The Hornbeam Tree (23 page)

‘Shall we go down for dinner before they stop serving?’ she said.

Raising his arm, he turned his head to look at her. ‘I guess they don’t do room service,’ he said, letting his eyes move all over her.

‘No.’

‘You’re beautiful,’ he told her softly.

Walking back to the bed, she took his hand and pressed it to her lower belly. ‘Will I have had enough of you by morning?’ she asked.

‘There’s only one way to find out,’ he murmured, and pulled her back into his arms.

*

Katie was fast asleep. The first rays of dawn were barely over the horizon, the house was dark and still, and not even Trotty deigned to open an eye as Molly came quietly into the bedroom. Seeing her mother’s slight frame beneath the covers Molly stood looking at her for a moment, as though unsure whether to wake her, then lifting the covers she snuggled herself in like a spoon.

Katie’s eyes remained closed as she put an arm around her daughter and kissed the back of her tousled dark head.

‘Mum?’ Molly whispered after a while.

‘Mm?’

‘I’ve never met that man in the picture.’

Katie squeezed her. ‘I didn’t think so,’ she said. ‘I just went off the deep end.’

The digital clock flicked on to five twenty. A thrush started to sing in the apple tree outside; a distant cockerel crowed.

‘Sorry,’ they said together, and smiled into the darkness.

Now wasn’t the time, Katie decided, to pursue anything else. This was a special moment, just the two of them together, so why let anything spoil it?

Chapter Nine

‘
SO THE MONEY’S
now on its way to Tom,’ Katie was saying to Laurie as they strolled up the lane towards the woods. ‘Which means we might hear from him in the next day or two.’

‘We should, if all goes to plan,’ Laurie confirmed, stifling a yawn.

‘It’ll make a big difference to Michelle if we do,’ Katie remarked, ‘because she’s finding this a lot harder than she’s admitting. She’s used to being in the thick of it, or at least able to do something to help when he gets himself in a fix. Anyway, there’s nothing to be done until we hear from him, so I guess we should … Is that mine?’ she said as a mobile started to ring.

‘I think so,’ Laurie answered, swallowing her disappointment that it wasn’t hers, for she was hoping Nick would call, if only to say hi.

‘It’s the doctor’s surgery,’ Katie said, clicking on. ‘It won’t take a second.’

As she took the call, Laurie’s mind returned instantly to Nick, and all they’d done last night.
Even
to think of it was flaring responses through her that were almost as erotically charged as the reality. Her body still ached from so much lovemaking. They’d hardly been able to tear themselves away from each other, had been so inflamed by passion that they’d barely made any time to talk or even eat.

‘Just confirming my hospital appointment next week,’ Katie said, ringing off. ‘So where were we? Ah, yes, I was about to tell you what happened at the school yesterday.’

As she began to explain about Molly, Laurie tried desperately to stay focused, but now she was worrying about Elliot and how the hell she was going to face him when the time came. Speaking to him on the phone this morning had been bad enough, for her conscience had returned with such a vengeance when she’d heard his voice that she’d barely been able to register what he was saying. Then Nick had come out of the bathroom and started to remove the robe she’d covered herself with, leaving her with no choice but to cut the call short. So what was Elliot thinking now, she kept asking herself. Had he guessed what was happening? Was he tormenting himself with images of her and Nick, the way she had with images of him and Andraya?

Forcing herself to concentrate, she watched Katie lean over a five-bar gate to stroke the muzzle of a sleek, golden horse.

‘So if you’d called last night,’ Katie was saying, ‘I’d have told you a programme was completely out of the question, but on reflection I probably did overreact when I saw that picture, and I’m angry
with
myself now for thinking the worst of Molly, when I should have known it was just kids messing around.’

‘Are you going to punish her anyway?’ Laurie asked, thankful that she’d managed to absorb enough to know what Katie was talking about.

‘I don’t know. I’d rather trust her to not do anything like it again, but I’d be fooling myself if I thought she was never going to succumb to peer pressure, particularly when she’s been so lonely since we came here. She’s happy to have friends again, and when you take into consideration what she’s going to be facing soon, I don’t want to start making her miserable now.’ She sighed and watched Trotty skimming across the field after a rabbit she was never going to catch. ‘Now,’ she said, turning back with a twinkle in her eye, ‘I’m starting to form the impression that you didn’t get much sleep last night.’

