The Happy Endings Book Club (5 page)

*

Michi Downs was hot. Stinking, miserably hot. Christmas in Sydney had always been a bitch, but this was doubly bad, flying in straight from a London winter. Oh, how she missed the gray, cold, damp winter she’d left behind. Or at least that’s what she was telling everyone, because any sign of weakness, any smidgen of homesickness, and her family would attack, and beat her into submission until she agreed to come home for good.

And that could never happen, because while she liked Sydney, it was also where her parents lived.

She watched them now from under her dark glasses and huge floppy hat. Her father Keith was manning the barbecue wearing one of those ridiculous aprons with boobs and a Santa hat. Her mother Kayoko was dressed in a sexy Santa outfit and carrying cocktails embellished with fruit and tiny umbrellas over to Aunt Yumi, who was lying topless by the pool. Michi was no prude, but Aunt Yumi (who for the record wasn’t even related) was seventy-eight, so seeing her knockers out sunning themselves was enough to turn Michi off lunch.

Keith waved a piece of chicken around to get Michi’s attention. “Will I throw a breast on the barbie for you, honey bunch?”

“No thanks, Dad. I’ll stick to the salmon.”

“It’s beer o’clock,” her younger brother said.

Michi looked up at Josh and gratefully accepted the beer he was holding. “I forgot how bloody hot it gets here,” she said.

“You should visit more often.” He threw himself into a chair beside her and kicked his long brown legs onto a nearby esky. “They miss us, you know.” Josh took a swig of beer. “They might be weird, but they love us.”

“Living overseas is … easier.” She glanced at her brother. “How
is
Tokyo?”

“I’m not there to escape the family. I have dinner with Baba and Oji-chan twice a week.”

Michi motioned to a couple seated at the outdoor dining set, looking somewhat ill at ease. “Have you met the Wagstaffs?”

Josh pulled his sunglasses off his head and down over his eyes. “There’s no hope for them. Both have the sex appeal of a can of baked beans. Watching Kayoko and Keith go at it won’t alter that.”

“I can’t believe they still let other people watch. At their age.”

“Could be worse. A lot of people their age don’t have any sex.”

Michi rolled her eyes. She knew what that was like. “I just wish they’d keep it private.”

Josh waved a hand around at the stunning Mosman home and large yard. “You too could have all this if you taught people how to fuck.”

“I’ll stick to my low-paying job, thanks.” Michi nodded her head toward the Wagstaffs. “These ones at least have the decency to look … nervous.”

“They’re carbon copies of all the others. Middle class, bored with their marriage but too afraid to leave it, and slightly starstruck by Mum and Dad.”

“Do people still care?”

“Their royalty checks would suggest that they do.”

Kayoko and Keith had been Australia’s first real celebrity sex therapists. They were like your friendly suburban neighbors who just happened to have all the answers to a happy marriage. Kayoko came across as caring and ladylike, but she was also obviously a cracker in the bedroom if her columns in the
Woman’s Monthly
were anything to go by.

Keith was like the bloke next door, only with a degree in psychology. When he’d started penning books and appearing on TV with Kayoko, their sex therapy brand became a national sensation. If Aussie blokes had to turn to someone about their sexual dysfunctions, then let it be Keith. Speaking to him, reading his books … well, it was kind of like going fishing with a mate and admitting you were having problems with your rod.

Michi had grown up with this insanity. Whether it was via the admissions in their books or the inches dedicated to them in gossip columns, everyone knew all about Keith and Kayoko’s sex life. Michi’s friends at school knew. The local shopkeepers knew. Her lecturers at university knew. In fact, one of them had even seduced her, figuring it was the closest he’d get to his boyhood fantasy of banging Kayoko Downs. Michi didn’t realize this until after he’d broken her heart. She’d been stupid enough to think he was interested in her, not her ageing mother.

She should’ve known better. Not many people had been interested in her, growing up, but her parents fascinated people. As a child she’d sit unnoticed under the dinner table while her parents and their assorted friends played footsies with each other. In fact, Michi and her brothers delighted in squeezing the hand or foot of unsuspecting bored housewives, which often prompted full-blown affairs. As a teenager she’d had to put up with naked pool parties thrown by her parents. She rebelled the only way she knew how. She was a straight A student and a virgin until she was twenty. Much to her mother’s horror.

