The I Hate to Cook Book (31 page)

There are two kinds of late-snack invitations. One is the sort that a cheerful husband proffers the whole dance floor while the band plays “Good Night Ladies.” “Lesh all come over t’our housh for shcrambled eggsh!” (His wife is the feverish-looking lady by the door, with the armful of coats. She knows there are five eggs in the refrigerator, every one of them spoken for.) These occasions are seldom outstandingly successful.

The second kind is the invitation you issue yourself because these things are a community habit and it’s your turn. If you can’t move out of the community, you should make the first move—
as part of your community endeavor—and suggest that everyone stop eating so much. But until you get around to this, the following late-snack ideas may be helpful. They are all easy and they take very little last-minute doing.

First, and at the risk of belaboring a point, don’t forget about
SOUP
.

You can make it any time and keep it on simmer (or in a big covered casserole dish in a 200˚ oven) until you get back from the festivities. Make any of the easy soups on pages 31-32, or the beefed-up Clam Chowder mentioned earlier in this chapter, or combine a couple of canned soups. For instance:

Onion Soup and Chicken Gumbo

Cream of Mushroom and Cream of Spinach

Cream of Mushroom and Cream of Oyster

Cream of Tomato and Cream of Celery

(Be sure to notice whether your soup is condensed or ready to serve. If it is condensed, dilute it according to directions before combining. You can combine a ready-to-serve soup with one you diluted, yourself, very satisfactorily.)

With the soup, serve a big basket of cheese crackers, or a Left Bank French Loaf (
here
). All in all, this is a reasonably painless production.

Then there are
HOT SANDWICHES
.

You can assemble these some time during the day, and have coffee and water ready in your percolator. Then you need only to fry them or heat them at the last minute. For instance:

     FRENCH-FRIED SANDWICHES     

Cut the crusts off sandwich bread. Butter the slices as you ordinarily do, and use a little home-made mustard (equal parts dry mustard and flour, moistened with water or vinegar). Then combine

ham and Swiss cheese

chicken and Swiss cheese

beef and Swiss cheese

et cetera

and chill the put-together sandwiches until you’re back from the movie and ready to eat. Then, for six sandwiches, beat three eggs with half a cup of cream or evaporated milk. Dip the sandwiches in it and fry them in butter or in deep fat.

     PIZZA SANDWICHES     

Spread one side each of two slices of bread with canned pizza sauce. For the filling, use a slice of salami, a slice of mozzarella or processed sharp cheese (the processed will melt better), and a sprinkling of garlic. Grill them in butter.

     STUFFED TUNA BUNS     

for 6

Combine these items

¼ pound American cheese, diced

3 hard-boiled eggs, chopped

6.5-ounce can chunk tuna

½ cup mayonnaise

2 tablespoons each: chopped green pepper, chopped onion, chopped stuffed olives, chopped sweet pickle

Then stuff it into six hot-dog or hamburger buns, wrap the buns in aluminum foil, and forget about them. Later, they just need heating in a 350˚ oven for thirty minutes.

     FRIDAY-NIGHT SANDWICH     

for 4

(You can do the mixing ahead of time. Then you need only fry the bacon, assemble the sandwiches, and broil them. Don’t cheat and leave out the caraway seed. It makes all the difference, and you will be glad that you were upright and true.)

Mix together in a bowl

1 small can crabmeat

2 celery stalks, chopped fine

4 whole green onions, chopped

1 small can mushrooms

1 teaspoon caraway seeds

enough mayonnaise or sour cream to moisten

Then, make sure you have on hand

4 slices bread

8 slices bacon

4 slices Cheddar

When it’s cooking time, fry and drain the bacon, and toast the bread on one side only. Spread the crabmeat mix on the untoasted side, cover with bacon, top with a slice of cheddar. Heat under the broiler till the cheese melts.

     RODEO SANDWICH     

for 4

(This is the only sandwich here that can’t be done too satisfactorily ahead of time. But it’s quick to make anyway, and it has the additional virtue of calling for nothing you don’t ordinarily have in the house.)