Opened the door.
Turned on the light.
No dead men. No severed heads.
“Thank God,” she said, her breath whooshing out of her in relief.
She went inside, closed the door, and went about her business. By the time she had finished and was washing her hands, her heart had slowed to a normal beat.
Nothing was going to happen.
She pulled a paper towel from the wall dispenser and started to dry her hands.
Her eye was suddenly caught by something gleaming on the bathroom floor. It was in the corner, against the wall. Something small and shiny.
She dropped the paper towel in the waste can.
She stepped away from the sink. Bent down. Picked up the glittering object.
She stared at it in disbelief.
Earlier, she had wished that ghosts were real. And now it appeared as if she’d been granted her wish.
She held the proof in her hand. The thing she had picked up from the floor. A thin gold chain and a gold-plated pendant. Jerry Stein’s mezuzah. The same one that she had seen tangled around the ruined throat of his severed head.
PART THREE
Going Into Town...
14
Susan went to bed that night without showing the gold mezuzah to anyone.
When she had found it on the bathroom floor, her first impulse had been to run with it straight to the nurses’ station. She wanted to show it to as many people as she could find, for initially it seemed to be proof that she wasn’t merely a victim of brain injury, and that the dead men’s visitations were something considerably stranger than hallucinations.
On second thought, however, she decided to be cautious. If she clutched the mezuzah and ran breathlessly to show it to someone else, was it possible that she would open her hand in revelation—onty to discover that she wasn’t really clutching a mezuzah? She couldn’t be sure that her brain was properly interpreting the images that her senses were transmitting to it. She might be having another attack right now, a miniepisode of brain dysfunction; when the fit passed, she might find that the gold mezuzah was only a small ball of scrap paper or a bent nail or a screw that had popped loose from the wall-mounted towel dispenser—or any of a hundred other mundane items. Better to wait, put the mezuzah aside, give herself time to recover from this attack—if it
was
another attack—and look at the object again, later, to see if it then appeared to be what it now appeared to be.
Furthermore, she suddenly wasn’t very eager to consider the existence of walking dead men and the possibility of vengeance being taken from beyond the grave. When she’d been talking with Jeff McGee, she had jokingly wished that there really were such things as ghosts, so that her problems could be blamed on an external cause, rather than on her own loss of mental control. But she had not given any thought to what it would mean to her if her wish were granted. What it meant, she now saw with chilling clarity, was an even deeper descent into the cellars of insanity. She simply wasn’t prepared to believe that dead men could come back from their tombs. She was a scientist, a woman of logic and reason. Whenever she saw gross superstition at work in other people, she was either amused or appalled by it. There wasn’t room for the supernatural in her philosophy or, more importantly, in her self-image. This far, she had retained possession of her sanity primarily because a small part of her had clung tenaciously to the knowledge that her tormentors were only figments of her sick mind, nothing but imaginary creatures, phantoms. But if they were real...
What then?
What next?
She looked at her face in the mirror and could see the stark, haunted look in her own gray-green eyes.
Now there were new insanities, new terrors, new horrors to contemplate.
What next?
She didn’t want to think about that. Indeed, there was no point in thinking about it until she knew whether the mezuzah was real or not.
Besides, the strong sedative she’d been given was beginning to take effect. Her eyes were rapidly becoming heavy, and her thoughts were getting fuzzy at the edges.
She carefully wrapped the gold pendant in a strip of toilet paper. She made a small, square, tidy bundle of it.
She left the bathroom, turning off the overhead fluorescents as she went. She got into bed and put the wad of toilet tissue in the top drawer of the nightstand, beside her wallet; closed the drawer; her little secret.
The sedative was like a great wave in the sea, rolling inexorably over her, pulling her down, down.
She reached out to snap off the bedside lamp, but she noticed that no one had turned on the night light. If she switched off her lamp, she would be in total darkness, except for what little indirect illumination the hall lights provided. She didn’t like the prospect of lying alone in darkness, not even for the few minutes she would need to fall soundly asleep. She pulled her hand back from the lamp.
Staring at the ceiling, trying not to think, she lay in light—until, a minute later, she herself went out with the suddenness of a clicking switch.
Thursday morning. Clouds again. Also some torn strips of blue sky, like bright banners in the gloom.
Susan lay motionless for a minute or two, blinking at the window, before she remembered the treasure that she had secreted in the nightstand.
She raised the bed, sat up, quickly combed her shaggy hair with her fingers, then opened the night stand drawer. The toilet tissue was there, where she remembered having put it. At least that much was real. She took it out and held it in the palm of her hand for a while, just staring at it. Finally, she opened it with as much care as she had employed in the wrapping of it.
The religious pendant lay in the center of the tissue. Its gold chain was tangled; it gleamed.
Susan picked it up, fingered it wonderingly. The mezuzah was real; there was no doubt about that.
As impossible as it seemed, it must follow that the dead men were real, too.
Ghosts ?