“You’re holding onto it like the last Toblerone on earth.” Her mother loved Toblerone.

“I’m choosy, that’s all.”

“It’s just your virginity. It’s more like a Cherry Ripe. Get rid of it.” Another reference to chocolate, this time her mother’s least favorite.

Michi’s virginity had been such a traumatic topic that she still couldn’t walk down the confectionery aisle in Coles without being haunted by it.

When she finally did lose her Cherry Ripe, Michi was disappointed. All that hype, and that was it? To be fair, her microbiology lecturer was not the ideal choice for her first lover. It was her final year of uni, and one afternoon after a particularly goading conversation with her mother, she’d allowed him to seduce her. He was apparently as let down by it as she was. He’d expected more, considering who her parents were.

The whole incident was so humiliating that Michi didn’t even wait around for her graduation ceremony. She told her parents she was going to have a gap year in Europe, but secretly, she knew she was looking for a new life. Somewhere far away from her parents’ notoriety. That was seven years ago.

“Merry Christmas, Michi-moooooo!”

Michi swung around at the sound of her old nickname. “Greg!” She leaped off her chair and gave her younger brother a huge hug. “I was wondering when you’d finally make an appearance.”

Greg pulled his
I’m sorry
face. “I’ve been sooooo busy with work.”

Michi put her hands on her hips. “Josh said you’re on holidays.”

“Okay, that’s true. I’ve been soooo busy shagging. I met a fine-looking pharmacist a few days ago and I’ve been holed up with him, working on our own chemistry.”

Michi noticed a man behind Greg: a drop-dead gorgeous man, with dark hair, muscular arms and an endless chest. He was more rugged than the men Greg usually went for. This was more like the type of man
she’d
go for. Not literally. She hadn’t had a date in over a year. But if she were to, then Greg’s new boyfriend was her type. She raised an eyebrow at her brother and stretched out her hand to the stranger.

“I’m Michiko, and I completely understand. I’m a huge fan of chemistry.”

Greg burst out laughing. “Gawd, Michi, this is Jake … I work with him. He’s not the chemist. And he’s straight.” Greg threw Jake a wink. “Although I have tried to rectify that.”

Jake laughed. “And it was tempting, mate, but I’ve chosen my team.” He held Michi’s hand longer than necessary.

Michi felt her cheeks flush. “Sorry, I thought …”

Jake seemed amused. “All good.”

Greg rolled his eyes. “I wish he was. Maybe next life.”

Jake took it all in his stride. “So how’s the homeland?”

Michi realized she’d been so flustered by his looks that she’d missed the accent. “You’re English? Where from?”

“I grew up in Bristol, but I lived in London for years. Finsbury Park area.”

“I’m in East Finchley.”

“Home away from home,” Jake said.

“Nope, just home.”

Greg huffed, as he always did when he was bored by a conversation. “Here we go again …
London’s home
…
Couldn’t ever live in Australia now, oh no.
”

“It’s not like that, Greg,” Michi said defensively. “I’m just happy there.”

“Whatever.” Conversation over. Greg looked around the backyard. “Usual cast of suspects.” His eyes paused on Aunt Yumi, and he screeched out, “Hey Yumes, have you had your tits done?”

Yumi lifted herself up onto her elbows, and it became immediately clear that she hadn’t.

“No worries,” yelled Greg. “False alarm.”

“I’ve just perfected the art of lying,” Yumi laughed.

“Me too,” Greg said. “Remember that next time I compliment you on something.”

Yumi thought he was hilarious. “You be careful, Greg, or I come over there and spank you.”

“Make sure you don’t trip on a tit on the way.” He ripped off his shirt, displaying his gym-toned body. “I’m in for a dip. Anyone else?”

Greg dive-bombed into the pool, followed closely by Josh. Michi knew it was her turn next. Normally she loved going swimming with her brothers, but she’d rather stab toothpicks into her eye than let Jake see her in a bikini.

“You going in for a swim?” he asked.

“Maybe later.”
After I’ve gone online and bought a burquini.
She sat and pulled a fresh beer out of the esky. “Want a drink?”

“Sure.” Jake pulled up a chair beside her and cracked open his beer. He looked out over the view of the water. “This is a great place. I love all the bays and beaches around Sydney Harbour.”

