Authors: Kate Perry
"Thank you," Leilani
choked out.
Jasper took her bags out to the
car and Leilani followed. He set them down and opened the door for her.
"Thank you, Jasper,"
she murmured, slipping on her sunglasses as she got in, less because of the sun
and more to cover the tears in her eyes.
The driver got in the car and
they were off. Leilani tried not to think about the scenery they passed, like
the coffee shop where the barista made her latte extra creamy, or the bakery
that had the light fluffy spiced rolls. She focused on what needed to be done
once she arrived back in Maui.
They arrived at the airport too
quickly. She sat in the back of the car, wishing Jasper wouldn't open her door.
Wishing something would happen to keep her from making her flight.
Reaching into the pocket of her
coat, she pulled out the Sea Pirate's diamond. She'd meant to give it back to
Colin, but she hadn't had the chance. She slipped it on her finger, just for a
moment, before putting it back away. She'd send it back.
The door opened and Jasper
extended his hand to help her out. Then he retrieved her bags. As if sensing
her doubts, he said, "We can turn right around again, miss."
"No." She tried to
smile. "I have to go."
"Well perhaps you'll return
soon." He smiled gently at her and then handed her bags over to a porter.
With another tip of his hat, he got back in the car and drove off.
She watched him leaving, wanting
to run after him, to yell at him to come back. Instead, she brushed away the
tear that escaped and headed into the terminal.
She arrived in Maui, exhausted
from twenty hours of travel. Bleary-eyed, she got into a cab.
Once he wrestled her bags into
the trunk, the cab driver looked at her in the rearview mirror. "Where
to?"
She couldn't bear to go home. It
felt wrong, like a betrayal to Colin, to go there and be surrounded by memories
of Aaron.
What she wanted most was to see
her dad. She gave the cab driver Sam's address, knowing he'd be in the garden
working by now.
When they arrived, she paid him
and got out. Leaving her bags in the driveway, she went around back to her
dad's domain.
As if he knew she was coming, he was
waiting for her in her favorite spot. He kneeled on the ground, weeding a bed
of white flowers.
She sat next to him on the
ground, not saying anything. He kept digging. Slowly all the tears she's been
holding started to leak, first in slow motion, then so she sobbed with all her
soul.
Strong arms close around her. She
turned into her father's chest.
He smoothed her hair, the way
he'd done all her life and let her cry it out. Then he took a handkerchief from
his pocket and wiped her face. "I'm happy to see you, even if your eyes
are so sad," he said.
She gave him a watery smile.
"Was London that bad?"
"London was wonderful."
Tomio studied her. Finally he
said, "I see."
She knew that he did. He'd always
been able to read her like no one else had.
Tomio brushed her hair from her
eyes. "Then why did you come back?"
"I told Mary I'd help with
the competition. I came back to honor my promise."
"Daughter, have you ever
been able to get away with lying to me?"
"I'm not lying."
He just stared at her.
"It's true." Mostly.
Swallowing, she looked away.
"What's his name?" her
father asked gently.
Whipping her gaze back to him,
she shook her head. "What?"
"The man who drove you home
in tears."
She thought about denying it, but
it wouldn't do any good. Her dad always just knew. "Colin Melbourne."
"Does he love you?"
"Yes, he does." That
was one thing she could never doubt, and she wouldn't discredit him by saying
otherwise.
Tomio nodded. "Then you're
going back."
"I don't know."
Her father stared at her like she
was disappointing him. "You have more heartbreak in your eyes now than you
did when Aaron died. Don't allow your fears to make decisions for you."
"Oh my God! Leilani, it
is
you. You're back!"
Leilani stood and turned right as
Sam collided into her in an exuberant, laughing embrace. She held tight,
feeling the tears come again.
"Oh jeez," Sam
exclaimed, her eyes wide. "What's wrong?"
Leilani cried harder, shaking her
head. She saw Sam and her father exchange a look before Sam put her arm around
her shoulders. "You're exhausted."
