The Lady of Toryn Anthology (Lady of Toryn trilogy) (57 page)

Ashlyn shook her head mutely, tracing her fingertips
across the front of the envelope. Drake had been concerned for her during their
blood transfusion, but that really didn’t mean anything. Whatever he had t sa
in this letter, she sincerely hoped it wasn’t more of the same. She didn’t
think she could handle any more heartbreak just now.

Slowly, she opened the envelope, and pulled out
several folded pages of thick, heavy paper. As she unfolded the pages, she
recognized Drake’s neat, elegant handwriting.

Dear
Ashlyn,
the first page said across the top. Not such an
awful start. Ashlyn rubbed her thumb across her name, chewing nervously on her
lower lip.

First,
the
letter continued,
let me offer my deepest
condolences for your loss. Your father was a courageous man and an exceptional
leader. There are no words to adequately convey my sorrow at his passing, or my
devastation at being kept from you during a time when I would like nothing more
than to offer my support and love.

Love?

She read that again.

I
would like nothing more than to offer my support and love.

Was Drake saying that he loved her? How could he be
so casual about it? Ashlyn read the line a third time. She wasn’t imagining
things. The letter really did say “love.”

I
know that no apology will be sufficient to mend the harm I have done you, but
nevertheless, I must tell you that I am deeply sorry, Ashlyn. From the bottom
of my heart, I apologize for the grief I have caused, for the inconsistency of
my behavior, but most of all, for refusing to return the love that you have
offered so selflessly.

Realizing
that I might have lost you- and that you nearly died because I was not there to
protect you, as I should have been- allowed me to experience true, paralyzing
fear for the first time in my unlife. When I saw you in the Heavenly City, my
first thought was that I could not survive losing you. I wouldn’t have wanted
to. You have become my reason for living.

Ashlyn’s heart was beating so fast it felt like it
was going to jump up her throat and dance a victory jig on her tongue.

Their conversation by the waterfall, after he’d
kissed her, had been stilted and awkward.

Tell
me,
he’d
said.
What do you want?

I
want you,
she had responded.

Why?

Because
I love you, stupid.

He hadn’t replied to that- and somewhere in the far
reaches of her heart, she’d wondered why, dreading that it might be because he
didn’t feel the same.

Having to read his words in a
letter,
when he was on the other side of the ocean, hopelessly out
of reach, was both titillating and infuriating. Ashlyn blew a stray lock of
hair out of her eyes, and settled down to read the rest.

It
is selfish of me to ask for forgiveness, I know, but I am begging for it now.

I
love you, Ashlyn. I have tried to deny it, unwilling to risk my heart by caring
for another. But my efforts were in vain. You alone can give me redemption. I
have found my salvation in you, and I want nothing more than to remain by your
side, in whatever capacity you feel is appropriate.

Whatever capacity she felt was appropriate? What
exactly did that mean? The formality of his tone in the letter would have been
hilarious, if only she hadn’t been so frustrated that he wasn’t here to deliver
it in person.

FLD
has secured all of the
shift
soldiers, and the stanes they were carrying. Kou has not been captured
yet, but he has been defeated and can no longer claim lordship of Toryn,
Drake
wrote, changing the subject much too quickly for Ashlyn’s taste.
I realize that this confession is poorly
timed, and I apologize again. I have no wish to distract you from your
responsibilities as Lady of Toryn.

I
am leaving, but my heart, as always, remains with you. I know that we will be
reunited again soon, and I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive
me for being such a complete and total idiot.

She burst out laughing at the last sentence. It
sounded like something she would have called him- not like something Drake
would say at all. He had signed his name at the bottom of the page with a
flourish, along with a lopsided heart that was at once surprising and
incredibly endearing.

Ashlyn pressed a hand to her cheek, smiling, shaking
her head and knowing that she had to be flushed bright red.

He was right- she needed to focus on Toryn right
now. There would be plenty of time for love later. But that didn’t mean she had
to be happy about waiting.

She glanced down at the letter again, and couldn’t
keep a grin from creeping back onto her face.

Chapter
3

Nine
Thousand

“Home sweet home,” Ashlyn said without much
enthusiasm, looking around the Cosmean library. She set the box of her dad’s
journals down on the table with a loud
thump.

“Good morning,” Aik said, jumping up onto a chair.
He grinned at Ashlyn, a wide, toothy smile that looked almost comical on his
furry wolf face.

The last time she’d been in this library, she’d been
researching Toryn customs with Aik, intent on challenging Lord Devlyn to a
Leadership Duel and completely oblivious to the fact that the Toryn ninja
locked in the airship’s holding cells outside was the same man she was looking
for. Ashlyn sat down and ran her fingers across the ancient wood of the table,
shaking her head. Had it really been only a few weeks since that day?
Everything felt so different now.
She
felt
so different now.

When she’d last been sitting this table with Aik,
Ashlyn hadn’t been interested in researching anything, much less becoming Lady
of Toryn. The last few weeks had changed her. She’d faced death and survived.
She’d found her father again, and lost him just a short time later.

She felt so
old.

Vargo caught her eye as he sat down across from her,
setting a mug of steaming coffee in front of her. She smiled at the Spartan,
grateful for the comfort of his presence. The past several days had been
difficult, but he’d helped just by being there.

“So…your old man’s diaries, huh?” Vargo said,
picking up one leather-bound volume. “Pretty wordy guy.”

“Apparently so.” Ashlyn took a sip from her coffee
and grimaced.
This has got to be an
acquired taste.

“Are you sure you want us here for this?” Vargo
asked. He set the book back in the box, looking over what must have been years
of writing in almost two dozen journals. “It might be kind of personal.”