Michi gave the harbor a quick glance. “It’s pretty, but Australia doesn’t hold a candle to England’s history.”

Jake frowned. “Are you kidding me? We’re sitting on land that has been inhabited for over forty thousand years.”

“Good point. This was the Borogegal tribe’s land well before Keith and Kayoko stuffed it up with their phallic-shaped swimming pool.”

Jake turned and looked at the pool. “Yes, I was wondering if that was the design.”

“It wasn’t meant to be, but when they put the spa up that end and it looked like … er …”

“Testicles?”

“Yes, anyway, my parents were thrilled with the unexpected result. They celebrated by inviting
Outdoor Living Magazine
to do a piece on them. Charming photos of them skinny-dipping. Pure class, as always.”

Jake watched her for a moment. It made Michi uncomfortable, as though it were she who’d revealed too much, not her parents.

“I like your parents,” Jake said. “I spent Christmas Day here last year as well. They’ve been kind to me.”

Michi looked at her dad, who was now regaling Dan Wagstaff with a tale about the art of withholding ejaculation. She glanced back at Jake, who was trying not to laugh.

“Admittedly, we’re never had that conversation,” he said.

The two of them burst out laughing.

Michi put her face into her hands. “Oh, take me back to London now.”

Jake leaned forward and touched her knee. “No, don’t go yet.”

Alarm bells sounded in Michi’s head. He was way too hot. He looked like the type of guy who got any woman he wanted, and was used to throwing flirtatious remarks around. She, on the other hand, found the whole flirting, dating, mating scene awkward. Most evenings she went to bed with a book, much to the amusement of her roommates, Clementine and Debra.

Michi turned away and concentrated on her warming beer.

Jake withdrew his hand. “So what do you do in London?”

Michi smiled. This would get rid of him. This was usually the cue for any hot guy to leave. “I’m an eye bank technician.”

“Meaning?”

“I take tissue samples from dead bodies, and if they’re suitable donors, I cut out their corneas.”

To his credit, he didn’t flinch. There was a moment’s silence and then, with complete seriousness, Jake said, “
I see
.”

Michi groaned. “That’s a
cornea
joke.”

Jake broke out into a grin that made the hot Australian sun look dim. “Teach me about it. I’ll be your
pupil
.”

Michi threw her head back and laughed. “That’s a new one.”

“Jokes aside, you must love it,” Jake said. “It’s not a job you’d do otherwise.”

“I do love it,” Michi said. “I took the job out of morbid fascination, but not long after I started working there, I ran into a woman at a party. It was a total coincidence. She’d had a cornea transplant and she told me all about the positive impact it’d had on her life. I went into work the next day knowing I was doing something worthwhile.”

“How does one get into the field of harvesting eyeballs?”

“I did a biology degree, but one guy I work with got the job because he’d worked in a morgue and could lift dead weights.”

Jake pulled a face. “Dead weights?”

Michi showed off a muscle in her arm. “I didn’t get this from the gym.”

“Has anyone ever told you you’re a little Morticia Addams?”

“Oh, Gomez!” Michi mimicked. She glanced over at her brothers, who were seeing who could stay underwater longest. Nothing ever changed. “So you work with Greg?”

Jake nodded. “Yep. Been there about two years.”

Michi looked embarrassed. “What does he do again?”

“Web design.”

“That’s right. So you design … webs?” Michi glanced at a large one in the tree above them. “Lots of work in Australia for you. I forgot how bloody big the spiders are here.”

A shower of cool drops fell on them as Greg bounded back and shook his hair. “What are you two crapping on about?”

“Work,” Jake said.

“Did my sister tell you she recycles eyes for a living? Very creepy.”

“She did and I’m impressed.”

Michi handed Greg a beer. He never needed to be asked. “So how busy are you? I’m here for another week and already going stir-crazy.”

“Sorry, but I’m going to be shagging my socks off with the chemist as much as possible all week. I’ll make an appearance on New Year’s Eve, to say goodbye.”

“You’re serious? You’re ditching me for a pharmacist?”

“Yes, that’s right.” Her brother sniffed. “Our office is closed until New Year. I’ve got to make deposits into the sex bank. It’s been a very sparse year.”