and sweaty.
Shit. Condemned her without a hearing, didn’t you?
“You had her permission?”
Tears slid down her face. “Yes. I swear I don’t know why she was in the driveway.”
He squatted down in front of his mother. He searched her face, looking for a shred of truth to believe. He’d been down this road many times in the past, always falling into her trap, trusting her, hoping she’d stay sober. Hell, one more trip wouldn’t kill him. “I’m sorry I mistrusted you.”
“I haven’t earned your trust, but I will.” She pushed the hair off his forehead. “When you get angry, you look like Mama.”
“No, I look like you.” He stepped back and helped her stand. He towered over her, yet she made him feel small. God help him, he wanted to believe. Had she turned the corner? He hoped so. “Did you get all your things from your place?”
“I did.” She tucked her hand inside his elbow. “There wasn’t much. I need help carrying the boxes into the house.”
“You got it. First, let’s get you in the ICU. You need to see Nana.”
“Deal. Tonight we’ll talk. You and me.”
He shot a quick glance at the exit door. His heart cramped. Leigh had witnessed him at his all-time worst. He felt like shit for not giving his mother the benefit of the doubt, and now he’d pay for it. He’d known from the beginning the relationship with Leigh wouldn’t last. What he hadn’t known was how bad losing her and Ethan would hurt.
****
Thursday, May 20, 10:00 p.m.
Leigh closed the door to Ethan’s room, stood in the hallway, and appreciated the stillness of the night. He’d been quieter than usual all day. At bedtime, he’d opened up and expressed concern over the scene between J.T. and his mother. Far more intuitive than she’d realized, Ethan reasoned no son would get mad at his mama without a good reason. He’d recognized there was a lot more going on than a simple argument. Leave it to a child to notice the pain and suffering of others, especially someone he worshiped. By the time he’d finished talking it out, Leigh’s perspective had changed.
She leaned her head back on the wall and closed her eyes. Hero worship was a dangerous thing, and apparently, she and her son had fallen in love with one. She prayed they hadn’t fallen for a false idol. Superman, like Santa Claus, didn’t exist.
Where did she go from here? She hadn’t grasped the full extent of J.T.’s pain when it came to his mother until today. Leigh showered, slipped on her sleep shirt, and slid between the sheets, determined to sort through the day’s turmoil. One thing she knew for sure, he was important to her. No way would she give up on him. Her heart ached, folding her over in pain.
Her love for him and the relationship they shared was worth fighting for, and she intended to put up one hell of a battle. Before she closed her eyes, she committed herself. She would prove not everyone he cared about left him. Tomorrow, she’d show him. She would always be there.
****
Friday, May 21, 2:30 p.m.
J.T. paced. The doctor had called Nana’s surgery a success, but he wouldn’t be happy until she opened her eyes and talked to him. Walking into the recovery room, seeing her with all the different bags hanging from the IV stand, had about done him in. Hell, his mother had handled the situation better.
She wouldn’t hear of his apologizing. He’d assumed the worst yesterday, yet she refused to let him accept the blame for the horrible things he’d said. He’d tried when they went to Nana’s last night. He and his mother talked for hours before catching a few hours rest. Again this morning, he’d tried to say he was sorry. She’d insisted part of her accepting her alcoholism was facing the distrust of the people she’d let down.
He about popped his shirt buttons when she announced she’d started attending AA meetings. Roxanne Noble, who’d in the past denied and railed against any mention of her illness, had sought out help of her own free will. Still, his skepticism crept back, threatening his newly found belief in her. Memories of broken promises kept him from buying in a hundred percent.
“Shit.” He whirled at the tap on his shoulder. His mother smiled up at him. “Sorry. My mind wandered.” She caught his hand and led him to the couch where she’d been sitting.
“They’ll let us know when they move Mama to a room. In the meantime, tell me about the woman I
didn’t
get to meet yesterday. Mama talked for days about the picnic you took her to. She thinks you and the lady are in love.” His mother sat, pinned him with her gaze, and patted the spot next to her. “Are you?”
Her question didn’t surprise him. She never pulled punches. He tried not to smile when he joined her on the couch. “I can’t answer that.”
“Sure you can. It’s a yes or no question.”
“Yesterday may have been the end for us.” No doubt, he’d royally fucked up. Bad enough Leigh witnessed his meltdown, but Ethan and her parents had been present. “She comes from a different world. Different background, different upbringing.”
Her hand gripped his knee and squeezed. “I get it. She’s too good for our dysfunctional family.”
“That’s not what I said.” A sharp pain stabbed him in the chest. She’d hit the nail on the head. Leigh was too good for him. He’d known it from the beginning. “But now you’ve pointed it out, yeah. We Nobles don’t do family. I’d wind up hurting her and the boy, which is the last thing I want. He deserves a dad. We Nobles don’t make good parents.”
