The Last Doctor She Should Ever Date (14 page)

Dani bit her bottom lip. Swallowed deeply. Took a huge breath and blew slowly out. Steadying herself, he guessed. She knew as well as he did that this was not the time and place to say goodbye. But she also had to know things couldn’t possibly work out between them. Never could have. ‘Okay, you take the car, that’ll be faster and smoother for Matt. And I’ll...’ She hauled in another breath. Her lip wobbled. ‘I’ll drive the campervan. Talk later?’

He leaned close. ‘I’m sorry, Dani.’

She nodded. Wiped a tear before it ran down her cheek.

‘But...’ Davide interrupted, oblivious to his daughter’s heartache. Again. His mouth opened. Closed. Opened again. ‘I can’t go in that thing.’

‘Davide, get in the van.’ Zac could barely contain his anger.

‘I can handle this.’ Dani stopped him, took the keys from his outstretched hand. She turned to face her father, dark clouds whipping behind her eyes. And Zac glimpsed a steel he’d never seen from her before. The same steel, he guessed, she’d used to conquer her demons. The same steel she’d use to get over this fling, this day...whatever it was they’d had. ‘Daddy. Get in the damned campervan.’

Davide gaped and flustered. His cheeks reddened further. ‘But...’

‘To hell with your image. Arriving in a bright yellow campervan might not be your idea of a good PR campaign...’ Zac could have sworn he saw a flicker of amusement in her face now. But it disappeared as she glared at her father. ‘It’s an emergency, so suck it up and put yourself further down the pecking order.’

‘But...’

This time her shoulders snapped back and she looked her father square in the eyes. The strong woman Zac had always known was there finally blossoming in front of her father. ‘For God’s sake. It’s not always about you. The man’s ill. For once in your life, show some sympathy. Have a bloody heart.’

CHAPTER ELEVEN

‘Z
AC
,
ARE
YOU
back yet? What’s happening with Matt?’

What’s happening with us?
Dani threw her cell phone onto the hotel bed. ‘Answer your phone!’

He’d been gone hours and hadn’t responded to any of her texts. All through the contretemps with her father she’d watched as he’d carefully withdrawn. Bit by bit he’d distanced himself, until there wasn’t a hint of warmth in those dark eyes any longer. He’d become the ultimate detached doctor. The heat of their frivolous chatter and long kisses had faded into nothing and there’d been nothing she could do about it.

Guilt bit deep. Guilt and a whole lot of something she didn’t want to put a name to. She’d stood by and let him do it. Didn’t fight for him. Or for the decisions they’d made about Jaxon. She’d let Zac take the blame for something she’d begged him to do. No one had ever protected her like that, taken the blame for something she’d done. Normally she was the first thing they’d trample over in order to get closer to her father. But Zac had put everything on the line for her.

And he’d fired back at her father too. Given her the courage to do the same. But then he’d edged further away, almost as if he’d made a conscious effort to do so. Fought for her, but not for himself and definitely for any kind of notion of
them
.

Her brain whirred with confused emotions. The fizz of their kisses, his tender touch, the sexy chatter, the crushing realisation that C.J. had sold them out. And now the reality that Zac would leave and she would stay and there was nothing she could do about it.

A weight pressed in her chest, heavy and dark and tight. She fought for a breath, tried to steady the nerves pinging through her body like a crazy pinball machine. It was over. Could never be real no matter how much she’d wanted it to be. She’d endured a lot in her life, but nothing had prepared her for how much she’d fall for him, or how much she’d hurt when things spiralled out of control. She felt like she was clinging to crumbling rock as everything collapsed around her.

As she picked up the phone again frustration rushed through her. Where the hell was he? He could be anywhere. The hospital. The other side of the world by now. Or the other side of the wall. She’d rung his room too many times to count, had listened to the phone ringing off the hook through the elaborately patterned wallpaper.

Zac? We need to talk.

More silence.

The romcom movie on the TV was driving her mad with its
love conquers all
message. The lovers wedded and bedded. The soundtrack, some soppy tune filled with sloppy sentiment, brought brief tears to her eyes. But nothing was ever like in the movies, with the assured happy ending and eternal belief in love. For a balmy few hours she’d allowed herself to believe in the dream, but in reality it had never had a chance.

Zac! Answer me!

Flicking the mute button on the TV she crawled onto her bed and craned her neck at the adjoining door to his room. Listened hard. Sure enough his message ringtone beeped.

Anger mingled with the frustration into a hard knot in her gut. He’d been there how long?

Busted! You are next door. So ANSWER me.

Again the message tone. She tapped her fingertips on the cell phone keypad, waiting for him to answer. Felt the vibration before her own ringtone sang.

Matt’s in surgery. Gall bladder. He’ll be fine but out for the tournament.