She turned the pendant over and over in her fingers, the chain trailing out of her hand and along her arm, while she tried to make up her mind whether or not she wanted to believe in ghosts. And even if she wanted to believe in them,
could
she? Her ingrained level-headedness, her lifelong skepticism in such matters, and her preference for neatly packaged scientific answers made it difficult for her to turn abruptly away from logic and just blithely embrace superstition.
Even if she had been predisposed to supernatural explanations, there was one thing that would nevertheless have made it hard for her to accept the ghost theory. That one hitch was the mezuzah. If the dead men were malevolent spirits who were capable of vanishing in the blink of an eye—as Harch had seemed to vanish from the bathroom yesterday afternoon, taking Jerry Stein’s severed head with him—then the mezuzah should have vanished, too. After all, if it was a part of the apparition, it couldn’t also be a part of the real world. Yet here it was, in her hand.
Last night when her mind had been clouded by a sedative, it had seemed to her that the mezuzah was proof that there were such things as ghosts. However, now she realized that the pendant’s existence proved only that the dead men were not merely hallucinations. In fact it didn’t even prove that much; it only
indicated
that such was the case.
Ghosts? That seemed unlikely.
And with the mezuzah in her hand, blaming everything on brain dysfunction seemed too simplistic.
She couldn’t completely forget about either of those theories, of course. But for the time being, she could relegate them to a back room in her mind.
So what explanations were left?
She stared at the mezuzah, frowning.
She seemed to have come full circle, back to the look-alike theory. But that was no good to her, either, because she had never been able to explain why four perfect look-alikes for the four fraternity brothers would show up in Willawauk County Hospital—of all places—intent upon tormenting and perhaps killing her. If a theory made absolutely no sense, then it was a worthless theory.
Besides, even the conspiracy theory didn’t explain how Harch had disappeared from the windowless bathroom yesterday. It didn’t explain how he could have recovered so completely and so quickly from the back surgery that he’d undergone on Monday. Or how Jerry Stein’s corpse could have turned up in Jessica Seiffert’s sickbed. Or why the corpse was not completely decomposed, reduced by now to a mere collection of bones.
Ghosts?
Brain dysfunction?
Bizarre conspiracies?
None of the available theories answered all of the questions—or even most of them. Every avenue of inquiry seemed to lead only to further confusion.
Susan felt light-headed.
She clenched her hand tightly around the mezuzah, as if she could squeeze the truth from it.
A nurse entered the room from the hall. It was Millie, the thin, fox-faced blonde. On Tuesday morning, when Susan had become hysterical at the appearance of the Jellicoe and Parker duplicates—the orderlies named Bradley and O’Hara—it had been Millie who had attempted to give Susan an injection against her will, while Carl Jellicoe held her down on the bed.
“The breakfast cart’s just right down the hall,” Millie said as she passed the bed, heading toward the bathroom. “Ought to be here in a minute,” she added, slipping into the bathroom before Susan had an opportunity to respond.
Through the half-open door, Susan saw the nurse crouch down and peer behind the commode; first, around one side of it; then, around the other side. She squinted at the shadowy spots back there, where the overhead fluorescent lights didn’t reach.
After the nurse had carefully inspected all around the toilet, she turned her back to it, still hunkering down. She swung her head left, right, keeping her eyes down toward the baseboard. She peeked behind the door. Under the sink.
Susan’s eyes turned inexorably down to her own hand. The mezuzah, now hidden in her fist, seemed to grow icy, leeching the warmth from the flesh that encircled it.
The gold chain trailed from between her clenched fingers. Without fully understanding why she did it, operating solely on a hunch, Susan opened her fingers just long enough to quickly, surreptitiously push the chain in to keep company with the pendant. She made a fist again. Put the fist in her lap. Covered it with her other, open hand. Tried to look relaxed. Just sitting there in bed, yawning, blinking at the morning light, hands folded oh-so-casually in her lap.
Millie came out of the bathroom and over to the side of the bed. She hesitated for only a second or two, then said, “Say, did you find any jewelry in there yesterday?”
“Jewelry?”
“Yeah.”
“In where?” Susan asked, feigning surprise, yawning. “You mean in the bathroom?”
“Yeah.”
“You mean like pearl necklaces and diamond brooches?” Susan asked lightly, as if she thought the nurse was leading up to a joke.
“No. Nothing like that. It’s mine. I lost it somewhere yesterday, and I can’t find it.”
“What kind of jewelry?”
Millie hesitated only an instant, then said, “A mezuzah. It was on a gold chain.”
Susan could see the tension, the lies, the deception in the nurse’s foxlike face and in her hard, watchful eyes.
It isn’t yours, Susan thought. You didn’t leave it here. You’re a damned liar.
The mezuzah had been left behind by mistake. Obviously, it had dropped unnoticed from the severed head. And now they were trying to cover up and keep the charade going.
“Sorry,” Susan said. “I didn’t find anything.”
The nurse stared at her.