The Lady of Toryn Anthology (Lady of Toryn trilogy) (49 page)

“Did you tell him you loved him?”
Vargo demanded. His hands were clenching and unclenching the bedcovers, his
mouth set in a grim line.

“Of course.”

“If you told him you loved him,
then he
should have responded
accordingly,”
Vargo said, his voice low and growling. “When your girl tells
you she loves you, you don’t leave her hanging like a bratty little kid with a
crush. You
tell her how you feel.”

“Some people are more open with
their feelings. Drake’s not like that.”

“Damn straight, Drake’s not like
that. He’s just like Skye, hung up on some dead girl. He’s also a
vampire,
Ash. Do you have any idea what
that means?”

“I know that!” Ashlyn snarled.
“I’m not blind! The
resist
stane
controls his vampirism. He’s still got a soul and he’s still capable of loving,
just as much as you or me.”

“You can train a dog to heel, but
it’ll still turn on you when it’s hungry.
Resist
is only hiding the monster, not making it disappear!” Vargo was nearly
yelling by his last word.

“Calm down!”Ashlyn exclaimed. “I
don’t even know why I’m telling you this. It’s none of your business!”

“We’ve been keeping tabs on that
vampire for the last three years,” Vargo said. “Every year, like clockwork.
Meeting up with him to make sure that he hasn’t gone insane and started killing
again. And now you’re saying you love him? Are you…” He stopped, breath hissing
through his teeth as he fought to control his temper. “Someday he’s going to
snap. It’s inevitable and that’s the whole damn reason the Spartans keep an eye
on him. If you’re with him, who the hell do you think he’s going to kill first
when that time comes? That
resist
stane
is a pretty pathetic insurance policy!”

Ashlyn snatched up her book and
stood, tears in her eyes. “I don’t have to listen to this,” she said
unsteadily. “Drake doesn’t want to kill, any more than he wants to be a
vampire. I know he
asked
the Spartans
to hold onto the second
resist
stane.
That’s only because he didn’t have anyone else to help him.”

“And there’s a good reason for
that! People steer clear of vampires, Ash. People who value their own lives.
People who care about those who love them.” He glared at her, and his eyes were
bright. Too bright. He was close to crying too.

Frustrated, Ashlyn turned and
braced one hand against a wooden beam in the wall, trying to keep a handle on
her temper. “Don’t do this, Vargo,” she said quietly. “I care about you. I
don’t want to hurt you.”

He laughed hoarsely behind her,
his voice thick with tears as he spoke. “That’s working out great, princess.
Just great. Nice strategy. Make a guy fall in love with you and then tell him
you’re ditching him for a monster. It’s
phenomenal
for the ego. I’m not even kidding. I feel awesome right now.”

“Stop it,” she pleaded, turning
back. “You’re my friend. I’m not ditching you for anybody.”

“I don’t want to be your
friend,”
he snapped. “Any more than I’m
sure Lockhart does. That guy-” Vargo shook his head, swallowing hard. “What did
he do to deserve you?”

She wasn’t sure how to respond.
Vargo wasn’t looking at her. He was staring hard at the wall on the opposite
side of the room like his life depended on it.

“Vargo,” she said gently. “I-”

“Don’t.” He still didn’t look at
her. “Just leave.”

“I’m not-”

“
I don’t want you here,”
he seethed, and exasperated beyond reason,
Ashlyn threw up her hands.

“Fine,” she said. “Have it your
way.” She almost yanked the door to his room off its tracks, not bothering to
close it behind her as she nodded to an embarrassed surgeon who had clearly
heard the entire thing through the thin walls of the lodge. Ashlyn stomped out the
main door, carrying her shoes with her.

She had barely taken two steps
outside before she smacked into Drake’s chest.

“Damn it! Ow,” she muttered,
rubbing her nose. “What the hell, Drake? Can’t you use your super senses to
move out of the way or something when I’m being klutzy?” She sniffled and bent
to pick up her dropped book. Drake offered her a handkerchief- red, of course-
and she accepted it gratefully. “Thank you. I just don’t get it. Why do you
always have to show up just in time to see me at my worst?”