Laurie quickly covered her mouth again, and grimaced an apology. ‘I didn’t,’ she confirmed, feeling the burn of Nick’s hands as though they were still on her. ‘Sorry, it’s annoying when people keep yawning.’

Katie smiled.

After a moment Laurie smiled too, but resisted the urge to discuss her dilemma, for easy as Katie was to talk to, she had enough of her own issues to deal with. ‘So what would you like to do about the programme?’ she asked. ‘You know how keen I am, but as I told you before, it’s your decision.’

Turning to track the stately progress of a fully plumed pheasant as it plodded dumbly towards Trotty’s lair, Katie said, ‘I think I’d like to carry on
as
we agreed yesterday. As you said, it doesn’t commit me to anything, and we’re here now, so why don’t we go ahead with whatever you had planned for today and see how it goes?’ She cast her a droll look. ‘If you can remember what you had planned, that is.’

Laurie laughed and blushed. ‘Michelle’s right,’ she said, ‘nothing ever gets past you.’

‘Nothing,’ Katie confirmed.

Still laughing, and having to remind herself once again that they weren’t here to discuss her, Laurie said, ‘OK, why don’t we kick off with something nice and easy like what you’d most like to achieve in the time you have left.’

Katie’s eyebrows rose. ‘Nice and easy,’ she repeated dryly, and leaning her elbows against the gate, she murmured the question softly to herself, then added with a laugh, ‘You mean apart from an end to global warming, overthrowing the current US regime, and getting laid?’

‘You missed out world peace.’

‘No, that’s covered under number two. Actually getting rid of those power-crazed maniacs who’ve set up shop in the White House would probably sort out most world issues, but I don’t think this is the kind of answer you had in mind.’

Laurie shook her head.

‘OK, so let me see. Well, I suppose after making sure Molly’s OK and taken care of, which is obviously what Michelle’s here for, probably what I’d most like to achieve is the kind of inner peace that makes it all right to go.’

Laurie felt mildly surprised. ‘You give the appearance of already being there,’ she told her.

Katie gave a scoff of laughter. ‘Not even close,’ she assured her. ‘If you could see me lying in my bed at night like a petrified virgin, listening to the incessant babble in my head as I go over and over everything my spiritual counsellor advises, madly trying to channel my thoughts into the now so that I can overcome my resistance and accept what’s happening, which I’m told is the path to inner calm … Believe me, it’s chaos in here, but I try and sometimes it actually works, for a minute or two, until the demons start parachuting in again, and my fears light up like beacons to guide them straight to the hot spots.’

Laurie watched her as she seemed to drift for a while.

‘Actually, if you want to know the truth,’ she went on, ‘I’m absolutely terrified. Not of dying particularly, or of what comes next, though I can’t say I’m thrilled about the one-way part of the deal. No, what I’m most afraid of is leaving Molly. I know that without her I’d be empty, so my fear is that’s how she’ll feel without me. She’s still so young and it frightens me to think of her in the world without me, even though I know Michelle will love and take care of her.’

Laurie was thinking of all the other mothers who were facing the same nightmare, as well as the millions who weren’t, for no-one could be immune to the agony of having to say a premature goodbye to a child.

‘I still haven’t told her,’ Katie said, her eyes following the pheasant as it flapped and clucked over a hedgerow and disappeared from view. ‘I keep waiting for the right moment, but I guess I’m
going
to have to accept that for something like this, there is no right moment.’ After a while she turned to look back down the lane, and spotting Michelle coming to join them, gave her a wave.

‘They say,’ she continued, ‘that knowing you’re going to die gives you an appreciation of life and the people around you that you didn’t have before, and it’s true, in so many ways. One of them, for me, is how I’ve finally allowed myself to see Michelle for who she really is. I used to tell myself she was selfish and conceited, unreliable, inconsiderate and far, far too pleased with herself, when actually I was just jealous of how beautiful she is, and the way everyone adores or admires her. She’s reached a place inside herself where she doesn’t sit in judgement of others, the way most of us do, she doesn’t even shove scene-stealers like me out of the limelight so everyone can get a good look at her, because she doesn’t need to. She’s happy with who she is, and feels no need to prove herself to people who aren’t really listening anyway. Whereas I’ve always been one of those loud, opinionated types who underneath it all are horribly threatened by people like her.’ She shook her head in dismay. ‘All these years I’ve been coveting her spot on the stage, while forgetting to look at my own, which means I’ve missed out on so much. I was only seeing the false picture, where I’d painted her accomplishments in such dazzling and magnificent colours that next to them mine could only wither and fade.’ She gave a protracted sigh of exasperation, as though amazed she hadn’t seen all this before, when it seemed so clear to her now.

