The Know (5 page)

‘I’ve collected them for years.’

‘But ain’t they girls’ toys?’

Bethany had no interest in the dolls; she was past all that. Kira however was in raptures.

‘I love Barbie, Tommy, I think she’s great.’

Kira, who loved glamour and clothes and makeup, had finally met a kindred spirit.

Tommy was over the moon with her reaction and it showed.

‘You look a bit like her, you know, Kira.’

She was overwhelmed by the praise.

Bethany sighed. Already over nine stone, she was her mother’s daughter and envied Kira her slim good looks even while she loved her as a friend.

‘Do I? Do I really, Beth?’

Bethany nodded and grinned reluctantly.

‘You do actually.’

Tommy lumbered from the room awkwardly to get them their teas.

‘He’s a right fucking weirdo, ain’t he, Kira?’

She tutted.

‘Don’t be horrible. He’s nice, just a bit . . .’

Bethany made a face and said helpfully, ‘Fat?’

Kira laughed despite herself and said: ‘No, sad.’

Bethany, her crinkly hair pulled back in a ponytail, giggled.

‘He likes you anyway.’

Kira shivered.

‘Stop it, I can hear him coming.’

Tommy came into the room and lowered his bulk on to a large chair by the bed; his pudgy hands held the three mugs easily.

‘Here you are, girls, a nice cuppa.’

Tommy was in his element. He loved guests and these two were the kind of guest he’d dreamed of having. Girls, young girls, were his favourite. He loved the way they talked and sat and even moved their little hands. He wasn’t too sure about Bethany yet; he had a feeling she could be a mare if the fancy took her. But Kira . . . well, she was a little lady. A Barbie in the making.

‘I love the Sleeping Beauty Barbie, she’s one of my favourites. And I love the Barbie air hostess as well. All her little lilac cases!’

Kira’s voice was high with excitement.

Bethany lit another cigarette even though Tommy frowned.

She waved out the match and looked at him askance as if to say, ‘Ashtray, now.’

He shook his head and said sadly, ‘In the lounge.’

Bethany skipped from the room to search for the ashtray and used it as an excuse to have a good nose round.

‘She don’t mean it, Tommy. She thinks it makes her look grown up.’

‘Well, it doesn’t. It makes her look like a little tart.’

Kira didn’t answer him; she didn’t know what to say. Instead she picked up Malibu Barbie and sighed with complete happiness. This was turning into a really good day.

 
Joanie turned over another card. The woman before her was waiting with bated breath.

‘Well, come on, Joanie!’

‘King of Wands. It’s him all right.’

The woman deflated.

‘He’ll be back then?’

Joanie nodded and they both laughed.

‘You didn’t need me to read your cards to tell you that - he always comes back anyway.’

‘I know, but hopefully one day he won’t. He’ll stay with whoever he’s shagging and leave me alone!’

Joanie really laughed now.

‘If he did, no one would get a bigger shock than you, Suzy, and you know it.’

Her neighbour placed a ten-pound note on the table and then heaved her weight from the chair. She was heavily pregnant and her husband Dicky always went on the missing list when she got to seven months. This was her seventh child and he had gone again.

‘Keep the money, Suzy, I don’t want it.’

‘Nah, that’s all right, you been sitting there an hour telling me what I already knew. Fuck me, you deserve it for your patience.’

Joanie laughed.

‘Thanks, love, but I’ll take it off your club account, OK?’

Suzy hugged her awkwardly.

‘Thanks, darlin’. I better get home and sort out the others.’

Joanie saw her out and then she went into her small front room and looked around. It was clean and tidy, and this made her smile. Turning on the TV she put on UK Style;
The House Doctor
had just started. It was one of her favourite programmes. One day when the kids were gone she was going to do this place up a treat. That was her dream.

Then, kneeling in front of a display unit that held a collection of photos and ornaments, she opened the large bottom drawer and took out her treasures. Over the years she had collected all sorts of things for her flat. These ranged from an espresso machine that was hidden in her wardrobe to a silver After Eight holder for her imaginary dinner parties.

In her wilder dreams Joanie had celebrities to dinner, and lovingly planned the menus and which wines to serve. She pictured the glassware - she had bought some lovely glassware over the years - and all the china and cutlery. She saw herself in a shimmering dress, looking years younger than she was of course, holding court over her table as banter and sparkling repartee abounded.

In her mind’s eye she could see all this as if it was a recent memory, something she had already experienced.

The front door slammed and she put everything away quickly, but Jeanette came into the lounge and said loudly, ‘Interrupting you, am I? Who’s coming to dinner today - Sidney Poitier as usual?’

When the kids had been smaller Joanie had shared her dreams with them and they had joined her in her reveries, inviting their own celebrities and choosing the menu and décor. Now it was a joke between them all and inside Joanie this hurt, though as usual she laughed it off.

‘You know me and Sid!’

‘You’re fucking mad, Muvver. Ding it all out or use it, for fuck’s sake. Sitting in the drawer for years, it’s a wonder it’s not all ruined.’

Joanie closed her eyes and shouted, ‘Will you stop fucking swearing, madam!’

They looked at one another and then both burst out laughing.

‘Where’s Kira?’

‘How would I know that! With Bethany, I suppose. ’

The mood was broken again. Kira made Jeanette jealous, had done since the day Joanie had given birth to her. Everyone had said Jeanette would grow out of it but she never had. If anything it had grown worse over the years.

‘Make me a cuppa, love, while I sort this lot out.’

‘Can’t, going out.’

Jeanette walked from the room, her face in its usual surly expression.