"Completely knackered,"
she said, missing the funny way the British spoke.
"Come inside. You can rest
and I'll make you some tea and you can tell me all about it."
She nodded, crying harder at the
mention of tea.
The days leading up to the surf
competition had been gray and rainy. But it was Aaron's surf competition, and Leilani
knew there was no way he'd allow the weather to be uncooperative. So she wasn't
surprised to wake up the morning of the tribute to sun streaming in the window.
As long as she stayed in motion,
she wouldn't have time to think. Forcing herself out of bed, she dressed and
headed to Koki Beach.
Since she'd returned, she'd been
out of sync with life in Maui. She felt like Goldilocks—nothing was quite
right. The sun was too bright, it was overly warm, and the birds were loud.
Disgusted with herself, she shook
her head as she pulled into a parking spot. It wasn't like her to act this way.
She didn't like it. It was time to end the wallowing.
She arrived early, but the beach
swarmed with activity. She nodded to one of the sponsors, who was setting up
his tent, and walked down to the announcers' station.
Mary was, of course, already
there, clipboard in hand, directing everyone. She glanced up as Leilani
approached and gave her a vague frown.
Leilani sighed. She hadn't been
in Mary's good graces since she'd been back. She could hardly blame the woman—she'd
run away and shirked her duties to Aaron. His mom would see that as a heinous
crime, forget that Aaron himself wouldn't have care had he still been alive.
Resentment frothed in the pit of
her belly. She got that old feeling, like the walls were closing in on her and
she couldn't breath.
Without thinking, she changed
course for the water's edge, slipping her sandals off and stuffing them in her
purse.
Walking away from all the bustle,
she inhaled and exhaled steadily, focusing on her breath until the resentment
subsided. She hadn't felt it in London, but that suffocating feeling had been
her constant companion since she came back.
She focused on the surf. The
water was perfect for the competition, not overly still but not turbulent. The
salty air teased her nostrils, and birds squawked overhead.
Not that different from London. There,
the air had a similar quality, only nuanced with shades of gray that she found
alluring.
She
missed
the city. She missed the pace and the overly solicitous
people. She missed her friends there and the tea. She missed being anonymous in
a sea of other people's lives.
She'd only been back a week, but she
hadn't had a minute of anonymity. The more reserved she'd been, the more
everyone poked and pried. The only people who'd respected her need for solitude
were her parents and Sam and Mark.
Sighing, she walked back along
the water. She had to face the music sometime. She'd tried to talk to Mary a
number of times since she'd returned, intending to help with anything that
needed to be done, but the woman had brushed her off.
Normally, Leilani would have been
distressed by the tension between them, sad or angry. Now she was just
resigned. Sometime in the night over the past few days, she'd had the not-so-brilliant
realization that things die: people, things, and relationships. Her
relationship with Mary had no reason to continue to live, because the one thing
they'd had in common no longer existed.
A wave of sadness flowed through
her. She let it roll over her, feeling it, accepting it, and then letting it
go. The sensation of suffocation receded, and for the first in over a week she
felt almost light again.
Almost. She touched her sweater
pocket, feeling the outline of Colin's ring.
She
missed
him. It was like an ache in her chest. She felt like she'd
been hollowed out, a shell of herself. Her father had said that she was sadder
leaving Colin than when Aaron had died. At first, she vehemently denied it. She
couldn't deny it any longer. She was miserable without him. She hadn't sent his
ring back because it was the one last tie she had to him, and she couldn't bear
to sever it.
That was telling, she realized as
she walked back to the competition. Just as telling was that he hadn't
contacted her to ask for it back.
Later—she'd think of that
later. Right now was time to say goodbye to Aaron.
Entering the announcers' booth,
Leilani smiled at Mary. The woman just turned her back and began ordering
around a teenager who was apparently her lackey.
Shrugging, Leilani faced two of
Aaron's best friends, who were setting up the PA system. "Aloha,
boys."