‘You look very intense,’ Michelle commented, as
she
joined them. ‘I hope she’s not boring you.’

‘Actually, I was going to leave that to you,’ Katie retorted, turning to stroke the horse as it nudged her.

Michelle laughed, then frowned curiously. ‘Katie? Why have you got a duster on your back?’

‘Because I had a notion to clean up the neighbourhood,’ Katie responded glibly. ‘What duster?’

Michelle peeled it from the belt of her sweater and passed it over. ‘This one,’ she said.

‘Now why don’t prattish things like that happen to you?’ Katie wanted to know, tucking the duster in her pocket and enjoying watching Laurie laugh.

‘It’s only one per family,’ Michelle responded. ‘So, where were you up to?’

‘I was just about to drown in a swamp of self-pity,’ Katie informed her. ‘You see, I have to feel sorry for myself,’ she explained to Laurie, ‘because no-one else around here does.’

‘You’d get a lot more sympathy from me if you’d eat,’ Michelle told her.

‘Actually, I’ve taken my megace today, and while you were immersed in all the P2 stuff this morning I trotted off to get myself a new prescription. So how good does that make you feel?’

‘Almost as good as the smile I got from Molly before she went off to school.’

Katie’s eyes immediately showed her pleasure. ‘You see, behind the snarling, snapping trainee dragon is a winning little creature just dying to get out. It’s all those hormones that are doing it, rampaging around in jackboots one minute, in fluffy socks the next, so carry on taking the hornbeam is what I say, it’ll keep you nice and chilled out.’

‘Hornbeam?’ Laurie echoed.

‘Ah yes, my secret weapon, it has magical powers in times of stress, so you might want to take some with you when you leave here later.’

‘I’ll take as much as you can spare,’ Laurie responded dryly.

‘Am I missing something?’ Michelle said, as Katie laughed.

‘She’s trying to change the subject,’ Laurie answered, ‘so she’s no longer the focus. Now come on, stop trying to pretend you’re a retiring violet, because no-one’s convinced, and tell us about
you
. What is it really like to be Katie Kiernan these days? Who is she? What’s driving her? How does she want to be remembered? When will she ever tell us the real truth about
her
?’

Katie looked at Michelle. ‘Could that qualify as bullying?’ she demanded.

Michelle nodded. ‘Absolutely. So how does it feel to be on the receiving end?’

Katie’s eyes narrowed. ‘You’re in a conspiracy, you two,’ she declared. ‘And you’re rushing me.’

‘Well, if you will wait till you’re moving out before you invite us in, we don’t have much choice,’ Michelle responded.

Katie’s eyes lit up. ‘That’s good,’ she told her. ‘I like it.’ And in order to savour it, she repeated it.

Laurie watched her familiar, animated face, and found herself caught for a moment in a strange displacement of time, as though she were looking at a photograph, and this was all a memory. It was a disturbing, upsetting feeling, for though she’d never been in any doubt that losing Katie would be extremely hard to bear, it was as though the fact
that
it really was going to happen was only just hitting her.

‘Are you all right?’ Katie asked.

‘Yes, yes I’m fine,’ Laurie assured her, smiling again. ‘Just a bug, or something,’ she added, blinking her eyes.

‘She’s been up half the night making the beast with two backs,’ Katie informed Michelle. ‘What?’ she demanded as Laurie and Michelle spluttered with laughter.

‘The beast with two backs?’ Michelle repeated.

Katie sighed. ‘That’s the trouble with you airheads, you just don’t know your Shakespeare,’ she complained.

Laurie was still laughing. ‘Please say you’ll do this programme, Katie,’ she implored. ‘Please, please.’

‘You’ll have to talk to my manager,’ Katie responded haughtily as they started walking on towards the woods. ‘She’s right beside you. I don’t do anything without her approval these days. She’s got me all carefully managed and mapped out, so that I’m scared of moving without her.’