The Killer Koala (19 page)

'Is
this true?' the pilot asked the German.

Hans
stood up, looked at me with utter contempt, whipped his belt undone
and let his trousers slide around his ankles. There wasn't a sign of
a snake, only rather grey-looking long underwear.

I
am seldom put out of countenance, but there I was babbling about
taipans, with the hostesses peering over the pilot's shoulder at this
angry German with his trousers around his ankles and most of the
passengers crowded into the aisles watching the whole performance. I
was out of countenance.

I
looked at Hans' underpants and they were so tight-fitting that there
was no possibility of them concealing the snakes. Then it all became
clear to me.

'He's
hidden them in the toilet!' I shouted. 'That's what happened. He's
let them go in the toilet. For God's sake, go and look!'

The
pilot was of course convinced that I was mad, but still it takes a
brave man to open a toilet door when there's even a rumour that the
place is infested with taipans. However, he did just that, with me
and the German a safeish distance behind him.

There
wasn't a sign of a taipan in the toilet.

The
pilot looked at me accusingly, Hans looked at me disdainfully, and
the hostesses looked at me in fear and amazement.

'Perhaps
he's flushed them down the toilet?' I said, doubtfully.

The
pilot looked at the toilet. It just wasn't the sort that snakes could
be flushed down. He shook his head and closed the door.

'Why
don't we just go back to our seats and forget all about it?' he said,
in a soothing voice.

I
was only too glad to do so and Hans, who had now pulled his trousers
up again, came back and sat beside me without a word, but I wasn't
going to have that.

'What
did you do with them?' I hissed.

'I
will never accept the word of an Australian again,' he said with
heavy Teutonic dignity.

'All
right, don't. But what did you do with the snakes?'

'It
is none of your business, but as it happens I underestimated the
temperature in the refrigerator and they all froze to death. So there
was no point in bringing them.' He then looked rigidly out the window
and maintained an offended silence.

I
collapsed back in my seat and started waving at the stewardess again.
All I wanted was whisky, but she didn't know that and kept well away
from me. The German only spoke six more words to me on the whole of
the trip.

'I think you are a cad,' he said as we
got off the plane at Denpasar.