"There you are." Rolo
bound for her, picking her up in a big bear hug. "I heard you'd defected
to the mainland and were dissing us for a fancy life."
She didn't have to wonder where
he heard that, but she just smiled. "I went to London for business."
"We're glad you're
back," Jason, the quieter of the two, said.
Aaron's mother made a sound at
that.
"It's been quiet around here
without you." Rolo grinned, revealing the gap where he'd had two teeth
knocked out surfing in South Africa. "I haven't gotten to beat up any
howlies hitting on you."
She imagined Colin facing Rolo.
She doubted Colin was a brawler the way Rolo was, but she bet he'd hold his
own.
Another wave of homesickness
overcame her.
"We're having a luau after
the competition," Jason said. "You should come."
"Of course she's
coming." Rolo pushed his friend's shoulder. "She's Aaron's
wife."
"I was just his fiancée,"
she pointed out.
He shrugged. "Same
difference."
"No, actually, it's
not." She wasn't that person any longer, no matter what people insisted on
seeing. She wasn't going to allow herself to be put in that corner again. She
smiled sadly at Jason. "I can't make it, but I know Aaron would have loved
it."
Jason nodded. She could see that
he understood where she was coming from and having one person get it relaxed
her. She squeezed his hand in thanks and faced Rolo. "I loved Aaron,
Rolo," she said, loud enough that she knew Mary would hear. "As much
as I wish he were still here, he's not. He wouldn't have wanted me to stop
living, which is exactly what I've been doing since his accident. You know what
he always said."
Jason and Rolo both repeated,
"There's always another wave to catch."
Leilani watched Mary mouth the
words. She wondered if Aaron's mom would take them to heart, but there wasn't
much she could do about that. That was the other woman's decision.
She could only make her own. She
looked around at the beach and the people she'd loved all her life. It wasn't
her any longer. She still loved it here—it'd always be home—but she
loved London too. Differently. An adult's love, complicated and textured,
sometimes bright and sunny and sometimes gray and turbulent.
The way she loved Colin.
As she thought it, a ray of
sunlight fell on her, warm and encouraging.
Why was she here when her heart
was in London? She shook her head. George had been right. She chuckled,
thinking about how delighted he'd be when she told him that.
When she returned to London.
The decision settled in her gut.
Instead of feeling heavy and full of dread, it felt
right
. She'd figure out the details, like about what to do with the
gallery and where she'd live when she went back, because there was no guarantee
Colin would want her any longer.
She swallowed that bit of
uneasiness down, reassuring herself by touching the ring.
But those were all details she'd
face as they arose. She'd handle them. She was determined to grow even though
those around her didn't want her to disrupt the status quo.
Lifting her face, she smiled.
Silently, she mouthed, "Thank you, Aaron."
Feeling as though a weight lifted
of her chest, she turned to Mary and the boys. "Let's get this started,
shall we?"
Aaron would have loved the
competition. It was the perfect day, and the waves were awesome. She commented
amicably with one of the other announcers throughout the competition, surprised
that she was actually enjoying herself.
Sam wandered into the booth
toward the end of the competition. Motioning to one of the other guys to take
her place, Leilani went to hug her friend.
"How are you?" Sam
asked, holding her at arm's length and studying her.
"Good." Leilani smiled.
"Really good. I'm glad I came back for this."
"You've said goodbye,
haven't you?"
"Yes. Finally." She
rolled her shoulders, not feeling the weight of Aaron's memory there any
longer.
Sam nodded at Mary and lowered
her voice. "She doesn't seem too happy."
"She's not." Leilani
looked at Aaron's mother, her heart filling with compassion for her. "She
lost not only her son but her future daughter. It's hard for her, but there's
nothing I can do about it. That's her path."
"Bravo." Sam clapped
her hands. "What caused this sudden Zen-like acceptance?"
"I've been thinking."
She took a deep breath and said it out loud for the first time. "I'm going
back to London."