The King's Mistress (7 page)

I knew that the queen mother was sometimes called the she-wolf for her audacity in waging war against her husband and wresting his crown from him. Although her lover Roger Mortimer had been executed for his part in that and for arranging the secret and most horrible execution of her husband, the former king, Isabella had merely been sequestered in the castle at Berkhampstead for a few years and then in Castle Rising, a comfortable place in which she was now free to entertain. And obviously she was free to travel to London and dine with my future husband.

“But the people supported her in setting her son—
the king’s
son on the throne,” I said.

Grandmother pressed her lips together and shook her head. “I’ll say no more of her. It will be for your husband to tell you of her, as he knows her.”

I deemed it best to return to the matter that most concerned me rather than aggravate Grandmother with more questions about the former queen, a woman of whom she clearly did not approve.

“I like Gwen, Dame Agnes. I do not wish to make trouble for her. If she is to be my maid, she should answer all my questions, should she not?” It was not so much that I could not bear anyone else to be my maid, but that her indiscretion was my fault, my doing.

“Calm yourself, Alice. I must consider this.” Dame Agnes stood for a long while gazing out the window.

I wanted to ask her how well she knew Janyn, but I could not think how to ask it without sounding disrespectful. I wanted no strain between us. I needed Dame Agnes’s love and trust.

I fingered the red brocade. “It is so beautiful. Perhaps someday I shall have a red gown.”

Dame Agnes suddenly spun around, all smiles once more. “And so you shall, my love. I have something quite wonderful to show you.” She held up a finger for me to wait and hurried out of the solar. As I waited for her I fingered the various cloths we’d chosen, imagining the gowns they would make. In a little while Dame Agnes returned with Gwen, who carried a parcel wrapped in undyed linen. Setting it on the small table at which we had been sitting, Gwen bobbed to both of us—I noticed that her eyes were swollen, as if she had been crying—and left the room. I was certain she had been scolded.

“Open it,” said Grandmother. “It is a gift from your betrothed.”

“Another?” Upset about Gwen I fumbled with the cord, but finally loosened the knot and peeled back the wrapping. Within was a bolt of cloth dyed blood red, the color much darker and more saturated than the pretty brocade. “Oh, Dame Agnes, what a bold crimson! Is this dyed in graine?” That was a costly dye derived from an insect.

“It is, Alice.”

I lifted a corner and touched it to my cheek. “So soft!”

“I confess I could not resist peeking. He has an eye for color, does he not?”

It was not as pretty as the brocade, but I could see that it would be more suitable for a merchant’s wife. “Will this be a gown for me?”

“Who else? He said that it is a shade that most young women could not wear without looking as if they were dressed in their mothers’ clothes, but that you already have the grace and bearing to wear it.” She draped the brocade over it. “Perhaps we might make a headdress with this to wear beneath a thin veil.” She stood back and considered it, finally nodding.

“Is red not a color for royalty?”

“There are those who say so. Do not wear it if the dowager queen Isabella visits your hall, eh?” Grandmother must have sensed my uncertainty, for she added, “Many women wear such colors, child, depending on the occasion, or the guest list. Janyn will be able to guide you—with guests such as Gwen described, he must know how to comport himself and rule his household.”

Rule his household. That brought me back to the problem. “Did you reprimand Gwen?”

“I did. I told her that I trusted she would not betray her master again, and she vowed she would not.”

“She will resent me now!”

“Her feelings are unimportant, Alice. A maidservant serves you. I did tell her that you did not mean to make trouble for her.”

I was about to say that I hoped Gwen would forgive me, but held my tongue as Grandmother’s advice sank in.

“I will not promise that I’ll say nothing to Janyn,” she said. “I shall consider it awhile longer. She is skilled in needlework, her stitches very fine. She would be difficult to replace. But that your betrothed said nothing to me about hosting the king’s dam suggests that Gwen was trusted to remain silent about it, and he should know of her indiscretion.”

I understood the seriousness of the situation, but my part in the matter was something that I could not ignore. “I will vouch for her. I shall be responsible for her conduct from this moment.”