She laughed a bitter cross between anger and amusement. “If you need an excuse for your bad behavior, find something or somebody else to blame. Don’t put that burden on me.”
“I’m not looking for an excuse.” She didn’t understand. She hadn’t been around to witness him fuck up every relationship he’d ever started.
“I can’t force you not to hide behind me. Son, everybody makes choices. Good and bad ones. Make your own mistakes. Don’t use mine to define how you’ll live.”
Advice?
His mother, sitting right next to him, sober as a judge, was giving him a piece of advice. How many times had he wished for her guidance? How many nights had he lain awake praying for her to change? Wishing she’d come home? Would Leigh be willing to give him as many chances as he’d given his mother?
His mother shook his knee. “Your mind wandered again.”
“It did.” Hell, he hadn’t led an exemplary life and the cloak of self-righteousness he wore around the woman next to him fit too snug. He had one hell of a lot of baggage to dump and a couple of bridges to rebuild. No reason not to start right now. “I’ve used your drinking and the alcoholism as an excuse not to let anybody get too close. It’s a shield, and I’ve lived behind its protection for years. I’m not sure I can lay it down.”
“Anyone in their right mind would understand.”
“I got lucky when Leigh came along. She refused to buy into my bullshit.”
His mother chuckled. “I like her already.”
“Me too, Mama. Me too.” He hoped and prayed he hadn’t driven her away.
“Tell me more.”
J.T. spent the next hour talking about Leigh and Ethan. Speaking the words out loud, relaying her history and everything she’d been through, J.T. realized how proud he was of her. His heart swelled to the point his chest hurt while he described her relationship with Ethan. “He’s a great kid. Something funny happens inside me when he wraps his arms around me and hugs. He has this unconditional love for people. Just blows me away.”
“Leigh sounds like a reasonable woman. Tell her what you told me.”
****
Standing just outside in the hall, Leigh wished she’d overheard more of the conversation between J.T. and his mother. Maybe then, she wouldn’t be questioning her sanity for returning. Only one way to find out. She moved further into the room, unable to keep silent.
“You’re right. I
am
a reasonable woman,” Leigh said. “Tell me what?”
J.T. sprang from the couch as if he’d been goosed by a loose spring. Leigh made no effort to contain her laughter. The surprise on his face sent her nerve endings dancing across her skin. Yesterday, his mother had worn the look of a wounded animal, with him the predator about to move in for the kill. Today, they were sitting close and apparently discussing her.
“We...ah...we were shooting the breeze.”
He shifted his feet like a kid in trouble and looked down at his mother.
“I can see that. Quite different than yesterday.” Leigh bit back a smile. He’d stammered. The man who fancied himself always in control had stumbled over his words and right back into her heart.
His mother stood and extended her hand to Leigh. “I’m Roxanne Noble. Come sit next to me.” She looked up at her son. “Go get an update on your grandmother.”
“And leave you two alone? Not a chance.”
His mother sighed and then scowled a familiar frown at him.
“Son,” she said with authority. “I need to tell this young lady about myself. Don’t make me do it in front of you.”
The expression in his eyes, coupled with the smile he gave his mother, brought tears to Leigh’s eyes.
“Yes, ma’am, I’ll go.”
His broad shoulders sagged as he walked away. Leigh shook her head and mumbled to herself. “Again with the four-word sentences.”
“Four words?”
Roxanne’s puzzled expression deserved an explanation.
“Occasionally he talks in full blown sentences. Usually, it’s rapid-fire bullets of four or five words. Makes him hard to get to know.”
“Let me tell you where I think that came from.”
J.T.’s mother, her thin shoulders straight, head held high, looked Leigh in the eye, and talked. Leigh listened silently. He’d return soon. She didn’t want to waste this opportunity to learn more about Roxanne, his past, and his relationship with his mother.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Friday, May 21, 1:45 p.m.
“She recognized me.” J.T. froze for a second at the sight of his mother holding Leigh’s hand. “Nana opened her eyes when I called her Gorgeous. Gave me a smile. A weak one, but she’s coming around. They’re moving her to room 1411. Mother, why don’t you ride up with her?”
“I will. Leigh, I’ll see you again?”
“Count on it.”
His mother pulled Leigh in for a hug. The two women exchanged a knowing look right before the doors to the recovery room swung closed.
“Why do I feel like you two dissected, inspected, and analyzed me? I thought she wanted to talk about herself.”
“We did both.”
What the hell had his mother said to Leigh? She leaned toward him and for a second he thought she might kiss him. At the last minute, she turned away.