She contemplated throwing the phone across the room. But at least he’d answered. Cold and impersonal, and not what she’d hoped for, but better than nothing.

Is that it? I don’t get an apology?

She could have sworn she heard him curse. Although it may have been a door slamming further down the corridor.

Apology for what?

Being pig-headed and trying to save me. AGAIN!

A hard rapping made her jump. She hurtled across the room and swung the door open. ‘Zac?’

He leaned against the doorjamb, arms folded across his chest, muted frustration blazing in his eyes. ‘Next time you can damned well save yourself, woman.’

Next time?
Everything about his stance, from his blazing eyes, the curled lip, the space he kept between them, told her he didn’t intend staying. ‘So I’ve been demoted from princess to woman, now?’

‘Personally I think it’s more like a promotion. You’ve earned your stripes. But take it how you want.’ Now he leaned closer, the scent that had been taunting her all day wafted round her. She wanted to grasp it, savour it, bottle it so she could take it out in the dark moments and keep him close.

‘And can you stop with the texting already? I’m trying to sleep. It’s been a hell of a day.’ The forced jollity in his voice zapped her strength.

‘I was starting to get concerned when you didn’t answer. It is normally a common courtesy to reply to a text.’ She yanked the door wider in an effort to entice him in, but he didn’t move. ‘So everything’s okay?’

‘Yep. Matt will be fine. You evened things out with Davide?’

‘Not really. He barely spoke to me the whole way back. One step forward, two steps back.’ She shrugged, forcing the ache in her throat to ease. So they were talking about everyone else, but not about them or where they were headed, or what they felt.

Hell, Zac was a master at avoiding that. He was a master at a lot of things. Being funny, tender, giving her what she needed, everything she asked for. Except himself. She swallowed hard. ‘Daddy didn’t take kindly to the laughter when we drove into the hotel. But he put up a brave fight. Told them he’d been treating me to a dad-daughter day out.’

‘That man sure can spin.’ His shoulders relaxed a little. He gave her a small smile. ‘I’m glad things are working out for you.’

‘I didn’t say that, we’ve a long way to go. Thank you for what you did, but you didn’t have to take the rap for me. Dealing with Jaxon like that was my idea all along and I’ll make that clear to Davide. I can fight my own battles.’

‘No point us both being out of a job. You’ve got a lot more at stake.’

‘Really? Davide versus Treetops. You win hands down.’

‘Well, it’s done now. So don’t argue.’ His chin jutted up. ‘As long as you’re okay, I should go.’

No.
Was there any point in laying out her feelings to him? Would he treasure her words or throw them back in her face? The girl who’d asked for a day but wanted for ever. She didn’t want to take that risk. ‘Okay. Go.’

But he didn’t move. Silence stretched between them. He just kept looking at her and she looked straight back at him. Not really at his features’although they were intensely gorgeous’but the way he reached deep into her soul, the way he made her feel. The sheer beauty of the man. Heart and soul. There was so much she wanted to say to him but she didn’t know how. Didn’t want to turn their fling into something it wasn’t.

He shrugged. ‘Yeah. Okay. It’s late. Been a long day.’

She tried for light. ‘I don’t know why you’re standing here anyway, knocking on my door at this hour.’

‘Because I knew I’d get no peace unless... Oh, hell.’ He marched into the room and closed the door. For a moment she thought he was going to crush her against his chest and kiss her, but he brushed past, gripped the back of the chaise longue and stared out the window into the darkness. ‘Unless I said goodbye. Before I go.’

That was when her heart began to break.

* * *

He swiveled to face her. Dredging every bit of strength he could to say what he had to say. But the vulnerability in her eyes pierced his soul. He’d crashed in here wanting to purge himself, but what would that do to her? Why should he burden her with his past? With the reason he was walking out of here. Why should he tell her his true feelings? That he probably loved her. If that could be possible after such a short time. Certainly, he could grow to love her. Fall deeper. Harder.

Hell. Yes. The overwhelming need to protect her, to be with her, to touch her, all made sense now.

He hadn’t seen that coming and now the reality smacked him in the stomach like a low hard tackle.

He loved her.

Could it happen so quickly? So out of the blue. He’d been hiding from this kind of thing for so long he hadn’t seen the warning signs.

He loved her and there wasn’t a damned thing he could do about it except walk away. He was too coward, too driven. Too messed up by the mistakes and choices he’d made. Too tarnished by regret, by the knowledge that love and a career like his couldn’t exist hand in hand. The only blueprint he had was his parents’ sad existence and he couldn’t force that on anyone, least of all on Dani.

Dani, who he’d had no business falling in love with. Dani, who had fought a very public battle and come out stronger than anyone he’d ever met. Dani, who could have the pick of a million better men.