“It is a noble offer, Alice, but one that you are too young and innocent to make with full knowledge of what it might mean to you.” Again I detected something like fear in my grandmother’s voice. “The royal family expect absolute loyalty from those they patronize, and if your betrothed believes Gwen is not to be trusted, you would find your support of her impossible to sustain. Still, I have not said for certain
that I will speak with Janyn. And if I do, I would suggest that he speak to Gwen and then give her another chance to prove her obedience.”

“Thank you, Dame Agnes.”

She set aside the red cloth and brought forward a deep green silk patterned with gold stripes no wider than a strand of hair, holding it up to my face. “Oh, that brightens your eyes. With pearls like these, perhaps?” She pointed to those on her own gown. Then, draping a lock of my hair over the green silk, she said, “You have won his heart, child. I have great hope for your marriage. He will provide for, protect, and cherish you.”

I sat down and took a deep breath. It seemed a good time to address my confused emotions about Janyn.

“What is amiss, child?”

“How should I feel about my betrothed, Dame Agnes? When he is near, should I feel hot and as if I might faint?”

It was the first time I’d seen Grandmother blush. She averted her eyes. “Such questions, Alice.”

“Why do I embarrass you? Did you never feel this way about Grandfather?”

Lifting the cloth, she stroked it with the back of her hand. “So long ago.” She sighed and her face softened as she again brushed the silk, then held it to her cheek and closed her eyes. “Oh yes, Alice, I remember the sweetness. He was not so handsome as your Janyn, even then, but he was tall and strong and had a wicked laugh and a devilish glint in his eyes, and I adored him. As I still do.”

“Did you choose each other?”

Dame Agnes chuckled. “Times have not changed so much as that. Of course we were not permitted to choose. But for us it did not matter, for we liked each other well enough from the start.” She set aside the silk. “And it seems to me that it is much the same for you and Janyn.” Now she met my gaze. “What you describe would be considered a sin by many, but I counted it a blessing that I felt so about your grandfather. Lovemaking can be a frightening thing for a woman who does not welcome her husband’s touch.”

I could think of many men I would not wish to touch me, and shivered at the thought. I could not imagine ever shrinking from Janyn’s touch. Yet I feared there was much I did not understand.

“Is it—Does it hurt, Dame Agnes?”

She enfolded me in her arms, holding me close. “The first time,
yes, my child. I will not lie to you. But after that first time,” she stroked my hair, “it is quite another thing altogether. And, in truth, I remember the pleasure of that first night far better than I do the pain.” She held me away from her and I was relieved to see that she was smiling. “He has been wed before. He will know how to be gentle. Imagine the comfort of being enfolded in the warmth of your beloved’s arms.” She kissed my cheek.

But I was not entirely reassured. “Is it like—I’ve seen the dogs—” My throat closed up and I could not go on, nor could I look my grandmother in the eye.

She took my hands. “Yes and no, Alice. God raised us above the animals and gave us souls. When a man is cruel to a woman, he denies his God-given soul, becoming a lowly animal. When he is gentle and loving, it is not at all a beastly act. And I am certain that your Janyn will be gentle and loving with you. Oh, my poor child, your hands are so cold!” She rubbed them, then lifted my chin. “Look at me, Alice.”

I reluctantly obeyed. It had taken all my courage to ask what I had so far.

“What frightens you?”

“Am I a beast without a soul to desire him as I do? To dream of him holding me?”

Tears welled in Dame Agnes’s eyes. She slowly shook her head. “Not at all, Alice. I still desire your grandfather and dream of him doing far more sinful things than simply holding me.”

“Truly?” My voice came out in a squeak.

“Truly. Now sit down and take a deep breath.”

I did so.

She rubbed my back in slow, calming circles. “Your silly mother should have told you some of this. Well, we’ll not mention her again.” She patted my back, then lifted my chin. “What we discussed—your desire for Janyn and mine for Edmund—is never to be shared with anyone else.”

Her hazel eyes were lit from behind by fire—apprehension, I guessed, from the pinching around her mouth and a certain breathlessness in her speech.

“I will keep it to myself, Dame Agnes. But why? You said it was natural.”