He didn’t say anything, and after
a moment, she glanced up at him. His eyes were shadowed, his lips pressed into
a thin line. Ashlyn recognized that look.

“Oh, no. What? What’s wrong?” She
put a hand on his arm, and slowly, Drake turned his head to look at her hand,
then turned back to meet her eyes.

“I was listening,” he said, his
voice morose and deadened, in a way that Ashlyn was very familiar with.

Completely unbidden, a single
giggle rose up and forced its way out from her throat, then another, until
Ashlyn clapped her hand over her mouth, horrified by her completely
inappropriate reaction. She held up one finger to Drake as she turned away,
trying to quell her hysterics.

“I’m sorry,” she finally managed
to gasp out. “You’re just so…so
serious…
and
I think…I’m sorry…I just can’t be
serious
anymore.” She laughed again, remembering that just a few weeks ago she’d
been as light-hearted and fun-loving as ever, and nothing had changed, nothing
should change, even with the addition of all these new responsibilities and
developments. Except that being hysterical over Drake’s angst was a far cry
from being light-hearted.

She smiled wanly at Drake as she
turned back to him a moment later. “Whatever you’ve got to say, Lockhart, it
ain’t gonna ruin my mood.”

He fixed her with a red-eyed
stare, and she stared back at him half-earnestly, doing her best not to crack a
grin. Maybe she’d finally lost her mind. Maybe this was the last day that
history would document Ashlyn Li as being of sound mind and body.

“Vargo is right, Ashlyn.”

Oh, great. He was
not
doing this now. No man in his right
mind would do
this
now.

“No man in his right mind would
do this right now,” Ashlyn repeated aloud. It sounded better in her head,
somehow.

“I am a monster,” Drake said,
completely stone-faced.

“Is that your excuse? You’re a
monster so you don’t have to have manners?”

“Ashlyn.” He was still trying to
be serious, but in some ridiculous twist of fate, any hint of seriousness
inside Ashlyn had flown out the window, and all that was left were several
hysterical giggles and flippant denial. Here she was, standing barefoot outside
the healing lodge, in love with a
vampire,
rejecting advances from a
Spartan,
and
Drake was trying to turn it into some kind of on-stage melodrama, as if
reality
wasn’t dramatic enough.

“An hour ago you gave me the
second
resist
stane!” she said,
completely dumbfounded as to this new development. “How can you change your
mind in an hour? I haven’t even
seen you
since
you gave it to me.”

“You can keep the stane,” he
said, and stopped, looking unsure of how to continue. “I just want you to be
happy, Ashlyn. I can’t promise you happiness, not with what I am.”

“Where in
any book, anywhere
does it say that vampires aren’t allowed to be
happy?” she demanded, poking a finger into Drake’s chest with every word for
emphasis. “You are not allowed to be miserable any more. I forbid it. And I’m
going to be Lady of Toryn, so people pretty much have to listen to me. It’s a
law…or something.”

“Ashlyn, would you please stop
acting like a child?” he snapped, grabbing her hand and shoving it away.

That gave her pause. He’d never
called her childish before. Ashlyn fell silent, and looked up at him, dread
creeping into her heart.

“You deserve to be with a man,”
he said, all darkness and gloom and liquid red eyes.

I
could happily murder him right now with my bare hands for being such an
unforgivable ass,
she
thought as he continued.

“A man who can rule beside you,
who can grow old with you. Vargo is right. I am a monster. I certainly
shouldn’t be putting your life in danger as I have, risking your safety for the
sake of my own desires.”

Ashlyn gathered her dignity
around her like a cloak, trying to summon her self-respect and anger and whatever
authority she could muster as his words ripped into her like bullets. “You
should consider your words very carefully right now. Nothing you’re saying is
news to me. I chose to be with you despite whatever dangers you think there
are. And I know you haven’t forgotten that I’ve experienced some of those
dangers firsthand, and emerged pretty much unscathed.”