The ache in his stomach spread to his chest. Just seeing the uncertainty in her eyes made him know he was doing the right thing by walking away. He didn’t ever want to see her look like that again.

‘Sit down. Talk to me.’ She pulled him to the chaise, pushed a glass of apple juice into his hand. Sat opposite, trying her hardest to look disimpassioned, and failing badly. He could read her now, knew her brave attempts to rise above her emotions. Knew she was hurting as badly as he was. He controlled the wild beat of his heart and the urge to haul her into his arms. If he kept an emotional distance, didn’t tell her how much he’d fallen for her, how much he loved her, it would be easier to let her go. ‘Before you go where, Zac? Where are you going?’

‘Back to Auckland first thing tomorrow. But I’ve made a few calls and there’s a job coming up in Melbourne.’

‘Wow. Melbourne. That’s a long way.’ Her eyes widened, glistened. ‘You don’t waste time.’

‘I can’t afford to be out of a job.’ He forced juice down his dry throat, then put the glass on the coffee table between them. ‘Australia’s a big place, there are a lot of opportunities.’

‘And what about the opportunities here? I could talk to Davide.’ The hope in her voice almost broke him. ‘If you want... We could tell him about us. I could try to persuade him to keep you on...for my sake.’

He avoided her gaze. How much would she give up for him? Don’t.
Don’t do that. I don’t deserve it.
‘I would never let you do that. Besides, it’s too late. I’ve resigned. Before Davide could sack me. It looks better on the CV that way.’

‘Oh sure.’ She slammed her fist onto the table, stood and stalked across the room. And then back to face him, her hands stuck on her hips. ‘Of course. The CV. I was right about you all along. Career comes first.’

‘It’s who I am. What I am. A doctor first. I never made you any promises.’

‘No, you didn’t. But hell, Zac, there’s more to your existence than work. What about a future? A family? A life?’

He reached for her, took her hand and pulled her to sit close. One last time. Was it only a few days ago they’d laughed on this couch? He’d barely slept for wanting to take her, be inside her. Be with her. What kind of a future could he give her? Not one he’d choose for a wife. And if that was where this conversation was heading’marriage and kids’he had to end it now before she got any more crazy ideas. Before he started to believe her. ‘Work is my life.’

‘Then too damned right it’s selfish. It’s all about you. There’s no room for compromise. Or is it just an excuse because you can’t commit to anyone but you?’

‘It’s a reality. I need to get money for the trust if not for anything else.’ He forced a smile. ‘The marathons are killing me. I need to give my legs a break.’

‘So you martyr yourself...’ She paused. Frowned. Twisted to face him, her eyes huge and bleak. And he waited for the inevitable. The one thing he knew he couldn’t avoid any longer. She looked at him, expecting him to be honest. ‘What the hell happened, Zac?’

His throat clogged with guilt and anger. Faced with telling her the bare facts he let his cocky mask slip. ‘I let Tom down when he needed me.’

‘I can’t believe that. How? You were there during his accident?’

‘No. That’s the point. I wasn’t.’ He dragged in oxygen, tried to shift the rock blocking his throat. But it didn’t work. He forced his words out. ‘I met him on my first day at school, we clicked straight away. He was like the brother I never had. We went on to med school together’always ultracompetitive at everything, either he came first or I did. If he won something I made sure he didn’t win it a second time. At med school I used to rib him that he had it easy’his parents paid’but I’d already fallen out with my parents over who they wanted me to be.’

‘I hear ya.’

‘But you have a chance to make things up with Davide. Take it.’ He smiled. They both had PhDs in dysfunction, but she would win Davide over. How could she not? ‘They pegged me to be a geologist like them, to work for their foundation. The
family firm
they called it. Which was a joke in the first place. We’re not a family. We’re a group of people who happen to be connected by bloodline.’

Stroking his hand she laughed. ‘You want to play
who’s got the most dysfunctional family
? Thinking I might win.’

‘Probably.’ The smile came from deep in his heart. They’d both had enough drama to last them a lifetime. ‘In the end I told them to stuff their bloody rocks. Paid my own way through med school. I wanted to show them. But just passing wasn’t good enough. I am my father’s son after all. I needed to be the best. I pushed myself. Worked hard. Played hard.’

She fired back at him. ‘There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be the best, but not to the detriment of a full life.’

‘Yeah, and that’s what me and Tom thought. We had a blast. Until the final year. Exam time. His course work had been poor, he’d dropped a few grades.’ Now the pressure in his chest started to push in, stopped his breath. But he’d shared so much more than he’d ever actually spoken out loud to anyone else. ‘He started acting a bit weird. Stayed in his room a lot. Wouldn’t come out to the bar. Stopped looking after himself. To be honest I lost focus on him a bit. My exams were so important to me, I had to pass. To show my parents. And I had to beat him.’