“There are those who would tuck such information away for a time when they could use it against us. A woman is to be virginal in
public. Our virtue is our worth. Only our husbands may know of our passions.”

“And we of each other’s.”

Grandmother smiled. “Yes, my sweet.” She brushed my cheek and pressed her forehead against mine for a moment. “Yes, my sweet Alice.”

When she could see that I was breathing more easily, she smiled. “It is good to have that behind us. Now we can enjoy ourselves.”

For the rest of the morning we spoke of headdresses, veils, jewelry, gowns, cloaks, and household furnishings until I felt comfortable once more.

B
Y EVENING
I was exhausted both in body and spirit. I retired early to my chamber and was tucked into bed, enjoying the sensation of floating between waking and sleeping when I became aware of my grandparents’ voices. At first they were merely a hum in the background, a comforting reminder of their nearness. But they gradually grew louder, until I could understand much of what they were saying.

“I intended to ask his leave to tell you, Agnes,” said Grandfather, his tone placating.

“You have never kept anything from me.” The hurt in Grandmother’s voice startled me. I could not remember having heard that in her voice before.

“We speak of the former queen, Agnes. I did not think it prudent to mention her. I daresay she has spies everywhere.”

“What is he about, Edmund? Why would Janyn Perrers have aught to do with her?”

“Her indiscretions were many years ago, my love. She is an old woman. It seems a small miracle that she yet lives.”

“That was not my question.” Now Grandmother sounded irritated. “What does she want from the Perrers family?”

“Or they from her?”

“No, no. She is the one in control, you can be sure of it.”

“I swear to you I do not know. I have given it little thought. It is best we do not know.”

“But our Alice is joining that family, Edmund. Our sweet Alice. What does this mean for her?”

“That she shall not live a dull life,” said Grandfather with a chuckle.

“This is no laughing matter, husband.”

I heard nothing for a moment and was about to rise and press my
ear against the flimsy wall that separated us when I heard footsteps, one of them walking across the floorboards.

“After all, the girl has survived Margery’s neglect and her unforgivable jealousy of late,” said Grandfather.

Jealousy. So I had guessed right. My mother resented my marrying into a family of such wealth and connections.

“Edmund! She is but a child.”

“She is strong and clever, Agnes. She will survive an encounter or two with the she-wolf.”

Dame Agnes muttered something I could not understand, and then they both grew quiet.

But sleep eluded me for a long while, my mind afire with what I’d overheard. When at last I did sleep I dreamed of a beautiful golden wolf devouring all the blossoms in Dame Tommasa’s inner courtyard, trampling the stalks and vines in her careless grazing. I stepped into the garden to call her away. Blood stained her muzzle and dripped from her lolling tongue, and in her eyes I saw that the destruction of the plants was a small thing compared to what she had consumed in the hall. She turned and trotted toward me. I could not move. I must have screamed in my sleep, for I woke enfolded in my grandmother’s arms.

“Sweet Alice, you are safe. Whatever the dream, it cannot reach you here.”

I was alert enough to stop myself from describing it, fearful that Dame Agnes would realize I’d overheard; I valued the opportunity to hear what she and Grandfather were not telling me. As to the wolf not reaching me in my waking world, I prayed that she was right.

I
N THE
next few days I was measured for boots by a boot maker who showed us leather in colors I could not believe were not painted and so soft that I imagined it would feel as if I were barefoot when I wore them. Dame Agnes, her maid Kate, and Gwen measured me over and over again, and we all began to work on my gowns, using an alcove near my bedchamber in which shutters could be opened to welcome north and south light. It was a good time of year for such an endeavor, with the weather warm enough to allow us to sit by the open windows, and the sun shining almost every day. While we worked, Dame Agnes talked about the duties of the lady of the household. She also bade me attend her when she was seeing to her routines in the house and garden so that I might learn by assisting her. At first the complexity of the
household and the authority with which Dame Agnes addressed the servants overwhelmed me. I could not imagine mastering such details or taking command in such wise. But with repetition the tasks grew familiar and as I gained confidence I found my voice. Each day I felt a little less apprehensive about running Janyn’s household.