Joanie sighed once more, whispering, ‘Kids, who’d fucking have them?’

 
Bethany had already gone home but Kira was busy playing with all the dolls and their paraphernalia. In his wardrobe Tommy had everything Barbie had ever needed and Kira was in raptures once more as she went through it all.

‘You are so lucky, Tommy!’

He was happy now Bethany had gone. He didn’t like the streetwise girl half as much as he did Kira. She was a lot like him. Not physically, of course, but she had the same naivety and he responded well to that.

‘I save up for what I want and then I send off for it.’

‘That’s what I want to do when I grow up. Buy things.’

Tommy smiled at her. She really was exquisite, her high cheekbones and blonde hair giving her an almost Nordic look. In a few years she would be a real stunner. She was gentle and ladylike too, which was something else that attracted him to her. Unlike a lot of the kids on the estate she didn’t use bad language or feel an urge to look like the carbon copy of a pop star. She was a thoroughly nice kid.

They dressed the Barbies and chatted together. So engrossed was Tommy that he nearly fainted with fright when he realised the time. It was a quarter past five and his father would be in within ten minutes. If he saw her here there would be ructions!

‘You’ll have to go, Kira love. You really must go.’

The urgency in his voice communicated itself to her and she jumped up from the floor.

‘OK, Tommy. Can I come and see you again?’

His face softened and he grinned.

‘’Course you can.’

When she’d left he stood for a few seconds looking at the mess in the room, and even though he knew there would be murders - no tea cooking, no kettle boiled - he savoured the feeling of having found a friend. A kindred spirit.

Then he pulled himself together and rushed into the kitchen to start the evening meal. It occurred to him then that he hadn’t eaten anything all afternoon. When his father’s key turned in the lock a few moments later Tommy closed his eyes and waited for the tirade.

He wasn’t disappointed.

The slaps he could take, it was the constant undermining of his self-esteem that he found hardest to bear.

But what else could he do?

 
‘Where have you been, madam!’

Kira smiled timidly and as usual Joanie’s heart melted. She often wondered where this child of hers had come from; she was like neither of her parents, thank God.

‘I forgot the time, Mum. I was playing.’

‘Come and get your dinner.’

As she tucked into her frozen lasagne and oven chips Kira reflected on her day with Tommy and decided that she liked him. He was fat and odd but she liked his quietness which reminded her of herself.

Jeanette sat at the kitchen table and attacked her own food. Jon Jon joined them and asked Kira about her day at school. The lies didn’t come easily but thankfully he had a lot on his mind.

As she looked around her she felt warm inside. She had a new friend, and that new friend had a roomful of Barbies. What more could a little girl want?

 
Jeanette was ready. It was seven-thirty and she was dressed to kill. Kira, who for once had come indoors of her own volition after an argument with Bethany over S Club Seven, said sadly, ‘Are you going out?’

Jeanette nodded.

‘You tell Muvver or Jon Jon and I’ll make your life a fucking misery, right?’

Kira nodded.

‘Where you going?’

Jeanette didn’t even bother to answer her.

Alone in the flat the little girl made herself a bowl of cornflakes and sat on the back balcony. For once there wasn’t a lot of action out there. A big storyline was going on in
EastEnders
and the place was deserted until at least eight-thirty.

She watched as Tommy’s dad walked towards the high street and the pub, then she waved at her friend who had come outside to try and cool down like she had herself. It was stiflingly hot.

Tommy mimed drinking a cup of tea and Kira nodded happily. Leaving the flat door open, she ran quickly over to her new friend’s.

Unknown to her she had just missed meeting the police armed with a search warrant.

 
Inside the massage parlour it was just getting busy.

Joanie brought her punter into a tiny cubicle and smiled ingratiatingly. He was one ugly bloke, and even she felt her stomach turn at the thought of what she had to do. As he jumped happily on to the massage table, devoid of everything except a suspect pair of boxers, she sighed. Lifting up the crop top, she exposed her breasts as per usual.

‘Give me a special, and take your time.’

She ripped open the condom packet and the man waved his hand decisively.

‘Oh, no you don’t! I ride bareback.’

‘Well, you can ride on your own then, mate. No condom, no sex.’

He sat up abruptly. He was well into his fifties with that unkempt look about him of a man too long on his own, eating the wrong food, drinking too much, and never having had a relationship of any kind with a shower or bath. A real charmer.

‘Listen here, cunt, you ever heard the expression ‘‘If I am paying then I am saying’’?’

Joanie nodded.

‘And have you ever heard the saying ‘‘Roll this on or the cunt is gone’’?’

Sherry in the next room heard the exchange and started laughing, and Joanie, looking at the man sitting there with his face a mask of disbelief, started to laugh as well.

He was enraged.

‘Anyone ever told you that you’ve got a big mouth and maybe someday a man might just shut it for you?’

Joanie threw the condom into the bin. Putting her boobs back into the little crop top, she said, ‘Yeah, plenty of times. But you see, mate, you don’t get a lot of your actual men in here, know what I mean? Now fuck off!’

He was depressing her and suddenly she saw her life for what it was. This happened periodically and she felt the self-loathing wash over her like a wave.

Throwing his clothes at him she said, ‘What are you, mate? Deaf as well as ugly? Get out.’

‘What about me blow job?’

‘Use the Hoover, love. I’m sure you two are very well acquainted!’

It took a fifteen-minute talk, two rows and half a bottle of vodka to get her back to work. But seeing him off had cheered her up no end. She might be a brass but she was still a person, and as long as she believed that, she wouldn’t sink into the mire like so many others before her.