“I don’t know. I mean, I guess I should read them by
myself, but I…I don’t really want to do it alone. And there might be something
in here that helps us find Kou.”
And it
might be my chance to finally get to know my dad,
she thought but did not
say.

The pause that followed her words was a little too
long, and she knew they weren’t really buying her excuse. Ashlyn stared down at
her hands, hoping that her friends would somehow understand that she needed
help just to get through this. Reading her dad’s journals was much too scary to
face alone.

Finally Aik placed his paws on the table and
carefully picked up a journal in his jaws. He set it on the table, using his
nose to flip it open to the first page. “The entries are dated,” he said,
glancing at Ashlyn. “As we read, let’s make sure we arrange them by date so
that we can keep them in chronological order afterwards.”

Vargo glanced over at the pages in Aik’s book and
grimaced. “I don’t read Toryn,” he said. “I’m not gonna be much help.”

Ashlyn doubted very much that the Spartan was a
recreational reader anyway. “No worries,” she answered. “Toryns use Angelic
numerals for dates, and Spartans all read and write Angelic, right?” At the
red-haired man’s nod, she continued, “Maybe- if you don’t mind- you can
organize the books by date so Aik and I can go through them in the order
they’re meant to be read.”

If Vargo was disappointed at being wrangled into a
job, he didn’t show it. “Sure thing,” he said, reaching for the first book.
Ashlyn followed suit, pulling out a worn journal and opening it to the first
page.

The initial entry was dated in the spring, roughly
twenty-five years prior. Ashlyn shifted uncomfortably in the hard wooden chair,
and started reading.

***

Susyn
is infatuated with me.

She has been since we were children, but I admit
that I was expecting her feelings to fade by now. Her adoration is further
instigated by my father, who insists that we marry as soon as possible and
secure an heir to the pagoda.

It frustrates me that I am royalty, or as good as,
and yet my future is being decided by those who have no idea of my true dreams
or desires. Speaking to my father is an exercise in wasted breath. He would
rather teach me humility and deference by the back of his hand than allow me to
explore the world I have yet to see.

The cliffs in Cosmea are red. A deep, rich red that
envelopes me in its warm embrace. It is impossible to set foot in the Cosmean
territory and not be moved by a sense of oneness with nature. The history of
these cliffs and caverns is extensive. I could study here for years and never
hope to learn everything about this sacred place.

But I do not have years to spend in Cosmea. This is
a diplomatic mission. I must soon return to Toryn, where my father will marry
me off to Susyn, though I do not love her. He will force me to relinquish my
name and become Lord Li of Toryn. Nameless for the cause. Existing only to
serve my people.

When I entered Cosmea this afternoon, there were
many wolves milling about among the Cosmeans. This is the wolves’ last haven,
as mercenaries have taken it upon themselves to hunt wolves for their rather
valuable pelts. I have only seen wolves in books and heard of them in stories,
and you would think my first encounter with them would have been notable for
their presence alone- if not for the sudden appearance of someone else
entirely.

She is the daughter of the chief of Cosmea. Today
she welcomed me warmly to her city, and showed me to the inn. I am the
fortunate recipient of an invitation to dine with her father tonight, and I
find myself at a loss as to how I should proceed. Is it, perhaps, her unusual
appearance that fascinates me so? She does not look like a Toryn woman, nor
does she act like a Toryn woman. She and Susyn are impossibly different.

I am a man who writes his emotions freely, and yet I
feel helpless to describe my reaction when first I saw her. Her hair is the
color of the setting sun beyond Na Michico- a deep, burnished gold that reaches
nearly to her knees. She has told me that Cosmean women grow their hair long
and generally keep it free of adornment. It is a source of pride for them.

Her eyes are fascinating- the color of bronze. You
only have to glance at her to see that she is wholly Cosmean, a true daughter
of Kresmir.

I fear my heart was lost the moment I saw her.

Is it possible that I only feel drawn to her because
I know I cannot have her? I must return to Toryn, and we are diplomats, she and
I, doomed to a political partnership and nothing more. Even if, by some chance,
she consented to return to Toryn with me, the Elder Lord is forbidden from
marrying a non-Toryn. But of course, I am being horribly presumptuous, because
I have only just met the poor girl, and she has no idea of my…oh, this is
ironic, considering my situation with Susan.

She has no idea of my infatuation.

***

Ashlyn wrinkled her nose. She still wasn’t clear on
the definition of
ironic,
and she
wasn’t all that keen on the way her dad kept referring to her mom’s love for
him as
infatuation.
Apparently her
parents’ love didn’t become mutual until much, much later.

The short first entry was pretty intriguing, though.
Ashlyn flipped through the journal briefly, noting that most of the later
entries were much longer. She glanced up at Aik and Vargo. The wolf was reading
intently, but Vargo caught her eye and quirked one corner of his mouth in a
half-smile. Ashlyn mimicked the expression, feeling rather
un-
smiley. A thin ribbon of dread was unfolding in her stomach.
She’d gone straight to the journal that would answer the questions she’d asked
Aik on the way to North Camp- reading this would tell her what happened
immediately before her father ascended the pagoda. If Drake was right and
destiny was unavoidable, then perhaps fate had guided her hand to this journal.

Did she have the courage to keep reading?

Chewing on her lower lip, Ashlyn reluctantly turned
the page.

***

I
AM SITTING IN BED, WRITING BY CANDLELIGHT.

I am certain that everyone else in the inn must be
asleep by now. I have not heard a noise in several hours. My room is situated
directly above the kitchen, and tonight I could hear the sounds of the
innkeeper and his wife cleaning after the tavern closed. But even those sounds
stopped some time ago.