He flinched visibly at her last
sentence, no doubt remembering the attack by the waterfall. “I’m sorry. But…”
He paused for what was possibly the longest pause ever since the beginning of
time, probably allowing himself time to come up with the most hurtful words he
could manage, and said, “I am…ending this.”

Ashlyn’s eyes narrowed as she
gazed up at him, fury unfurling in the pit of her stomach. “You’re ending
this,” she repeated. “You’re ending what, exactly? The way I feel about you?
The chemistry between us? Somehow I don’t think that’s gonna just disappear
because you said so.”

Conflicting emotions warred in
his expression. “I’m aware of that.”

She waited for him to continue,
but when he didn’t, she shook her head. “So I guess that means you’re just
going to walk away after all this is over, then? Pretend I don’t exist until
FLD has to come together to save the world again however many years down the
line? We’re this way for a
reason,
Drake.
For crying out loud,
you
were the one
who told me no one can run from destiny! I should know. I spent the last three
years convincing myself I didn’t care about you, and that all flew out the
window the minute I looked into your eyes.”

Her eyes were stinging with the
promise of tears, but at this point she didn’t care how pitiful she looked.
“Vargo loves me, and he’s not afraid to fight for me. He has been completely
honest about his feelings from the beginning. He wants to give me safety and
stability and- and
love.
He’s
offering me all of that. But the thing is, I know…I just
know
I’ll never feel safe or loved, unless I’m with you.”

Drake’s eyes glittered, but still
he said nothing, and after a long moment, Ashlyn dropped her gaze to the
handkerchief she was still holding. “The worst part,” she said softly, “is that
I
know
you love me. I know you could
be happy with me if you would just…
let
go.
But nobody can make you start living again. No one can force happiness on
you, Drake. You have to make that decision yourself.”
 

The short pause that followed her
words was the longest of her life, while Ashlyn struggled against the urge to
keep going, to try to convince him using words and logic. There was nothing
logical about love. If that were the case, then she certainly wouldn’t have
fallen for a masochistic and boneheaded vampire with a penchant for drama.

She stared down at the
handkerchief in her hand, deciding impulsively not to give it back.

Finally she looked up at Drake,
and their eyes locked one last time.

“I’m not going to beg you to love
me,” she said, and brushed past him, scooping to pick up her shoes as she fled.

Despite the stinging in her eyes,
she didn’t cry. There was something inside her that refused to be broken,
something reminding her that she wasn’t a child and she didn’t need Drake any
more than he needed her. What she’d told him was a true reflection of her
heart. She would walk away from this without regret.

A sudden wind whipped at her
ponytail, the sound of humming engines reaching her ears, and Ashlyn looked up,
hoping against hope that Aaron had returned at exactly the right moment.

He had.

“Oh, I love you
so much right now,
you ancient crotchety
old pilot!” she exclaimed, breaking into a run. North Camp wasn’t more than a
quarter day’s flight, but for Aaron to be coming back this soon, he must have
left immediately after getting her dad settled and flown through the night to
get back to Toryn.

She took a shortcut between two
lines of houses, dashing between the raised porches of the homes and slipping a
bit in the mud she found there. The airship roared above her head, the noise a
welcoming respite from the self-pity that was threatening to consume Ashlyn’s
thoughts at the moment.
 
She rounded the
corner and nearly collided with Aik, who was exiting the stairwell of one of
the houses.

“Oh geez! Sorry, Aik, you okay?”
She jogged in place, mud squishing between her bare toes. She was too relieved
for a distraction to stop completely.

He ignored her question and
looked up at the airship. “Is he here to take you back to North Camp?”

“Gods, I hope so. I can’t wait to
get out of here and see my dad. Are you coming with us? Actually,” she slowed
her jogging, thinking it over, “actually, it might be helpful if you did come
with us, and stayed with my dad when I have to leave for the coronation
ceremony. I hate the thought of leaving him alone for very long. I know Sara’s
with him, but…”