The Language Inside (19 page)

I say
no, we didn’t come because of radiation

our town is far from the damaged reactor

if my mother wasn’t sick we’d be there

and I add

Japan’s my home

I tell them that our furniture, our things

are still there in the house

my cat is still there with my friend

our home is still there

just not us

we’ll go back
I say

when my mother is better

Sam glances down

nods

then Sam gathers his things

sets the chair against the wall

has some conversation in Khmer

and places his hands together raising them

with a slight bow, muttering something

and adding in English

see you next week

what’s that?
I say in the hall

when you put your hands together

this?
he says

               and raises his hands

               palms touching

               like he did in the room

sompeas
he says

it’s like a sign of respect—

when you greet a Cambodian

you do that and say

chum reap sour

I do
sompeas

mumble the words

try to commit them to memory

for next week

outside it has started to rain

and feels cold enough to snow

even though it’s only October

I wrap my scarf around my neck

and we hurry across the bridge against the wind

and into the heat of the pizza place

where we order slices

and I choose spinach

which at home I eat as
ohitashi—

a side dish with ground sesame and soy sauce

but which I’ve never before eaten

on pizza

at the table we sit across from each other

with our slices and sodas

and I realize I’ve never done this

sit with a guy I hardly know

at a restaurant

without other friends around

and I’m suddenly nervous

to fill the silence I name pizza combos in Japan

               corn and tuna

               potato mayo

               teriyaki chicken

I tell him I like this spinach kind

that I can’t get in Japan

but I feel idiotic sitting there with Sam

babbling on,
talking blather

as Mr. Hays used to say in English class

I take a breath to slow myself

then we talk about poems and Zena

and Sam says there was another poet

who worked with her for a couple years

a guy who graduated last year and is now

at college and that’s why they wanted me

to work with Zena

but I’m not a poet
I say

I just write stuff in my journal

or for school

whatever
Sam says

if you work with Zena

you’ll be writing tons of poems—

that guy who worked with her and

who I bet is her “sexy man”

started writing and ended up winning a contest

and got a scholarship to a university

where they have a special creative writing program

I ask Sam what he did with Leap Sok today

and he says mostly Lok Ta Leap

was correcting his mistakes in Khmer

he says his mother has always made him study Khmer

but it’s not as good as his English

our high school doesn’t offer Khmer, you know

that’s why my mother and stepfather

wanted me to stay in Lowell

where the high school has it

at all different levels

I’m confused—I say

your mother?

I thought you lived with your uncle

I do, but I have a mother . . . 

and a stepfather?
I ask

and a stepfather
he says

plus a father—

loads of adults

want one?

no thanks
I say

I’m good for adults

and we laugh

I ask why he lives with Chris

and not his mother

or father

he says

it’s complicated

and I think, okay

note to self:

               don’t ask about family

I finish the part with the cheese and spinach

and I’m chewing my way through thick crust

when he says

my mom’s Khmer

she was supposed to marry a Khmer

but she worked and went to community college

then started classes at the university

where she met my father, Chris’s brother

then got pregnant

I nod, set down my crust

wait for him to continue

after they got married

things were okay for a while

my dad finished school

got a job in New Hampshire

and they moved

but she hated it there

so they fought

and he started drinking

and she moved back to Lowell

and I went back and forth

between New Hampshire and Massachusetts

then after the divorce she married a Cambodian dude

and had two more kids

whoa
I say

when he pauses to

start in on his second slice

so how old are they?